To do Kegels, first identify your PC muscle. It’s the one you contract to stop urinating, or to squeeze out the last few drops. Stop your stream a few times to feel it. Contracting your PC muscle may also cause a tightening around the anus.
FIT FOR SEX
YOUR FITNESS, NUTRITION, AND LIFESTYLE CHOICES MATTER
No doubt, you’re familiar with these classic health recommendations:
▢Get regular exercise, the equivalent of at least a brisk, 30- to 60- minute walk each day.
▢Eat at least five daily servings of fruits and vegetables, less meat, fewer whole-milk dairy products, less junk food, and fewer sinful desserts.
▢Maintain the recommended weight for your height and build.
▢Reduce stress.
▢Get at least 7 hours of sleep a night.
▢Don’t smoke.
▢Don’t have more than two alcoholic drinks a day.
This advice has been trumpeted by the National Cancer Institute, the American Heart Association, and other health advocates for years. Yet according to recent studies by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, record numbers of American men (and women) are overweight, and only about one-quarter of Americans exercise regularly. Clearly, we’re not following this very basic health advice.
Maybe we would take it more seriously if doctors put a different spin on it. Has your doc ever mentioned that these recommendations also contribute to great sex? Surprisingly, this not-so-sexy health advice significantly boosts your libido, sexual functioning, and pleasure. It also leads to a longer, healthier life—so you have more years to enjoy great sex. “I’ve had longtime smokers as sex therapy clients,” says Great Sex advisory board member Dennis Sugrue, Ph.D. “Many have been shocked to learn that smoking and other bad health habits interfere with sex. One said he might have quit if he’d known.”
HEALTHY BODY, BETTER SEX
In both men and women, sexual function depends on the interaction of the nervous system (the body’s electrical wiring) and the cardiovascular system (your heart and blood vessels). All the recommendations mentioned above help keep both of these systems in top form.
Here’s why your nervous system deserves sexual kudos.
▢It allows you to experience the joy and beauty of erotic stimulation through all your senses—sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.
▢It enables you to be sexually responsive through its involvement in the release of certain hormones. When the body is relaxed and receptive to sex, erotic stimuli trigger the release of oxytocin for example, which is involved in sexual arousal and orgasm.
▢It directs blood where it’s needed most. Blood circulates throughout the body all the time. But the nervous system sends extra blood to specific sites based on need, for example, to the digestive tract after eating or to the genitals for sexual arousal.
▢It signals the smooth muscle tissue in the pudendal arteries to relax. These arteries supply blood to both men’s and women’s genitals. As this muscle tissue relaxes, the pudendal arteries open (dilate), allowing extra blood to produce erection in men and sexual excitation and vaginal lubrication in women.
The cardiovascular system is also crucial to great sex. Some reasons why:
▢A healthy heart pumps oxygen-rich blood around the body for all physical needs, including libido and lovemaking. A weakened heart cannot pump as effectively, so blood does not become fully oxygenated and oxygen has trouble getting into the body’s tissues. The result is loss of libido and decreased energy for sex.
▢Healthy blood vessels allow blood to flow freely. Enough blood can enter the genitals to produce erection in men and vaginal lubrication and engorgement of the vaginal lips, wall, and clitoris in women. Many of us, particularly if we’re over 40, have arteries narrowed by deposits called atherosclerotic plaques. These fatty, cholesterol-rich deposits develop along artery walls as a result of heredity, smoking, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, lack of exercise, and a high-fat, high-cholesterol diet. You don’t have to live a particularly “bad” lifestyle to suffer narrowed arteries. Four or five decades of a typical American diet and lifestyle are often enough—especially if you have a family history of heart disease or stroke. When the arteries that nourish the heart become severely narrowed, the result is cardiovascular disease—angina (severe chest pain), heart attack, or stroke. And when fatty deposits or plaques clog the pudendal arteries, they reduce blood flow to the genitals, contributing to erection impairment in men and loss of sexual responsiveness in women. According to Hank Wuh, M.D., author of Sexual Fitness, plaque-narrowed arteries are the leading cause of erectile dysfunction in men over age 50.
