CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Fragrance¹ watches the dragon boats at the festival;

Lu Shu puts on a nighttime feast for her birthday.

By the fourth of the month Lu Shu had completed all of the arrangements for the excursion Fragrance had asked for. On the morning of the fifth, he paid his respects to his uncle and aunt and, on the pretext that he had been invited to celebrate the festival at a friend’s house, hurried off to the Jinyulou, where Mother Xiao and the staff offered him compliments of the season. He then went upstairs to Fragrance’s room. She, too, offered him her compliments, and the maid served him tea and tobacco. Fragrance told the maid to unwrap a quantity of dumplings² and herself picked up a small multicolored plate of fine porcelain filled with rose flower syrup preserved in refined sugar and invited Lu Shu to eat some dumplings with it. When he had eaten one, she speared another one with a chopstick, dipped it in the syrup, and then, taking half of it between her teeth, put her mouth to his and transferred the other half to him. They were in the midst of this game when the four sworn brothers came into the room, and they quickly swallowed the dumpling. Compliments were exchanged, and Fragrance invited them to share the dumplings. She also told a servant to light the opium lamp for Wu Zhen.

Fragrance began hastily to dress herself, and when she had finished, Jia Ming said, “Let’s go down. I’m afraid the others may arrive before we do, and they won’t know which boat to board.” Fragrance invited Mother Xiao, Cloud, and Lute to come with them. When they arrived at the dock, they walked down the stone ramp to the boat. On boarding, they noticed that on the afterdeck several cooks were engaged in slaughtering chickens and ducks in preparation for the feast. The guests then took seats in the cabin and chatted together. After a while, Phoenix, Cassia, Paria, and Lucky arrived in their sedan chairs, with Sanzi and the maids following on foot. The men at once went ashore, and each of them helped his favorite to board. For this occasion the courtesans wore gorgeous clothes and brilliant jewelry. Compliments were exchanged, and the order was given to start.

The boatman cast off, pulled up the gangway, and began to work the sweep oar. He brought the boat past Rainbow Bridge, and at Little Gold Hill they went ashore and strolled about enjoying themselves. The pomegranates were a fiery red and the artemisia a delicate green. Lu Shu and Wei Bi gambled and won a large number of Water Mice and Yellow Mists,3 which they brought back to the boat to celebrate with.

By the time they had had their lunch, pleasure craft large and small were plying their way back and forth in great numbers, and the air was filled with the sound of gongs and drums, while in the distance the pennants of the boats were so numerous that they obscured the light of the sun. Dragon boats of various colors came flying in their direction. Two of them had awnings like those on foreign-style buildings, and both awnings were spanking new. Over their sterns hung what appeared to be young boys. The fellows standing at the dragon’s head wore brilliant clothes, and from their belts hung foreign watches, penknives, purses, fan cases, kerchiefs, and so forth. On their heads they wore the latest style of tasseled summer hat and on their feet the latest style of satin boot. They were young, their clothes were new, their feet were planted firmly on the boat—they looked supremely handsome. On a few other dragon boats the awnings, although not new, were still brightly colored. To the stern of each boat a sheet of colored cloth was attached. A small red wooden bar was fastened to it, and on each bar sat a ten- or eleven-year-old boy. The boys’ hair was drawn up in two tufts on top of their heads with crimson tassels hanging down on each side. They wore pale pink nankeen tunics, jade green silk trousers, and sandals but no socks. Of the fellows standing at the dragon’s head, some wore medium-blue unlined crepe-silk robes; some wore dark-brown unlined pongee robes; others wore unlined robes of Suzhou-blue cotton cloth; and still others wore gowns fastened with belts.

