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As it turned out, trying to block emotions while using a telepathy artifact was exceedingly difficult. Though I managed to keep from being utterly surprised by the sheer force an emotion could have, trying to sense simple feelings was almost as bad as activating a memory attack—except stronger.
Surprisingly, I didn’t have many memory attacks for the next few days, even while scouring Tim’s tablet for info on beast transformation. His tablet didn’t have much on beasts, other than those involved in the creation of hubs and the Legion Spore. Reading that information did cause an attack, so I wasn’t able to get very far in those notes despite being able to keep the memory attacks at bay by using Gwen’s techniques and focusing on teaching myself to use the flower charm.
Eventually, though, my studies were interrupted when Lance dragged me into Jim’s room with the demand that I find a way to entertain my parents.
“They won’t stop questioning me,” Lance hissed, his eyes pleading. “We haven’t been dating for a week, and they want to know everything about us.” He plopped into the chair beside me. Jim smirked at us from over the cover of a book. I avoided eye contact. I hadn’t read anyone’s individual thoughts, but I clearly remembered my first encounter with his private emotions. As for me and Lance, I wouldn’t say we were dating, except that everyone else seemed to have already decided we were.
“We could say we aren’t dating,” I pointed out. “I mean, I’ve never dated anyone before, unless you count that guy from chemistry.” Probably not, since I managed to get him to leave me alone after I startled babbling about how inefficient unharnessed exothermic reactions were.
Lance groaned and rubbed his forehead. “No, I don’t count that, but why say we aren’t?” His face lit up. “We should go on a date. Not only would that give them something to talk about, it’s what couples do.”
I glowered at him, my expression flat. This was completely inefficient, and didn’t help me protect the Community. “What if I don’t want to be talked about?”
Lance waved me off. “That’s normal. Didn’t you ever read your friends’ EYEnet posts?”
“That was more of Tim’s thing. I had better things to do than gossip.”
“Perhaps” —Jim cleared his throat— “the two of you should discuss what you intend your relationship to be. As I understand it, the Community had certain expectations, did it not?”
“Yeah.” I crossed my arms. “You work together, do Community service, and test how well your personalities mesh. Eventually that develops into joining each other in a household to see if you can work in close confines during longer lengths of time if your jobs are in close proximity, and then you have periodic evaluations with a councilor to ensure that any minor issues are dealt with before they can cause resentment and get out of hand.”
Lance blinked at me. “I thought you didn’t pay attention to that sort of thing.”
“The gossip, no. But I learned the protocol. I just decided it wasn’t worth my time.”
“And...” Lance bit his lip. “Is it worth your time now?”
I stared at him. Shoot. I’d managed to avoid the conversation earlier by spending all my time in my room or in the gym when he wasn’t around. Unfortunately, I was pretty sure that this was his way of asking me out. “Uh, I...” I ducked my eyes and traded staring at him for staring at the faded geometric shapes in the rug. To actually go on a date...
My cheeks warmed uncomfortably. Lance was a nice guy unless he was on the battlefield, slaughtering beasts. I didn’t really like how callous he could be. But we had known each other for a long time and we got along well, which was a decent starting point for a partnership.
But was it worth my time?
I tangled the chain of the flower charm around my fingers. I had other things to worry about. Staying alive, keeping my parents alive, not getting caught and turned into a beast, saving the Community...
But Lance?
I stole a glance at him from the corners of my eyes. He worried his lips. His brown hair was unkempt, falling past his ears and too long for Community regulations. He was decent looking by most standards, with olive eyes and a rectangular jaw. A bit of stubble had sprouted that he had taken to trimming, but not fully shaving as would have been expected in the Community.
There was no real tug of physical attraction, though, except for that one time he had saved my life on the beach, or that time we were talking with Anna, and I had no desire to spend time with him every waking moment as some of the gossips suggested. Then again, that wasn’t necessary for partners. What was important was compatibility, the ability to work together and put our differences aside, and to make the Community more efficient.
That, we could probably do. The whole point of dating was the trial, to see if it would work. And that was worth my time, wasn’t it?
“Jenna?” Lance asked, a slight hitch in his voice. “What do you think?”
“We could give it a shot,” I said quickly. He grinned and his shoulders perked up as if he’d been told we were going to look at new swords.
