She shivered a bit as she stepped into the much cooler air. Carl was standing there. He flashed her what he obviously considered to be (for good reason) a winning grin.
“Looking good, Melanie.”
“Yeah, right.”
“No, really. Blue is your color.”
Melanie wished that he’d quit looking at her, even though he was doing it in a perfectly friendly, non-offensive manner. She walked over to the deep end of the pool, dunked her foot in the water, and let out a soft yelp. Freezing.
Two of the men, the bald one and the one with the mustache, were already in the pool. The bald one laughed and waved to her. “Just dive in.”
“My heart will stop.”
“Nah, it’s fine once you’re in. If you do it gradually it’s torture.”
“I’ll consider that. What was your name again?”
“Nate.”
Ah, yes, Nate. Good. Now she could think of Nate as the bald one who’d given her advice on diving into the pool, rather than the one with the reportedly shortest but impressively thick penis.
She took a deep breath, counted to three, and then jumped into the pool.
Shit! Cold! Cold! Cold! Shit!
She surfaced and grabbed the side of the pool. “There’s ice between my fingers!”
“You’ll be okay,” said the second guy in the water. “You get used to it in no time.”
“Well, sure, because your whole body is numb. I’m sorry, I’m bad with names. You are…?”
“Ben.”
“Gotcha.” Okay, there was Talkative Carl, Boston Leo who made drinks, Bald Nate who dispensed diving advice, and Mustache Ben who insisted that she’d get used to the water in no time. How was she ever going to keep everybody straight?
And why the hell was she worrying about that? Their names didn’t matter, because they weren’t sticking around.
Carl did a perfect dive into the pool and swam past her. Melanie did a crawl stroke across the length of the pool, relieved that the water’s piercing chill faded before she’d even made it to the other side. She spat out some water, pushed her hair out of her eyes, and used the ladder to climb out of the pool. It was water slide time.
She walked toward it, knowing beyond all doubt that her bathing suit was riding up her ass but not daring to adjust it for fear of calling attention to the fact that her bathing suit was riding up her ass.
The ladder to the water slide was about thirty feet high. She climbed to the top and then sat on the edge of the slide, letting the flowing water run over her feet for a moment, before pushing forward. She hurtled down the slide.
It became clear before she’d even gone around the first curve that her legs and her butt had no intention of traveling at the same velocity.
She threw out her arms to steady herself, but her legs popped into the air and she fell onto her back. “Oh shit!” she said, as she realized that she was starting to spin. She slid helplessly down the slide, on her back, legs in the air, swimsuit riding up her ass, facing the wrong direction. It was in this undignified position that she was finally dumped into the pool, which had gotten cold again.
Melanie wondered if she could stay underwater long enough for the men to forget what they’d just witnessed.
She surfaced to the sound of enthusiastic clapping from all eight of them. She swam to the edge of the pool and climbed out, face burning despite the icy water. “Thank you,” she said, waving to acknowledge their applause. “I’ll be here humiliating myself all week.”
“Encore!” Ben shouted.
“How about you all prove that you can do better?” asked Melanie.
As all of the men proceeded toward the water slide, she had to giggle at her own stupidity. Of course they could do better. A poorly sewn rag doll could do better. She really needed to work on her mouth/brain communication.
Leo came down first, making a perfectly graceful landing in the water. Nate followed, headfirst. When Carl emerged at the end of the slide, he was seated upright. He put his hand over his mouth as if stifling a bored yawn.
His feet hit the pool and he pitched forward, his belly slamming into the water with a loud smack that made Melanie wince.
It took him a moment to surface.
“Dude, what the hell was that?” asked the blond guy, laughing hysterically from his seat on the edge of the pool.
Carl began to tread water, forcing a smile despite his obvious pain. “That was my patented…uh…I don’t know, it really hurt.”
Another one of the men, the military guy, came down the slide feet-first. His loud shout of “Waaahoooo!!!” was cut off as he landed in the water, kicking Carl in the back. Melanie winced again.
“Here, dude, I’ll help you out,” said the blond guy, retrieving a life preserver that hung from the wall and tossing it over to Carl. Carl grabbed it and allowed himself to be pulled to the edge, smiling sheepishly the entire time.
Melanie walked over to him. “Good landing.”
“Thanks.”
“Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
“Because you look a bit sick to your stomach.”
“I’m cool.”
“You did hit your belly pretty hard.”
“It wasn’t just my belly.”
“Ah. I guess now we’ve learned a little lesson about mocking my water slide skills, haven’t we?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
* * * * *
As Julian crashed into the water fifteen minutes later, Melanie held up her “3” sign. Nate held up “4.” Carl held up “1.”
“You were a bit shaky in the final stretch,” Melanie informed Julian after he got out of the pool. “Next time try to focus more on balance than momentum, and work on those flailing arms.”
Ben did an almost perfect headfirst landing, spitting water high into the air as he surfaced. Melanie and Nate each gave him a “9,” and Carl gave him an “8.”
“Very, very impressive,” said Melanie. “I was particularly taken by the spitting. If you can manage a bit more fluidity when you surface, you’ll be on your way to a long and prosperous career.”
