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GRANT SPAT, “MUDHUGGERS!”
Ruhger sighed. “What now?” Each day dragged. Lots of rumors and news, most of it bad, and no action or decisions from Gov Human. “Hurry up and wait” sucked like a bad hatch seal.
“Familia says Borgia, acting on his own, took Nari from them. They’re disavowing him. Even put a tiny bounty on his head and an even smaller reward for Nari’s return. They claim he’s dying and his judgement is affected.” Grant rolled his eyes. “Such a transparent move. They avoid the blame and test us.”
“Send a message back that they don’t get to disavow Borgia. It’s their mess, they have to clean it up,” the Scholar said.
Grant grimaced. “I’ll try. This isn’t a direct message. It’s intel from Gov Human and from merc net.”
Ruhger said, “Tell Tyron to post on merc net directly. Tyron is known there, and the big secret is out, so there’s no reason not to.”
“Good point, will do. One positive. We no longer have any reason to obey the Familia’s summons—” Grant sneered the word “—to Valenti.” He sniffed derisively.
“Do we have any idea where Borgia took Nari?” the Scholar asked.
“No,” Grant said shortly. “I’ll let you know when we do.”
Ruhger frowned. He had to get her out of here; she was driving everyone crazy. “Scholar, I believe this is a good time to work on your self-defense techniques. Let’s go.”
She turned toward him, scowling. “I want Nari back. Now.”
“We all do,” Ruhger said with forced patience. “But if wishes were shuttles, we’d all fly. There is nothing you can do right now. We are doing all we can. Let us do our jobs and you do yours. Right now, I suggest your job is to learn better self-defense.”
The Scholar glared. “I’ll decide what my job is, Captain.”
Ruhger nodded. “Yes, you will. But this is still my crew and you’re interfering. Annoying, even. If you don’t want to learn anything, fine, but you are leaving this shuttle. Now.”
Hurt flashed for a nanosecond, then her chin rose. “Fine.” She flounced from the shuttle.
Ruhger sagged back in his seat.
“A little harsh, don’t you think?” Grant asked.
“No. She’s been arrogant and unreasonable since we got back from that meeting with General Kerr. Suns know I wanted her to be confident, to take on a leadership role, take on Gov Human and the Time Guild, but she doesn’t need to hammer away at us, too.”
“Saree is learning, Ruhger.” Grant shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah, she’s a bit much occasionally, but she’s never had power. She’s never received any leadership training. She’s trying to figure out how to lead, and right now, she’s too uncertain to even ask for advice. Give her time, try to give her some support and subtle guidance. Eventually, she’ll ask.”
“Hopefully before one of us kills her,” Ruhger grumbled.
Grant snorted. “Yeah. Hopefully.” He quirked a brow. “Now, go find her and get her working on self-defense. And Ruhger?”
“Yes?” he asked, pulling workout gear from his clothes storage unit.
“Do try to call her by name. She’s definitely not a Scholar anymore, and reminding her of her past life isn’t helping. I’m sure she wishes she could go back to those days. And it reminds her of Hal.”
Ruhger grimaced. “I’m sure you’re right. It’s just...” He couldn’t even articulate it to himself.
Grant grinned. “It’s just that you’re completely in love with the woman but can’t admit it because that would put the crew in a difficult position and you’re too good a leader to do that to us.”
He stared at Grant, shocked.
Grant snickered. “Really, Ruhger, it’s so rad-blasted obvious. The two of you have been dancing around each other since she boarded at Dronteim. Forget us. We’re adults, we can handle ourselves. We’re more than a crew, an outfit, a business; we’re a family. We can deal with a relationship that would be unforgivable in a military-type organization. You’ve already put us in jeopardy for her many times. I’d rather you be a little more self-aware and upfront about the whole thing.” He grinned and waggled his brows. “And get a little fun out of the deal. Maybe if you were getting some, you’d be less grumpy. That would be better for all of us.”
Ruhger frowned at Grant. “Would it? What about Katryn? If Katryn leaves, Tyron goes with her.”
Grant waved a hand dismissively. “She’ll get over it. She already knows it’s a done deal. And she’s not going to make Tyron choose between us and her. Katryn knows he’d be unhappy anywhere else.” He tilted his head and stared off into space for a moment. “The bigger problem will be Loreli.”
