GABE HAD FORGOTTEN what it was like to start a new job. The stress, anxiety and the feeling of always being one step behind. He didn’t like that. Knowing what was happening in his sphere of influence was important to him. Indirectly Zoe had accused him of being controlling. In her case and with his patients, he believed it was more about caring. Either way, he was determined he would be placed on the surgery schedule sooner rather than later. The more surgery he did, the faster his career would grow.
Even in the OR there was an adjustment period. It would take time to put a staff together that would interact smoothly with each other. For now it would be trial and error. Yet this was the position he’d been working toward his entire professional life. What he hadn’t planned for was becoming a father while trying to create the finest liver-transplant program in the world.
Worse was his growing desire for his “roommate.”
It had been three days since he’d seen Zoe and he didn’t anticipate slowing down long enough to see her anytime soon. If she’d been worried they’d have too much time together, these past few days had proved her concern groundless. As far as he could tell, she was asleep when he came home and getting her morning shower when he left. He’d known his job would be demanding and had accepted it. That was just one of a number of reasons why he wouldn’t make a long-term commitment to a woman.
Since he’d not seen Zoe after giving her a house key, he’d left his garage door opener on the kitchen counter because he had not had time to get another. He wrote her a note.
This is for you. Sorry I didn’t think to give it to you the other night. Been busy. Call me if you need something.
When he pulled into the drive late that night, Zoe’s car wasn’t parked in her usual spot, just to the right past the front door. A light burned in the kitchen. She must have taken him up on his offer to park in the carport now she had a door opener.
He studied the glow in the window. At least Zoe had thought about him. He’d been living with his mother the last time he’d come home to a light left on for him. There was something about it that said, I care about you.
As he entered the front door, a wonderful smell filled the air. Making his way to the kitchen, he discovered a plate of cookies with a note beside them. He dropped his keys and picked up the piece of paper.
Made some for the guys. Thought you might like a few.
Gabe took a bite of a peanut-butter cookie. “Mmm.” His grandmother used to bake them. His mother never had much time for that sort of thing. Most of her efforts revolved around her job. Her actions had taught him that success was only gained through hard work and personal sacrifice. Picking up the plate, he flipped off the light and headed for his bedroom with a smile. He would eat the rest before he went to bed.
The next morning he left another note.
Thanks for the cookies. They hit the spot.
Note-passing wasn’t as satisfying as seeing Zoe, but at least they weren’t ignoring each other.
How good her cookies were was on his mind as he started his rounds just after noon. The first patient he planned to see was Mr. Luther. Gabe had contacted Mr. Luther’s physician, Dr. Patel, and they had agreed that he should be transferred to Gabe’s care. Mr. Luther’s health had deteriorated to the point where a transplant was the only option. The hepatitis C had taken its toll. Following Dr. Patel’s instructions, Mr. Luther was admitted to National Hospital for an evaluation before being placed on the liver transplant list.
Gabe rapped his knuckles on the door.
A gruff voice called, “Come in.”
Gabe pushed the door open. “Mr. Luther, I’m...” He stopped short. Zoe stood at the bedside of a grizzly man who obviously hadn’t shaved in a number of days.
“Gab—uh... Dr. Marks, hello.” Zoe’s smile was cautious.
His heart gave a little extra beat. “I hadn’t expected to see you.”
“I wasn’t sure if I’d see you either.” She looked at him shyly.
“Thanks for the cookies. They were great.”
She glanced toward their patient, who was looking from one of them to the other with curiosity, and said to Gabe, “It’s part of my job to keep tabs on Mr. Luther.”
The older man pointed first at Gabe then at her and back again. “I’m guessing you two know each other, him eating your cookies and all.”
Gabe nodded, stepping forward and extending his hand. “I’m Dr. Marks. Dr. Patel has thoroughly reviewed your case with me.”
“So you’re why I’m in one of these dang uncomfortable beds again.” He didn’t sound happy but shook Gabe’s hand.
Zoe placed her hand on the man’s other arm. “Mr. Luther, Dr. Marks is going to help you. If you want to blame someone, it should be me. I asked him to see you.”
