Chapter 16
Early Sunday morning, three days after Amaryllis was admitted into the hospital and six days until Michelle and James’ wedding, Nicholas arrived at the hospital. Amaryllis’ doctor had just signed her release papers and was leaving the room as Nicholas was walking in. She was sitting on the bed, dressed and facing the window. Nicholas stood quietly for a moment and watched his daughter, wondering how anyone with a pumping heart could be so evil and do what she’d done.
“Amaryllis?”
His voice startled her and she turned to look at her father. “Hi, Daddy. I didn’t hear you come in. Where’s Michelle?”
“Why are you asking for her?”
“I thought she’d be the one to come and take me home.”
“After what you’ve done to her? Do you have any idea how you almost destroyed your sister?”
“Daddy, this kind of thing happens everyday. Michelle is a big girl. She’ll get over it.”
At her words, Nicholas was stunned. He knew Amaryllis was coldhearted, but to hear those words flow nonchalantly from her lips truly amazed him. “Amaryllis, when your mother and I divorced, Michelle and I moved to Las Vegas. I know I wasn’t a big part of your teenage and young adult years, so I need you to tell me what happened to make you behave this way.”
“You just answered your own question.”
“I’m to blame for you making folks’ lives miserable?”
Amaryllis didn’t answer her father. Instead, she asked a question of her own. “Why didn’t you bring me here to live with you and Michelle?”
“Amaryllis, I tried to get custody of you, but Veronica fought me tooth and nail.”
“You knew Veronica was screwed up in the head. I knew all about her running the streets and selling dope behind the house in the alley. Do you know that if I didn’t want to go to school, she didn’t make me?”
For the first time ever, Nicholas saw emotion in Amaryllis. Tears flowed from her lower eyelids.
“I’m sorry, Amaryllis. I will accept the blame. I could have visited more, but you are a grown woman now. I don’t care what kind of upbringing you had, what you did to Michelle was wrong.”
“I am who I am, Daddy.”
He stood and looked at her. From his suit’s interior jacket pocket, he withdrew a white envelope and gave it to her.”
“What’s this?”
“It’s a one-way ticket to Chicago. Your plane leaves in four hours. There’s a taxicab downstairs with all of your belongings waiting to take you to the airport.”
Nicholas turned to leave then stopped and turned around. “I wasn’t gonna say anything because Michelle asked me not to, but you need to know that you were as good as dead when the ambulance brought you here. It’s only by the grace of God that the waitress found you in time. When your sister was told that she was the only one who matched your blood type, she wasted no time offering her veins for your sake. And she didn’t stop there, Amaryllis.
“While you were in a coma, Michelle was here kneeling by your bed, praying for you. In spite of everything you’ve done to her, she still loves you. She took you into her home when you were broken and beaten. She bathed you, literally fed you with a spoon, nurtured you back to health and you show your gratitude by doing the worst thing a woman could ever do to her own sister. Every time I turn around, I hear about you doin’ tha fool. And every time I warned Michelle about getting too comfortable with you, she defended you. She trusted you, Amaryllis. Is your life that miserable that you can’t help but make everybody else’s life miserable too?”
Amaryllis looked at her father as though she wasn’t phased by anything he was saying to her.
“Do you feel any remorse? Have you any shame for the things you’ve done?” Nicholas didn’t wait for an answer, he knew what it would be anyway. “I’m late for church. Make sure you’re on that plane.”
Amaryllis watched her father leave and looked down at the airplane ticket. Something wet dripped on it. She looked at the ceiling for a leak but her vision was blurred. It dawned on her that it was her own tears dripping onto the ticket.
The nurse came into the room with a wheelchair and saw her. “Why the tears? You’re supposed to be happy to leave this place.”
When Amaryllis got down to the cab, she gave the driver the address to Praise Temple Church of God.
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I have specific instructions to take you directly to the airport,” the driver reported.
“How much did he pay you?”
“Fifty bucks.”
“I’ll double it.”
