HE COULDN’T JUST let her walk out of his life.
Move to the other side of the world.
The following afternoon, Xander frowned as he entered Lea’s empty office. Sure, he was rich and could travel, but he couldn’t relocate his real estate conglomerate to the States. Nor could he afford to be gone for long stretches of time. And then what would happen? He’d have to choose between the empire he’d built and his child?
Could he do that? Could he choose between the two things that meant the world to him? His child? And his life’s work?
It seemed as if it didn’t matter which he chose. He would be losing a piece of himself. But he refused to give up. There had to be another solution—something he wasn’t seeing—something within his power to resolve. Because he couldn’t stand the thought of another man raising his child.
As the thought of someone else taking his place in his child’s life took root, he realized that would mean another man would also play a significant role in Lea’s life. Suddenly the image of a man holding and kissing Lea’s tempting lips filled Xander’s imagination. His body tensed as his hands balled up. That couldn’t happen.
Maybe if he stuck around and showed her how good they could be together as friends—as business partners—she would change her mind about leaving. It would mean spending even more time here on Infinity Island. And that would mean complications with his business and his sister. Still, he had to make Lea and the baby his priority.
And with that thought in mind, he removed his phone from his pocket. His fingers moved rapidly over the screen as he wrote a message to his sister.
Unavoidably detained. The plans for the Italian resort will have to be put on hold. Sorry. Will make this up to you.
As though Stasia had been sitting there with her phone in her hands, waiting for him to send a text, his phone rang. Caller ID let him know that it was in fact his sister. He knew if he answered it wouldn’t be a short conversation. Not by a long shot. So he let it go to voice mail.
The truth was he felt guilty and that was not something he felt often. He was used to making the tough decisions—the decisions others didn’t agree with. But this time his decision was affecting someone he loved. It was a tough thing to swallow.
They both knew if he didn’t fly to Italy the following week to close the important deal they would lose their initial investment and any future chance to take part in such a promising venture. But he would make sure his sister wasn’t out any money—even if his own company took a significant financial hit.
It was only then that Xander realized he was gambling with his future for a woman who didn’t even seem to want him around. That had never happened to him before. He was venturing into uncharted water without a life vest. And he was very likely to sink—
“Something on your mind?” Lea’s voice interrupted his troubling thoughts.
He turned to her as she crossed her office to take a seat behind her desk. “Yes. I wanted to let you know that we’ve hit a bigger problem than was first suspected with the Seashell Bungalow. In this case there actually wasn’t a leak with the plumbing.”
“But the wall had all of that water damage.”
“It’s actually a leak in the roof.”
“But the ceiling looked fine.”
“The water bypassed the ceiling and made its way down the wall, causing problems with the wall and floor.”
A frown pulled at Lea’s face. “That sounds like an expensive problem to fix.”
“Don’t worry. I have this all under control.”
She arched a brow. “You do roofing work, too?”
“No. But I know people that do and I’ve called in a few favors.”
“Xander, no.” She got to her feet. “You can’t be doing that. This isn’t your problem. And...”
“And what?”
She averted her gaze. “Nothing.”
“It was definitely something. And what?”
Her gaze met his. “And I don’t want to be indebted to you.”
He could feel himself begin to sink and there wasn’t a life vest anywhere in sight. She didn’t want to be indebted to him, meaning she didn’t want to be involved with him. The knowledge hit him with a sharp jab that left a piercing pain in his chest. If Lea let him into her life, it would be because she wanted to...not because she had to.
His parents had let him remain in their lives after his sister was born because they had to—because they were already obligated. Not because they loved him—not like they loved his sister. Growing up, he’d seen it was all about his sister this and his sister that. Even now the memories hurt, but he shoved aside those thoughts, refusing to get caught up in something that he couldn’t change.
“You won’t be.” He said it with certainty.
She looked at him with skepticism reflected in her beautiful eyes. “Then why would you do it? Why put off getting back to your business?”
“Because you need help and I can help you.” He sighed. “Lea, I know our relationship is complicated, but I’m not the enemy. I’m not here to pull off some elaborate scheme and steal your island away from you. I promise.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment, as though digesting his words—weighing them. He willed her with his eyes to believe him. He’d never had a problem getting a woman to believe him before—but Lea wasn’t just any woman.
“If I was smart, I’d turn you down.” She no longer looked upset. “But as my mother used to say, a beggar can’t be choosy. And if you mean it about lending a hand, it just might help me land a buyer.”
That wasn’t exactly what he had in mind, but he could only deal with one problem at a time. For the moment, he had Lea’s blessing to remain in her life. He didn’t miss the enormity of the event. But he also realized that in order to keep Lea in his life, it was going to take more of a commitment from him than he’d originally planned on.
