The mind does that, doesn’t it? Really bad stuff gets wiped out, so you don’t remember it. The next thing was that I was waking up in hospital with my mum at my bedside. She’s been wonderful, my mum. You’d have thought having to deal with me would have brought back all her depression, but it’s almost been the opposite. She’s been busy fighting on my behalf. She’s amazing.

But you know all about that. You were there on the panel that decided what to do with me, after I’d made a clean breast of everything. You heard how she said, and how the head at school said, I was of previously good character. He also started to say I’d been led astray, until I interrupted and gave him what for. The truth is, I still think I corrupted Ritchie. A bit like Lady Macbeth. Or maybe it was his mum who was like Lady Macbeth. Whatever.

So then you came into my life, my probation officer. I thought you’d be like some sort of prison-warder character, but you’re not. You’ve been more like a good mate. Which is why I’ve told you all this, every little bit of it. And I also told you because you said you’ll be there when Ritchie comes out of hospital, when he goes in front of the panel. You said you’d make sure he gets the best outcome. He never meant to kill his dad, just frighten him. That’s what he told me afterwards. I know there’s a risk of a custodial sentence because of the gun – listen to me! I can talk the talk now. Custodial sentence. Wouldn’t it be funny if I ended up doing law – me, the ex-criminal. Because I am an ex-criminal now. I’ve learnt there’s never a good reason for a bad crime.

I keep thinking what happened when I went to visit Ritchie in the hospital. I was out of there in twenty-four hours as I was only shocked and bruised. It wasn’t really a miracle. My seat belt saved me.

Ritchie wasn’t wearing his. That’s why I nearly lost it when I saw him, lying there with all those tubes and drips. He’d smashed some ribs and ruptured his spleen. His face will be badly scarred. Did you know, they don’t wipe the blood off your face, the nurses? That gave me a shock. When I first saw him, part of me just wanted to run. But then I thought, Come on, Anna. You can get through this. But it really got to me, seeing Ritchie smashed and useless in the hospital bed. Anyway, he was only concussed, not in a coma or anything. I was able to sit with him and hold his hand for ages. I was sitting there and thinking that he was in such a mess on the outside, but the mess inside was probably worse. He’d smashed himself up completely. His whole life was in pieces. I know it will take him time to reassemble them. He might come out quite different. I’m going to have to get to know him all over again.

He might not want to see me, I’m aware of that. I might remind him of a time he wants to forget. I also know I might not feel the same way about him. But I owe it to both of us to find out. Did I tell you my mum went to visit his mum? She’s been in touch with various people, and Ritchie’s mum is getting help – medical help, I mean. So when he comes out of hospital he can live with her to begin with. My mum’s also said that Ritchie’s dad has vanished from our area, but that’s good, as he hasn’t pressed any charges.

The funny thing is, I thought we were clever, doing what we did, outwitting everyone. I had us down as brave, streetwise, smarter than your average. But the real test of our courage starts now. Owning up and starting over is the hardest thing of all.

But I’m up for it.