There was one dragon boat with multicolored pennants of which the red had turned black and the white yellow, no doubt because it had only a few days before been released from the pawnbroker’s and still bore the marks4 of its detention. The boy at the stern had on a pair of well-worn trousers. The fellow standing at the dragon’s head was in his twenties. He had on a red straw sun hat with red tassels that he wore at a rakish angle. His tunic was of pale pink nankeen embroidered all around with black silk thread in a lamp grass pattern and fastened with red-bean and walnut-style buttons. Over it he wore a sleeveless jacket, no longer new, of medium-blue silk lined with white imported cloth. He also wore white nankeen trousers fastened by a belt of crimson nankeen and light-green silk, and a pair of worn over trousers of pine green imported crepe lined with crimson pongee. The feet of the over trousers still bore traces of where the broad, embroidered hibiscus trim had been removed. He wore flared lined socks of white Shanghai cotton and thin-soled leather shoes with images in reddish blue satin of the Eight Treasures. On his left thumb he wore an archery ring of imitation emerald, and on his left wrist a green porcelain armlet. In his right hand he held a black oilpaper fan with a black bamboo spine on which were depicted the one hundred and eight warriors of Outlaws of the Marshes. This young man stood in the prow of the dragon boat, fanning himself constantly, watching the people in the passing boats, and throwing out challenges to a contest.

There were nine dragon boats in all. Behind them was a small open boat with two bamboo baskets containing a dozen or more live ducks. There were also several large boats on whose bows were pairs of tall lanterns glued together from yellow paper depicting dragons in a variety of colors. The red lettering stuck onto the pictures of the dragons read, “By Imperial Appointment Pacifier of the Waves and Bringer of Children, the (such and such a color) Dragon.” Inside the cabins were incense altars with paper offerings dedicated to the image of the Crown Prince Spirit. There were also ten-piece bands and troupes from Suzhou popularly known as Mashangzhuang,⁵ who played their instruments and sang both grand opera as well as Xipi and Erhuang in the cabins.

The nine dragon boats went back and forth between Little Gold Hill and Lotus Flower Bridge, followed by the rowboats full of spectators. The large boat that Lu Shu and his friends were in had stopped by East Peak of Little Gold Hill, but it was not long before the fellow on the prow of one of the dragon boats noticed their boat moored there and realized that one of the passengers was the man who had deflowered Fragrance. He at once told his front oar to take two strokes to the right, bringing the dragon boat alongside, then hailed the passengers while his companions struck up their gongs and drums. The boy on his red bar at the stern began his acts, such as “The Red Boy Bows Low before Guanyin,”6 “The Carp Falls Back Three Times,”⁷ and “Zhang Fei Sells Meat.”⁸ When he had finished, the passengers handed out envelopes of cash. After that, all of the dragon boats with boys on the stern came alongside and had their boys perform.

The boat with the ducks also drew alongside, and two men leapt from it onto their prow, hailed the passengers, and called out to Fragrance: “Miss Fragrance, we’ve come specially to offer these prizes on your behalf.” They pulled up the two wicker baskets from their boat and laid them on the prow. The nine dragon boats then struck up their gongs and drums to herald the contest, rowing back and forth in front of them. The other pleasure boats heard that the contest was being held over there and came swarming along until they completely surrounded them. The two men on the prow of Lu Shu’s boat, seeing that a blue dragon had rowed close to them, seized a duck from one of the baskets and threw it into the river. On board the blue dragon one of the oarsmen, stripped to the waist, wearing nothing but a pair of close-fitting shorts, his queue bound up like a bunch of pickled vegetables, was squatting on his prow when he saw the duck thrown into the water and leapt in, seized it, and clambered back on board. That dragon boat then rowed away, and the green dragon boat that was behind it rowed up. The two men in the prow of Lu Shu’s boat seized another duck and threw it into the river. Someone in the prow of the green dragon leapt into the river and seized the duck, after which that boat, too, rowed away. Then there came in succession the red-gold, black, pale rose, jade green, yellow, white, and multicolored dragons. As well as throwing ducks into the river, the men in the prow also threw them to people waiting to catch them, who then leapt into the river themselves. The nine dragon boats came and went, and when each of them had caught two ducks, the men throwing them took their baskets back to their own boat. The passengers on Lu Shu’s boat said to them: “We’ll see you at the Cold Garden on the Parade tomorrow morning.” The two promised to be there, bowed, leapt back onto their own boat, and went elsewhere to stage another contest. The dragon boats moved off to the Lotus Flower Bridge area, while the pleasure boats scattered in all directions.