“Loreli? She’s over me; she told me so herself. After the Scholar—I mean Saree—left us the first time.” Her name felt odd in his mouth.
“How can you be such a successful commander and yet so clueless about individuals?” Grant shook his head with a mocking look of despair. “Especially women.” Grant grimaced. “No, Loreli is still infatuated with you. It’s not love. In reality, you’d be terrible together, but she can’t see it. No, it’s better if you make a move on Saree, make it clear to Loreli that you’ll never be with her. We’ll have some interesting food for a while.” His mouth twisted. “She might take this as a sign to take one of those short-term assignments Culinary Institute Sirius has asked her to consider.” Grant shrugged. “Might be the best thing for all of us.” He snort-chuckled. “I can lose those kilos I’ve put on since she joined.” Grant ostentatiously patted his flat abs. “Although we’ll have to find a replacement. Nobody’s going back to meal pacs after this.”
“The Clutch Leader can pay for a new Chef,” Ruhger said, ignoring Grant’s ridiculous statements. “But I hope Loreli stays.” He sighed. “You’ve given me a lot to think about, Grant. I’m going to do some y’ga. Without the Sch—Time Guild Member Saree.”
Grant shook his head. “Your call. But you’d better act soon. Life is short.” With that pronouncement of doom, he turned back to his holo. Grant knew just how fleeting life and love could be; they all did. But when PE massacred Security Fold Transport, Ruthie with them, they destroyed Grant’s heart.
Ruhger pulled on his workout clothes, thinking about everything Grant said. Yes, he’d been attracted to the Scholar from the start. She hit all the right notes for physical attraction—before the body mods. Ruhger huffed in amusement at his own turn of phrase. The Scholar—Saree; Grant was right: he should use her name—did the best she could under the circumstances she’d been handed. A traumatic childhood, followed by developing a unique talent that required hiding, sneaking around, all by herself except an artificial intelligence initially masquerading as a mere virtual assistant. Really, she was surprisingly good with other beings. Saree had a natural compassion and demonstrated her concern and care for others to extreme lengths.
Gear on, Ruhger left the shuttle and took the ladder down, exiting the crew quarters. Maybe she went to extremes because she’d had so little kindness in her own life? Nari was certainly a friend, but Saree hadn’t known her all that long. But they had a lot in common, both forced into lonely positions by their upbringings and talents, both displaying the same empathy for others. The difference was, Nari seemed happy once she and Al-Kindi learned to live with each other and became closer. Ruhger was pretty sure they’d grown into a true love match, despite the rough beginnings. They relied on each other, propped each other up. Who could the Scholar rely on? Not him and his crew; they’d proven that by forcing her off Lightwave after Lacerta. She’d forced Nari away for safety. And Hal abandoned her, sacrificing himself for Saree. Which was the right thing to do, but it still had to feel like abandonment on both sides.
Everyone left Saree or she was forced to leave them.
Well, no more. Even if he hadn’t chosen to take on Time Guild Member and Clutch Leader Saree of Jericho, Ruhger could now choose to fully embrace her role, her needs and her wants. To stop straining against circumstance, stop fighting fate, and become her champion in every way.
Could that include a more personal championship? Ruhger entered the phys mod and strode to his usual starting spot on the mat, centered himself and closed his eyes. Inventorying his body, he identified areas to work and stretch. He concentrated on his breathing and clearing extraneous thoughts.
He still couldn’t act on desire. But fully supporting Saree’s difficult profession and as a new leader? Ruhger’s spirit and soul emerged from the darkness of their current circumstances into contentment.
#
SAREE SAT ON HER BED, exhausted, but unable to sleep. Restless, but without enough energy to exercise. Her thoughts circling around, back to the same problem over and over. She was the leader, the being in charge, the reason for the mission. Earlier, when she took charge, the crew responded and backed her. But now, every single thing was a fight. Why wouldn’t they just do what they were told to do? Why was she always explaining her reasons? Why did they disregard her needs? Blow off her commands? Ignore her, tell her to go away? Hadn’t she been pushed away enough? Ignored enough?
She pounded her fists on the bed and flopped back. If only Hal was here. Then they’d do what she wanted. Or Hal would do it and she wouldn’t have to rely on people at all.
