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Charlie Rainbow Wolf

T here’s been a lot of hype over the last few years about the law of attraction. Rhonda Byrne wrote about it in her 2006 book The Secret, which was also turned into a blockbuster movie. Oprah raved about it. People swore it changed their lives. But was it really such a big secret? Or was it all just hype?

The Secret is the latest version of the law of attraction, but the law of attraction has been doing the rounds for over a hundred years, starting with William W. Atkinson. In his book Thought Vibration; or, The Law of Attraction in the Thought World, first published in 1906, he talks about thought being a manifestation of energy—the same topic covered in The Secret. From these publications, we might be led to think that all we have to do is want something badly enough in order to get it. In reality, this rarely happens. Synchronicity does occur, but it’s rarely just because of thinking positive thoughts. It takes more than that to create the life we want to live. In fact, just thinking positive thoughts and wishing for good things could actually be detrimental to the desired outcome.

Let’s start by looking at the word want. It can be defined as desire, but it can also be defined as to be without, to be deficient, or to fall short. Every time we say we want something, not only are we expressing that we desire it but we’re also confirming that it is not in our lives, that we’re left wanting. If we say we want something, we’re sending a message out into the cosmos that we’re deficient in this desire. If the law of attraction teaches that like energy attracts like energy, then by confirming we’re lacking in what we want, we’re attracting the lack of it into our lives. It starts to get complicated, doesn’t it?

This is where so many people seem to slip up. It’s easier to bright-side at this point. Bright-siding is always looking on the bright side of things but not really doing anything constructive. It’s the naive belief that if someone is just optimistic enough or if something is wanted badly enough, then it will happen and everything will be okay. I’ve even seen bright-siders criticize those who are looking at things in a realistic manner in order to find a practical solution! That’s when the whole positive-thinking trap starts to collapse. Optimism is one thing, but optimism without a call to action for a solution is just delusional.

This doesn’t mean that there is no merit to the law of attraction. It has some validity. It’s just not as simple as desiring something badly enough to wish it into existence.

This doesn’t mean that there is no merit to the law of attraction. It has some validity. It’s just not as simple as desiring something badly enough to wish it into existence. It would be delightful if all we had to do to manifest our desires was ask for it and then wait for it to happen. In fact, some people even bring quantum physics into it. It’s easy to buy into this, because quantum physics consists of the seen and the unseen. Science has already proven that everything in the cosmos is just energy vibrating at one frequency or another. It might be plausible to think that if we align our energy with the energy of our desires, then we become one. It doesn’t work quite like that, though.

In a 1944 speech, German physicist Max Planck said: “All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force … We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.”

What Planck is telling us is that we control that matter with our thoughts. This is where the bright-siders and those who work with the law of attraction can get deluded into believing that all they have to do is think of something and it will happen. It takes a bit more than thought to bring things into being, and this is where a lot of the disappointment and disillusionment over the law of attraction starts to arise. If we want to lose weight, and we think about losing weight, and we believe that the law of attraction will cause us to lose weight but we sit on the sofa eating potato chips all day, what’s going to happen?

It’s very clear why so many folks were taken in by the claims that this belief system works. For one, all that seems to be needed is to think about what is desired—no work involved, right? Wrong. If we know what we want, it’s great to visualize it and be open to receiving it, but we also have to make it a priority in order for it to become a reality. Wanting something leaves us wanting. Let’s face it: if all we had to do was ask for and believe in a good job or a happy marriage, then there’d be no unemployment and no divorce. Also, consider this: what if more than one person wanted the same job, or even the same spouse? What then? For whom does the law of attraction work in that situation? How is the successful person chosen?

I know it might sound like I’m really bashing all of this stuff, but I’m not. I’m approaching it in a realistic way—a way in which common sense, reasoning, positive thinking, and action can be used to create what is desired. It’s got little to do with energy and more to do with focus. It’s more a question of priorities than quantum physics. The problem is that hucksters are always going to try to sell to the gullible, and if they can get the gullible to believe that all that is necessary for success is to think good things and life will be good, then they’ve got a captive audience, for it is human nature to want the easy way out. That’s where the trouble begins. In order for this to work, we have to stay connected to the process, not make a wish and wait for it to come true.

There is a way that the power of positive thinking can help us achieve our goals. Psychologists call it the confirmation bias. This means that we all have a tendency to seek out information that supports what we want to believe. We choose where we want to place our focus. It is human nature to pay more attention to what we want to believe, or what we have been conditioned to believe, than to think outside the box. Things that challenge us make us uncomfortable—but often they’re just what we need in order to achieve our goals.