Gabe couldn’t believe how big a heart Zoe had. She was emotionally invested in her patient far more than was required by her job. Was Mr. Luther an exception to her rule or did she, as Gabe suspected, care deeply about all her patients, and Mr. Luther in particular? What would it be like to be under her umbrella of loving concern? Focus on your patient, Gabe sternly ordered himself. “She did ask me, and the first thing I need to do is examine you. Then we’ll run some tests.”
“More of them, you mean,” the man grunted.
Gabe shrugged and removed his stethoscope from around his neck. “Now, would you lean forward for me?”
The man did as he asked and Gabe listened to his heart. He then had him breathe deeply as he checked out his lungs. “I’m going to turn this overhead light on. I need to look at your eyes.”
The switch was on Zoe’s side of the bed and she flipped it on.
“I’ve not spoken to his nurse yet, so I don’t know his vitals, Zoe. Would you mind getting his BP for me? Check his pulse points?” Gabe placed his stethoscope around his neck and removed a penlight from his pocket.
She laid the folder in her hand on a chair and went to work.
Gabe looked at the man. “I understand you were diagnosed with hepatitis a number of years ago.”
“Yeah.” Mr. Luther nodded.
“When did you first seek help for it?” Gabe looked into his eyes.
“Maybe six months ago.”
“He was referred to the Liver Alliance by Dr. Patel three months ago,” Zoe said, as she placed the cuff on the patient’s arm. She pumped the cuff then listened through her stethoscope for his pulse. Done, she looked at him. “One-thirty over ninety.”
Gabe nodded. “Not perfect but not as bad as I expected. Mr. Luther, have you been a heavy drinker in the past?”
The man glared at him. “I’ve drunk.”
Gabe gave him a pointed look in return. “You do understand that there can be no drinking again if you have a transplant.”
“I’m not even sure I want a transplant,” the man grumbled.
Zoe looked up from where she was checking Mr. Luther’s pulses on his feet. “Mr. Luther, you need to think hard about that. Without it you’ll die.”
“Gonna die one day anyway.”
Gabe slipped his penlight back into his pocket. “That’s true, but without a new liver you have at best a couple of years and you’ll get increasingly sicker. There won’t be much quality to your life. We’re going to do the workup on you to consider listing you for a transplant, but you need to know that your attitude will affect the decision-making. New livers are hard to come by. If you’re not going to do your part to keep a new liver healthy, you’ll not be listed.”
“Yeah.” The man picked up the TV remote. “I’ll think about it.” He nodded toward Zoe. “I’d better not hear that you’ve been giving Avery here a hard time or you’ll answer to me.”
“Noted.” Gabe made eye contact with Zoe and nodded toward the door. She gave the man a concerned look and followed him out.
Zoe closed the door behind her and looked at him with such hope. “So what do you think?”
Gabe shook his head slightly. “I’m really concerned about his compliance. He’s a gruff bear, I know, but to be listed, the committee must know he’ll do what he’s supposed to do.”
“I’ll talk to him. Make it clear.”
“He has to want this,” Gabe stated emphatically. “You have done all you can do for him by bringing him to my attention.”
Zoe glared at him. “I know that.”
“Even if he does agree to cooperate, I can’t guarantee he’ll be a candidate. I’m just one person on a committee of eight.”
She touched his arm. “I appreciate you trying.”
Gabe nodded. He hated that he couldn’t give her more encouragement. “I have to go. I have other patients to visit.”
* * *
That evening, Gabe found a note from Zoe waiting on the counter.
There’s supper in the refrigerator if you’re interested. Thanks for all you’re doing for Mr. Luther.
He felt himself smiling, unable to contain his satisfaction. Why was this particular patient so important to her? Even though he’d not given Zoe much reassurance on Mr. Luther’s prognosis, she was expressing her gratitude by cooking for him.
He’d not eaten since lunch, so he was tickled to have a home-cooked meal. His day had been so exhausting he’d not even bothered to get drive-through. Zoe’s cooking, even though it would be rewarmed, was heaven sent. He could get used to this treatment.