Where was Hal? She’d expected some sign of him by now. Was he truly destroyed? Dead? Gone forever? Maybe he was trapped, stuck in Mensa Station, unable to get around whatever safeguards the Mensians put in their net? What a horrible fate, stuck in the net with no input, no outside stimulation, just darkness, completely deprived. And if they achieved that much, couldn’t they completely destroy Hal? Unless he’d managed to hide his core, his self, inside something critical, like life support? But if he’d succeeded, eventually, the Mensians would build a new system and destroy the old one, killing Hal in the process.
Hal was smart, though. He wouldn’t let his “self” get trapped in a single physical location. Even if it meant separating pieces of himself, he’d make sure there was some way out, an escape. He was far too intelligent to be cornered like that. Wasn’t he? He told her he’d stored backups around the universe if he couldn’t recover himself fully. If he retained enough memory to know he had a problem.
Saree sat up. Hal was smart and clever. He’d find a way to live, a way to escape, and a way back to her. Then Hal could simply take over Lightwave, make sure the crew followed her orders. Suns, she could get rid of all of them. Hal could do everything.
A vision of her wandering Lightwave’s passageways, all alone, without another soul onboard, sent shivers down her spine. What was she thinking? Saree gripped her head with her hands and shook herself. People, living, thinking, sentient beings, had free will. And Lightwave’s crew shouldn’t do exactly what she told them to do if it was risking Lightwave or the crew unnecessarily or an utterly useless action. She shook her head, trying to shake the ridiculous notions out of her head. Her despair was muddying her thoughts, making her thoughtless, stupid. She didn’t even have the Brain Drain drug as an excuse. No, the nonsense in her head was just her. Stress was driving her crazy, making her paranoid.
Making her want Hal even more. He’d tell her she wasn’t thinking straight; her emotions were overriding her reasoning. Who else could help her? The crew thought Saree was a bother, a burden, a wonky thruster. Even Loreli lost all patience with her, saying she wanted the impossible. Al-Kindi was so sunk in his despair over Nari that he was useless—they’d spiral together into a big black hole of hopelessness, never to emerge. She didn’t know the Gov Human pararescue crew well enough and they’d pass any information directly to Gov Human.
If they could return to the Madras, to Maulana, he could help her. Or one of his people could. And she could check on their progress, or lack of progress, in finding ^timespace^. Assuming they survived the attack. They still hadn’t heard anything, but Al-Kindi said no news was good news in this case. Hopefully, the attackers left when they folded out. Or maybe the entire asteroid was sucked into someplace else when Lightwave folded out in such close proximity. It was impossible to know until they communicated. Maulana wouldn’t reach out until he knew it was safe. He had too many souls onboard to act impulsively. Saree’s presence there would certainly increase the danger for them.
She was a danger to everyone.
Saree gave up and took out the tiny container of pills from the Madras. They’d warned her to use them sparingly, but she couldn’t sleep without them. She tipped the container, and the lack of sound soured her stomach. She peered inside—only two left. Saree put the container down. She’d been taking too many of them. Maybe that was the reason for her lack of mental acuity, her poor reasoning skills? She grimaced. Doubtful. It was all her. She was the problem. She had to find a way to cope with the role she’d been thrust into, to balance her responsibilities with her own needs, to learn effective leadership.
Saree froze. Learning, that was the key. She gasped in a deep breath as the answer finally dropped into her whirling brain.
She was a Scholar, by the egg of Zarar. She could study leadership, strategy, planning, decision making. She’d still make mistakes—applying theory to real life never went smoothly—but theory was better than the nothing she had right now. And maybe study would bring her brain back online.
Who could tell her what to study? Saree chuckled. She had leaders right here in front of her. Subject matter experts. But asking them? Her stomach sank. Exposing her weakness, her lack of knowledge, her flaws... Oof. Especially after she’d angered everyone onboard.
Well, at least she’d found a way ahead. There had to be recommendations on the net, lists from experts. She would find those, see what works they had in common, and develop her own list. She snort-chuckled. A productive task, and much more pleasant than fighting with the crew or waiting for word that never came.
Saree pulled up the net and began.
#
“RUHGER, HAVE YOU SEEN Saree?” Grant asked.
“No, I haven’t, not recently.” Ruhger thought back. “I know she’s been missing meals but I just realized how many. It’s been days.” He pulled up crew locators. She was in her compartment in the crew quarters. Hmm. Ruhger brought up comms and requested Loreli.
“Yes, dahrling?” she burbled, a dusting of something white smeared across her espresso-dark skin.
