‘I shouldn’t have asked you to the sleepover,’ Savvy says, hunched in the chair at Alice’s bedside. ‘I’d noticed you a few times at school – in art, in the cafeteria. I saw you with Keisha Carroll and I thought you were interesting. I thought it would be cool to get to know you, but it was a bad, bad idea. The others didn’t want you along; Yaz and Lainey especially. They said it would be awkward, because the three of you had been friends at primary and then drifted apart; they said you weren’t the kind of person I’d really get along with, that you were vain and annoying and full of yourself. They said you weren’t worth the trouble, but … well, I thought they were wrong. I didn’t want to listen.
‘That’s a fault I have, Alice. I don’t like being told what to do. I like to get my own way.’
She stops, shaking her head.
‘And then Erin said I was just playing games, messing with people’s lives, letting you think we could all be friends when really I had no intention of letting you into the group. You know Erin – she says what she thinks, even if it hurts. I don’t think I’d have let anyone else say those things to me, but Erin knows me well. I suppose she was right, in a way, Alice. I make new friends and then I lose interest in them again. You saw the photo wall in my bedroom. I’m fickle. I like new people. I like making new friends. I am always looking for the person who really understands me, sees past the surface, gets the “real” me. Do you know what I mean?’
Savvy sighs and rolls her eyes.
‘Oh, Alice, you can’t tell me, even if you do understand. I don’t even know if you can hear me at all. I feel kind of stupid, but … well, I have to say it. I need you to understand. I shouldn’t have asked you to the sleepover because it bugged the others; Yaz and Lainey especially.
‘What I’m trying to say is, I don’t think they were good friends to you, Alice. Not really. I think they were a bit envious maybe – a bit jealous – and they really, really didn’t want me bringing you into the group. I should have left it there, but I thought it might be fun to stir it up a bit, make them insecure. I didn’t care if you ended up in the middle of it, or if my friends felt threatened. You see? I am not a very nice person, Alice. I’m really not.’
Savvy hangs her head, and when she looks up again, her lashes are starred with tears. She twists her fingers together, drops her voice to a whisper.
‘Do you want to know the truth, Alice?’ she asks. ‘I thought you were interesting, sure, but that’s not why I asked you along on Saturday. I was using you. That’s the honest truth; that’s why I wanted you at the sleepover.
‘Remember I told you about that day I was out with Lainey and we bumped into Luke and Dex? I liked Dex from the start. I hinted that we should go out sometime; me and Lainey with Dex and Luke, but they didn’t seem all that bothered. I couldn’t pin them down. And then Luke started asking Lainey about you, Alice; whether you were still friends, whether you still did drama, whether you had a boyfriend. He was interested in you, really interested; and I was pretty sure that if I had a sleepover and asked you along, he’d come.’
Savvy sniffs and raises her chin.
‘So that was the reason, Alice,’ she says. ‘I was using you to get Luke to bring his friends along, to get to the boy I fancied. And I knew all along it would upset Yaz and Lainey. I knew it would cause trouble and I should have stopped it, but I didn’t. Erin was right – I was playing games, and it all went so, so wrong. I know you were angry with me, Alice, and you had every right to be …’
Savvy falls silent abruptly as Alice’s mum comes back into the room with the requested takeaway mocha with chocolate sprinkles.
‘Sorry I took so long,’ she is saying. ‘They didn’t have mocha on the menu, but I pointed out that if they can do a latte and they can do a hot chocolate, then they can definitely do a mocha – and they did! Here you are; I hope it’s OK.’
But Savvy is on her feet, wiping a hand across her eyes, grabbing her bag.
‘Savvy? What’s wrong? Where are you going?’
‘I’m sorry … I just can’t … it’s too upsetting!’ she blurts. ‘I shouldn’t be here!’
She pushes past Laura, her eyes streaming with tears.