Gabe had just sat down at the table when the patter of feet drew his attention. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Zoe. He smiled, glad to see her. Her appearance, on top of her meal, was totally unexpected.
She wore a short fleece robe tied above the rise of her belly. His gut clenched with pride. That bump was his child. Had he ever seen a more beautiful sight? Zoe’s hair was mussed as if she had been running her fingers through it in angst. Was she nervous about approaching him? Why should she be? She’d recovered her self-control the moment the doorbell had interrupted their bathroom interlude.
“Hey,” Gabe said. “Thanks for the meal.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Sorry if I woke you.” He picked up his fork, ready to take a bite.
Zoe said softly, “I’ve been waiting up for you.”
She had? Hope, warm as a fire, welled in his chest. “Really?”
“I wanted to talk to you about my rent.”
Disappointment smothered his anticipation. She wanted to talk about that now? Shaking his head in refusal, he turned back to the food. “I’ve had a long day. Make that a week. I’m in no mood to talk business now.”
Zoe moved around the table, facing him. “I have to pay for my mother’s housing, so I need to know what my budget will be.”
That made perfect sense, but it didn’t give him the energy to hash out her rent right this minute. “Then make it a dollar for this month. When I get time, I’ll figure something out.”
She leaned toward him slightly, giving him an amazing view of cleavage. Her breasts were larger than he remembered. Pregnancy had changed her there as well.
She announced with more volume than necessary, “I’m not just paying you a dollar!”
With effort, he turned his attention to cutting his pork chop. “Then you decide what you can afford to pay when you work out your budget. Right now, I’m hungry and don’t want to talk about it. Instead, why don’t you sit down and keep me company? Tell me how your mother’s doing.”
He glanced up in time to catch her perplexed look as she slowly sank into the other chair.
She didn’t immediately start talking, so between bites he asked, “So? How is she?”
“Still confused but otherwise okay. The staff assures me she’s adjusting quite well.”
A moment of silence followed, and then Zoe remarked, “You know, you really should take better care of yourself. You’re eating like you haven’t had anything all day.”
He shrugged. “That’s pretty close to the truth.”
“Gabe!”
“Yeah?” He met her look as he poked his fork at some green beans.
“You’ve got to do better than that. You can’t keep that up.”
This was the tables being turned. He was the one who normally scolded her. Now her anxiety was for him. He liked it. “Thanks for your concern. I do appreciate it. But I have my hands full at work. I’ve had to hit the ground running every day since I started. Hopefully it’ll get better soon.” He cut into the pork chop again. Lifting the piece on the end of his fork, he said, “This sure is good.”
“I’m glad you like it. You know if you don’t start taking care of yourself you won’t be healthy enough to care for your patients.”
He finished off the last of the roasted potatoes, wishing there were more. She was a good cook. Or maybe the food was made better by the fact that someone had cared enough to think of him. It would be so easy to get used to, even if she’d done it out of gratitude. “Zoe, I know you look after the welfare of others all the time, but I can take care of myself. I’m all right.”
“What makes you think you can give me a place to live for virtually nothing because you’re concerned enough to help me, but I can’t respond in kind?”
She had him there. It made him feel good having someone waiting for him at home who would talk to him over a freshly cooked meal, instead of always eating carryout or fast food in front of the TV. Yet Zoe had made it very clear that she was only renting space from him, that they were not “living together.” It was time to move the conversation off him. “Give me until this weekend to think about the rent and I’ll have a figure. Will that do?”
“I can wait that long. There’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.”
Gabe almost groaned out loud. He was in no mood for this. If he had to have a discussion with her, he’d rather discuss whether or not she preferred being kissed on the neck or behind the ear. “And that is?”
“I noticed you haven’t bought any food. I’m planning to stop by the grocery on my way home tomorrow. Would you like me to pick up some things for you?”
“Uh... I usually eat at the hospital or get takeout.” She frowned at that, so he amended, “But you’ve made an excellent point about taking better care of myself. I do need to have something here. If you don’t mind, could you get a few boxes of mac and cheese, some frozen dinners and protein bars? That should hold me until I can get to the store myself. Take the cost out of your rent when we settle on the amount.”
