GABE’S FINGERS TRAILED across Zoe’s shoulder as he pulled back and stood. He covered her. What he’d experienced with Zoe had never happened to him before. He had always thought of himself as a generous lover and seen to his partner’s release, but he’d never given anyone the attention he had given her. He’d not worried about his own desires but hers instead, determined that Zoe understood all he felt.
She was special. Very. If she was willing, he wanted to work something out. Find a way they could stay together after the baby. When the time was right he would talk to her about it. See if she felt the same way. But still he worried he couldn’t give her all she wanted. Could he be that present husband and father she dreamed of? Was he willing to find the balance in his life that would make it work?
He headed for the shower. It would be a cold one tonight. Sometime later he turned off the lamp and crawled under the bedcovers, pulling the warm, sleeping Zoe to him. With a sigh he drifted off to sleep. This was too right.
* * *
It was still dark when Zoe’s warm bottom rubbed against him. In an instant his body responded.
“Mmm...” Zoe murmured, before she turned to face him, her hand resting on his chest.
Gabe wasn’t sure she was awake but he certainly was.
Zoe slid her hand up his chest and behind his neck. When she kissed his chest he sucked in a breath.
“You awake?” Her sleep-laden voice sounded so sexy.
“Yes, honey. I’m awake.” And in pain.
“Honey.” She kissed his chest again. “I like it when you call me that.”
Gabe brushed his hand over the lower part of her back. He’d never called a woman that before.
“I like it,” Zoe mumbled. “And I like you.”
“I like you too.” His lips found hers.
She pulled closer, moving and shifting so the baby pressed more into his side than on his middle. Her mouth opened for him. Gabe took her invitation. His tongue found hers, performing an erotic dance that was theirs alone.
“If you continue that, I won’t keep my promise to just hold you.”
“I’d like being held but I like other things too.” Her hand moved lower.
“Are you sure?” If she continued, he would do anything she asked.
Zoe pulled his face to hers, kissing his eyes, his cheek, his chin before her lips found his. She squirmed, brushing against his arousal. That was more than Gabe could take. He rolled Zoe to her back and braced himself over her on his hands.
Gently, he entered her. Zoe lifted her hips, helping him to settle deep in her. As he entered and withdrew in the age-old manner, Zoe hissed while her fingers gripped his shoulders as he moved. His lips found hers. He increased the pace. She squirmed beneath him as if trying to work closer. With uncertain control, he built their pleasure until Zoe moaned and the tension in her relaxed. Gabe thrust a few more times, before he groaned his release. He fell to Zoe’s side and pulled her close, kissing her shoulder. Would life ever be this good again...?
The buzzing of his phone woke him. He was needed at the hospital. Only hazy sunlight was coming through the windows when he slid out of bed. Minutes later he was ready to leave when he leaned over and kissed the still sleeping Zoe. He wanted to climb back in beside her but he was being pulled away. He took a moment to watch her. Would it always be this way for him? Leaving her behind? What was he allowing to happen? If he could stop it, would he?
But what would he have missed if Zoe hadn’t come into his life?
With the tip of his finger, he pushed a stray lock of hair off her cheek and forced himself to walk out of the room.
Zoe woke to cool sheets beside her, but the hot memories of the night before had her whole body still tingling. The room was bright with light. She jerked to a sitting position. Apparently she had overslept. She didn’t ever do that. Making her way to her room for her phone, she called in and told the office she would be in soon.
She stepped into the bath and saw the bag sitting on the counter. Unable to resist, she peeked inside. A smile spread across her face. How like a man. Not wanting to spoil Gabe’s surprise, she took the bag to the kitchen and placed it on the table. On the counter, she found a note.
Honey, I’ll bring dinner home.
Honey. The word was like golden sunshine on a cloudy morning.
Zoe went through the day with a smile on her face. More than one person at her office commented on how happy she looked. She just smiled and kept her reason to herself. Saying why might make it disappear, and even if she did, what could she say? That she was in love with a man she wasn’t sure was in love with her. Their relationship wasn’t any more secure than it had been before. With her past, she’d learned the bitter lesson that not everything was always the way it appeared.