Beyond maintaining healthy cardiovascular and nervous systems, a healthy lifestyle has sex-enhancing emotional benefits as well. “Good health adds spring to your step,” Sugrue explains. “You feel energized and you project confidence and vitality, which makes you more sexually attractive.”
THE SEXUAL BENEFITS OF REGULAR EXERCISE
It’s indisputable. Study after study shows that exercise makes for better sex. Just a few examples:
▢Researchers at the University of California, San Diego, recruited 95 healthy but sedentary men, average age 47, into one of two exercise programs. One regimen focused on low-intensity, 60- minute walks four times a week. The other program consisted of an hour of aerobics four times a week. After 9 months, the men in both groups reported increased sexual desire and pleasure, but the aerobics group reported the greater increase in sexual energy and more fun in the sack.
▢Australian researchers surveyed 612 men about erection function and lifestyle. The more the men exercised, the less likely they were to suffer erectile dysfunction.
▢The Massachusetts Male Aging Study confirmed these findings in a study of 1,709 men over age 40. Those who exercised the most had the lowest risk of sex problems, notably erection impairment. “No question about it,” Wuh says, “physical fitness improves sexual fitness.”
So, what is it about hitting the weights or strolling around the block? More than you think. Exercise actually:
Improves bloodflow. It enhances the ability of your arteries to dilate, allowing extra blood to flow into the genitals and making for bigger, firmer, more reliable erections.
Controls cholesterol. Several types of cholesterol circulate in the blood, chiefly low-density lipoproteins (LDL) and high-density lipo-proteins (HDL). LDLs are bad because they supply the cholesterol that winds up in arterial plaques or deposits. HDLs are good because they remove cholesterol from the bloodstream. Exercise doesn’t necessarily reduce your total cholesterol, but it changes the mix—fewer bad LDLs, and more good HDLs—leading to fewer plaques or deposits in your pudendal arteries and more reliable erections.
Contributes to weight control. You don’t need me to tell you that when you slim down and shape up, your interest in sex soars and you enjoy it more. The same goes for your partner. Losing weight also makes you feel more attractive, which boosts your self-esteem, making you more attractive to potential lovers.
Boosts testosterone. Both men and women produce this hormone, which is responsible for sex drive. It takes only a tiny amount of testosterone to fuel a normal libido. Contrary to what you might think, extra testosterone has no additional sex-stimulating effect. But if your testosterone level slips below normal—and it may, especially as you age—your libido and sexual function suffer. For people with low levels, the testosterone-boosting effects of regular, moderate exercise can increase libido.
Reduces stress. Stress is a major cause of sex problems in both men and women. Exercise releases endorphins, the body’s mood-elevating compounds, which help you enjoy the deep relaxation you need for great sex. And exercise helps you recover more quickly from the sex-depressing effects of stress.
Makes you feel sexy. A Harvard researcher studied male swimmers aged 40 to 69. They reported more frequent lovemaking than sedentary men their age. Eighty percent also considered themselves “more attractive” than other men their age, a fact strongly supported by their partners. Their wives and girlfriends rated them even more attractive than the men rated themselves. University of Illinois researchers surveyed 401 adults about their exercise habits and self-perceptions. As their exercise increased, so did their feelings of well-being, feelings that contribute to libido and sexual satisfaction.
Makes you feel happy. Depression is a major sex killer. Many studies show that for mild to moderate depression, exercise is almost as beneficial as medication. At Duke University, 133 depressed adults were given a standard antidepressant (Zoloft), or a prescription for exercise (30 minutes of aerobics three times a week). After 6 months, 66 percent of the drug group had recovered. In the exercise group, the figure was 60 percent.
Helps you sleep. Let’s face it, how much great sex can you enjoy if insomnia has you walking around all day with your eyelids at half staff? In a Finnish study of various nondrug sleep promoters (exercise, hot baths, bedtime rituals, et cetera), participants rated exercise as the most effective way to get more reliable shut-eye. Which leads to more energy for other bedroom activities.