Yuan You told the boatman to set off, and they followed the dragon boats to watch the activity. It was the Yangzhou custom at the Duanyang Festival for everyone to flock to the river. The banks were lined with sightseers, men and women, some leading little boys by the hand, some carrying little girls on their shoulders. The women from the villages had calamus, mugwort, pomegranate, and buckwheat flowers hanging from their heads. Heavily waxed and powdered, they ran helter-skelter along the riverbank, wearing new blue cloth shoes decorated in a variety of colors with red embroidered heel straps, calling out to their relatives, pushing and pulling—and streaming with sweat from the strong sun. There were also a few drunkards, reeking of liquor, who careened into them. Petty tradesmen of all kinds did a brisk trade. It was the liveliest scene imaginable. A poet of that time wrote a regulated-verse poem entitled “On Watching the Dragon Boats at the Duanyang Festival”:

When we come to the Duanyang Festival,

The dragon boats’ colors dazzle the eyes.

Their pennants block the light of the sun;

Their gongs and drums to the heavens rise.

The custom of mourning Qu Yuan is old;

Men compete to be first to seize the prize.

That boy over there is truly daring,

As above the water on his swing he flies.

Lu Shu and his guests followed the dragon boats and watched as beside Lotus Flower Bridge prizes were thrown from other pleasure craft. They also saw a man somersault into the river from the prow of a dragon boat, then break the surface a long way off, a feat that is known as a Water Leap and is even more exciting than catching ducks.

As the sun set, the dragon boats began to stream back. When the guests on Lu Shu’s boat had had an evening drink and supper, they, too, ordered their boat to return. By the time they reached the Tianning Gate dock, the sedan chairs were already there waiting for the courtesans from the Qiang Da house. They thanked Lu Shu and Fragrance and asked their lovers to escort them back, but Wu Zhen said, “You go on ahead. We’ll join you before long, after we’ve seen Brother Lu back.” Each of the courtesans then whispered something in her lover’s ear before getting into her sedan chair and heading into town. Lu Shu took Fragrance’s hand and invited the others to go ashore and return to the Jinyulou.

Once back in her room, Fragrance called to the maid to light the opium lamp. Wu Zhen smoked for a while, then said to Lu Shu, “Brother, give me the six dollars for hiring the boat and another six dollars for tipping the boatmen, so that I can pay them off before they come here and demand more money. In addition, weigh out twenty-four taels and let me and Brother Yuan go to the Cold Garden tomorrow morning to pay off the men on the dragon boats. There’s no need for you to show up yourself; just wait for us at the Futura. If you do show up, I can’t imagine how much money they’ll ask for!”

“I’m ever so indebted to you two for taking this on,” said Lu Shu appreciatively as he handed him the money. “I’ll wait for you at the Futura tomorrow morning.”

Wu Zhen tucked the money away. As he was about to take his leave, Cloud and Lute, having changed back into their everyday clothes, came in and thanked Lu Shu. “Brother-in-Law, you’ve been put to great expense today, but there’s one thing we simply have to mention. The tenth of this month is Sister Fragrance’s birthday.”

“I’m so grateful to you for telling us,” put in Jia Ming. “We had no idea. The four of us will send over a vaudeville troupe—octagonal drums, offstage mimicry, ice dish, bat and ball, greater and lesser magic, fan plays—for a full day’s entertainment.”

“But how can I let you go to such expense for her birthday?” asked Lu Shu.

“Oh, don’t be so conventional, Brother,” said Jia Ming.

Lu Shu could hardly protest any further. He asked Mother Xiao to come upstairs. “Since it’s Miss Fragrance’s birthday on the tenth,” he said, “please call the chef and tell him we’ll have noodles for lunch, with four dishes of cold cuts as well as small bowls of red and white stew. For dinner, have him prepare a banquet for several tables. We’ll also need to host the members of the vaudeville troupe. The food should be sumptuous, and also of the finest quality.”

Jia Ming and the other three brothers took their leave and went back to Qiang Da’s house in the city. Their favorites had told them on the boat that they would send away any other clients, so on arrival each one went straight to a private room. There the opium smokers smoked, while the others drank tea, and they all laughed and chatted before getting ready for bed.

The nights are short on such joyous occasions. Early next morning Wu Zhen got up and called Yuan You. As soon as they had washed, the two men left Qiang Da’s. First they visited the money shop, where they exchanged several taels and wrote a dozen notes discounted by ten or twenty percent, then went on to the Cold Garden teahouse. Inside they found more than ten tables occupied by fellows from the dragon boats. At sight of Wu Zhen and Yuan You, the men rose to their feet and waved. Wu Zhen and Yuan You saw that they were yamen runners and garrison soldiers, civil and military licentiates, and senior and junior guards at the city gates. Wu and Yuan exchanged greetings with them, then took seats in a separate room and had their tea. The men who had thrown the ducks into the water approached, sat down, and picked up the teapot to pour tea for them. Wu Zhen called for tea to be made, but the two said, “There’s tea right here. No need to make any more.”