Gabe invaded her thoughts in every spare moment. Had they turned a corner where things would be different between them? Could they, would they find a future? Did Gabe want to? The baby was a life-changing event in their lives and she couldn’t help but hope last night had been as well.
He’d given so completely, been so tender and caring during their lovemaking. There had been none of the frenzy of their first time, but the experience had been just as satisfying. The night had included passion but it had been wrapped in caring, sharing, getting to know each other on a level like never before. Had Gabe been expressing his feelings through his actions?
She could only hope. Yet a nagging fear remained that it might go away in the reality of everyday life. Zoe pushed away the negativity, determined to enjoy what they had shared and what she hoped would be between them in the future. She planned to make the most of Gabe’s attentions for as long as they lasted, even if it was only for a few months. Her mother’s illness and her father’s defection had taught her not to take any day for granted. She would grasp all the happiness she could.
* * *
It was late afternoon when she arrived home. As she suspected, Gabe wasn’t yet there. It was such a nice day and she’d been inside too much of it, so she planned to take a walk around the neighborhood. Zoe had reached the bottom of the driveway when Gabe pulled in.
Her heart fluttered just at the sight of him.
He stopped and rolled down the window. “Hi.”
Zoe couldn’t help feeling nervous and a little shy. “Hey.”
He watched her too closely for her comfort. “What’re you up to?”
“I was going for a walk.” She shifted from one foot to the other.
Gabe smiled. “Give me a sec and I’ll go with you.”
She wasn’t sure but she was afraid she might have looked at him as if he was from another planet. That had been the last thing she’d expected out of his mouth. “Won’t dinner get cold?”
“It’ll need to be warmed up anyway.”
“Okay.” Wasn’t this the man who’d said he didn’t have time for family? Now he was home early, with dinner in his hand, and he wanted to go for a walk? It was too good to be true.
He continued on up the drive. She walked behind him and waited at the porch while Gabe parked. Zoe watched as he strolled toward her with a sense of pride. Gabe was a tall, handsome male with a swagger of confidence that made him even sexier. The collar of the light blue shirt that matched his eyes was open and the sleeves were rolled up on his forearms. His pants were classic and fit him to perfection. All of this magnificence was hers. Gabe could be any woman’s dream, but he was hers to enjoy.
When he reached her, he smiled and took her hand. “So how was your day?”
She was still uncertain around him. After all the emotion of the night before, he seemed so calm when she was still walking as if on clouds. “Good. I stopped by to see Mom on the way home. She’s doing about the same. How about yours?”
“The usual—but I do have some news I think you’ll like.”
She looked at him. “What?”
“The committee agreed to list Mr. Luther.”
She grabbed his arm, stopping him. “That’s wonderful. Thank you!” She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him.
He pulled her close. “None of it was really my doing. The committee all voted yes after the social worker and psychiatrist had spoken to him. He assured them that he’d do what he needed to do.”
“Still, you were the one who agreed to see him in the first place.” If she had believed him wonderful before, he was her hero now.
“You’re welcome.”
Gabe was so humble about what he did for other people. Just another reason she was crazy about him.
They continued down the sidewalk, their hands clasped between them.
“You know, I’ve never taken you for a person who might enjoy a walk around the neighborhood. But I like it that you came with me.”
“I can be full of surprises.” Gabe squeezed her hand.
He was. Just a few weeks ago she would have sworn this day would never happen.
They walked a couple of blocks and turned around. As they did so, Gabe said, “I called my mother today. Told her we were having a boy. She was excited. Said she was looking forward to meeting you.”
What did his mother think about their situation? “I look forward to meeting her too.”
That worrying thought was interrupted by someone calling, “Hi.”
Zoe looked to see an older couple standing near a manicured flower bed.
She and Gabe stopped.
The balding man, followed by his wife, stepped closer to the walk. “You must be our newest neighbor. The one who moved into the brick house with the curved drive.”
“Yes, sir, that’s us,” Gabe said, offering his hand to the man. The man took it and they shook. “I’m Gabriel Marks.” He put his arm at her waist and said, “And this is Zoe.”
