Chapter Fifteen
The empty spot in Royce’s bed caused a dull ache in her chest. She rolled over and inhaled the deserted pillow. The masculine scent lingering on the Egyptian cotton brought back vivid memories of last night. Her and Father Gregory’s lovemaking marathon had been quite an experience. They’d carried on like a pair of dogs in heat. At one point Royce became overly exhausted and was in need of something cool to drink. Father Gregory, a self-proclaimed Windy City gentleman, didn’t hesitate to run downstairs in his birthday suit to get her a bottle of guava juice. A vision of his naked body floated through her memory. Royce appreciated the vibrant image, but it reminded her that he had left her bed and her home without saying goodbye.
She closed her eyes and pressed her face deeper into the pillow, taking in the scent that was uniquely his. Royce loved him, and she had told him as much. It hadn’t been a planned confession. It just kind of slipped out at a time when Father Gregory was hitting her spot so good that her brain took a snooze. Her mental filter had gotten clogged up, and she couldn’t hold the words inside another second. The feelings she’d been nurturing secretly in her heart had spilled out in her actions as well as her words. Now, Royce was vulnerable and sad, but she had no regrets. If last night was the final time she’d ever share her body and soul with Father Gregory, she would cherish it for life. At least he knew how she truly felt about him. She had blessed him with a special gift that he was never supposed to have had: the love of a woman.
Royce hugged the pillow tighter, wishing it were Father Gregory. No man had ever made her feel as special as he had. They hadn’t known each other long at all, and there were so many things they still didn’t know about one another, but he had touched her heart. Royce felt like crying for the life she would never have with Father Gregory, but she smiled instead for the snatches of passion they’d shared.
“I hope you’re hungry.”
Royce opened her eyes and sat straight up in the bed at the sound of his voice. Father Gregory walked into the bedroom, looking refreshed and sinfully handsome wearing only his black boxers. There was a tray of food in his hands. Two coffee mugs of what Royce hoped was tea sat steaming on the tray as well. It was a scene out of a dream. After an incredible night of the best sex she’d ever experienced in her life, the man she adored was now serving her breakfast in bed. A girl couldn’t ask for anything better than that.
“I’m starving,” she said after a few seconds of silent shock.
“Great.” Father Gregory placed the tray on the nightstand and picked up one of the mugs. He handed it to Royce. “I ransacked your kitchen until I found the teabags. You’re out of honey. I used the last of it in your cup. You’re not a fan of sugar. I took notice the night of Tyler’s sleepover.”
Royce chanced a sip of her tea. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I hope you like hash brown potatoes with bell peppers and onions. I scrambled a few eggs and sprinkled some shredded cheddar cheese over them.”
“It smells good.” Royce took the plate of food and the fork he offered her. She eyed her meal. “I see you found my turkey sausage links, too. I don’t usually share them, but I’ll be nice today.” She sampled the potatoes and scooped up a forkful of eggs and tasted them. “Mmm, it’s delicious. Who taught you how to cook like this?”
Father Gregory folded his arms over his bare chest and stared down at Royce. “When you’re single, living away from home with very few friends and none of them are female, you learn certain survival skills. Cooking and washing my own clothes were the first two chores I experimented with. I didn’t get either one right the first couple of times, but I eventually learned how to rattle the pots and separate white clothes from colored ones in time with much practice.”
“Well, I’m enjoying my breakfast. But you better not think about washing my clothes.” Royce pointed the fork in his direction for emphasis. “Essie takes care of my laundry just fine.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t try to send your housekeeper to the unemployment line.”
“Aren’t you going to eat?”
“I ate two slices of wheat toast and an apple. Breakfast is my least favorite meal of the day. I can take it or leave it.” He picked up the other cup of tea and took a sip. “I wanted to feed you before I showered and returned home.”
Relief washed over Royce. Father Gregory’s thoughtfulness warmed her heart, but she didn’t want to read too much into it. He wasn’t moving in or even asking her to go steady. It was just breakfast. He was being considerate. However, she expected any minute for him to go into his regular post-sex spiel about the priesthood and his vow to God and the Roman Catholic Church. Royce knew it by heart. She braced herself for the throbbing jab.