“Great! I’ll see if I can start thinking of dating opportunities. We don’t have community service, but Jack might have some ideas.” He beamed at me, ecstatic, and sprinted out the door.
I stared at that door too long, my hand tight around the flower charm. Somehow I doubted Jack was going to offer any suggestions I would agree with, especially if we were trying to make this... well... Community.
“You may wish to explain that to Lance,” Jim said softly. He still hadn’t put his book down.
I frowned at him. He didn’t have telepathy. How had he read my thoughts?
He pointed to the charm in my hand. “You might want to learn how to use that. You were not projecting your thoughts, but that did not stop you from projecting your feelings.”
Heat flushed to my cheeks. In all my attempts to sense what everyone else was feeling, I hadn’t thought that I might end up projecting my own emotions. “If that’s the case, why is Lance so happy?”
“I am not a telepath, so I cannot say for certain. But I think he sees something between the two of you that you do not.”
I dropped the charm down my shirt. This was a bad idea.
“Give him a chance,” Jim continued, “if that is what you want, but be careful, Jenna. It is easy to break a person’s heart. If you decide you are not interested in him, it would be better to tell him sooner rather than later.”
I winced. “Am I that easy to read?”
Jim raised an eyebrow over his reading glasses. “No. But I have had a lifetime of reading people, including those who preferred not to be read. Sometimes I made mistakes. We all do. At the same time...” He rested back in his chair and laid his book on his stomach. “Some emotions are universal.”
“What about you? Did you ever have a partner?”
He smiled, his eyes gentle. “Yes. Not in the Community sense, but yes.”
“How did it work out?” I wasn’t even sure I should ask, given that they weren’t around anymore.
“We had our good times, and our bad. We loved each other until ‘death do us part.’ Of course, being a member of a rebel organization meant that our time together was not as long as we had hoped.” He tucked his hands over his book, his eyes distant.
Whoever he had been with, he had loss. I could feel it... and I suspected that I wasn’t supposed to know it as strongly as I did.
The charm felt warm against my skin.
“I see,” I said quietly. “I think... I think I need time to think.”
Jim inclined his head in agreement and I hurried from his room back to my own, where I plopped on my bed and stared at the ceiling.
What in the Community was I supposed to do about all this?
It was official now—Lance and I were dating. Everyone expected it, of course, because we’d been friends for so long. I took a deep breath, panic rising in the back of my throat the more I thought about it. The room felt too small. Confined, like a holding cell for a beastie—
I sprung upright and clutched the covers of my bed tight, my knuckles white. I’d only been in here a few minutes, and I was already starting to have a memory attack. Focus—focus on anything else. The black room with the chalk circle...
I needed to get out of here, out to anywhere that was less confined. Less trapped—
I rushed from my room and up the stairs before my panic could launch another memory attack. Two flights later, I found my way into the control room, where the faint glow of computer screens fought against the afternoon light streaming from the giant windows at the front of the airship. To my surprise, both Jim and Inese were here. He must have already been planning to talk with her before Lance and I interrupted him. He hovered behind her with his walker while Inese indicated a navigational route between India and Japan.
“Are you sure they’re ready for this?” Inese asked, frowning.
Jim nodded. “They need to see the world as it is. Though Ron has heard the stories and already believes us, Liana will not change her worldview until she sees the truth firsthand.”
“Ready for what?” I asked. The ball chain of the flower charm weighed on my neck, reminding me I could use it if they tried to lie to me—
What reason would they have to lie? They wouldn’t bring my parents into the fight, would they? That was the last thing I needed—to be worrying about my parents on top of everything else.
“We are arranging a trip to Japan,” —Jim indicated the map on the screen— “a world tour for your parents.”
My heart sank. That would certainly prove the Oriental Alliance was still fighting the Community and the Camaraderie, contrary to Commander Rick’s claims, but I would have preferred we didn’t take my parents anywhere near that base. Their methods were too destructive, too insensitive. Hardly better than the Camaraderie.
On the other hand, the OA base was probably the safest option for showing my parents the world as it was, and my parents had already seen beasties on our flight here, so all that remained was to show them the Camaraderie’s opposition.
Inese rubbed her arms, her eyes trained on the map. “Problem is, something doesn’t feel right. I’m not sure we should be making this trip.”