So he’d have to move this thing with Lea along—his plan would now have two parts. First, he would find a way to pay off her debts, as this island was special. It truly was starting to grow on him. And second, he needed to do something for the baby—something more than providing financial support. The thought churned in the back of his mind.
But he had to know exactly what he was up against. “How is the search for a buyer going?”
“I’ve actually had a number of inquiries. But none have panned out.”
“Have you given more thought to contacting your parents?” Xander didn’t want her to leave Greece—with each passing day he was certain it was a big possibility. It might be the only thing he was certain of at this moment.
“I... I haven’t had a chance to speak with them. I’ve been so busy with the sale of the island.”
“I see.” But he didn’t. Not really.
“What?”
He sent her an innocent look. “I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to. You have that look on your face.”
“What look?” He was a master at the poker face. It had played a large role in getting him to the top of his profession.
“The look that says you don’t believe me.”
“Why wouldn’t I believe you? Or maybe I should ask why I shouldn’t believe you?”
Lea turned to the window, keeping him from reading the emotions reflected in her expressive eyes. “I’ve been busy. I haven’t had time to think about it.”
So she was procrastinating. As much as he wanted to keep Lea in his life, he wanted her to have the support of a loving family—something he’d had a glimpse of when he was very young.
“You should call.”
She turned to him with her arms crossed over her chest. “Aren’t you being a bit bossy?”
He wasn’t going to be distracted. “I mean it, Lea. Life is unpredictable. And it’s short. Don’t waste this time.”
Her gaze changed. “You aren’t talking about me anymore, are you?”
“Of course I am.”
“I’m pretty certain you’re not.” She approached him and stared deep into his eyes. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Xander rubbed the back of his neck. He hadn’t wanted to get into this. For many years he’d pretended that his parents didn’t exist. Which was a reason he’d avoided his sister for much of that time. She loved the memory of their parents and was forever touting their parents’ merits. He never corrected his sister when she said how much their father loved him. It wouldn’t have done a thing to make either of them feel better.
As such, he’d kept his distance from his sister until she lost her husband. Xander would have done anything to make her happy—even when she came up with this plan for them to go into business together. When Stasia threatened to go into the real estate market with or without him, he couldn’t let her venture into uncharted water without him. He wouldn’t let her lose her entire savings.
“Xander, talk to me.” Lea’s coaxing voice dragged him from his thoughts.
He shook his head, chasing away the memories. “You don’t want to hear this.”
“I do. If you’ll tell me.”
He glanced around the office, suddenly feeling boxed in. “Not here.”
Without waiting to hear if she was going to accompany him, he headed for the door. The memories of his childhood came rushing back to him. He needed to get outside. He recalled how he’d constantly done things to get his parents’ attention, especially his father’s. When good things didn’t garner words of praise, he’d turned to the bad things. Xander squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block the flashes of memories. Still, they kept coming. The good ones. And the bad ones.
He kept putting one foot in front of the other. He couldn’t take a full breath. It wasn’t until he was outside in the bright sunlight with the fresh sea air blowing in his face that his footsteps slowed. At last he could breathe easily.
And then there was a hand on his shoulder. “Xander, what’s wrong?”
He shook his head. How did he allow this conversation to get turned around on him? “This conversation isn’t about me. It’s about you and your family.”
“Talk to me about your family.”
Why did she have to keep pushing this? He never talked about his family with anyone. Not ever. Unable to stand around while having his past dredged up, he continued walking until he reached the beach.
“You can keep walking, but you aren’t going to lose me.” She rushed to catch up with him. “You can’t expect me to trust you—to open up to you—and you not do the same.”
She was right, but that didn’t make him feel better. He kept moving but his thoughts were light-years away, racing through the past. Lea wasn’t going to understand. She was going to think, just like his sister, that he was making too much of things. His sister had never noticed how their parents treated their adopted child differently than their biological child. He didn’t care what happened, but he would never make his son or daughter not feel good enough.
Suddenly there was a hand gripping his arm, pulling him to a stop. “Xander, are you serious about us becoming good friends?”
He stopped. He wanted them to be more than friends—he wanted the family that he’d been robbed of his whole life, the family he’d lost when his biological parents had left him on the hospital steps and his adopted parents had found he couldn’t match up to their biological child.
But he couldn’t rush things. He couldn’t blink his eyes and create the perfect family. And he was beginning to realize this endeavor was going to require so much more of him than he’d ever considered investing. It would mean laying his tattered heart on the line.
He turned to Lea, catching the concern reflected in her eyes. “Yes, I want us to be closer.”
She took his hand in his, surprising him. She drew him over to a large rock where they could sit and stare out at the sea.
When Lea spoke, her voice was soft and coaxing. “Tell me about your family.”