Amaryllis entered the sanctuary and saw Bishop Graham preaching in the pulpit. She saw Michelle sitting on the right side of the church on the second pew from the front. Next to her sat Nicholas with his arm around her shoulders. James was sitting in the pulpit and saw Amaryllis the moment she came into the sanctuary. He tried his best to get either Nicholas’ or Michelle’s attention, but they had their eyes fixed on Bishop Graham.
Amaryllis walked in and sat down on a pew at the rear of the church. She looked at James who had his eyes fixed on her, then she turned her attention to what Bishop Graham was saying. He was at the height of his sermon entitled, “Don’t Settle.”
“For your entire life, you’ve been searching for love in all the wrong places. You thought love was in the casinos, but it wasn’t. You thought love was in married men’s and women’s beds, but it wasn’t. You thought love was in the nightclubs, but it wasn’t,” Bishop Graham preached.
Amaryllis glanced around the church to see if anyone was looking at her. Bishop Graham was hitting home and she wondered how much more of her business he was going to tell.
“Have you ever thought about the mess and dirt you’ve done and God still seems to keep His hand on your life? Some of us know that we should’ve been dead long ago, but God kept us because He loves us.”
The saints were on their feet rejoicing. Bishop Graham was pacing the pulpit as he raised his voice. The organist accompanied him. The louder Bishop Graham preached, the louder the organist played.
“My brothers and sisters, I came to tell you today that you can bind your sin in the name of Jesus. Matthew, chapter sixteen, verse nineteen says, ‘I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven; and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.’
“The word bind means to hinder or to restrict. You’ve got the power to bind and to loose. The enemy has a way of making you feel like there’s no hope for you when you’re going through a particular situation. But you can bind that devil that hinders you and loose the blessings of God upon your life.”
The congregation was in an uproar. Amaryllis found that she couldn’t sit any longer. She joined the saints on their feet and applauded what Bishop Graham was saying.
“Isaiah, chapter fifty-four, verse seventeen says, ‘No weapon formed against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.’ That means that anything the devil throws your way shall not prosper. Tell yourselves, I’ve got the power to bind every devil that attaches itself to me.”
A man standing next to Amaryllis started to dance. She moved out of his way and he danced into the aisle. Tears started to stream down her face as she watched the saints rejoice.
Bishop Graham kept on preaching. “Ephesians, chapter three, verse twenty says, ‘Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.’ That means that if you trust God, He is able to keep you from falling into the enemy’s grip because you have His power in you.”
Suddenly, Amaryllis started jumping up and down repeating the words, “I’ve got the power, I’ve got the power.”
Bishop Graham slowed his heart rate and stood behind the podium and looked out at the congregation. “I don’t know who I’m talking to, but I’m talking to somebody in here today. God wants you to know that any stronghold of the enemy cannot attach itself to you if you bind it with His word. Anything the devil puts on you or against you, bind it in the name of Jesus; by the blood of Jesus.”
Amaryllis’ smeared black mascara made her look like a raccoon, but she didn’t care. She knew that it was God who had brought her here today. Her initial reason for coming to the church was to confront Michelle and cause a scene. She wanted to disrupt the service and bring shame to her father. But what was meant for evil was turned for good.
“Young man, you don’t have to keep taking drugs. Young lady, you don’t have to sell and misuse your body. There is a better life for you. To loose means to set free. You have the power and authority to loose yourself from the enemy’s plan. Today, I want to encourage God’s people and to let you know that the power of God is in you and you don’t have to let the devil walk up and down your back. But you can stand flatfooted and let the devil know that he is a liar and the truth is not in him. Know that you are the righteousness of God and you are a joint heir with Jesus Christ.”
Amaryllis began to holler out “Amen” and “Thank You Jesus.”
“Know ye that the Lord, He is God. Tell yourselves that you won’t accept weakness and you won’t accept defeat. You can accept the greatness of God that is upon your life. Somebody say, ‘Yeah.’”
“Yeah!” the church echoed.
“Shout, ‘Yeah.’”
“Yeah!”
Bishop Graham hooped. “Saaay, ‘Yeeeaaahhh.’”
Amaryllis felt the Holy Spirit all over her. Unable to contain herself, she moved out into the center aisle and ran to the front of the church and threw herself at Michelle’s feet. Amaryllis wrapped her arms around her sister’s legs and it caused Michelle to stumble. She looked down at Amaryllis who was crying and begging for mercy.