Ruhger stopped himself from growling. She called everyone darling. “Have you seen the—Saree?”
Loreli’s face fell. “No. I know she’s been raiding the leftovers late at night—which is why they’re there—but I haven’t seen her in days. I’ve tried to contact her but I just get an auto-answer that she’s not accepting comms. I’m starting to worry a little. She’s acting so strange.”
“That she is.” Ruhger sighed. It was his job to look out for her, no matter how she reacted. “You’re right, she’s been odder than normal. I’ll go check on her. Shall I tell her you’d like her help for dinner prep or something?”
Loreli shook her head, a mournful look on her face. “No, I don’t want to bother her.” She sighed, long and loud. “Even if it’s been terribly quiet in here since she and Nari left.”
Ruhger clamped down on his instinct to snap back at her. “Loreli, obviously you would like some company. So, when do you want her?”
Loreli rolled her eyes. “Really, dahrling, put a girl on the spot, why don’t you?” She flung her hands wide. “Fine, tell her I’d love her help with dinner if she can spare the time. But I don’t want to interfere with her duties, whatever those are.”
Grant muttered, “Driving us crazy with questions we can’t answer? Disappearing?”
Ruhger scowled at him, then turned back to Loreli. “I’ll let her know. Thanks, Loreli. Ruhger out.” He pushed away the comms before she could say anything more. “Grant, I thought you were the one encouraging patience. What happened?”
Grant flung his hands up. “She disappeared on us! Complained, demanded and whined incessantly, then up and disappeared! What in the universe is going on with her?” He sighed and his belligerent stance sagged. “And she won’t answer my comms either. I’m a little worried too, but I didn’t want to say anything yet, not after I gave you such a bad time about her.” He snickered. “Besides, until now I hadn’t seen you either. I was hoping you were keeping each other busy. But no such luck.”
Ruhger glared at him. Grant just couldn’t take anything seriously, could he? “No. Come on, let’s go check on her.”
He turned on his heel and marched to her quarters. Pressing the annunciator, he waited, Grant bouncing and bobbing next to him. Ruhger turned to Grant. “What are you doing?”
Grant grinned. “Dancing! It’s the latest craze out of Orion. Isn’t it awesome?”
Ruhger looked at the overhead and sighed. “Awesome. Right.” He pressed the button again, holding it down for a few seconds. Finally, the hatch opened, a disheveled Scholar appearing. Her hair stuck up on one side, dark circles shadowed her eyes, her shirt appeared to be on backward and her coveralls were wrinkled, the arms tied around her waist. A faint aroma of body odor wafted across his nose. “Sch—Time Guild Member Saree, are you feeling all right? You haven’t joined us for meals.” Argh, could he sound more awkward?
“Oh. Sorry.” She blinked for a few minutes. “I’ve been studying. I guess I lost track of time.” She snorted. “Well, no, I know exactly what time it is, but I lost track of events.” A startled look crossed her face, then she went blank, completely emotionless. “I do apologize, Captain. I didn’t mean to inconvenience anyone. I will attend the next meal. Is there a decision I need to make? An issue I need to be aware of? A new development?”
Ruhger stared at her, puzzled by her strange behavior. “No, nothing has changed in the last few days. We’re still waiting for intelligence, waiting for Familia to reel Borgia in, waiting for Gov Human to get their act together.”
“Very well, then I will return to my duties. Please let me know when there is some movement on any of those.”
“Of course. Umm, Loreli would like your help with dinner.”
She jerked a bit, then composed herself again. “Oh, no, I couldn’t. But thank her for me.” She nodded and shut the hatches in their faces.
Ruhger turned to Grant, who looked as puzzled as he felt. “What was that?”
Grant shook his head. “I don’t know. You know, Hal told me about this Old Earth vid, something about aliens invading human bodies. Do you suppose a Sa’sa invaded her? Or something else?”
Ruhger huffed. “Your imagination is wild, Grant. No. There’s something going on, but it’s not that.” He shook his head, slowly. “Guess we’ll wait and see.”
“Guess so.” Grant turned to the crew ladder. “I was really hoping you two were together. It would be nice if someone was getting something good out of all this waiting. We don’t even dare go to the station in case PE or someone worse is there. This is so boring.”
Ruhger sighed. Grant was right on more levels than Ruhger was comfortable admitting. He followed Grant up the ladder. There were always more folds to plan. What fun.