His immediate reaction was to change the subject, but he knew this was his chance to gain her trust—to take their relationship to a new level. And more than that, maybe his story would convince her of the importance of clearing things up with her parents sooner rather than later.
“I was adopted.” The words just came spilling out.
“I... I didn’t know.”
“I don’t talk about it—normally.” He struggled to figure out where to start. “I didn’t know my biological mother...or father. I was left on the hospital steps when I was a few months old.”
Lea squeezed his hand, letting him know she was there for him. He took comfort in the simple gesture.
“My parents didn’t think they could have children of their own and so they adopted me. For the early years, things were great. And then when I was four my mother got pregnant with my sister. Everyone was excited. Me included. But as my sister grew older, I noticed how they made time for her school programs but not mine. They gave my sister what she wanted but told me that I had to work for what I wanted.”
“That must have been rough, but I’m sure they loved you, too.”
“Really? Because I wasn’t sure.”
“Maybe it was just the difference of you being a boy and your sister being a girl.”
He shook his head. “Don’t go there. I’ve already tried to explain it to myself. But I know different.”
“You know? You can’t know.”
“Oh, but I do. I had it directly from my father.”
The painful words came rushing back to him. He hadn’t thought of them in a very long time. In fact, he had told himself that if he didn’t recall the memories for long enough they would disappear just like a nightmare eventually faded away. But as he recalled the incident, the exact words came rushing back to him.
Lea didn’t say anything as though she was sitting there waiting for him to find the words to explain it to her. Why did he keep opening up more and more to her?
Xander swallowed past the lump in his throat. The best thing was to get this over with as quickly as possible. “I was sixteen at the time. I’d been getting into a lot of trouble at school and at home, while my sister could do no wrong. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. She’s great. But we are as different as night and day. She didn’t have to fight for my parents’ attention.”
He searched his memory for that one poignant day that altered the course of his life. “I had just gotten my driver’s license and I wanted my own motorcycle, but my father said if I wanted one, I had to earn it. I also had to pay my own insurance.”
“Dare I say it sounds reasonable? You know, teaching a child responsibility.”
“It would have been if the conversation had stopped there.” He took comfort in having her fingers entangled with his. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. Her skin was so smooth—so tempting.
“You don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful.”
Those words were like a challenge to him. “I refused to accept my father’s decision. I kept pushing.”
“Didn’t we all at that age?”
“It was during one of our arguments that my father reached his breaking point. He turned on me and said I wasn’t his son.” Xander had never admitted that to anyone, ever. Not even to his sister. “My father told me boarding school would put more structure in my life. That was when I told him that I hated him. I told him I never wanted to see him again. At which point he said unless I changed my attitude not to come home for the holidays.” And then realizing he’d let the conversation get too serious, he said, “I bet you were the perfect daughter.”
Lea was quiet for a moment. “Not exactly. There was this one bad boy in high school with a few tattoos and a big bad attitude that my parents wouldn’t let me date. We did get into it about him, but looking back on it now and knowing the guy was picked up for breaking and entering, I’m glad I lost that argument.”
Xander knew she was trying to make him feel better and he appreciated the effort. But there was more. He drew in an unsteady breath.
Xander raked his fingers through his hair. “Now that I’m older, I realize it wasn’t all my parents’ fault. I was stubborn and angry. Even though my mother tried to smooth things over at the holidays, I noticed my father never said a word. As such, I quit going home for the holidays. I either stayed at school or went on holiday with friends. During the summer, I would work for my grandfather—my mother’s father. He was into real estate. He would give me odd jobs of mowing lawns, painting houses, and one summer he got me a job working with a contractor. I learned a lot that summer.”
“What about your sister? She had to have missed you a lot.”
“She did. She would call and beg me to come home. When I told her I couldn’t because our father didn’t want me around, she insisted on visiting my grandparents while I was there.” Xander smiled as he remembered his sister’s insistence that they not grow apart. “She was tenacious when she wanted something.”
“And she loved her big brother.”
He nodded. His sister’s love was something that he never doubted. “She’s great—even if she can be a bit pushy at times.”
“You keep telling me that it’s not too late to repair my relationship with my parents. Why don’t you do the same?”
This was the part that hurt the most. The ache in his chest ebbed. “I can’t do that—”
“Sure you can—”
“No, I can’t. They died when I was in college. It was a car accident.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“My grandparents took in my sister. I pulled away—even from Stasia. I felt angry that I had been robbed of the chance to ever fix what had been broken between me and my parents. And I felt guilty that I’d ignored my mother’s repeated pleadings for me to come home. I knew my father would be there and I didn’t know what to say to him. And in the end, I don’t think he knew what to say to me, either.”
“I know I don’t have to say this, but I’m going to anyways. Your parents loved you. Maybe they didn’t always show you how they felt in the way you needed them to.” She squeezed his hand. “But they did until the very end. And they knew you loved them, too.”