“I’m sorry, Michelle, please forgive me. I’m so sorry. I love you, I love you, please forgive me. Please don’t turn from me, Michelle, I need you. I need my sister. I ain’t got nobody else. Don’t nobody love me like you. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”
Michelle was crying too. She had already forgiven Amaryllis in her heart, but set her mind to believe that if she never saw her sister again, it wouldn’t bother her. But right now, seeing Amaryllis beg for mercy, softened Michelle’s hardened heart and she decided not to let the enemy win. At that moment, she was determined to have a relationship with her only sister. She bent down to help Amaryllis stand. She looked into her eyes and saw sincerity and humbleness. Michelle pulled Amaryllis into her arms and squeezed her tight. “I’ve already forgiven you.” Michelle guided Amaryllis to the altar and stood in front of Bishop Graham. “Bishop, my sister is seeking forgiveness from the Lord. Can you please pray for her?”
Before Bishop Graham honored Michelle’s request, Amaryllis spoke. “No, that’s not what I’m standing here for.”
Both Michelle and Bishop Graham looked confused and he asked Amaryllis a question. “If you’re not here seeking prayer, then how may I help you, my daughter?”
Amaryllis was crying uncontrollably, but she managed to pull herself together. “I need you to tell me what I gotta do to get into heaven. What do I need to do to be saved?”
Michelle’s eyes rolled to the back of her head and she fell to the floor. James ran out of the pulpit to see about her. Nicholas went to Amaryllis and wrapped his arms around her and cried.
The entire church sent praises up to God.
Two hours later, Amaryllis was sitting in the airport, waiting for her flight number to be called. The church had given her a small Bible as a token of love. She was glancing at scriptures when someone from behind approached her. “Hello, saint.”
Amaryllis looked over her shoulder and saw Michelle. She stood and faced her. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
Ordinarily, because of security, Michelle wouldn’t have been allowed at the boarding gate without a ticket. She told the security guard that she was an attorney and her client was about to board a plane, but she had crucial information that she needed to share with her client. The guard reluctantly allowed Michelle through.
“I couldn’t let the newest member of God’s family leave without giving her a proper good-bye, could I?”
Amaryllis stood in front of Michelle. “Thanks, Michelle. That means a lot to me.”
Michelle fought back tears. “Listen. In spite of what happened, we are still sisters, you hear me? I told you that we only got each other, so we gotta take care of one another.”
Amaryllis’s eyes also started to flood. “How can you still love me after what I’ve done?”
“Amaryllis, no one in this world is perfect. Now that you have a Bible, I want you to read Colossians, chapter three, verse thirteen. It tells us that if we don’t forgive others, we won’t be forgiven by God.”
Just that morning, Amaryllis had crassly told Nicholas that Michelle would get over the hurt she had caused her. Now she had a change of heart. “Yeah, but still, I’ve done some evil things to you. I can’t imagine that I’d be as forgiving if I were in your shoes, Michelle.”
“It comes with growth. In time, you’ll get there.”
Amaryllis’s flight number was called. “Well, I guess that’s my cue.”
Michelle helped her gather her bags. “Make sure you find a church home when you get back to Chicago.”
Amaryllis placed her carry on bag on her shoulder and stood still looking at Michelle.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Michelle asked.
“Because we look almost identical, but we’re so different.”
“Bishop Graham told you that you have the power to change that.”
“Michelle, you are a great example for me to follow in this walk with God and I love you for who you are. If I can be half the woman you are, my life would be just about perfect.”
That statement brought more tears to Michelle’s eyes and she hugged Amaryllis again. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
They held each other for a long thirty seconds, then Amaryllis’ zone number was called and it was time for her to board. Michelle broke the embrace and held Amaryllis’ face in her hands.
“I’m proud of you, little sister.”
Tears spilled onto Amaryllis’ cheeks as she turned and walked away. When she got to the boarding door that led to the airplane, Michelle called her name and Amaryllis turned around. Michelle stood with a tear-stained face and she could hardly get her words out.
