Kerri Connor
For many Pagans, living as a Pagan means living a simple and pure life. A life filled with nature, love, spirituality, and compassion. A life free of greed, hate, prejudice, and envy. It’s a life of being thankful and appreciative. It’s a life filled with hard work, terrific celebrations, and quiet meditations.
Some people like to keep their work and home lives completely separate, no matter what religion they practice. Others tend to make friends with the people they work with and allow those lines to blur a bit. They want to feel just as at home at work as they do when they
are actually at home. There are also those people who would like to be more open at work and make new friendships, but they are afraid that if their coworkers knew the truth about them, they wouldn’t be welcome, not only as friends but as coworkers as well.
For years we have been told that if you are a Witch or Pagan, you need to keep quiet about it. But why? Being open about who and what you are doesn’t take away your power; it actually gives you more. It shows you are strong and have pride in who you are. It gives you control over your life and who you choose to share it with.
For years we have been told that if you are a Witch or Pagan, you need to keep quiet about it. But why? Being open about who and what you are doesn’t take away your power; it actually gives you more. It shows you are strong and have pride in who you are. It gives you control over your life and who you choose to share it with. Do you really want people who are overly judgmental about your religion and spiritual practices to be in your life in the first place? I know I don’t, so I’ve never had too much of an issue about whether it came out at work. For years I didn’t overtly advertise what I was, but if religious discussions or conversations on beliefs came up, I certainly didn’t hide who I was either.
As an author of Pagan books, it would be hard for me to stay in the closet at work even if I wanted to, particularly since I work at a bookstore. It’s definitely an interesting experience when a customer comes to the information counter and asks for your help in finding a book you wrote!
The first bookstore I worked at was where I came up with the idea for my first book. Each of the employees at that store was asked what genre were they most familiar with, and a running list was kept at the customer service desk. That way, when a customer needed assistance in the way of recommendations, the appropriate person could be called upon to help out. I was the “expert” for the New Age section, so I dealt with a lot of Pagan customers and helped them find what they were looking for. When the type of book many of them wanted didn’t exist, a friend suggested to me that I should write it, and I did. That book, The Pocket Spell Creator, was written over twelve years ago, but it can still be found or ordered at bookstores today.
Though before I wrote my first book I hadn’t really hidden what I was, I didn’t go around broadcasting it either. Some of my family members knew, but most did not. Some of my friends knew, but most did not. Once I sold the manuscript, however, all of that changed. You can’t sell a manuscript and then not answer the inevitable question that comes with announcing your good news: “What’s it about?” And so, you come out.
It was pretty obvious to my coworkers that if I had knowledge about the subject matter, there was a reason why, so there was never any big “coming out” at work. Bookstores really are different from other kinds of retail stores. Most of the employees are of a liberal mind, and education is high on their list of importance. These people are, for the most part, open and nonjudgmental. Customers also want someone to assist them who actually knows what they are talking about, so keeping quiet in a situation like this would be depriving them of the help they need. From my experience, people have the hardest time asking for help in the New Age section. They are often scared of being judged, so when I see them, I do everything I can to make them feel comfortable and help them find what they need. Even when customers bring these books to the register, the vast majority of the time they place them on the counter upside down (far more than with any other genre of book), as if they do not want others to see what they are purchasing.
After I left that bookstore, I worked at several other retail stores. Sometimes religious conversations would come up (which weren’t really supposed to, of course), and since I’m not one to be shy about who I am, I would contribute my unique view to the subject at hand and therefore “come out.” In my experience, I have had to do a lot of explaining about what Pagan is. (Since I highly value education, this explanation would include the fact that Paganus first referred to country dwellers, and how that has evolved into Pagans—those not of an Abrahamic faith.) Many people have no idea whatsoever what Pagan means. Many have never even heard the word, or, at the very least, pretend they haven’t. While I expected that most people would know the word, I also expected that they would have a bad, invalid definition of it that involved words like devil and evil. I have found that just isn’t the norm, at least not where I live.
Once I began explaining, even to some of those who didn’t know the word Pagan, I would get questions like “Is that like Wicca?” or “Is that like the Native Americans?” Others who did know the word often responded by telling me how they have a friend who practices Wicca, though only a few had a deep understanding of what that actually meant.
What I didn’t get was lectures on how I was going to go to hell or how I needed to find Jesus, or return to God, or anything like that. I didn’t get hate or intolerance or threats. The only time I have ever been confronted about my beliefs in a negative manner was from my own parents when I finally told them. They lectured me. They went to their pastor and tried to “get me help.” (The pastor told my parents that people only turn to Paganism when they believe they have been hurt by the Christian God—which is far from correct.) But to come out at work? That was never an issue, no matter where I worked.
One of the jobs I held was at a popular arts and crafts chain store, a place that was actually great for buying all kinds of witchy and ritual supplies. The selection for Halloween was incredible, and many of the “decorations” could be put to use year round in a Witch’s home. A common question at that store for both customers and employees alike was “What project are you working on?” While I did do some crafting projects, the majority of my purchases were for ritual or spell use or decoration. I had no problem telling my coworkers the truth. Before long, my coworkers started asking me questions about how I intended to use the things I bought in my practice. But again, these questions were posed without judgment. Curiosity? Definitely. But if anyone ever said anything judgmental about me, it was never to my face.