Helps offset other health sins. The Massachusetts Male Aging Study worked with 593 middle-aged men who were at risk for erection impairment because they smoked, drank heavily, were overweight, and didn’t exercise. The researchers encouraged the men to exercise regularly, and some did. Nine years later, compared with those who remained sedentary, the men who exercised regularly reported significantly less erectile dysfunction—even if they continued smoking, drinking, and didn’t lose weight. Of course, no one should smoke, drink heavily, or be obese. But this study shows that exercise has powerful sex-enhancing benefits, even for those whose lifestyles are associated with sexual impairment.
Makes her life easier . . . and, in turn, yours. Physical activity minimizes premenstrual syndrome, menstrual cramps, and the discomforts of menopause, thanks to the endorphins a woman’s body releases during physical activity.
Enhances orgasm. One subtle workout has been shown to increase the intensity and pleasure of orgasm. (See “The ‘Love’ Muscle”.)
Almost any type of regular, moderate exercise improves sex. The exception is serious cycling, which appears to increase risk of erection problems (for more details, see “The Bicycling Connection”). Unfortunately, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, only 25 percent of American adults exercise as much as they should—30 to 60 minutes of moderate exercise (walking, swimming, yoga, dancing) five or more days a week, or at least 20 minutes of more vigorous exercise (running, cycling, tennis, basketball) three or more days a week.
One reason so few Americans exercise is because most of us believe we have to sweat buckets to gain any benefits. Not so. All you have to do is incorporate more physical activity into your life. “The fitness gurus used to insist that we had to punish ourselves to become fit and healthy,” says Bryant Stamford, Ph.D., director of the Health Promotion Center at the University of Louisville School of Medicine in Kentucky. “But major health benefits come from exercise so modest that it doesn’t even feel like a workout.”
“We made a mistake telling everyone they had to engage in strenuous, aerobic workouts to obtain health benefits from exercise,” says Steven Blair, Ph.D., director of epidemiology at the Cooper Institute of Aerobics Research in Dallas. “For people who simply want to feel invigorated and enjoy better health, regular, moderate exercise is enough.”
Cooper Institute researchers divided 102 sedentary women, aged 20 to 40, into four groups. One remained inactive. The second engaged in leisurely strolls for 40 minutes a day, 5 days a week. The third walked briskly on the same schedule. The fourth engaged in strenuous aerobic exercise, also on the same schedule. The aerobics group experienced the greatest gains in cardiorespiratory fitness. But for general health benefits (control of blood pressure, cholesterol, and weight), the strollers and brisk walkers achieved the same benefits—with much less exertion.
So take a walk, ride your bike to the store, work in the yard, dance, roller blade, practice yoga, or do anything that appeals to you. Just do it often—ideally 30 to 60 minutes a day. And don’t overdo it, because exhaustion can kill libido and sexual ability, and depress testosterone levels to the point of sexual impairment.
As you plan your exercise program, don’t forget horizontal workouts. Sex is the exercise equivalent of strolling or light stretching. It burns 100 to 150 calories an hour, according to a study at the University of Rome. And it takes about as much energy as walking up two flights of stairs.
THE POWER OF YOUR PC
This is not where I encourage you to seek satisfaction in cyberspace. I’m talking about perhaps the most important muscle you can exercise in your quest for great sex—the pubococcygeus (or PC) muscle.
First, a little history: In 1948, urologist Arnold Kegel, M.D., noticed that many of his female patients complained of stress incontinence—they leaked urine when coughing, sneezing, even laughing. Kegel theorized that if these women strengthened their pelvic floor muscles, it might strengthen their urinary sphincters and keep them closed when necessary. So he developed exercises to condition these muscles, notably the PC muscle, which plays an important role in bladder control. The exercises worked. Many studies have shown that they improve bladder control significantly, often curing stress incontinence.
Dr. Kegel’s patients also reported another surprising benefit—more pleasure from orgasm. The reason? Orgasm involves PC-muscle contractions. As the PC becomes stronger, it contracts more forcefully, which makes orgasm feel more intense and pleasurable—for men and women.
