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“Jenna? Jenna... are you okay?”
I groaned. The sickly sweet, metallic odor of blood lingered around me. My head pounded and my mouth tasted acidic. I rubbed my forehead, trying to quell the headache, and I flinched at the stickiness of my fingers.
“Jenna?”
My vision blurred as I blinked, and then sharpened into Lance staring at me, his green eyes wide.
“I’m here. What’s... why am I covered in blood?”
Lance looked toward the headless body beside me. I blanched. Dear Community... that was disgusting. What had—
It all came back in a roar of anger and arrogance, the desire to kill and beat the idiots at their own game. I gasped for air. It was like a memory attack except... except it had actually happened. I had actually killed them.
I stared at the body, mortified. My memory said I’d wanted to. That I’d taken some sick pride in killing them, that they didn’t deserve to live. I shook my head, terrified. “I have no idea what happened, Lance. No—”
He grabbed me in a hug and I clung to him, tears running down my face. The memory seeds didn’t seem to care that he was holding me. I pictured the Legion Spore’s transformation and it didn’t faze me.
I was just... stunned.
My vines wriggled closer. “It’s okay, Jen,” Lance whispered. Though I didn’t believe him, I closed my eyes and rested my chin against his shoulder, my head against his head. “You bought the leaders time for their friends to help them.”
My breath caught on a sob. “I never meant to kill those guys. Not like this.”
“Doesn’t matter how you killed them,” he said gently. He didn’t let me go and I didn’t protest, never mind that he was getting his new cloak all bloody. Whose blood was it? Mine? Theirs? “They were trying to kill you. They were trying to cause harm. They weren’t... they made this place... unsafe.” His voice hesitated on the last word, but I sagged into his arms, relieved that, for once, he could say something that made me feel better.
Safe. They weren’t making the place safe. We had changed that. They couldn’t harm anyone else. I swallowed hard. They hadn’t wanted to kill me, though. They’d wanted something else from me and the leaders, and they hadn’t planned on making their attacks efficient. They were crude, like beasts, only worse, because beasts didn’t hurt someone for power or fun.
A shiver ran down my spine. There had been a moment, a brief moment, were I had enjoyed the fight. Where I had relished that I had more power than them, that I could kill and hurt them.
That I was in charge. Powerful.
I shrunk into Lance’s arms. Whatever that feeling was, I didn’t want it. That feeling was evil. The leaves of my vines fanned out, offering protection from the horrible reality of the world.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, picturing the blackness of Gwen’s telepathic circle. I pictured the simple walls of the hospital, the cool air blasting through the vent, and the stiff paper of the hospital bed. I sat on that bed in my memory and laid my head back, staring at the blue lights in the ceiling. There was nothing else here but the room and me. No anger. No hate. No cruel memories of a battle I’d fought. No memory attacks, only peace.
“Jenna?”
I opened my eyes.
Lance offered me a hand. “We should go before anyone else shows up.”
I nodded numbly. “Right.” I took his hand and he helped me stand before wiping the tail of his cloak on my cheeks to clean away the blood. I swallowed back nausea and pulled on my speed power to steady myself.
“I’ve contacted Lily,” Lance said, handing me my radio. I didn’t remember him taking it. He must have grabbed the thing after I passed out. “She should be coming shortly. She said that if we wanted, we could contact the authorities, but that might cause them to have to detain us until they can have someone scan our memories—”
“No.” I shook my head quickly. That sick joy I’d felt... I didn’t want them seeing my memories. “Let’s get out of here.”
He nodded and helped us move quickly down the street, but a man in a fitted white coat soon followed. The man shouted, but we kept moving. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
“Stop!”
Lance slowed, and I had no choice but do the same. If they were someone from the authorities, what would happen if they saw my memory? Would they think I was some kind of sadistic murderer? The flower charm weighed heavy on my neck as if it was laughing, as if Lady Winters was laughing at me because I had used it to see our attackers’ thoughts, and then I’d taken such glee in destroying them.
The man in the white coat waved a hand in the air, flagging us down. Lance positioned himself in front of me, one hand cautiously resting on the hilt of his katana.
The man gasped, out of breath. “You are the ones who helped the women back there?”
Lance nodded.
“Thank you.” The man slipped his hand into his coat pocket. I waited, afraid he’d pull out a gun but unwilling to use the flower charm to check. Though I could. I knew I could. I could know if he was going to pull a gun on us, and what he wanted from us, and anything else I cared to dredge from his mind, if only I was willing to practice.
But using the charm... something about the idea seemed tainted.