The way he left the introduction implied that they were married. Zoe wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Had Gabe just not wanted to go into the details of their relationship at a casual meeting?
“I’m Richard Mills, and this is my wife, Maggie.”
“It’s nice to meet you both,” Gabe said.
Maggie stepped closer and smiled. “I see that you’re expecting a little one.”
Zoe placed her hand on her middle. “Yes. He’s due in a couple of months.”
“A little boy. How wonderful. We’ll need to get the neighbors together and give y’all a baby shower.”
“Oh, that’s sweet but not necessary.” Zoe didn’t want to have to go into explaining her and Gabe’s relationship. The bubble of happiness she’d had minutes before had popped.
“We could make it a block party and shower. It’d be a wonderful way for everyone to meet each other.” Her enthusiasm made her voice higher. “It’d be a lot of fun.”
Zoe just smiled.
Maggie continued, “A lot of us who live around here are grandparents but our grandkids are no longer small. To have small children around will be wonderful. Ooh, to get to buy one of those cute little outfits.” She all but rubbed her hands together in glee.
Zoe felt like a fraud. This couple thought her and Gabe were a happy couple in the process of becoming a happy family. She wished it was true. But Gabe had said nothing about that happening.
Gabe’s smile had turned tight. “We need to head home. We’ve supper waiting for us.”
“Great to meet you,” Richard said. “See you soon.”
“You too,” Gabe said, as they started down the sidewalk.
“They seemed like nice people,” Zoe said quietly. “They think we’re married.”
“Yeah, I suspect they do.” Gabe didn’t look at her while matching his pace to hers.
What was he thinking? Some of the joy of the day had dimmed. They continued in silence until they were in front of his house. She wanted their earlier camaraderie back. “I enjoyed our walk.”
“I did too.”
Zoe gave him a suspicious look. “What’s happening to you?”
“Uh?”
“I’d have never guessed the always-busy type A doctor would’ve ever said something like that.”
He grinned. “Could be you’re a good influence on me.”
Did she really have that kind of effect on him?
As they entered the house through the carport door, Gabe said, “I brought us some of the best Italian in town. Or so I’ve been told. It’s from a little restaurant close to the hospital. I’ll get it warmed up.”
“Then I’m on dish duty.” Zoe headed for the kitchen. She’d forgotten about the bag waiting on the table. Picking it up, she held it out. “By the way, you left this in my bathroom last night.”
He gave her a wolfish grin. “I had other things on my mind.”
Heat warmed her cheeks. She’d had other things on her mind as well.
Gabe took it from her. “You didn’t peek, did you?”
She shrugged and tried to look innocent. “Maybe a little.”
“Why am I not surprised?” He dug into the bag. “What do you think?” Gabe proudly held up a ball and a tiny baseball glove.
She smiled. “I think it’ll be a while before he can use them.”
Gabe grinned. “Maybe so but he’ll have them when he’s ready.”
“Yes, he will.” But would Gabe be around to play with him? Go to the games?
They worked around each other for the next few minutes. During one of her passes by him, Gabe caught her hand and pulled her to him. “I haven’t had one of these in too long.” He gave her a tender yet searching kiss.
The insecurity of earlier disappeared, replaced by the bliss of being in his arms again.
His lips left hers. “I could do without a meal to have you again but you need to eat. You tempt me so much.”
She tempted him? Had she ever received a more exciting compliment?
After dinner Zoe stood at the sink, washing up the few dishes they had used. Gabe came up behind her. The heat from his body warmed her from shoulders to hips. His arms circled her before he pushed her hair away from her neck and gave her a kiss.
She could get used to this attention. His change in attitude and all his actions were almost surreal but they were everything she had dreamed of having in a husband.
“Forget those and let’s go outside and sit for a little while.”
Her heart opened more. Even that simple statement made her melt. He wanted to spend time with her. The impression she’d had of him when they’d first met had been that he would never have slowed down long enough to enjoy anything as simple as sitting outside under the stars. Then his life had seemed to center on his career. “Almost done here. You go on and I’ll be right there.”