Do both slow and quick Kegels, says Great Sex advisory board member Linda Alperstein, M.S.W., L.C.S.W. For slow Kegels, contract your PC and hold it for a slow count of three, then relax. For quick Kegels, contract and release your PC as rapidly as you can, then relax.
Begin by doing five slow contractions and five quick ones three times a day. Each week, increase the number of contractions you do by five. Your goal is to be able to do 50 slow and 50 fast three times a day, for a total of 300 contractions a day. Don’t increase the number of contractions more quickly than recommended, or you may suffer soreness in your groin.
You can practice Kegels almost anywhere. Typically, it takes a month or two of daily Kegel exercises to notice orgasm enhancement. Preliminary studies also suggest that Kegels help men with erection problems.
Another way women can tone their pelvic muscles is to “work out” with ben-wa balls. Sold as sex toys, golf-ball sized ben-wa balls come in pairs and are made of metal or hard plastic. Women insert them inside their vaginas and try to hold them in there, not during sex, but during everyday activities. Holding ben-wa balls inside requires strong PC muscles. At first, the balls fall out, so initially women should be discreet with them. But after a while, as their PC muscle becomes stronger, many women can hold ben-wa balls inside them without difficulty.
To do Kegels, first identify your PC muscle. It’s the one you contract to stop urinating, or to squeeze out the last few drops. Stop your stream a few times to feel it. Contracting your PC muscle may also cause a tightening around the anus.
THE SEXUAL BENEFITS OF A PLANT-BASED DIET
Want to do it like rabbits? Then eat like Bugs Bunny. So-called “rabbit” food—vegetables, fruit, and whole grains—offers sexual benefits like nothing else you put in your body.
It’s a myth that eating beef is manly. The saturated fat and cholesterol in meats is hell on erections, and on women’s sexual responsiveness as well. It contributes to deposits that narrow the arteries, limiting bloodflow into the genitals. (A meat-based diet is also associated with heart disease, many cancers, diabetes, and obesity.) Cholesterol and saturated fat are found in animal products: meats, egg yolks, and dairy foods. They also abound in fast foods, junk foods, fried foods, and rich desserts.
University of South Carolina researchers checked the cholesterol levels of 3,250 men, aged 25 and up, and then surveyed their sex lives. The higher the men’s cholesterol, the more likely they were to report erectile dysfunction. Compared with men with cholesterol below 180 milligrams per deciliter of blood (mg/dl), those with levels above 240 were almost twice as likely to report erection impairment.
South Korean researchers confirmed these findings. As blood levels of animal fat and cholesterol increase, so does the risk of erection impairment. In their study, the men with the most severe erection impairment had the highest intake of animal fat and cholesterol.
A high-fat, high-cholesterol diet also depresses blood levels of testosterone. University of Utah researchers tested the testosterone levels of male volunteers and then gave them a high-fat milkshake. A few hours later their testosterone levels had fallen by up to 30 percent.
To eat your way to better sex:
Eat less meat. This reduces erection-busting saturated fat and cholesterol. You don’t have to become a vegetarian, but the less meat—especially fatty meat—you eat, the healthier your cardiovascular system becomes. Oxford University scientists analyzed 395 studies on the effects of diet on blood cholesterol. Their conclusion: If you replace half the meat in your diet with fruits, vegetables, beans, and whole grains, cholesterol declines up to 15 percent. The most sex-impairing meats are the “red” ones: beef, pork, and lamb. Chicken and turkey are less sexually harmful as long as you don’t eat the high-fat skin. Also avoid poultry sausages, which are high in fat.
Eat more plants. Not just fruits and vegetables. Beans and whole grains are equally beneficial, especially if they substitute for high-fat foods. All this stuff is naturally low in cholesterol and high in antioxidant nutrients and fiber, both of which keep arteries healthy and free of deposits that limit bloodflow into the genitals. Getting the recommended five servings of fruits and vegetables a day is much easier than you think. Just make some stealth additions to your daily menu. Toss some berries or a banana in with your bran cereal for breakfast. Grab a salad or vegetable with lunch and dinner. Add one or two daily fruit or vegetable snacks. And whenever possible, choose whole-grain breads and pastas, and add beans to soups, casseroles, and pasta sauces.