Dennis bashed against the side of the slide as he rounded the final curve, spilling into the water in a barely-conscious heap. Melanie awarded him a “2” for sympathy, Nate gave him a “1,” and Carl gave him a “10.”
“You probably shouldn’t do that again,” Melanie told Dennis.
* * * * *
Melanie had never been very good at air hockey, and tonight she absolutely sucked at it. Even with Julian clearly trying to let her win she was unable to score a single point, excluding the six she accidentally scored against herself.
Unwilling to admit defeat, she played against Ben and lost. Then she played against Nate and lost. Then she played against Keith and lost. Then she played against Leo and lost. Her right hand was starting to get sore, which was her excuse when she played against Dennis and lost. She got far too enthusiastic during her game with Steve, sending a puck nearly flying into his face, and he withdrew from the competition for safety reasons. She played against Carl and won. Though he had picked up the puck with his hand and dropped it into his own goal ten times, Melanie still savored the hard-won victory.
* * * * *
Melanie set down five tiles, forming QUARTZ. “Let’s see, that’s twenty-four points on a triple word score, so I believe we’re looking at seventy-two points total. My, my, my, you must feel so alone in the world.”
She was playing against Carl, Nate, and Julian, and was absolutely obliterating them. Their Scrabble scores combined didn’t beat hers, although QUARTZ on the triple word score had a lot to do with that. Their glory from the air hockey tournament had been short-lived. Melanie ridiculed them often and with great skill.
* * * * *
“Turn it left!”
“It won’t go left!”
“Of course it will go left. All you have to do is turn it left!”
“The joystick is defective.”
Carl grabbed the joystick out of Melanie’s hand. “It’s not defective, it’s fine. See, you push the red button to accelerate, the blue button to brake, and push the joystick in whichever direction you want to turn, including but not limited to left.”
“It wasn’t working,” Melanie insisted.
“Maybe your hand wasn’t working.”
She threw a handful of popcorn at him. “I beg to differ.”
Carl gave her back the joystick. “That’s all you have to do. Push the red button and turn…see, you’re—no, you just ran over somebody. Now you just ran over somebody else. I guess you’ve just decided to go on a vehicular homicide spree.”
“The joystick isn’t working.”
“Did you know I can catch popcorn in my mouth?”
* * * * *
“So, what, you catch two pieces out of twenty and I’m supposed to be impressed?”
“You weren’t throwing them right.”
“I hit you in the freakin’ nose and you still couldn’t catch it. You’re just making up skills whenever you feel like it.”
“You try it,” said Carl, flinging a piece of popcorn at her. Melanie caught it in her mouth. Carl stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout. “Here, run over some more pedestrians.”
* * * * *
“The object is to get Milton Monkey to collect as many bananas as possible,” Melanie explained. She’d gotten lost for twenty minutes trying to find her room again to retrieve the handheld video game, and had been forced to use the intercom to wake Rupert up. Though it was nearly three in the morning, he’d been remarkably polite about it. “You use this button to jump and this one to duck.”
“Got it,” said Carl, taking the game from her. With her permission, the other men had finally gone to bed, while she and Carl sat on lounge chairs next to the pool.
“I had fun tonight,” said Melanie.
“Good. Me too.”
“Was it like this with my aunt?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, just hanging out, playing games, having a good time.”
Carl nodded. “Yeah, sometimes. You’re a lot like her, at least when you’re not calling us the scum of the earth.”
“I never said scum of the earth. I only thought it.”
“What do you think now?”
“Honestly? I’m trying to block that whole aspect. As long as I can forget that you guys are professional love slaves, I’m enjoying myself.”
“I didn’t mean, what did you think of the whole harem thing, but what do you think of us? Me.”
Melanie hesitated. “It’s too early to say. You’re lots of fun to hang out with.”
“You know, it doesn’t have to be about sex.” He grinned. “You could keep us around as chaste playmates.”
“Look, I’m sorry that you’re losing your jobs, especially one this cushy, but I can’t keep an eight-guy harem in my house. I can’t even believe that this is the kind of decision I had to make. I mean, this isn’t the kind of example they use in ethics class. I’m guessing that most people can live long, long lives without ever having to decide whether or not to keep the eight-guy harem open for business.”
“You should enjoy that you’ve been blessed with such a unique choice.”
“Now you’re seeming a bit desperate.”
“Sorry,” said Carl.
“I had a great time tonight, but I can’t even begin to conceive what kind of kinky shit happened in this place before Aunt Penelope died. I mean, you guys are hot as hell, and there are eight of you.”
Had she really just told him that they were “hot as hell?”
“It really wasn’t all that kinky,” said Carl.
“You lie.”
Carl hesitated. “Uh, yeah.”
“Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. I had a great time tonight. Thanks.”
“No problem. Do I get a good night kiss?”
Melanie stood up, yawned, and stretched. “Nah. I’m pretty sure I know where those lips have been. A hug would be okay, though.”
Carl stood up and gave her a hug. As great as it felt, and as much as she wanted to revise her statement about the lack of a good night kiss, she forced herself to pull away.
She wished him pleasant dreams and left the harem.