Minutes later she wiped her hands off on the dishrag and headed to the patio. Gabe was sitting on the settee with one foot propped on the table. He looked relaxed and content. With his stressful job, he needed downtime. She was glad he could find it.
She moved to take a chair but he grabbed her hand and tugged her toward him. “You’ll be too far away if you sit there.”
She sat next to him. His arm went around her shoulders, pulling her close.
“This is much better.”
Zoe sighed softly. Much. The evening sounds of bugs and the occasional bark of a dog joined the sound of Gabe’s soft breathing. Could life get better than this? Only if it could be like this forever.
“I’ve been thinking about a baby name now that we know what it’s going to be.” She sat so near she could feel the tension of anticipation in Gabe’s body. Did he hope the baby would be named after him?
The calm of his voice didn’t give anything away. “Have you decided on something?”
“I have.”
“Will you tell me?”
“William. Call him Will. What do you think?”
“I like it.” The hint of disappointment in his voice didn’t escape her.
She couldn’t help but tease him, prolonging saying more.
In a huff he asked, “What about the middle name?”
“Well...” She turned so she could see his face. “...I was thinking about Gabriel, after his father and grandfather. What do you think?”
“William Gabriel Marks. That’s a fine, strong name.”
“Avery. William Gabriel Avery.”
He gave her a searching look. Would he argue? He couldn’t expect the baby to have his last name if they weren’t married. He nodded. Was it acceptance or appeasement?
“Tell me what you know about your daddy. I’d like to know something about Will’s heritage.”
* * *
Gabe didn’t like the sour taste in his mouth that came with knowing his boy wouldn’t carry his last name. Yet he didn’t believe he could demand the name be different. He was well acquainted with Zoe’s strong will and determination. She wouldn’t easily change her mind. Neither probably should she.
He wasn’t sure he was qualified to answer the question about his dad. This wasn’t how he would have imagined their romantic moments on the patio going. But then, he’d have never guessed he’d be enjoying an evening like this.
Zoe wouldn’t let the question about his father go either. He could only name a few people he’d ever share the story with. “I don’t know a lot about him. Like I said, Mother never told me much. I think it’s too painful even to this day. He was from Arizona and a teacher. He liked the outdoors. I think my parents had a good marriage but a too short one.”
He’d never thought about how deeply his mother must have cared for his father. Had his mother never remarried because she’d missed his father so badly she couldn’t bear the hurt of losing another? What would it be like to love that deeply? Could he? Did he already?
“That’s a shame. It can be hard to find the right person, and when you do, to lose them so...” Zoe’s voice trailed off, as though she’d said more than she wanted to.
She must know from experience. Her father had run out on her and she’d lost him, and now for all intents and purposes her mother was gone as well. She had to understand loss far better than he. Possibly love as well.
“Zoe, if you don’t want to answer this I’ll understand, but would you tell me about your father?”
She was close enough he felt her body stiffen.
He squeezed her shoulder. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“It doesn’t make the hurt any less by not talking about it. I was crazy about him. He could do no wrong. If he was at home I was under his feet. I don’t know if I just didn’t want to see his unhappiness or I couldn’t, but it had to have been there.”
She was too hard on herself. “You were a kid. You weren’t supposed to see.”
“I know, but it would have been easier than him just not coming home one day.”
He hugged her again. It would have.
“I asked Mom what happened and all she could say was that he just wasn’t happy. That he had to leave.”
“You never saw him again?”
“No. We found out a few years later he had died of an overdose.” The last few words were but a whisper.
Her pain must be at a level he’d never experienced, yet she still believed in and wanted a marriage, husband and family. Misery filled him. That wasn’t something he felt he had the ability to give her, even if he wanted to. What if he failed her? He cared too much to have her hurt like that again.
It was time for a change in subject. Talk about something more pleasant. “Have you given any thought to decorating the nursery? Especially since you know the sex now.”
“Not really...” Her voice trailed off as if she wasn’t really listening.
“I wish you would. Will needs a place to come home to.”
“Mmm...” Her head rested heavily against his shoulder.
Gabe just held her as she slept. A while later, he gently shook her. “Come on, sleepyhead. We need to go to bed.”
“I didn’t mean to go to sleep on you,” she mumbled.