My current position is once again at a large chain bookstore, so I get to deal with pretty much the same type of people: open-minded and nonjudgmental. When I interviewed for the position, I told the hiring manager I was an author. She asked a few questions about my writing and was excited to have a published author joining the bookstore. It wasn’t until after I had been working there for a while that I found out she was an extremely devout Christian woman, yet she never once had an issue with the type of writing I do.
At one point, I thought a coworker might also be Pagan. She wore pentagram jewelry often and one necklace that was a small planchette. She wasn’t an easy person to talk to, however. We didn’t work together often, and I worked at the store for an entire year before I ever saw her smile. There were only a couple of employees she seemed to be friendly with at all, and I wasn’t one of them. Since we worked together so seldom, I didn’t think she even knew about me being Pagan or a writer. I would see her for a few hours a month and that was it.
I really wasn’t sure if she was Pagan or not, but I decided to go ahead and ask. I thought maybe if we had this in common, it might help us get along better during those few hours we did work together. But when I asked her if she was Pagan, she told me, “I don’t even know what that means. What is that?” When I started to explain it to her, she cut me off with a “no” and walked away. I admit that, with her attitude, I found it pleasing that she wasn’t Pagan. I have to wonder if she knows anything about the significance of a lot of the jewelry she wears. It seems as if it is done for the shock value rather than out of respect for the symbols. There doesn’t seem to be any spiritual reason for it, which, frankly, is just plain sad.
A few months after that exchange, we had a new employee start who was openly gay. He didn’t try to hide it at all and spoke about his husband often. He and I hit it off right away. One day when we were having one of our numerous conversations, he told me that he had the feeling we had something in common, something he didn’t think he had in common with anyone else at work. I wasn’t sure what he was getting at until he showed me that he had a necklace with a pentagram tucked in his shirt. I smiled and told him we did. He said he knew it and then asked me if other people in the store knew about me. When I told him it was pretty much common knowledge, he wanted to know how people had taken the news. I explained that it hadn’t seemed to make a difference to anyone. A few people didn’t know too much about it, other than that there were books about Paganism in the New Age section, but those who did know what it meant didn’t have a problem with it anyway.
He had been nervous about coming out of that particular closet, which I found confusing. He had no problem with people knowing he was gay and that he was married to a man (and had been for two years before it became legal nationwide), but he was worried that those same people might have an issue accepting him as someone who was Pagan. He was relieved to know he wasn’t the only one at work to claim that title, and he was elated to know our coworkers didn’t have issue with it to begin with. I asked him why he was scared to come out as Pagan but not afraid to come out as gay. He said that the gay community is far more supportive about coming out and demanding that their voices be heard than many Pagan communities are. Some Pagan traditions still require complete secrecy, and when things are kept secret, it ends up creating problems for a person down the road and for all Pagans in general.
It is a commonly held belief that if you keep something secret about yourself, it’s because either you know it’s wrong or you’re ashamed of it. This then makes people think that those who hide the fact that they are a Witch or Pagan are doing so because even they know it’s wrong. No matter how much you may try to convince these people otherwise, chances are they aren’t going to change their minds about how they feel any more than you would change your mind if they tried to convince you that Paganism is dark and evil. Arguing with them doesn’t help. The best way to change a person’s mind about Paganism isn’t to argue with them; it’s to show them with your actions what being Pagan really is.
Also, when people hide their religious beliefs, the official number of Pagans that exist in the world gets distorted. If they aren’t willing to stand up and be counted, then they simply are not counted, and people do not believe that the Pagan community is growing in number.
The gay community has been very vocal about taking a stand, being counted, and demanding equal rights, and while some individuals and groups have pushed back, quite hard at times, their community hasn’t given up. This is how things change. This is how slaves were freed, how women got the vote, and how segregation was ended. None of these things changed by people hiding who they were. None of these things changed without a voice.
I know that a lot of people are against Pagans coming out at work (or any place, for that matter) out of fear that they will suffer from discrimination, but I have yet to see this happen to anyone. The fear of what may happen is not necessarily the same as what will happen. I’m well aware that in some geographical areas it may be more difficult to be Pagan, but would that be the case if all Pagans were open about who they are? Wouldn’t it be better if we took the time to educate our neighbors, family members, and coworkers so they understand that being Pagan has nothing to do with devil worship, cannibalism, or whatever other crazy notions some people have? Wouldn’t it be better to teach people through example rather than fight with them?
You don’t need to run around and tell everyone you meet, “Hi, I’m Pagan,” but you don’t need to hide it either. Let your coworkers get to know the real you. Let them know what you stand for and what is important to you. Let them see that you are a good person, not someone dark and evil. Use the opportunity to teach them. Above all, never be afraid to be yourself.
Kerri Connor is the High Priestess of the Gathering Grove. She has written several magic books, including Spells for Tough Times.
Illustrator: Jennifer Hewitson