It’s very easy to use the confirmation bias to talk ourselves into or out of something. For example, if you’re on the fence about a relationship and you hear something bad about that person, it would be easy to look back and highlight other instances from the past that validate what you’ve heard, making it easier for you to decide to break off the relationship. If you’re besotted with the person and you hear something bad about them, then you’re more likely to look back and find things that contradict what you’ve heard, making it easier for you to decide to work on the relationship.

Bright-siders will tell you that in order to fix that relationship, all you have to do is think positive thoughts about it and it will be mended. Because of the confirmation bias, you’ll focus on the positive side of things and you’ll trust that everything is going to be okay. Likewise, if you focus on the negative aspects, you’ll start to worry that things are falling apart—and then the bright-siders will tell you it’s because you were thinking negative thoughts that the relationship deteriorated. The truth is that it takes more than thinking to make or break a situation.

The danger of bright-siding is that people can become unrealistically positive about things, and then the confirmation bias leads them to believe that they’re right. While this can help those who have spent their lives in a negative headspace to cultivate a more optimistic outlook on things, to feel better about themselves, and to find reasons to enjoy their lives, it’s not a panacea for everything or everyone.

If someone really buys into bright-siding, thinking that all they have to do is to believe in themselves and think positive thoughts to achieve their goals, then they can easily set themselves up for failure. Without research or even common sense (which often flies out the window when we want something badly enough), speculative investments could result in financial loss, toxic relationships might be cultivated, or health matters could be ignored. Why would a logical person behave in this manner? Because they’ve bought into the concept of bright-siding so vehemently that they’re not listening to reason. Optimism has its place, but not when it replaces rationality.

Another downfall of bright-siding is that it can actually create the opposite mental process. It often happens that the very minute someone tells us not to think of something, that’s immediately where our brain goes. Maybe we’re trying to quit smoking and we suddenly notice how we are more acutely aware of people smoking around us, of the discarded cigarette butts on the ground, or of just how many shops sell cigarettes and smoking sundries. Perhaps we’re trying to lose weight and we see just how many fast-food restaurants are in our neighborhood, or just how many people are snacking around us, or how many times we open the fridge out of habit. Thinking about the things we don’t want to do can give them greater focus and more importance in our lives. Rather than concentrating on wishing for a change to take place, wishing for it to be true, it’s better to focus on alternative activities, to retrain our brains to think of things other than what we’re trying to avoid.

Bright-siding can lead us to failure. If we believe that all we have to do to get a job or pass a test or lose weight is to remain positive, then we are likely to put forth less effort and then be disappointed when someone who was equally confident but tried a bit harder succeeded where we did not.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t remain optimistic in our determination, because we absolutely should. Let’s revisit the weight-loss scenario. It’s better to reinforce the desire to lose weight by going to the gym instead of the donut shop. That way we’re doing something positive and making beneficial changes in our lives. The detrimental behavior would be to go to the donut shop and eat whatever we wish but believe we’re still losing weight. There’s a difference!

Other people can be detrimental to our progress and may be part of our bright-siding downfall, too. They often mean well, but if they too are buying into the law of attraction and believing that all they have to do is desire something and it will manifest, then they could be encouraging us to do likewise. They may be offering platitudes and other ways of helping us stay in a positive mindset but doing very little to help us make real headway toward our ultimate goal. Yes, we feel better in their company, but are we actually accomplishing anything?

Bright-siding can alienate us from people who genuinely want to help. Let’s go back to the donut shop example. If a person is eating whatever is desired because the law of attraction says that as long as belief in weight loss is held then weight loss will happen, then that person is likely to get very angry at a colleague who points out that perhaps a different way of eating might be more appropriate and effective than just wishing to lose weight. It’s hard to reason with people who are fanatical about anything they vehemently believe in, and that can lead to relationships deteriorating when others aren’t so enthusiastic about the power of positive thinking being the only tool needed.

Our chances of success can become limited by bright-siding, too. When we wait for something to happen instead of working toward it, the likelihood of realizing the goal dissipates rather than increases. Would an athlete dream of winning an Olympic gold medal without putting in the hours of training and having the determination to succeed? Still, some folks seem to think that believing in the law of attraction is all they need to do to win. This is a catalyst for failure rather than an effective strategy for success.

Emotions can also get in the way. Yes, we can think good thoughts all day long, but if something happens to us that puts our stomach in knots and our emotions into a tailspin, then those emotions are going to overpower our thought process, no matter how hard we try to prevent this from happening. Those feelings are there for a reason, and to try to bright-side them into unimportance could be extremely detrimental.