“Not a problem.” He walked her inside.
Zoe headed toward her side of the house.
“Hey, where’re you going?”
“To bed.”
“Wrong way. You’re with me.” He extended his hand.
For a second he worried she might not take it. To his relief, her palm met his. She curled her fingers around his as they walked to his bedroom. There he led her into the bath and turned on the shower, adjusting the water temperature.
“Are you getting a shower?” Zoe asked, her voice drowsy.
“We’re getting a shower.” Gabe begin to remove her clothes. She put up no resistance.
“You and me?”
Gabe grinned. She really was out of it. “Yes, honey, you and me.” He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her before he turned her and opened the door to the shower stall. “In you go.” Gabe gave her a gentle nudge at her waist before she stepped under the water.
He quickly removed his clothes and joined her. Zoe was so tired she was just standing beneath the water, letting it fall on her shoulders. They’d had an intense night the night before with little sleep. He picked up the soap and started washing her. She purred as his hands slid over her. He was deeply aroused but Zoe needed rest more than he needed release.
When she shivered, Gabe increased the temperature of the hot water and put her further under it. He quickly soaped up and rinsed. Cutting off the shower, he opened the door and jerked a towel off the rack. He dried Zoe and wrapped her in a towel. A minute later he’d dried, dropped his towel on the floor and guided Zoe to the bed. He jerked the spread back then removed the towel from Zoe. “Climb in, honey, before you chill.”
She did as he said. Seconds later he joined her, pulling her to him and the covers snugly over them. In no time Zoe relaxed against him and was softly sleeping.
Contentment settled over him and he joined her.
* * *
The next evening when Gabe arrived home Zoe wasn’t there.
The security he’d found in having her waiting for him was suddenly gone. How had she, in such a short time, managed to become such an important part of his life? He looked forward to coming home to her. The house was empty—not just the space, but the life force that made it a home was gone. Could he survive if she moved out?
An hour went by and still Zoe hadn’t come home. Then another. He should have stayed at work. Guilt crept in. He had plenty of policies and procedures to read before he could start making serious changes to improve the program. He’d been leaving the hospital early far too often as it was to come home to see her. Now he was here and she wasn’t.
As time went by, guilt turned to anger then to worry, which grew like a virus in a lab tube to the point where Gabe kept checking his phone, thinking he’d missed her call. More than once he’d stopped himself from phoning her because he had promised not to question her movements or try to control her. This anxiety and the waste of his time was drama he didn’t need.
He loved having Zoe in his bed, but the emotionally draining side of their relationship would soon eat at him. Might even affect his job. He couldn’t have that. But letting Zoe go was unthinkable.
Relief flooded him at the sound of the garage door opening. She was home. He was waiting at the house door before she could get out of the car. Gabe said, more casually than he felt, “I’ve been worried about you.”
“I went by to see Mom for a few minutes. Told her about William Gabriel, then did a little shopping for the nursery.”
“You did?” Any residue of concern completely disappeared with the sound of happiness in her voice. At least the joy over the baby was overcoming her despair about her mother’s health.
“Come and help me bring these packages in.” Her head disappeared inside the car.
Gabe moved to stand beside her. She handed him a couple of huge plastic bags filled with fluffy items. “You did do some shopping.”
“You said you’d like me to fix up the nursery. I got off a few minutes early today, so I thought I’d pick up some things.”
“This is a little more than some.” He chuckled as he headed toward the door of the house. His pleasure at seeing her and his relief over her being home safe made any discord he’d felt earlier disappear.
“Babies need a lot.” Her tone held a defensive note.
“Hey, I was just kidding.” He put the bags down in the hallway and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You can buy twice as much, for all I care.”
Her hands were full of bags but her arms came around him anyway. “It was so much fun. I can hardly wait to show you what I got. I’m going to need your help.”
“You’ve got it. Have you eaten yet?”
“No.”
“Then why don’t I fix us some breakfast for supper? You can sit at the table with your feet up for a while and tell me about your day and how your visit with your mother went.” Who had he turned into? Nothing about those suggestions sounded like the person he thought he was. Zoe was changing him.
