Carmen was in her car when she got Elizabeth’s text. Carmen thought it had to do with the Christmas get-together they had been talking about. But then she saw it: DEFCON 5.
That’s dramatic, even for Elizabeth, she thought.
After some back and forth, she realized that she would be forced to read Heather’s stupid book if only to calm Elizabeth down. In short order, she downloaded the audio and was listening to her old friend’s chirpy voice echoing inside her car.
Let’s start with Mistake Number One: Opting Out.
I’ll be honest. I really hate writing about this particular mistake.
What can I say? This mistake is about women who take a spot at a good university and often professional school as well, and then, well, there’s no nice way to say this, simply waste the enormous investment those institutions have made in them by quitting.
Sometimes these ladies get their “MRS” right out of the gate and never even get started. Sometimes they fold up their tent after only a couple years. So many of them throw in the towel the moment they get pregnant.
All the same, I’d say. And all such a waste.
My friend “C” was one who quit right out of the gate. In her defense, it wasn’t premeditated—she accidentally got pregnant in college. But what a loss. C might be one of the very smartest people I know (and I work in Silicon Valley, so I know A LOT of smart people!). She was the top student in the economics department. She would have been going on to a great job and probably Harvard Business School after that if that was what she wanted.
She didn’t plan a pregnancy, but it happened all the same. And it prevented her from getting the amazing start she deserved. I encouraged her to end the pregnancy. She was in college—much too young to bring a new life into the world! I’m not sure she’s ever fully forgiven me for that. Especially because it turns out that her baby is still an only child, even after years and years of trying (Hey, maybe this will be her lucky year—ha!).
Also, it’s my personal bet that Mr. C is a serial cheater. But you know what? She lives with it. Why? Because she doesn’t have much of a choice (more on that later . . .).
But I digress. While C quit sooner than most, thousands of the most well-prepared women in America have joined her. They quit after college. After law school. After medical school. After a couple of years into what had been a promising start in a great company. National media outlets have heralded them the “Opt-Out Generation.”
Let’s get real. First, it’s my sneaking suspicion that this is not a real “choice” for many of these ladies. It’s an excuse for women who are struggling in their chosen field and don’t want to do the work to get better. There, I’ve said it.
And the consequences of this choice are nothing less than disastrous. Let’s start with the simple power dynamics. When a woman becomes a mere “Mrs.” she becomes a dependent. No different than a child really. Her husband has all the power. If she’s lucky, he loves and supports her without resentment. That will happen, statistically speaking, about half the time. For the other half, the numbers become grim, fast. Let me acquaint you with some more statistics . . .
I knew it, Carmen thought. Elizabeth should have listened to me all those years ago when I warned her about Heather. That cold calculation. That ambition.
She didn’t care anymore what Heather thought about her choice to have Avery. That ship had sailed a long, long time ago. But what she wrote about Mark, that was a different matter. Mark might be a bastard, but he was still Avery’s dad. And Avery didn’t need to read that shit about her dad. Or her mom, for that matter.
It was time to call the tribal council and vote Heather Hall off the island once and for all.
But first she had to deal with the bastard himself.
Carmen still couldn’t believe how quickly almost twenty years of marriage could dissolve. And how little of him surrounded her now. To be fair, they hadn’t had time to bring his stuff up to Lake Geneva. But he wasn’t even in the places he should have been. Even the family pictures she had installed there were just of her and Avery—Mark had always been “working.” He had never really been there. And he certainly wasn’t going to be now.
A few days ago she had received the financial settlement Mark’s attorney was proposing.
When the term sheet arrived, everything had looked good. She wasn’t a lawyer, but she knew enough from her past education to understand how to read it. The hard part wasn’t the legalese—it was that Carmen actually had no idea how much money they had. She had always managed expenses from a generously funded household account. She knew they had enough money for a really fancy house and nice vacations. But, at a high level, she didn’t know exactly how wealthy they were.
As she looked over the terms, it seemed like things were going to go as planned—fifty-fifty. Twenty thousand dollars per month for spending. She got to keep the weekend house, as promised. The 401(k) plans would be split evenly, as well as all their deposits.
But then she’d spotted some odd language at the bottom of the sheet. It stated, “To the extent either party is the owner or beneficiary of any company or legal entity held separately in their own name, that party will retain their interest wholly in such entity with no expected or actual contribution to the other party.”
Huh, she had thought. That’s weird. Neither of them owned other companies or entities. That she knew of, anyway. Was Mark up to something sneaky?
Carmen had stewed about that provision for a while and finally decided that it was time to once and for all learn everything about the real Mark. She did a little checking and found a forensic investigator who specialized in situations like her own. He had agreed to meet her in his office downtown that afternoon.
As Carmen pulled into his building, she turned off chirpy Heather—she would get back to her later—and gathered her thoughts for the meeting.
Carmen had been in his waiting room for about five minutes when her new investigator, Paul Stark, came out to meet her.
She found herself looking at the best set of eyes she had ever seen. Kind, warm, green ones, and she could swear that they were smiling at her. And then she noticed his body. Not a gym body. The body of a guy that takes care of his own lawn and always volunteers to carry the heavy groceries. Carmen felt a little shiver run through her.
“Nice meeting you, Carmen,” Paul said as he moved to shake her hand. “I shouldn’t say this, but that husband of yours must be a real idiot.” He laughed, revealing a welcoming smile.
His hands were big and a little rough. She felt a little current of electricity when he touched her shoulder, as well as an unfamiliar flutter in her stomach.
These were all feelings that Carmen thought grown women didn’t have anymore.
The meeting with Paul went very well. Aside from her initial impression, he was clearly well suited to the job. When the meeting concluded, Carmen signed a retention agreement and got back in the car to go home. As she started the engine, her thoughts turned back to Heather. She couldn’t wait to hear what Martha thought about all this.