Jim closed his hands around his aged, silver walker, though he hovered a few centimeters above the ground. “Insight?”
“Can’t say.” She tapped her index finger on the edge of the console. “Nothing has felt right since we left the Cuban base.” She sighed, her eyes downcast, and then turned away from the computer screens. “But that could be for reasons other than insight. Did you want something, Jenna?”
I shook my head. “A change of scenery. That’s all.”
Inese frowned, but before she could contradict me, a static-ridden intercom clicked on. Inese stared at the ceiling, puzzled.
“Hello, does this thing work? I’m hearing feedback... Good, it’s working. The noon meal will be ready shortly. If everyone could come to the kitchen for an late morning meeting, we will have lunch on schedule.” The intercom squealed sharply before clicking off.
I stared at the brass speaker in the ceiling. I’d never noticed it under all those crisscrossing wires. “Was that Mom?”
Inese ran her hand across the back of her ponytail. “I figured since Liana is an engineer, it would give her something to do if I let her fix the intercom. But I didn’t think she’d actually get it working without new parts.”
“I see. I just hope Mom didn’t use the pineapple for lunch.”
“Since when do we have pineapple?” Inese asked, closing the programs on the computer.
“There were some dried pieces in the back of the cupboard.”
“The last person to eat pineapple was Chill...” Her voice dropped.
I cringed. It still felt like my fault he was gone. If I had listened to him at the security center, or went with the rebels when Pops first approached me, he wouldn’t have died trying to protect me. But I hadn’t known who he was then, or who any of these people were. It wasn’t my fault, never mind how I felt.
Inese wrinkled her nose. “Even dried fruit has an expiration date.”
I let out a sigh of relief, thankful she had turned her attention elsewhere.
Dried fruit made for more pleasant thoughts.
Upstairs, I forged a path inside the crowded kitchen, but froze when I saw Lance. I’d chosen to... well... date him. All these bodies so close together... pressing—
Everyone squirming, the hot breathing of beasties whimpering and crying, our wrists bound to a metal grid with no escape—
Blackness. If I pictured blackness, all of the cramped confines of the Legion Spore project drifted away like a toxic fog being dispersed in the wind. This wasn’t real.
I stared straight ahead, not allowing myself to look at anything but the cupboards, and then worked my way beside Lance. I had to get over this fear. It wasn’t rational, never mind that it felt real. That it had happened. Not to me, but to someone else. Hundreds of innocent Community citizens and rebels alike had been turned into beasts—
Lance nudged my shoulder. “Jen—Jenna... you’re doing it again.”
I jerked around to stare at him, wishing I was anyplace but here.
He tentatively rested his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze before lowering his voice. “Are you having another one of those attacks?”
I pressed my lips together into a tight line and nodded. If I tried to say anything, I might descend into another memory and, right now, it was taking focusing on an imaginary chalk circle to keep myself from running out of the room as fast as my powers would let me.
He searched my face, his olive eyes concerned. I quickly looked away. Green and gold. Feline... bestial... “Anything I can do to help?”
“Distract me,” I whispered. “Talk about something unrelated.”
“Easy enough.” He gestured in the direction of the stove. “Any idea of what your mom’s up to?”
I bit back a retort that just because they were my parents, it didn’t mean that I followed their every move. I’d been giving them a wide berth since they joined us on the airship. They didn’t approve of the Coalition, and I needed more time to figure out my place in all this before having to defend myself.
“Just what we heard on the intercom.”
The murmur of everyone’s voices urged me to peek at the surrounding room. I just had to convince myself that it was perfectly safe to look around. They were people. Friendly people. I knew everyone. They weren’t beasts.
Lily came in behind us, pushing her way between Inese and Jim. Jack stood in the corner, his arms crossed over his dark jacket. He looked miffed at being called here, and since he wasn’t exactly a fan of the Community, I suspected it had something to do with the “meeting” part of lunch.
Mom, however, smiled broadly as she stood by the stove, stirring something inside a pot. None of the ingredients on the counter looked too out of date. A familiar, cheesy smell wafted from the stove.
“Where are we eating?” Lily stood on her tippy toes to see overtop of Lance. I could barely see Quin waiting by the door. I couldn’t even relax my vines; the room was too crowded, too stuffy to offer much space—
My stomach flipped. I turned my attention back to the cupboards. They were too ratty to be from the Community, or from a transformation facility.