“I need a maid of honor for this Saturday. Do you know anyone who may be interested?”
Amaryllis immediately dropped her bag and ran into her sister’s arms. The boarding clerk approached Amaryllis and tapped her shoulder. “Excuse me, Miss, that was the last call. You must board the plane.”
Michelle took Amaryllis’ ticket from her hand and gave it to the boarding clerk. “She’s not boarding this plane. Can you change the date of this ticket to next Sunday?”
At first, the airline refused to unload Amaryllis’ baggage because it would delay the plane. Amaryllis finally got to see her big sister do her thang. After Michelle clowned in the airport and threatened to sue, Amaryllis’ baggage was released and brought to her feet.
Outside, the two sisters were greeted by a white stretch limousine. The driver opened the back door for them and Michelle got in first.
When Amaryllis stepped in, she saw both Nicholas and James seated. “What’s going on?” Amaryllis asked.
“Daddy’s taking us all out to dinner.”
Amaryllis looked at her father. “Thank you, Daddy.”
Nicholas smiled. “You’re welcome, Baby Girl.”
For years, Amaryllis longed to be acknowledged by her father and Michelle was glad that he’d finally given her the right nickname. Amaryllis looked at James. What could she possibly say that would make things right between them? She would just have to speak from her heart. “James, I don’t know what to say that could make up for what I’ve done to you. There really are no words that would express how sorry I am.”
On the seat next to James lay a dozen roses. He picked up the bouquet and gave them to her. “This is a day of new beginnings, Amaryllis, so I want to present these roses to the second most beautiful woman in the world.”
Amaryllis remembered what happened the last time James called her beautiful and gave her a rose. She also knew what he meant by new beginnings: their friendship.
Two weeks after Amaryllis had returned from Las Vegas, she and Bridgette were on their way home after putting in twelve hours at the law firm. Amaryllis was grateful her position as an administrative assistant was still available after three months. Truly God had covered her completely. They were at a stop light on Bomer Avenue when Amaryllis looked to her left and saw Holy Deliverance Baptist Church. She thought of Randall and wondered if he was inside. She remembered that Monday nights were men’s ministry at the church.
“Bridgette, turn right and park.”
Bridgette looked at her. “For what?”
“I wanna see if Black is in the church. There’s something I need to do.”
Bridgette thought Amaryllis was up to her old tricks. “Amaryllis, you’ve finally gotten your life together. Why do you wanna start some mess? The man is happily married with a family.”
“Will you just turn and park this car?”
Bridgette reluctantly parked and Amaryllis got out of the car. She entered the church and walked through the sanctuary door. Randall was standing facing her, talking to about fifty men and boys. He saw her face and stopped in mid-sentence. Everyone turned to see what had captured his attention and saw a beautiful woman. He motioned for a deacon to come to him. “Deacon Jones, can you take over for me?”
Randall walked out into the vestibule and stood in front of her. “Hi.”
“Hey, how are you?” Amaryllis asked nervously. She wanted to turn and run out of the church, but now that she was there, she had to execute what she came to do.
“Fine, thanks. What brings you by?”
“Bridgette and I were on our way home from work and I saw the church and thought about you. I just wanted to stop in and say hello.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. It’s been what, about a year and a half since I’ve seen you? You look beautiful, as usual.”
Amaryllis looked at the man she had once shared a home with for two years. He was even more handsome than she remembered. Marriage looked good on him. “You look good too, Black. Husbandhood certainly agrees with you.”
Randall smiled. “Now, there’s a name I haven’t heard in a while. You’re the only one who’s ever called me that.”
“Well, you’ll always be Black to me.”
Randall stared at Amaryllis and noticed something different about her mannerism and character, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was.
“Why are you looking at me like I’m an abstract art painting?” Amaryllis asked after noticing Randall’s stare.
“There’s something different about you.”
Amaryllis was hoping Randall could see her light shining before she told him her good news. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, it’s like you’re glowing or something.”
Amaryllis smiled and she couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Black, I’ve got a testimony, a confession, an apology and a request.”