The man revealed a wad of bank notes and tentatively offered the cash to us as if we were nervous dogs. “Here.” He divided the cash into two chunks, added a business card to each, and pushed it into our hands. Lance started to hand it back, but the man shook his head. “You earned it. If you ever need a job, let me know.”
I pocketed the money, confused. In the Community, good deeds and efficiency were rewarded. But this was different. I’d killed someone. That jerk might have deserved it, but because of me, a man was dead.
“Do you need assistance? Showers? A place to stay?”
Lance shook his head. “Someone’s coming for us.”
“Very well. Thank you again.” The man smiled and then jogged back to his group. One of the women waved, blowing another kiss. I waved half-heartedly, and then urged Lance to continue onward. The sooner we got out of this insecure place, the better.
As we worked our way through the streets, there was a distinct lack of security forces—or anyone, really—until the empty roads finally revealed two people running down the street.
“Jenna! Lance!” Lily yelled, her braid flying behind her. I let out a sigh of relief. “Are you all right?” She stumbled to a halt in front of us and wasted no time checking my bruised cheek and arm, and the ragged skin on my elbow. I’d forgotten about my elbow. Now it smarted. She handed me to Quin, and then examined Lance’s scrapes and cuts.
“Sheesh, this one’s deep,” she muttered, pointing to a gash across his back.
“I’m fine—” Lance let out a sharp curse as Lily prodded a bruise and clucked her tongue disapprovingly.
“Careful, Sis,” Quin said steadily. “Don’t make it worse than it already is.”
She made a face at him as she pulled out a package of bandages from her bag.
Quin raised my arm and examined the cut, his expression blank. I swallowed hard. What would my parents think about all this? About the thoughts I’d had... the man I’d killed...
What would Gwen think, once we had our next lesson? My blood drained to my feet. She would see my thoughts. She’d know I’d been using the charm.
What if this was the brain seed’s fault?
“You’ll be okay,” Quin said quietly. He glanced up. His eyes met mine as he finished applying ointment to my elbow. “We’ve all been there. It’s part of the line of work.”
He was a mercenary. Which meant he’d killed people before, too.
Just like Lily. But I didn’t want her killing people any more than I wanted Lance killing people.
Quin nodded once. “That’s true. Now... if you don’t want me to hear anything else you’re thinking, you might want to keep your telepathy charm from making skin contact.” Heat rushed to my face and I automatically reached for the charm, then hissed through my teeth as pain shot across my elbow. Quin flinched.
“Sorry about that,” I mumbled, moving the charm to the outside of my undershirt. How had I been so foolish? Was I broadcasting all my thoughts? “I didn’t realize—”
“You had an emotional experience. I’m not surprised you’re drawing more from your powers.” He stepped back and looked to Lily. “How’s Lance?”
“He took a beating,” Lily said flatly. “He’s lucky he didn’t get shot.”
“It’s not that—ow—bad.” Lance winced as Quin gently examined the skin around his wound. I swallowed hard. Lance could have died. Either one of us could have been killed. But how would I save the Community if I was dead?
“We’ll need to have Gwen take a look at your wounds when we get back to the hotel,” Quin said. “Otherwise they might get infected. For now, I’ll do what I can.”
“What happened?” Lily glanced at each of us, perplexed. “Where were you at when you got attacked?”
Lance and I explained what happened, and once Lily gave me her tablet, I typed in the directions as best I could with one hand.
She stared at us, horrified. “You went to the slums? What were you thinking?”
“I needed a sword,” Lance said.
Lily glared at him. “You could have been killed.”
I frowned. “Those were slums?” They didn’t resemble the ones in the Community. This place seemed more decrepit.
“Hold still,” Quin chided, forcing Lance to wait for him to wrap a bandage around his midsection.
Lily snorted. “When I was teasing you about not getting out much, I didn’t mean you needed to go exploring the bad side of town.”
“We did fine.” Lance tugged away from Quin’s first aid and jabbed his thumb at me. “Besides, she decapitated their main guy.”
Lily’s eyes went wide. “Our pacifist did what?”
“I didn’t mean to!” I protested, looking desperately to Quin for help. I rubbed the back of my neck, uncomfortable under Lily’s scrutiny. “A vine with speed makes a more efficient whip than I thought.” Especially when all I wanted to do was murder the guy.
Lily eyed my vines, which were still coated with dried blood. “Jenna—I’m glad I’m on your side.”
“The leaders’ assistant gave us money for helping, too.” Lance grinned, brandishing his newly earned yen, his other hand resting on his sword.
Quin took the yen, flipping the notes in his hands. “It’s real. Whoever was protecting those leaders had spare change.”
Lily put away the first aid kit and looked over the two of us, skeptical. “How did you know they were leaders, anyway? Why were they in the slums?”
