TABITHA WET HER lips and tried to concentrate on what Letty was saying beside her in the warm kitchen of the Lantz house. She’d been distracted all afternoon by the experience of rescuing the puppies and the strange feeling she’d had when she and John had touched hands. It wasn’t like when Rob and I held hands—but, ach, how I miss him! That must be the reason for the awkwardness with John—I miss his best friend so much.
She looked up in time to see Matt and Esther Miller enter and then John. He slipped off his hat and coat. Barbara Esch made her way through the crowd with obvious grace and took his belongings from him to hang them on the pegs near the door. Then Tabitha watched as the other girl brushed beside John’s tall frame and he bent his dark head to listen to something she’d said. Tabitha was about to look away when John glanced up and their eyes locked across the busy room.
Tabitha had the same disorienting feeling she’d experienced at the pond and hastily decided that it was too warm in the kitchen. She stepped nearer to Letty, finally breaking eye contact with John, and suggested they go and help Frau Lantz with the refreshments.
Still, even as she passed around snowball cookies, delicate mounds of powdered sugar and diced almonds, Tabitha felt nervous for some reason. She wanted to both avoid John and ask him how the puppy was doing at the same time. Then the singing began; youths calling out song titles that all knew—some in High German and then relaxing later in the hour into English. Tabitha concentrated on the words, not letting her gaze roam around the room. She desperately wished to speak to Rob, to have a mooring for her anxious thoughts.
Then someone suggested that they play “Hide and Seek.” Tabitha wished Rob was here, the idea of kissing him giving her a small thrill, and her heart ached at his absence. So she ignored Letty’s encouragement to get outside and decided to help Frau Lantz wash up.
“Kumme, Tabby.” Letty nudged her. “Don’t you want to play?”
Tabitha shook her head and noticed Barbara Esch stretching on tiptoe to whisper in John’s ear.
“Nee, Letty, geh ahead. Have fun,” Tabitha insisted.
Letty reluctantly gave in and turned to fetch her wrap.
But Frau Lantz, Henry Lantz’s mamm, must have overheard and quickly came to Tabitha’s side. “Tabby, sei se gut, all must participate in the fun. Besides”—she indicated her sohn, standing across the room, with a gesture of her hand—“I’m making Henry play too.”
“But . . .” Tabitha began.
“Nee, I insist as hostess,” Frau Lantz smiled. “Geh outside.”
Tabitha was too polite to disagree and found herself swept along with the crowd outside to disperse in the dark, hoping desperately that she could hide herself from Henry. Sometimes in this game boys sought out girls they liked, and she had no desire to be alone with him.
She remembered that there was a tangle of raspberry bushes on the backside of the Lantz kitchen garden, and once she was free from the mellow light of the open kitchen door, she took off at a run to get to the spot, aided by the moonless night.
She found the bushes after a few missteps, then sank down into a ball on the ground, putting her head on her knees and longing for Rob.
John ignored the whispered instructions that Barbara had given him to meet her near the left side of the horse barn. Yeah, like that is gonna happen. Instead, he trained his keen eyes on Tabitha as she fled the slender fall of light from the door and saw that she was headed for the kitchen garden. She was also moving fast, obviously in an effort to avoid being alone with anyone.
John didn’t know the Lantz property well, but basically kitchen gardens and orchards were laid out about the same. He found himself among some low apple trees when he heard the first outraged squeak and then a firm, feminine “nee” somewhere in the near distance.
He sighed and turned around, hastily treading the dips between rows, so he wouldn’t crush any plants. Then he reached out and felt the scratch of new raspberry bushes against his skin and paused as Tabitha’s outraged whisper came to him in the dark.
“Henry!”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were right there. It’s so dark out tonight.”
“That’s it,” John said sternly, taking a step nearer the voices. “Get going, Lantz.”
“Ach, John,” Tabitha breathed in obvious relief. Then he felt her small frame bump into his side, and he automatically put his arm around her and felt her shiver.
I’d like to pound the kid.
Surprisingly Henry’s voice lowered to a sneer. “So that’s how things lie, is it? Don’t you think you’re a bit auld for her, John Miller?”
John thought fast—here, perhaps is the best answer for watching over Tabitha, to pretend that I’m intent on courting her. I could explain to Rob. The words were out of his mouth before he could think further.
“Ya, Lantz. So you know. Now geh.” John ignored Tabitha’s gasp and pulled her a bit closer. He listened as Henry stomped off through the plants, probably to seek some other girl, and minimally, to let it be known that Tabitha was unavailable.