At the word testimony, Randall’s eyebrows shot up in the air. “A testimony? What do you know about testifying, Amaryllis?”
“I’m getting ready to tell you. Recently, I was visiting my sister, Michelle, in Las Vegas when something happened to me that almost killed me. I was in a coma for a few hours and the doctors thought I wasn’t gonna pull through.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?”
“I’d rather not say, but I was doing things I had no business doing. But God touched me and woke me up.”
Randall’s eyebrows rose again. “What did you say?”
“I said God pulled me through.”
Randall had to walk away from Amaryllis. He got about ten feet away then turned around and came back and stood in front of her. She was talking like a saint, and if it was one thing Randall knew about Amaryllis, it was that she was no saint. “What are you saying, Amaryllis?”
“I’m saying that in Las Vegas, I got saved and sanctified, Black. That’s my testimony.”
Randall’s mouth dropped wide open. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. When I got back from Vegas, I joined Progressive Life-Giving Word Cathedral in Hillside and was baptized by Apostle Donald L. Alford. I even got Bridgette going to church with me and we both gave up gambling.”
She was blowing Randall’s mind, and again, he walked away from her and came back. He reached out and hugged her. “Amaryllis, that’s wonderful. I always prayed that you’d come to know and love God. Welcome to the family.”
“Thanks, Black. It feels good to be a part of the family. But now I have a confession.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“I don’t want you to interrupt me until I’m done. This is new and hard for me, and if I stop, I don’t think I’ll be able to finish.”
“Okay.”
Amaryllis took a deep breath and let it out. “When we were living together, I was sleeping with a guy name Darryl for money. The guys that trashed your car were his posse. He set that up for me because I was mad at you for cutting off my gambling money.” She studied Randall’s face, but he showed no sign of anger. “I turned your cell phone off the night that young man, Brandon, came here to the church looking for you. I did that so Cordell couldn’t contact you and change your mind about going with me to Veronica’s house. And I erased the message he left for you. I got you drunk that night on purpose. I knew Veronica spiked the punch and I deliberately didn’t tell you. So, I’m the reason you almost lost your job.”
Amaryllis was bringing back serious memories. Listening to her speak of the past caused Randall to reflect back to the time when he spent an evening at her mother’s house. Randall drove trains for the Chicago Transit Authority. He remembered drinking gin and juice when he thought it was punch. The next day Randall was so incoherent, he derailed a train.
Amaryllis kept looking at his face, but he didn’t twinge. “A lady from Brandon’s family called to tell you about his funeral arrangements, but I told her that she had the wrong Randall Loomis and to not call back, so I’m the reason you missed his funeral. And the evening that Cordell came over to take you to church, I purposely walked into the kitchen naked. I planned it that way.”
At the mention of Brandon, something tugged at Randall’s heart. He’d met Brandon on a train one morning and befriended him. Randall didn’t know at that time that Brandon was troubled. The day Randall met Brandon, he invited him to men’s night. But because Amaryllis threw a hissy fit about Randall spending too much time at church and not enough quality time with her, Randall didn’t keep his word with Brandon. When Brandon arrived at the church that evening, Randall was nowhere to be found. Because Brandon felt that Randall had stood him up, he left the church despondent. Brandon had lost one of his jobs earlier that day and when he got home, he found his three younger siblings had been removed from their home by DCFS. And to make matters worse, Brandon found his mother dead.
The next morning, Randall read in the newspaper that Brandon was found dead due to a single gunshot wound to the head. At the time, the police assumed it was suicide. Randall felt responsible for Brandon’s death and his family’s misfortune. He got himself together and left Amaryllis alone for good. Randall met and married a lady named Gabrielle who was barren. Together, Randall and Gabrielle adopted Brandon’s younger siblings and were now living a happy and fulfilled life.
Randall was cool as a cucumber and Amaryllis couldn’t believe how calm he was.
“There were times when your mother called for you and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you talking to her.” Amaryllis saved this bomb for last because she thought it would send Randall over the edge. But still he showed no emotion. “I’m done, Black.”
Randall was extremely calm. “Okay.”
“Okay? That’s all you have to say?”
“What’s there to say, Amaryllis?”