Eat more zinc. Zinc “is one of the most important minerals for men’s sexual function,” Wuh explains. It’s involved in the production of testosterone and healthy sperm. Low levels contribute to infertility and sex problems. Zinc also plays an important role in women’s reproductive health. A deficiency is associated with miscarriage, stillbirth, and hazardously low birth weight. Good food sources include: whole grains, nuts, pumpkin seeds, beans, spinach, oysters, fish, and eggs.
Get multiple benefits. Every man and woman interested in sexual pleasure should take a multivitamin that includes vitamins A (as beta carotene or mixed carotenoids), C, and E, plus selenium and zinc. There’s a good reason why vitamins are called “supplements.” They are little extras, a form of nutritional insurance. Vitamins don’t substitute for a good diet and can’t undo the damage caused by a poor one. But if your diet isn’t quite what it should be, a multivitamin-mineral formula is an inexpensive way to supplement key nutrients.
THE SEXUAL BENEFITS OF WEIGHT LOSS
“To my utter amazement—and the delight of my girlfriend—I was suddenly imbued with the sexual energy of a 20-year-old lifeguard.” That was the unexpected benefit 44-year-old Newsweek magazine correspondent Thomas M. DeFrank discovered when, after years of dieting failures, the Duke University Diet and Fitness Center program helped him lose 47 pounds.
Testimonials like DeFrank’s prompted the Duke staff to survey the sexual effects of weight loss on 70 participants whose average age was 42. “Moderate weight loss (8 to 30 pounds) significantly improved the men’s sexual functioning and satisfaction,” says Ronette Kolotkin, Ph.D., a study author. “Participants said that losing weight boosted their libido, increased their frequency of intercourse, and enhanced their sexual enjoyment.”
It’s possible to be overweight and still enjoy great sex. But the research shows that weight loss improves it. Brown University researchers surveyed the sexual frequency and satisfaction of 32 obese women when they enrolled in a physician-supervised weight-loss program. They lost an average of 56 pounds. In a subsequent survey, more than half reported greater sexual frequency and satisfaction.
Weight control offers another crucial sexual benefit as well: less risk of diabetes—and its sex-impairing complications. Having diabetes doesn’t guarantee sex problems, but it increases the risk of erection difficulties in men and loss of vaginal lubrication and sexual sensitivity in women.
“Sexuality is one way the body celebrates its vitality,” Kolotkin explains. “Renewed interest in sex is the body’s way of saying ‘thanks’ for losing weight.”
THE SEXUAL BENEFITS OF STRESS MANAGEMENT
Everyone has a different definition of stress: a flat tire on the way to a World Series game, missing the flight to your sister’s wedding. But what is stress, really? “It’s change,” explains Paul Rosch, M.D., president of the American Institute of Stress, in Yonkers, New York, “anything that requires adaptation to a new situation.”
Stress-provoking changes include major disasters (divorce, job loss, or the death of a loved one), and minor annoyances (the doorbell ringing when you’re in the middle of three other things). Major accomplishments (a new job, getting married) can also be stressful. “The type of change is less important than the fact that your life has changed,” says Alan Elkin, Ph.D., director of the Stress Management Counseling Center in New York City.
In one survey, 60 percent of Americans said they felt “under significant stress” at least once a week. Stress is also one of the main causes of sex problems in both men and women. Stress:
▢Activates the “fight or flight” reflex that reduces bloodflow into the genitals.
▢Constricts the blood vessels, further limiting genital bloodflow.
▢Releases cortisol and adrenaline, two hormones that depress testosterone levels. Chronic stress may reduce testosterone to abnormally low levels, especially in people over 45.
▢Reduces brain levels of neurotransmitters involved in producing feelings of well-being.
▢Increases the risk of anxiety and depression, both major sex killers.
▢Increases the risk of cardiovascular disease. Compared with mellow ‘Type B’ individuals, stressed-out ‘Type As’ have a significantly greater risk of heart attack.