Pops cleared his throat and tapped his cane on the floor. “May I have... excuse me. May I have your attention?”
Everyone quieted. My skin prickled. Had he used persuasion on us?
“Might I suggest the original cafeteria?” Pops’ voice carried across the tiny room.
Gwen, on the other side of Pops, glanced my direction, and then nodded. “That might be a good idea. Everyone... can we step outside, please?”
I scuffed my shoe on the floor. She was probably keeping an eye on me due to the memory attacks. Granted, I wouldn’t protest going somewhere else if that meant having more space. Jack shoved Lily out of the way and bristled past me before vanishing out the door. “Of course Pops would be okay having an actual meeting,” he muttered.
I tensed. He didn’t have to be so grumpy about it. Though I hadn’t expected my parents to bring their Community upbringing with them once they got on the ship, what else would they do?
We followed Jack down the spiral stairs to the second floor, where he opened the door to the training room. “Inese,” he called, “wanna get the tables?”
The rest of us milled about, waiting. “Do you think your mother needs a hand with the cooking?” Quin asked from behind me. I jumped. He was so silent.
“Doubtful,” I said quickly, staring at him. He wasn’t that much taller than me. “She normally shoos me and Dad out.”
“Fair enough.” He wandered off in Lily’s direction, and she pointed at the track above us, marveling at the dented bronze railing.
I frowned, still not sure I trusted them. I turned to Lance. “So... how’d the meeting with Jack go?”
Lance shrugged. “Jack suggested we play more video games together. I said I prefer comics, but he said that’s a solitary endeavor.”
“Maybe video games aren’t a bad idea.” It was something we could do together, and it might even mimic some of the Community trials. “We could play co-op games.”
Lance snorted. “You would try saving everyone, even when they’re your opponents, like the one time we played that game where you tried saving all the kittens. All the kittens. You’re supposed to destroy some of them, at least.”
“I hate cats, but come on, that game was terrible. Blenders, really? Who would do such a thing?”
“It’s a game, Jen. Not real.” He examined my face, his green eyes smiling. “You’re not really killing cats.”
The flower charm pressed uncomfortably against my collarbone. It was only a game. Right. So why was I still uneasy? “Sure, Mr. Kills-a-lot.”
He laced his fingers through my mine. “Not everyone, just the bad guys. All those other cats... they worked for the bad guys.” The edge of his lips twisted up in a smile. He looked so kind there, so hopeful.
I squeezed his hand tight. “Who’s the bad guy? Does it really have to be us versus them?”
“When it’s you or them, I choose you.”
Heat flushed to my cheeks and I tried to pull my hand free. “Lance... I don’t like all of this fighting and killing.” Or the telepathic torture that was threatening to resurface if we didn’t get onto another topic soon. “There’s got to be another way to keep the Community safe.”
“The Community has never been safe, Jen. That’s why we’re fighting.”
“Doesn’t mean we have to kill innocent guards,” I said stubbornly.
Lily yanked the two of us shoulder to shoulder, catching me off-balance. “Okay love-birds... you’re ruining the moment. Time to help Inese with the tables.” She motioned to the door, where table after table gently floated through the door. Jim followed, hovering inside with the furniture before sitting with his walker at the side of the room.
Lance shook his head. “You’ll come around eventually.”
Lily let out an exaggerated breath. “Rule number one of dating: don’t try to change the other person. Rule number two: a little respect goes a long ways. And rule number three: get to know them before you take them to—”
“Lily,” Quin interrupted.
She gave him a blank look. “Yes?”
“They’re from the Community. They don’t need to know rule three yet.”
She smirked. “They’re still human. Besides, they’re Community. They probably need all the instruction they can get.”
Lance and I exchanged glances, confused. “What’s rule three?” I asked.
Quin waved us off with an exasperated sigh, hurrying away and offering Jack a hand with one of the plastic fold-out tables.
Odd. What was rule three?
I guessed it didn’t really matter, so I went to help them set up, glad for a break from the conversation. Lance was too interested in defending me to see the big picture—that if he wanted to defend me, he had to defend everyone in the Community, no matter whose side they were on.