“I don’t know, but say something. I just confessed to everything I’ve done to hurt you. Don’t you wanna yell or something?”
“Nope. What purpose would that serve?”
“Well, I’m sorry, Black. I’m sorry for gambling, for prostituting my body, for cheating on you, for destroying the expensive Bible you bought me, for keeping you away from your mother, for all the lies I told you, for going to church with you and acting like a fool, for putting Cordell in awkward positions, for jeopardizing your health and job, for causing you not to be the mentor you needed to be for Brandon, for taking your furniture and selling it, for making you feel bad about going to church, for taking your love for granted, for not appreciating you the way I should have and for not being the woman you needed me to be.”
By the time Amaryllis was done apologizing, her face was streaked with mascara. Randall was messed up too. For so long, he had prayed that Amaryllis would come to a point of maturity and take responsibility for her actions. Even after they separated, he had continued praying for her.
He wiped tears from his own eyes. “You said you had a request, what is it?”
With the history she and Randall shared, Amaryllis knew she had no right to ask this of him, but she couldn’t leave this church and go on with her life until Randall released her. “I need you to forgive me, Black; for everything.”
Randall pulled her into his arms and hugged her. “Amaryllis, everything you just confessed to, I already knew. You were forgiven a long time ago.”
It felt good to be in his arms again and this time, unadulterated. “Thanks, Black. I needed to hear that.”
“You’re welcome, Precious.”
She looked up at him. “What did you call me?” Amaryllis asked stunned that he had referred to her by the nickname he’d given her.
“You’ll always be Precious to me,” Randall smiled.
They looked at each other and held a smile, then Amaryllis pulled away. “I should be going. You need to get back to your session and Bridgette’s outside waiting.”
She turned and walked toward the door. When she put her hand on the doorknob, Randall called out to her. “Precious, can I give you some advice before you go?”
“Sure, Black, what is it?”
“Now that you are a part of God’s family, He wants to use you for His glory. Let Him do it. He’s getting ready to turn your life upside down and inside out. It won’t always feel good, but the outcome is well worth the growing pains. There are gonna be times when the enemy will come at you so strong that you won’t know what hit you. But I promise you that if you keep your face in God’s face, He’ll protect you.
“Whatever is in your past should remain in your past. It doesn’t matter what you did before you decided to trust God with your life. He’s forgiven you and it’s important that you forgive yourself, because if you don’t do that, you’ll always beat yourself up over what’s in the past. Understand that God has started your life over with a clean slate, so live it to its fullest.”
Randall walked closer to Amaryllis and looked her in her eyes. “Beware of destiny preventers and dream killers. Folks are going to come to you and remind you of the things you used to do. Just know that they are working for the enemy and are trying to make you think that you’re not worthy of God’s love. No matter what anybody says or throws in your face, know in your heart that you are now a child of the King.
“And don’t be afraid of trials. Learn to expect them because they will definitely come. It’s how you handle them that makes all the difference. Remember that you have the power of the Holy Ghost to help you through anything. I encourage you to stay in the Word of God because it’s your weapon. Make sure you read it daily. And lastly, never, ever, under any circumstances, underestimate how low the enemy will go to destroy you. He’s smart and always on top of his game. He knows your weaknesses and will come at you from every angle. Stay alert at all times and never turn your back on him because he’s not to be trusted. Remember to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Keep in mind that God protects you from all hurt, harm and danger. And tell yourself everyday that with God, you can make it through anything.”
Amaryllis was outdone. She felt like this was a sermon written just for her. She had come full circle. “Thanks, Black. Those words will stay with me forever.”
She walked out of the church and was going down the steps toward Bridgette’s car when the church’s neon sign lit up and she stopped to read it.
Holy Deliverance Baptist Church
Bishop Cordell Bryson, Pastor
Minister/Elder Randall Loomis,
Assistant Pastor
Minister, Elder, Assistant Pastor? Amaryllis was surprised and she wondered when Randall had been called into ministry. She turned around and saw Randall standing at the top of the church steps smiling at her.
She returned his smile, then walked down the church’s steps and out of Randall’s life with a determination to stay on the right path.