▢Depresses fertility in both men and women. In men, it decreases the number and quality of sperm. In women, it delays conception and increases the risk of miscarriage.
The antidote to stress is finding a way to manage it. Proven stress relievers include: exercising, meditating, getting a massage, laughing, taking hot baths, gardening, having a pet, visualizing relaxing scenes, and spending quality time with friends, family, or a lover. Incorporate one or more of these into your daily life. Ideally, combine them: Exercise with friends; bathe with your lover.
THE SEXUAL BENEFITS OF A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP
Blame it on Thomas Edison. Before electric light, most Americans took Ben Franklin’s advice: Early to bed, early to rise. A 1910 survey showed that the average American slept 9 hours a night. Then in 1913, Edison introduced his lightbulb. Americans continued to get up early, but they started staying up later—and sleeping less.
There is no ‘normal’amount of sleep. Individual needs vary. But psychiatrist William Dement, M.D., director of the Stanford University Sleep Disorder Clinic, says the vast majority of adults need at least 7 hours a night to function optimally. Many need 8 or more—and don’t get it. “When you need more sleep than you get,” saysDr. Dement, “you develop a sleep debt, just as you would if you spent more money than you have.”
Many people don’t sleep enough because they can’t. More than 100 million Americans experience occasional or chronic insomnia, which is why some 20 million of them are watching television at 2 A.M., according to the A.C. Neilsen Company, which tracks TV viewing. An estimated 40 million Americans suffer chronic sleeplessness. Ten million consult doctors for the problem. Half of the nation’s adults have taken sleep medication at some point in life, and millions use sleeping pills frequently.
The fatigue caused by insomnia has a negative effect on libido. It depresses testosterone levels. And it contributes to anxiety and irritability, which interfere with sex appeal. Insomnia has many possible causes, according to Peter Hauri, Ph.D., director of the Mayo Clinic Insomnia Program and author of No More Sleepless Nights. Once you know what causes your insomnia, it’s easier to beat. Try these solutions:
Avoid caffeine, especially after noon. Caffeine is a powerful stimulant. For some people, even a single cup of coffee in the morning contributes to sleeplessness. For many people, caffeine after lunch disrupts sleep.
Avoid alcohol, especially within an hour or two before you go to sleep. Alcohol disturbs sleep. And it takes about an hour for the effects of a drink to wear off. (A “drink” means one 12-ounce beer, one shot of 80-proof liquor, or a standard wine glass half full.) If you go to sleep with alcohol in your bloodstream, you risk waking up in the wee hours.
Be careful with other drugs. Many other over-the-counter and prescription drugs disrupt sleep. If you currently take any medications or you just started taking a new one, ask your physician or pharmacist if the drugs might disrupt sleep.
Stay well. Respiratory infections, chronic sinus conditions, and the flu can restrict your breathing, making it hard to fall asleep. Instead of decongestants, try a vaporizer, or elevating your head with extra pillows. Better yet, take care not to get sick. Conditions that cause pain (arthritis, injuries) also can disturb sleep. Pain medication before bed might help. Consult your doctor.
If you smoke, quit. Nicotine is a stimulant.
Consider your diet. High-fat foods are hard to digest and may disrupt sleep. And avoid large bedtime snacks. Small snacks before bed might not bother you, but many people find that large ones interfere with sleep.
Exercise regularly. Among its many sexual benefits, regular exercise promotes sound sleep.
Create a sleep-promoting bedroom environment. Light, noise, and a small, uncomfortable bed can keep you awake. If darkness helps you sleep, invest in black-out curtains or shades. If noise is a problem, try earplugs. You get the idea.
Cultivate regular habits. Going to sleep and waking up at different times disrupts the body’s natural sleep-wake rhythm. For a few weeks (including weekends), try to make your bedtime the same time every night. Set your alarm for the same time each morning.
Manage your stress. If you’re anxious, sleep suffers.
The cost of insomnia extends beyond the bedroom. Compared with normal sleepers, insomniacs are less productive, have more auto accidents, and report poorer health because sleep is critical to immune function. Sleep problems also contribute to sex problems.