“Their clothes,” I said. “It was obvious.”
Quin’s face went red. “A social leader’s clothing? Skimpy, shows off a lot of skin, makes... certain things more noticeable?”
“Yeah.” Lance and I nodded.
Lily glared at her brother. “Well, what is it?”
He patted her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. They’re young and naïve. Let them have that.” Lance and I exchanged glances, but we didn’t press the issue. Right now I just wanted to get out of here and back to safety.
Once at the hotel, Gwen looked over Quin’s handiwork and finished healing us. I remained silent, casting nervous glances toward Gwen, expecting a scolding but not getting one. Maybe she thought that the memory I had of killing those men was bad enough. I grimaced, trying to push away the picture of the broken, bloody neck, but just as afraid a memory attack would replace it.
Mom and Inese returned a little while later with everything they needed for the jet, and then Lily explained our skirmish. Mom was mortified, and Inese scolded us for jumping into a fight where we didn’t know the stakes.
On one hand, I agreed. The fight could have ended horribly for us.
On the other hand, “We protected the leaders, so we did something good, at least.” I had to believe I’d done something useful. Something that warranted killing the man so viciously.
Was this why Lance was so callous about his killings?
“Speaking of which...” Lily rubbed her chin, “I still don’t understand what leaders were doing in the slums.”
“It’s not really that important,” Quin said, sitting on the foot of the hotel bed.
“But why were they in the slums?” I asked. They could at least give us some hint.
“Wait a moment...” Lily covered her mouth, unable to hide the fit of laughter. “When you said they were wearing leader clothing, you meant—”
“Yes.” Quin clenched his teeth, his face redder than the Camaraderie’s symbol.
Lily grinned. “Well, that explains quite a bit. Would you like the honors?” Quin shook his head, ignoring her nudge to the ribs. She turned to us. “You see—are you sure you don’t want to tell them?”
“Would you spit it out already?” I snapped. For Community’s sakes, I had killed someone, and this wasn’t funny at all.
“They’re prostitutes,” Lily said.
“Which means...?”
Inese snorted. “They’re from the Community. You’re going to have to explain it.”
“I’d rather you didn’t,” Quin mumbled.
Lily poked him. “Would you rather they hear it from Jack?”
Quin scrunched his face. “Fine. In order to make a living, prostitutes have sex with people who pay them.”
“Is it efficient?” I couldn’t recall anyone having that job in the Community, but—Quin gave me the most horrified, disturbed look I’d seen anyone give me. I squirmed where I was sitting. “It makes sense,” I pointed out, perfectly happy to get on a topic that wasn’t directly related to the earlier incident. “If someone died or lost their partner, they wouldn’t be able to have kids. Although it would be a bit inefficient, since the women could only have one child at a time—”
“Um—it’s not...” Quin buried his face in his hands.
“It wouldn’t be safe,” Lance added thoughtfully. “If it’s a job needed in a place where everyone was fighting and stood a chance of dying, then that would put them at risk, too. Like what we saw today.”
“Actually...” Mom cleared her throat. “It makes sense to have them work in a dangerous area. The odds of someone losing a spouse in a place that isn’t safe would be considerably higher.”
“But why the leader outfits?” I asked. “They stood out too much.”
“It could be to make the widow or widower feel like they’ve moved up in life,” Mom said matter-of-factly. “If a person feels better about themselves, they’ll work more efficiently. What better way to convey worth in a society, and thus gain self-worth, than to have a leader interested in them? Thus, it makes sense that the job would be worth honoring with a leader’s position.”
Inese looked like she was torn between smirking and not quite believing what Mom had said. “Only in the Community.”
Quin waved his hands in defeat, though Mom had a perfectly reasonable argument. “This is why I’m not going to be the one to explain puberty if I ever have kids.”
“Actually, you’d probably do a decent job,” I said. “Straightforward and to the point.” I paused. As long as I focused on this, I wouldn’t have to focus on the fight.
“You know what... I’ll be in the pool if anyone needs me.” Quin disappeared out the door, Inese chuckling behind him. I wrung my hands, sadness seeping through me. There was a pool here. If it wasn’t for the memory attacks, I’d love to go swimming.
It would give me a chance to get my mind off things. To feel refreshed, and to forget about the brutal fight and the lack of understanding from my team—even Lily. I’d gotten a hot shower and managed to avoid any memory attacks, but I still didn’t feel clean. This time, though, it wasn’t the blood that disturbed me—it was the joy I’d felt in seeing that man’s face when he realized I could beat him. That moment I knew I was in control of the fight, though I hadn’t been in control at all.