“That sounds great. Let me put these in the baby’s room.” She held up the bags in her hands. “I’m going to change into something more comfortable too.”
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll get started on dinner. Just leave these bags here and I’ll get them later.”
* * *
After eating, they spent the next two hours working in the nursery, and now Zoe sat on the floor, pulling open another package. She was dressed in baggy sweatpants and a shirt she had asked to borrow from him. Her skin was glowing, her eyes sparkled and she giggled as she showed him each new item. He couldn’t think of a time she’d looked more amazing. But didn’t he think that daily?
During the last hour he’d hung curtains under her direction and helped her place a bed skirt on the crib. He wasn’t sure it was particularly useful but he didn’t voice that out loud. All the time she had been chattering about her decision to get this or that and opening bags. Gabe didn’t care one way or the other about any of it but he was enjoying listening to Zoe. Her excitement was infectious.
“This is the last thing.” She opened the clear package and pulled out some material with a triumphant look.
* * *
“I have no idea what that is.” It wasn’t the first time he’d thought that about some of the objects she’d bought.
“It’s a crib sheet.”
“Oh.” He nodded sagely. “Should have known that right away. Hand it here and I’ll put it on and that way you don’t have to get up.”
“Are you saying I can’t?” There was a teasing note in her voice.
“No. I was just trying to be helpful. That’s all.”
“You weren’t implying I was fat.”
He grinned. “I know better than to do that.”
“You’d better not.”
After a struggle with the mattress and sheet that had Zoe giggling, Gabe finally had it in place. Done, he sat behind Zoe, spread his legs wide and wrapped her around her middle to bring her back until she rested against his chest. She placed her hands over his. He rested his chin on the top of her head.
He scanned the room, looking at the yellow and gray plaid curtains whose panels hung straight on either side of the windows, to the gray pillow with the yellow polka-dot cover, to the crib with a yellow sheet and the same plaid as the curtains on the bed skirt. He would have never thought to put those combinations together. He liked Zoe’s taste. “So, are you pleased?”
“Hmm... I am. I still need to get a mobile and I want to do his name above the crib.”
Gabe smiled. Her mind was still racing with ideas. “For someone who I had to talk into fixing up a nursery, you sure have run with it.”
“It’s fun, and you were right. Will needs a nice place to come home to.”
But not live. There was that sick feeling in his gut again.
Zoe yawned.
“I think I need to get you to bed. You’ve had a long day.” Gabe stood and then helped her up.
“I need to clean up this mess.” She started to pick up a bag.
He took her hand. “Leave it until tomorrow.” Gabe ushered her out of the room and turned off the light. He wanted her attention now.
* * *
Zoe was so tickled with the way the nursery had turned out. Gabe was a great help and even seemed to enjoy it. She hadn’t even hesitated when he’d led her to his bedroom. In a few short nights she had started to think of it as hers. Sleeping without being in Gabe’s arms would be impossible.
They were climbing into bed when he said, “I called my mother today. Told her what name we had decided on. I think she cried.”
Zoe wasn’t sure what to say to that. “She liked it, then?”
“She loved it. She said my father would be so proud.” He gave Zoe a nudge to move further into the bed.
“What have you told your mother about me?”
“Nothing much really.”
“She didn’t ask any questions?” Zoe rolled to her side so she could see his face.
“I didn’t say that.”
Was he ashamed of her? Had he told his mother how easy Zoe had been to get into bed? She moved away from him. “Like what?”
“I told her your name. What you do for a living. That your mother is sick and you’re wonderful with her. That sort of thing. Enough about her.” He pulled Zoe toward him. “Let’s think about us.”
Zoe stopped his advance with a hand on his chest. Her look met his. She hated that she might ruin the happiness they had found together but she had to ask. “Gabe, what are we doing?”
“I don’t know” was his soft reply. “Let’s just see what happens.”
For tonight she could accept that but for how long? She was afraid that what happened would end up with her heart getting broken. Gabe drew her to him, giving her a deep kiss that had her thinking of nothing but what he made her body feel.
Their lovemaking had a desperate edge to it. As if what they had found they feared would soon disappear.