The past month has gone by in a blur of prep for the release of the Rapturous Intent documentary, and I’ve felt like the worst sister because I’ve barely been able to check on Will. He started seeing his therapist again, which was a huge relief, but I still feel like I’ve failed him a little bit. Not to mention I still haven’t told him about Trent, even though I’m feeling better than ever about our relationship. So when Will called me asking if I was free this afternoon, I made sure my schedule was cleared so I could get lunch with him.
I walk into my favorite restaurant in Santa Monica and immediately see my brother at a table near one of the front windows. I make my way through the nearly empty tables, grateful there aren’t too many people here who might potentially recognize him. That’s the downside of being related to someone mildly famous—we almost always get interrupted whenever we go out by someone asking for an autograph.
Although I suppose it’s a blessing that I’m already used to that since it’s a million times worse whenever Trent and I go out, even with his bodyguard running interference. Which is probably why he prefers to spend most of our time inside, which doesn’t bother me in the slightest since that almost always leads to sexy times.
Shaking my head in an attempt to clear my suddenly dirty thoughts, I get to the table at the same time that Will stands up to greet me with a hug. He looks so much better than the last time I saw him in person. His eyes are clear instead of vacant and haunted. His smile is present, albeit reserved, and he even looks healthier—his skin has a healthy glow about it instead of the sickly pallor he was sporting after he broke up with Gina.
“Thanks for coming,” he says.
“Are you kidding? I feel terrible that it’s taken us so long to get together. Work has been insane. We have that huge documentary releasing next week, and it’s been nonstop PR.” I don’t mention that I’ve also spent every spare moment wrapped up in Trent. “So, how are you? You look a lot better than last time I saw you.”
“I’m doing a lot better. Gina and I are back together, for good this time.”
My lips quirk up in a soft smile, and I place my hand on his on top of the table. “I’m so happy to hear that, Will. So, I take it therapy helped.”
“Yeah, and I won’t be quitting this time. I’m still seeing my therapist, just not as frequently.”
“Good, I’m glad.”
He shifts in his seat, almost like he’s uncomfortable. “I need to confess something to you, something I’ve never told you.”
“Okay.” I take a sip of my water, my throat suddenly dry and my palms damp from nerves.
He tells me about the guilt he carried over Candace’s death, and the more he talks the more my gut clenches. How did I never realize he had all these demons tormenting him? How did I miss the signs that something more happened that night?
Tears fill my eyes as I realize how much my brother has suffered for years in silence. “Will…I can’t believe you never told me.”
“I know. I’m sorry, I just—”
“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I should’ve seen it. I know you. I should’ve realized there was more going on. I’m so sorry I’ve been such a shitty sister.” I hate all the pain my brother has gone through and that all this time I missed it.
“Becks. You are the opposite of a shitty sister. You’ve always been there for me when I needed you, without fail. I wasn’t ready to share this. I never told anyone. My therapist was the first person I ever confessed it to, and it took weeks of intense therapy before I could finally say the words out loud.”
“Does Gina know?”
“She does. She was the reason I finally dealt with all my ghosts. I knew if I wanted her to give me another shot, and for our relationship to work, I needed to deal with the one thing that was holding me back.”
“I can’t believe I never realized there was more to the story. I know you. I should’ve known something was up.”
“This isn’t on you at all. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone, and I worked really hard to keep it hidden.”
He says that, but I still feel like I should’ve known. And knowing I’ve kept something big from him only makes me feel a million times worse.
“I’m dating Trent.” The words spew from my mouth like water out of a squirt gun, and his face is just as shocked and taken aback as if I’d actually sprayed water at his face.
He shakes his head, like he’s not sure he heard me right. “Wait. Trent? As in our friend, Trent? Trent Bridger?”
I nod my head, my eyes wide and unblinking as I wait for him to yell at me. Instead he leans back in his chair and lets out a disbelieving laugh.
“Wow. I totally should’ve seen that coming.”
Now it’s my turn to be surprised. “What?”
He just looks at me like I should know what he’s talking about. “Come on. There was always a weird vibe between you two. Even when we were all just friends, there was a chemistry there. I actually thought you two would start dating after he kissed you when you guys were fifteen, but then neither of you ever talked about it and then you ended up hanging with a different friend group more often than not, so I didn’t bother bringing it up.”
“Wait, hold up. You knew about that?”
“Of course I knew. Elise saw you two and blabbed to me and Lainey when you were at swim practice.”
My jaw drops. “That little brat!”
Will just laughs. “How long have you two been dating?”
“Officially? Only a little over a month. I wanted to tell you when I last saw you, but you’d just broken up with Gina and you were…”
He waits for me to finish, but when I don’t, he does it for me. “A complete mess.”
“Something like that, yeah. I didn’t want to add to your plate.”
“And unofficially?”
“God, that’s a long story.”
“I have time.”
So, I tell my brother all about how Trent and I first got together. Our rekindled friendship after years apart and then our night together, although I leave out the details because…yuck. I am not about to talk about my sex life with my brother.
When I finish, Will just smiles. “I’m happy for you two.”
“You’re not mad?”
He frowns. “Why would I be mad?”
I shrug. “Because Trent was more your friend than mine, at least after high school.”
“Yeah, and he’s a good guy. I know he’ll be good to you. Hell, he gets my endorsement hands down over any of the other assholes you’ve dated in the past.”
I roll my eyes, knowing he’s not wrong, but not totally willing to admit it. Trent is definitely nothing like the guys I’ve dated before, which still scares me, especially the deeper we get.
Trent makes me feel things I thought were a myth, and a part of me is still wondering if the rug is going to get ripped out from under me.
“Do you think Gina’s the one?” I ask.
Will’s penetrating stare tells me he’s not sure where I’m going with this subject change, but he answers nonetheless. “Yes.”
“You can take a minute to think about it,” I say, a little breathless that he was able to answer so quickly. Isn’t he afraid she could leave him, or hurt him? What if he freaks out again? He didn’t even take a second to think about that.
As if he can read my mind, he responds, “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it. All the time we were apart, in fact. Being without Gina was hell for me, a deeper hell than the one I’d been living in.” He folds his hands and leans his elbows on the table. “I spent a lot of years letting my past dictate my future, and it didn’t get me anywhere. Now that I’m working through all that, I finally feel like I can move forward with my life, and the only one I want to move forward with is Gina.”
Picking at the cuticle on my thumb, I hesitate to ask him what I really want to know, but Will and I have kept enough from each other, and it’s time we have an honest conversation. “Do you think Dad was part of the problem?”
He lets out a heavy sigh before answering. “A little, yeah. But it was mostly Candace. I got my closure with Dad after the draft.” His gaze locks on mine. “But you’ve never gotten closure, have you?”
I shake my head, fighting against the pressure in my chest, and long-buried emotions battle inside me.
“Elise told me she was looking for him,” I say and then nibble on my lip wondering if I should tell him that I want to find him too.
“She found him,” he says.
My eyes widen in surprise, and my voice comes out hoarse. “What?”
“She called me last night because I asked her to tell me first if and where she found him. He’s in Vegas. She wants to fly out and see him…well, more like confront him.”
I should’ve known she’d find him. My little sister has always been tenacious, and now I know exactly who I’ll be calling once I leave, since Elise hasn’t called me yet. I know I need closure of some kind—if therapy has taught me anything so far, it’s that. I’m just not sure what that’ll look like.
I know that he’s a big reason why I’m so afraid to trust my relationship with Trent. Which means if there’s even a chance for Trent and me to have a real future together, then I need to face my past.