Wu Zhen took out two notes and gave them to the men, saying, “Here, buy yourself something to eat and drink.” As they tucked the notes away, Wu Zhen produced another ten notes and said, “Please give these to the nine dragon boats and the duck boat.”

“That’s not enough!” they said. “We can’t do that.”

Only when Yuan You added two more notes, advising them to “take this and be happy with it,” would they accept the money. Wu Zhen paid for the two cups of tea, and he and Yuan You left the teahouse.

Two or three of the senior gate guards came out at the same time and said, “This plum has fallen into your hands, but it hasn’t been shared with us guards. My brothers and I would like to benefit, too.” Wu Zhen did not care to refuse and gave a note to each man, after which they returned to the teahouse.

Wu Zhen and Yuan You then went off and booked the vaudeville troupe for the tenth, after settling on a price. At the Futura they found Jia Ming, Lu Shu, and Wei Bi already there. As he joined them at their table, Wu Zhen said to Lu Shu, “It’s a good thing you didn’t go with us. They’d have had you pegged as a rich man, and heaven only knows what fantastic claims they’d have made on you. Brother Yuan and I had to reason with them again and again before we finally managed to clear things up.” Lu Shu thanked them, and they all had breakfast. Once more Lu Shu persuaded them to meet for lunch at the Jinyulou.

The next day he returned to his uncle’s to get more money and that afternoon went back to the Jinyulou. On going upstairs, he saw that Fragrance’s door curtain was drawn and heard talk and laughter from inside her room. Assuming she had another client, he did not care to pull the curtain aside and just go in. However, the maid, on seeing him standing at the door, said, “There’s no one in there, Master Lu. You can go in.” He pulled aside the curtain and walked in, only to find Fragrance with rosy cheeks and a flushed face sitting on the side of the bed. At an angle in front of the bed was a chair occupied by a man in his twenties. He had a snow-white, perfectly smooth complexion and a glossy pitch-black queue tied with an expensive braid. He wore a bleached white pongee tunic, black silk trousers, a sash of pink nankeen embroidered with the twenty-four jade green figures, pure white cloth socks, black satin garters, and thin-soled shoes embroidered in black, and he was massaging Fragrance’s feet. When Lu Shu came in, neither man noticed the other. The maid, who had followed Lu Shu in, called out, “Master Lu is here!” Fragrance winked at the young man and said, “That’ll do!” The young man scrambled to his feet, picked up his razor case from the table, and scurried out. The maid restored the chair to its original position and served tea and tobacco.

“If you need to have your legs massaged at fifteen, what are you going to do when you’re old?” said Lu Shu.

“I called him in to shave me, and I felt tired and asked for a massage. It’s not something I do all the time!”

Lu Shu did not care to say more. He was still as infatuated as ever and for several days did not return to his uncle’s house.

On the morning of the tenth, after finishing her toilette, Fragrance changed her clothes from head to toe, dressing in the new garments that Lu Shu had given her for her birthday. Mother Xiao and the staff brought wine, candles, peaches, and noodles, and Lu Shu accepted them and handed out money in return. In Fragrance’s room, a pair of large candles were lit, as well as a tall birthday candle. Fragrance went downstairs and lit a candle and did reverence before the kitchen god, then received birthday wishes from Mother Xiao and Cloud, and finally went upstairs to greet Lu Shu. As they frolicked about, Lute came in to offer her congratulations, and the entire staff did the same. After that, Jia Ming, Wu Zhen, Yuan You, and Wei Bi came in one after the other. Then the men arrived with the props for the vaudeville performance and took them upstairs. Phoenix, Cassia, Paria, and Lucky each came in her own sedan chair. Stepping out of their chairs at the gate, they went up to Fragrance’s room and offered their congratulations, then set down the breakfast pastries that they had brought. After everyone had eaten, Fragrance said to them, “You’ve gone to such a lot of expense for my birthday!”

“It’s nothing,” they said.