In addition, if you snore, ask your lover to listen carefully. If your snoring is punctuated by choking silences, you may have sleep apnea. “Apnea” is Latin for “not breathing.” It’s surprisingly common, affecting some 18 million Americans, mostly men over 40. People with sleep apnea suck their airways closed when they snore. This deprives the brain of oxygen, which sets off a biological alarm, rousing the person enough to restore breathing. But that rousing disrupts sleep.
Sleep apnea also raises blood pressure and contributes to cardiovascular disease. Finally, sleep apnea depresses testosterone levels. According to a recent Israeli study, half of men with sleep apnea have testosterone low enough to cause loss of libido and sex problems. If you think you may have sleep apnea, see your doctor for an evaluation. Sleep apnea can be treated with a continuous positive airway pressure (C-PAP) machine. C-PAP devices include a mask that fits over your nose connected to a small pump that gently pushes extra oxygen into your lungs with each breath. C-PAPs prevent airway collapse and maintain a healthy blood oxygen level.
NEVER CONFUSE SEX AND SLEEP
What if you like the bedroom quiet and dark, but your honey can’t sleep without an open window that lets in noise and light? What if one of you likes a hard foam mattress, but the other prefers a waterbed? Many couples with very different sleep styles feel obligated to share the same bed. Perhaps it’s not worth it. Consider twin beds or different bedrooms. “You may have to endure some teasing from friends,” says Great Sex advisory board member Louanne Weston, Ph.D., “but who cares? You’ll both sleep better, and probably feel more loving toward one another, which can lead to better sex.”
THE SEXUAL BENEFITS OF NOT SMOKING—OR QUITTING
Cigarette advertisements portray smoking as sexy. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Since the mid-1980s, 19 studies involving 3,800 men have investigated the connection between smoking and erectile dysfunction. Researchers at the University of California, Irvine, analyzed their results. About one-quarter of Americans smoke. But among men with erection problems, considerably more are smokers—40 percent.
Smoking ravages your body in countless ways. Aside from causing insidious respiratory damage, it raises blood pressure and accelerates the growth of artery-narrowing deposits that reduce bloodflow to the genitals. It can damage nerve pathways, especially if you’re diabetic, wreaking havoc on the very system that helps you perceive physical pleasure. And if you smoke, research says you are more likely to suffer from other sex-impairing problems such as a sedentary lifestyle, obesity, and sleep problems.
Here’s the sexual good news about quitting: While your risk of lung cancer remains high for years after you quit, the sexual damage caused by smoking largely disappears within a few years after you stop.
If you smoke, talk with your doctor about quitting. Or read The No-Nag, No-Guilt, Do-It-Your-Own-Way Guide to Quitting Smoking, by Tom Ferguson, M.D., an ex-smoker. The book helps readers develop a quitting program that’s right for them.
THE SEXUAL BENEFITS OF RESPONSIBLE ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION
In Macbeth, Shakespeare wrote that alcohol “provokes the desire, but takes away the performance.” Truer words were never penned. Alcohol is by far the world’s leading drug cause of sexual impairment.
Alcohol contributes to sex problems in several ways.
▢Alcohol is a powerful central nervous system depressant. When people of average weight drink more than two beers, cocktails, or glasses of wine in an hour, it interferes with sexual responsiveness. (Again, a “drink” is one 12-ounce beer, one shot of 80-proof spirits, or a standard wine glass about half full.)
▢In small amounts—one drink a day—alcohol increases levels of good HDL cholesterol and helps prevent cardiovascular disease. But drink any more, and alcohol damages the arteries, limiting bloodflow into the genitals.
▢Compared with nondrinkers or light drinkers, people who drink to excess are more likely to smoke, get little exercise, have sleep problems, and eat a high-fat, high-cholesterol diet, all of which contribute to sex problems.
▢Finally, alcohol impairs judgment, increasing your risk of having unsafe sex.
If you drink more than two drinks a day, or if you ever binge on alcohol—five or more drinks in one sitting—consult your doctor for advice on drinking less.