“You said you were out riding your bike last night. What kind of bike is it?”
“It’s a Harley.”
“I didn’t see it. Where did you park it?”
“It’s on the side of your house in the bushes.”
“You hid it,” Royce said flatly, slightly annoyed that she suddenly felt like a closet whore.
“I respect your privacy,” Father Gregory explained. “Caution was my utmost concern. No one except the guard at the gate knows who I am around here. This is your neighborhood. I’m sure your reputation in the community is favorable. I’d like it to remain that way.”
Royce nodded and placed her half-eaten plate of food on the tray. She understood Father Gregory’s way of thinking. She even appreciated his concern. It seemed authentic enough. But a fly kept buzzing in her ear, telling her it was his reputation he was worried about and not so much hers. Either way, their affair or whatever was happening between them was top secret for understandable reasons, even though they were two consenting adults acting of their own free will.
“Don’t let me keep you here. It’s Saturday. I’m sure you have a million things to do in preparation for the noonday mass tomorrow. I think I’m going to relax today. I don’t work on weekends unless there’s an emergency. Tabatha, my company’s executive manager, is very efficient in my absence.”
“I feel like I’m being dismissed.”
“I would never dismiss you. It’s just that I’m a big girl and I know the drill. You don’t need to sing me the same song twice.”
Father Gregory placed his mug on the nightstand and sat down on the bed next to Royce. He draped his arm around her shoulders. “If there were any way we could be together as a couple in a meaningful relationship, there would be no reason for discretion. Surely, you must know that, Royce.”
“What I know is I’m in love with my priest! And we are having a sexual affair. Both times we made love, I lost a piece of my soul to you! When you leave me here alone today, I’ll go through withdrawal just like a drug addict does after coming down from a high. You, on the other hand, have mastered the technique of emotionally detaching yourself from me whenever you’re wearing your clergy collar and listening to confessions of other people’s sins. I can’t do that!” Royce patted her chest and broke down in tears. “I can’t hide my feelings. They’re real.”
“It’s not easy for me either, sweetheart. Whenever I look at you, no matter where we are or who’s around, I want to take you in my arms and show you affection. It bothers me that I can’t take you out to dinner or for a walk in the park or a movie out of fear that someone from the church will see us. We would be judged harshly.”
“It’s not okay for us to date because a priest shouldn’t be in the company of a woman unless it’s for her spiritual edification. Yet last night you made love to this woman,” she reminded him through tears with her hand still on her chest. “God saw you. He saw us, Father Gregory. Is it better to sin in the dark away from the accusing eyes of man while under the all-seeing eyes of God than it is to sin openly before man and God?”
“Sin is sin whether we’re making love in secrecy or committing murder in broad daylight. God sees it all. However, because I’m a priest, I have a higher calling. I’m responsible for the souls of hundreds of other people, Royce. God requires much more of me than He does of you because of that. Of course, I’m not expected to be perfect, but there are certain things I should never indulge in. That’s why our situation is unique and complicated. There’s no solution or compromise for us. I’m sorry.”
“There is a solution,” Royce whispered with tears in her eyes.
“Are you asking me to choose? Is that what you want me to do, Royce? You expect me to choose between you and God and the church?”
“No. I would never ask you to do that. But what if by some fluke or miraculous act, you were granted the power and right to choose? Would you remain a priest or would you free yourself to have a life with me?”
“I refuse to answer that ridiculous question, Royce. It’s sacrilegious.”
Father Gregory got up from the bed and gathered his clothes. Royce watched him dress in silence. She was physically and emotionally numb, yet her tears kept falling. The words she needed to say were on the edge of her teeth, but her heart wouldn’t allow her to speak. She was dying a slow emotional death, but she wanted to live.
“Get some rest, Royce. I’ll call you later.”
She held her breath as she heard his footsteps descending the stairs. When the front door opened and quickly closed, Royce allowed herself to breathe again. It was the sound of his motorcycle roaring, putting distance between them, that caused the wall of emotions to topple completely. Royce felt like her heart had been shredded into a million pieces. She buried her face into the pillow and cried as if she were in mourning.