As they chatted, eight or nine members of the vaudeville troupe,9 all wearing red-tasseled summer hats and formal gowns, came upstairs to offer their congratulations.

“Have you had anything to eat?” asked Wu Zhen.

“We had breakfast at the Baoshan teahouse on Lower Commerce Street,” replied one, who asked for four hundred cash to cover the cost. Then he moved a square table into the center of the middle room upstairs and spread a red felt rug on top of it. Two members of the troupe brought in a small lacquered tea tray covered with a silk cloth and placed it on the rug. The first man then stood beside the table and offered birthday wishes before raising the silk cloth, beneath which was a teacup of fine china that was turned upside down. With two fingers the man twisted the bottom of the cup, then raised it and placed it on the tray. He passed the cup from one hand to the other, then raised it again—and inside there was a gold cap ornament. He then covered the ornament with the teacup, made some idle remarks, and raised it again—and the gold cap ornament had changed to one of jade. He covered that with the cup, and when he raised it again, the jade ornament had changed to one of crystal. Again he covered it with the teacup, and when he lifted it, the ornament had turned blue. Once more he covered it and then raised the cup, and this time the blue had changed to crimson. “This is what’s called ‘climbing the ladder of success,’” he said, covering the crimson cap ornament with the teacup. He said a great many more things and then, when he next raised the teacup, the crimson cap ornament had turned into a gold seal. “This is what is called ‘The six states bestow their honors, and the general takes the seal of command,’”10 he said. He covered up the teacup with the silk cloth and removed it. Then the man standing beside him came to the center of the room and performed the acts “The Immortal Takes the Beans” and “Duke Zhang Receives a Belt.” When he had finished, he moved the table to one side.

Now two new performers came on carrying a red felt rug and stood in the middle of the room cracking jokes. One of them clapped his hands and patted his legs, chest, and rump before handing the rug to the other man, who took it and turned it over and over and then passed it back again. The first man threw it over his left shoulder and then spread it out on the floor, where it rose up in the middle. According to him, he breathed on it and uttered a magic charm. He then jerked the rug aside to reveal a large dish of longevity peaches, a large dish of steamed buns, and a big plate of Duanyang cakes, all of which he offered to Fragrance on behalf of the host. On her behalf, Lu Shu then rewarded the men with two taels. They picked up the red rug, handed it back and forth once more, spread it out, and underneath there was now a bowl of water with two live goldfish swimming in it. The audience burst into applause.

These men now withdrew, to be replaced by three others, who moved the table back to the center of the room. One of them, with a drumsong lute, sat in the middle. A second, with an octagonal drum, stood on the left, while on the right the third stood with his arms folded. The man who was sitting down spoke a few lines of prologue followed by some auspicious remarks, and then struck up a tune on the lute. The one on the left beat his drum, while the one sitting down sang a song in Beijing style, interlarded with jokes. The man on the right kept interrupting with irrelevant remarks and received a good many cuffs over the head from the one sitting down, which drew loud laughter from the audience. It was a performance known as chaffing. Although it was not commonly performed in Yangzhou, no party given by the aristocracy or high officials in Beijing could afford to be without it.

The three continued their speech and song for some time before withdrawing, to be replaced by a lone performer. With a paper fan in his hand, he first imitated all kinds of birdcalls, as well as the sounds made by pigs, ducks, cats, chickens, and dogs, and also by carts—little carts, big carts, oxcarts, mule carts, carts with light loads, carts with heavy loads, carts going uphill, carts going downhill.

After that he hung up a silk curtain and slipped behind it. The audience heard two cats in heat calling to each other and a woman in her seventies or eighties coughing and wheezing as she summoned her daughter-in-law. Then came a young woman’s voice in a Taizhou accent muttering to herself, “My old man left and hasn’t been home in days. I don’t know if it’s whoring or gambling that he’s so keen on, but he’s left me here on my own. In this gorgeous spring season he has left me alone in bed! How can I get to sleep? I feel limp and listless, but just listen to those two stupid cats yowling out there all the time. They’re driving me out of my mind!”

OLD WOMAN, in a croaking voice: “Daughter-in-Law, come on, hurry up!”

YOUNG WOMAN, speaking to herself: “The old lady’s in the back and needs reviving again.”

YOUNG WOMAN: “Coming! Coming! Why did you call, ma’am?”