“He’ll spread the news like wildfire,” John said softly, bending so that his chin brushed the top of her kapp. “There may be a benefit to Amish gossip after all.”
Tabitha opened her mouth to speak and found herself at a loss for words. Finally she asked upward in the dark. “But what about . . . Rob?” Was it her imagination, or did her love’s name come out sounding rather thin?
“What about him? He’ll think this is perfect.” John steered her deeper into the raspberry patch when a giggle sounded fairly close nearby. “Kumme, let’s hunch down here. They’ll bring out the lanterns soon, signaling that the game is over.”
Tabitha sank to the ground with him and sought for a diversion of some kind to speak of. Was John really asking to court her? The thought brought on a strange mix of emotions deep in her belly, and she swallowed hard.
“All will work out well, Tabitha,” John whispered. “In truth, Rob asked me to watch over you, and this will be the best way. We can pretend to be courting until Rob returns and then create some sort of believable breakup.”
“Ach,” Tabitha murmured, telling herself that it wasn’t disappointment that she felt at John’s explanation. Instead she focused on the fact that Rob loved her enough to want someone to watch over her. “Rob—he really asked that of you? He—he must care so much.”
“Ya,” John’s voice sounded tight. “Ya, he does. So, do you agree?”
“I—ya; I do.” But even as she spoke the words, she felt lost somehow but wasn’t sure why. She blinked in the darkness and wondered what else to say.
“They’re taking a long time with the lanterns,” John commented, and she heard him shift his position.
“Won’t Barbara Esch be wondering where you are?” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them and reached out, coming in contact for a brief moment with his sleeve. “I’m sorry, John. It’s none of my business.”
He laughed low, a deep throaty sound that seemed to reverberate down her spine. She ignored the feeling and focused on his words.
“Barbara will find some other . . . victim, I have no doubt.”
“But you said you took her sledding?”
“So I did,” he whispered. “But only as an excuse to rejoin the youth, and frankly, to be closer to you.” He cleared his throat. “Because of Rob, you see.”
She nodded. Because of Rob. That’s how it should be. Yet she was keenly aware of John beside her, and the loneliness she had felt earlier at Rob’s absence had disappeared. John was a good friend, to both of them. Certainly that’s all she was feeling at this moment—deep, abiding friendship.
Specks of lantern light appeared from the house, signaling the end of the game. Tabitha thought she heard John expel a long, relieved breath as he rose. She followed him as they emerged from the bushes.
“Stay close,” he bent down to whisper. “Remember, we have to make this convincing.”
She nodded, moving to stand at John’s side. At that moment Barbara appeared, her face illumined by approaching lantern light. When Barbara took a step toward them, Tabitha felt John’s hand slip into hers.
Barbara’s gaze dropped to their clasped hands. Then she looked up at John, her eyes cold and bitter. “It seems you have been keeping secrets, John Miller.”
John nodded, but didn’t say anything, only squeezed Tabitha’s hand tighter.
“And secrets are little more than lies in the dark.” Barbara cast a black look at Tabitha before whirling around.
As soon as everyone started for the house, John released Tabitha’s hand. He glanced down at her. “I’m sorry. I may have overstepped my bounds.”
“But it’s for gut reason,” Tabitha said quickly. “Because of Rob.”
John hesitated before he spoke. “Because of Rob.”
As Tabitha followed John back to the house, she knew she’d do good to remember to whom her heart truly belonged.
Rob knew it would probably shock his da to further distress if he could see him as he was dressed now. The English clothes—blue jeans, white button-down shirt, no hat—and Rob was anxious, a completely foreign feeling to him. He’d promised to meet Katie and her daughter at a local pizza place and had decided abruptly that he wanted to wear the different clothes. Almost as if I wished I fit into the English world—Katie’s world.
He knew his Da was supposed to move to the rehab therapy location the next day, and Rob’s time of stolen minutes in Katie’s company at the hospital would end. He felt lost somehow. Yet he knew in his heart that he had to find a life that he could share with Katie. She had been his anchor during Da’s recovery. When he’d had a relapse, he had sought comfort from her. Now Da was doing better, and Rob could relax his vigil a bit. Da had even told him to go home, that he would be fine by himself, as the community would take over his care once he returned home. But Rob couldn’t allow that. He couldn’t leave his da, and it was becoming clearer to him that he couldn’t leave Katie, either—even if it cost him being Amish.