No matter how positive we think, challenges are going to arise. We’re going to be disappointed. Then we have two options. We can sit on the sofa and wonder why the law of attraction let us down again and get totally despondent about it, or we can look that disappointment in the eye and determine why we feel that way, what our emotions are trying to tell us, and how best to handle the situation to bring about a positive outcome. When negative feelings arise as a result of a disappointment, we need to remember to treat ourselves with compassion and then see how we can make the best of things. There’s a difference between bright-siding and actively working toward a positive outcome.

When we begin to use positive thinking to help us on our journey, many of us get off on the wrong foot. We say things like “I don’t want to be fat” or “I don’t want to be in debt” or “I don’t want to be lonely.” Stating goals in negative phrasing rather than as something positive can actually hinder rather than help our progress, so we always want to phrase our goals in positive ways. This is called using empowered language. It assists in priming our brain to better engage us in reaching our goals. In the previous examples, the mind is focusing on “fat,” “debt,” and “lonely,” yet those are the opposite of what is desired! It is better to think in the positive so that the brain latches onto the goal rather than the failure. In this case, the more appropriate phrasings would be “I am going to be slender,” “I am going to be financially independent,” and “I am going to be content.” We could even argue that it might be better to replace the phrase “am going to be” with the word “am,” so that we’re not constantly projecting our goal into the future but are living it in the now.

Becoming a better person in order to have what we desire isn’t as easy as believing it’s going to happen, nor should it be. In his 2008 book The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch says: “The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people!”

We grow not just by thinking good thoughts but by thinking those thoughts and then following them up with action and determination. Yes, we will be challenged. Yes, we will falter, we will err, and we will miscalculate. An optimistic approach doesn’t make it impossible to fail; it gives us the tenacity to get up and try again. It’s harder work, but it’s also going to bring results rather than the bewilderment that we didn’t get what we wished for simply by believing it would come effortlessly to us. Visualizing what we want is only the first step of the journey. We have to be active in the process if we want to achieve the goal.

This is where many of us fall down. We have this goal in our mind, we have the positive affirmation, we’re taking steps to achieve the goal, and we scare ourselves witless. Why? Because most people are far more afraid of succeeding than of failing. We’re taught that if we don’t believe in ourselves, then why should anyone else believe in us? Most of us latch onto our failures and beat ourselves up over them, rather than focusing on our successes and celebrating them. Anyone who has worked in retail will understand this. There may have been dozens of great customers that day, but it is the encounter with the one nasty one that the brain replays over and over again, right?

So what can be done? Well, first we can acknowledge that the law of attraction works in order to help us get into the right mindset for success, but we have to act on those thoughts if we want to make them manifest. If we use the law of attraction for motivation, if we use it as a catalyst for determination and claim that goal as ours, then it can help us see the confirmation bias that will help us achieve our intention. Second, remember that Max Planck taught us that we can control matter with our thoughts. This doesn’t mean that we only have to think something and it will happen. However, when we envision our goals in a positive way, we can start to create openings. Then, using the confirmation bias, we see those openings, and if we seize the opportunities, then we can achieve our objectives.

Finally, let’s think about this: If the law of attraction states that all we have to do is focus on and wish for what we want and it will happen, then that’s teaching us to always be wanting something. Those affirmations that we think are leading us to success may actually be impeding it! At the end of the day, happiness is often found not in getting what we want but in wanting what we have.

Sources

Atkinson, William W. Thought Vibration; or, The Law of Attraction in the Thought World. Reprint, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2008.

Byrne, Rhonda. The Secret. Hillsboro, OR: Atria Books/Beyond Words, 2006.

Byrne, Rhonda, and Paul Harrington, producers. The Secret. DVD. TS Production LLC, 2006.

Nickerson, Raymond S. “Confirmation Bias: A Ubiquitous Phenomenon in Many Guises.” Review of General Psychology Vol. 2, No. 2 (1998): 175–220. Educational Publishing Foundation. http://landman-psychology.com/ConfirmationBias.pdf.

Pausch, Randy. The Last Lecture. New York: Hyperion, 2008.

Charlie Rainbow Wolf is happiest when she’s creating something, especially if it can be made from items that others have cast aside. Pottery, writing, knitting, astrology, and tarot are her deepest interests, but she happily confesses that she’s easily distracted because life offers so many wonderful things to explore. She is an advocate of organic gardening and cooking and lives in the Midwest with her husband and special-needs Great Danes. Visit her at www.charlierainbow.com.

Illustrator: Neil Brigham

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