“I wanted to take a midday nap, but I couldn’t get to sleep, my whole body’s so full of aches and pains. I called you back here to give me a massage.”

“Just sit where you are. I’ll see to it.” (Sound of a back being gently pummeled.)

OLD WOMAN: “Harder!”

“I am doing it harder.” (Sound of the pummeling now hard, now soft.)

“Be a dear and sing me a song to cheer me up.”

“If I start singing popular songs in broad daylight, the neighbors will hear and laugh at me.”

“Then sing softly, dear. No one will hear you.”

“I don’t sing well. You mustn’t laugh.”

“What does it matter how you sing? It’s all in fun. Who’s going to laugh at you?”

YOUNG WOMAN, singing a “Nanjing Air” as she pummels her mother-in-law:

Everyone loves romance;

Only the gods refrain.

Love romance,

And it’s joy all day, unending joy.

Love romance,

And you’ll gladly pay a fortune for a smile.

Crave romance;

It’s sweeter than the sweetest honey.

My only fear—

He’ll have a change of heart.11

My only fear—

He’ll have a change of heart.

OLD WOMAN: “My dear, you were pummeling me as you sang, just as if you were beating time. You really sing very well. When I was young I loved to sing popular songs, but I can’t anymore. Now off you go and rest. I’m going to lie down in my room.”

“Ma’am, why don’t you take a nap in the room at the back? I’ll go to the front room and lie down. Then later on I’ll make you your afternoon tea.”

“Off you go, then, dear.”

YOUNG WOMAN, muttering to herself: “Once the old bag is off to sleep, I’ll go to the front door and have a bit of fun.” (Sound of a door bolt being slid aside and a door creaking open.)

YOUNG WOMAN, speaking to herself: “The street is so quiet it’s eerie! Oh, look, there’s a young priest coming from the western end of the street with an alms basket on his back, and he’s so good-looking, much more so than my old man. When he comes to my door begging for food, I’ll try to seduce him. I wonder if he’ll play along.”

YOUTH: “My lady, pray give us food. Amitabha Buddha!”

YOUNG WOMAN: “Young priest, why isn’t your master here?”

YOUTH: “His hernia has flared up. He’s in bed at the temple, and he’s sent me in his place.”

“Young priest, come inside with me.”

(As the youth assents, sound of a door being shut and a bolt slid into place.)

YOUTH: “My lady, I’ll be going as soon as I’ve received the food. There’s no need to lock the door.”

YOUNG WOMAN: “If you just close it, there are ever so many thieves about who’ll get in. It’s safer to lock it. Put down your alms basket. There’s something I want to tell you.”

“My lady, please give me the food and let me go back now. If I’m late, I’ll be in trouble with the priest.”

“It’s still very early. Put your basket down on the table. Now, let me ask you this: how old are you?”

“Fifteen.”

“Are you engaged?”

“Amitabha Buddha! We in the priesthood know nothing about engagement, or whatever it’s called.”

“Young priest, come into my room with me. I have some food I want to give you.”

“Amitabha Buddha! Why would the food be kept in your bedroom instead of in the kitchen? Look, I’m not a child! My lady, why are you lying down on the bed? Where is that food you were going to give me?”

“Oh, dear! My stomach is terribly sore! Please do me a favor. Come and rub it for me.”

“But I’m in the priesthood. How can I possibly rub your stomach?”

“Never mind about that! Hurry up!”

“I can’t rub your stomach.”

(Sound of the woman laying hold of the priest.) “Dear boy, come on, hurry up!”

YOUTH, crying out: “Ooh! Aah!”

OLD WOMAN, calling out: “Who’s that crying out in the front room?”

YOUNG WOMAN: “It’s nothing. I was just playing with the kitten.”

YOUTH: “My lady, please let me go.”

“You’re here now. You can’t go back.”

“Oh! Oh! Stop pulling my trousers down!”

“I’m going to, no matter what you say.”

(Sound of sudden knocking at the door.)

YOUTH: “My lady, we’re in trouble! There’s someone at the door.”

YOUNG WOMAN: “Don’t make a sound. Let me see who it is.”

YOUNG WOMAN: “Who’s that knocking at our door?”

MAN IN HIS THIRTIES, speaking in a Shanxi accent: “Ah’m back. Come on, open up!”