He shook his head. He knew she meant well, but she didn’t know the entire situation. She couldn’t. She hadn’t been there. But he wasn’t going to argue with her. It wouldn’t do either of them any good.
“Why did you tell me this?” she asked.
He pulled back a little in order to look directly at her. “You know why I told you.”
“It was more than wanting to share. Were you trying to tell me how important it is for you to have a strong relationship with our child?”
How did she do it? How did she see through him so clearly?
“Yes, I suppose that was part of it. I can’t—I won’t let my child ever doubt my love for him or her.”
A big smile lit up Lea’s eyes and made her whole face glow. “You already love the baby?”
He hadn’t thought about it before. Not in those terms. Love was a word that he avoided. Until now.
He lifted his gaze until he was staring into the greenish blue depths of Lea’s eyes. It was there that he found caring and understanding instead of pity. He drew strength in her compassion.
He knew how risky it was to love someone. He knew they could betray him. They could cut him to the quick. And yet in that moment it was what he craved more than anything.
Xander continued to stare into Lea’s eyes. “Yes, I do.”
Lea’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears. She blinked repeatedly. “I’m head over heels in love with the baby, too. I never knew I could love anyone this much.”
“Enough to give up your dreams here?”
She nodded. “Yes, that much.”
In that moment, he felt a tangible connection to Lea. It was such a strong feeling that he couldn’t actually describe it, but it filled him with warmth.
With his free hand, he reached out to her and traced his finger down her silky-smooth cheek. “Do you know how amazing I find you?”
“You do?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“I do.” His gaze moved to her lips. They lacked any lipstick and yet they were still rosy pink and tempting. When his gaze lifted to meet hers, he caught the spark of interest in her eyes. It made him want her all the more.
“I’m going to kiss you,” he said softly.
“And I’m wondering what’s taking you so long.”
He moved at the same time she did. Their lips met in the middle. He remembered when they’d kissed in the past. It had been full of discovery and curiosity. This time, though, his mouth moved over hers knowing what she liked.
They may have only spent a long weekend together a few months ago, but the memory of her kiss was tattooed upon his mind. Their kisses had gone on and on, partly from an unending desire and partly because he knew it would end soon and he wanted—no, he needed—to remember the way she felt in his arms and the way she tasted so sweet like ripe, red berries. But those memories were nothing compared to the real thing.
As his mouth moved over hers, coaxing her to open up to him, he realized just how much he’d missed this—missed her. He’d tried fighting it. He’d told himself it wasn’t her but the human connection that he missed. He’d told himself that he’d worked too hard for too long. He needed to spend some time away from the office.
But now, as his fingers slid down over Lea’s cheek to her neck, he knew he’d been lying to himself. He’d craved Lea all of these weeks and it had nothing to do with his workload or his lack of a social life. It had only to do with Lea and how much he’d missed her.
Her hands slipped up over his shoulders, up his neck. Her fingers combed through his hair as her nails scraped over his scalp, setting his nerve endings atingle. A moan swelled within the back of his throat. If they weren’t here on the beach in the middle of the resort, he would definitely take things further.
Before things got totally out of control, he had to stop this madness. But he made no motion to pull away from her. He needed her more than he needed oxygen—
That thought jerked him out of the clouds and brought his feet back down to earth with a jolt. He pulled back from her. He couldn’t lose his head. Because there was absolutely no way he was falling in love. None. He’d promised himself that he would never let himself become that vulnerable again.
“What’s the matter?” Lea asked.
He shook his head and forced a smile to his lips. “Nothing. Nothing at all.” And then his gaze met her confused look. “I... I need to get going. I have to get to the dock.”
“What? But why?”
“Those men I have coming to work on the bungalow—” he checked the time “—should be here now.”
“Oh. Okay.” The look of disappointment on her face was unmistakable.
He longed to take her back in his arms and kiss away her unhappiness, but he stilled himself. To do that—to cave in to his desires—he’d give her the wrong idea. He’d give himself the wrong idea that this relationship was more than a convenience for co-parenting their child.
“I’ll talk to you later.” He turned and started to walk away. He should say something else, but what?
“I’ll see you later,” Lea called out.
He stopped and glanced back. “See you then.”
Xander walked away feeling more confused than ever. And that was a state he wasn’t familiar with. He was a planner, a decision maker. He didn’t have time in his life for indecision—until Lea stepped into his life.
Ever since that first day when his gaze had settled on Lea, he’d known something was different about her. He hadn’t been able to put it into words at the time. And even now, he couldn’t describe the effect she had over him. And he wasn’t eager to examine it too closely.
But he was even more determined to do something special for their baby. He worried about being there for the child emotionally with his own scarred past, but he could do something with his hands—something to show Lea that he cared.