YOUNG WOMAN, panic-stricken: “Oh, dear! Young priest, it’s my husband. Quick, hide under the bed and don’t make a sound.”

YOUTH: “This is my unlucky day. Oh, dear! I’ve hit my head!”

YOUNG WOMAN: “Hurry up and hide! And don’t make a sound.”

(Sound of repeated knocking.)

MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT, shouting: “Why don’t you open up for me? Ah’m going to kick the door down!”

YOUNG WOMAN: “Coming! Coming! The strangest thing happened. I was on the commode, and I couldn’t get up.”

(Sound of a door being opened.)

YOUNG WOMAN: “There you are!”

MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Ah’m back. Hurry up and lock the door!”

(Sound of a door being locked.)

MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Where did this alms basket come from? What’s it doing on our table?”

YOUNG WOMAN: “It belongs to an old priest, who left it here. He said he had some business to see to and would be back soon to collect it.”

MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Ah’ve been playing Ten Lakes12 for two nights straight, and Ah needs to get some sleep.”

“Why not go and lie down in mother-in-law’s room at the back?”

MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Why should Ah sleep in the back room instead of in my own bed? Wife, that curtain is moving. What’s that under the bed?”

“Go and lie down. I expect it’s just the cat chasing a mouse.”

“Ah don’t believe you, Ah don’t. Let me pull up the curtain and see what it is…Who are you? Come on, out!”

YOUTH: “Pray give us food. Amitabha Buddha!”

MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Now, isn’t this just wonderful! You go out begging for alms and get yourself under people’s beds! Ah’m going to beat you up, you bald-headed little ass!” (Sound of blows and kicks.)

YOUTH: “Benefactor, sir, you’re doing me wrong!”

OLD WOMAN, crying out: “What’s all that noise in the front room?”

MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “You go back to sleep. There’s someone here who’s expecting…”

OLD WOMAN: “Who’s expecting? Call the midwife at once!”

MAN WITH SHANXI ACCENT: “Don’t be ridiculous! Ah’ve caught someone in your daughter-in-law’s room.”

OLD WOMAN: “Wang Shuren, what are you doing in my house? We’re just celebrating a birthday and an engagement here. What would we want with an offstage mimic?”

At that point the screen was pulled aside, and the performer poked his head out and then emerged. His name was Wang Shuren, and his self-mockery drew gales of laughter from the audience. Just as he was removing the screen, the clock struck two.13

Lu Shu gave orders that cups, chopsticks, noodles, plates, soy sauce, vinegar, and small bowls be set out and invited everyone to drink wine and eat noodles. After the vaudeville troupe had finished, they asked for four hundred cash to go to the bathhouse and take a bath. When they returned, they played Ice Dish, Bat and Ball, and Soft and Hard Kung Fu, followed by various tricks of greater and lesser magic. Then everyone had afternoon tea, and the offstage man sang a “Teasing the Concubine” sequence. In the evening, they first provided dinner for the performers, then for everyone else. The guests played guess-fingers and drinking games, and the troupe did a number of lantern tricks. They also took a pair of tall glass lanterns with lighted wax candles in the middle and changed them into a large glass goldfish bowl with nine cups of water. The audience applauded repeatedly and rewarded them with notes. Then they sang several scenes from fan plays¹⁴ such as “Birthday Wishes for the Birthday Girl,” “Zhang the Immortal Provides a Son,” “A Dance for the God of Money,” “A Dance for the God of Examinations,” “The Prodigal,”¹⁵ and “Beating the Flower Drum.” After they sang “The Priest Roasts Meat,” the audience again rewarded them with cash and notes. When the fan plays were over, Lu Shu gave the performers eight silver dollars. They thanked him, gathered up their props, and left.

Lu Shu and Fragrance toasted all of the guests, who enjoyed themselves thoroughly. They played Flowing Cups based on the shou character until the clock struck two, when they took their leave.

After the maid and the handyman had tidied up the room and spread a thin brocade coverlet over the bed, Lu Shu and Fragrance undressed and lay down. Naturally Lu Shu wanted to celebrate Fragrance’s birthday with her and, equally naturally, she wanted to thank him for the birthday festivities. They were busy all night and did not fall asleep until dawn, but then slept on until the sun was high in the sky.

If you are wondering what happened, please turn to the next chapter.