She turned up her lip and looked down her nose at him. “That’s your list? As a doctor, you should be ashamed of yourself.”
He shrugged. “You asked.”
“I did. Well, I’d better get to bed.” She rose. “Night, Gabe.”
He watched her walk away. The more distance she put between them, the cooler the room became. If only he was going with her. “Good night,” he whispered when she was out of sight.
Gabe finished his dinner, put the dirty plate into the sink, flipped off the light and went to his lonely room. With any luck, he was so tired he would go to sleep quickly and not think about the desirable woman just steps away. Was this what his life would be like? Always wishing for more?
* * *
Two evenings later Gabe came home before it was dark for the first time in a week. He’d had a replacement garage door opener for the one he gave Zoe delivered to the hospital, so he was now able to park beside Zoe’s car in the carport. There was something strangely intimate about their cars sharing the same close space. He shook off that thought. Zoe didn’t want that. Had made it very clear. Still, that didn’t mean he hadn’t lain awake late into the night, thinking about her.
Entering the house, he inhaled the delicious aroma of lasagna. He must be doing something right in Zoe’s eyes. As he took another deep sniff, his stomach growled. Following the scent, he fully anticipated finding Zoe standing in the kitchen. Disappointment washed over him. She wasn’t there. He headed toward her side of the house but along the way his attention was diverted out the window to the patio. There she was, sitting in a cheap fold-up lounger. Her head was back, her face lifted to the late-afternoon sun. Was she asleep?
Her head turned. Had she sensed he was there? Their gazes met through the glass, held. Zoe reminded him of an old master’s painting where the yellow light surrounded her feminine form as if she was a heavenly being. That was the thought of a lovesick man. Which he was not!
Zoe blinked and half lifted the hand lying over their baby and waved. Gabe smiled and headed in her direction. She was a temptation he should stay away from but was drawn to as if he were in her gravity field. Stepping out of the French doors of the living room, he strolled across the patio.
“I’m surprised to see you home so early.” Zoe looked back over her shoulder at him.
“I decided it was time to come home at a decent hour.” He continued moving until he was facing her then nodded his head toward the house. “Something smells delicious. Do you have enough for two?” Did he sound as pitiful as he felt?
She smiled. “Yes. I made enough so that I’d have some to leave in the refrigerator for you.”
Even after their somewhat strained conversation a couple of nights ago, she was still trying to take care of him. Doing it despite her insistence that they were nothing more than roommates. He suppressed a spark of hope she’d changed her mind and managed to answer in a neutral tone, “Thanks. That’s really nice of you.”
“It’s the least I can do since you’re helping me out.”
That explanation left a sour taste in his mouth. He would’ve liked it better if her kindness was motivated by a more intimate reason. Why did he keep wishing for more? She’d made it so plain on numerous occasions there would be nothing between them but the baby. He needed to accept it and get on with his personal life. Maybe it was time to ask about the available female staff at the hospital.
Zoe was saying, “I’d better get up and take it out before it burns. If you hadn’t come home it really might have. The sun feels so good.” Zoe swung her feet off the lounger to the bricks. “The day is so beautiful I couldn’t pass up the chance to be outside. I saw this lounger in the grocery and had to have it.”
Gabe stepped closer. “I’m sorry there’s no patio furniture. I’ve never had a need for it before.”
“This is such a nice space I’d furnish it before anything else.” A shocked look came over her face. “I’m sorry. That’s none of my business.”
“Why can’t it be? As far as I’m concerned, you can have a say in how I furnish the house where our child will be spending a lot of time. I don’t know anything about that stuff. How about going with me to pick something out? You’d have a better idea of what I need than I do.” He wasn’t sure what had made him extend the invitation, but any reason that might coax her into spending time with him was worth a try.
She looked at him as if weighing the pros and cons. “I guess I could, if you really want me to.”
“Tomorrow work for you?” The question had just popped out. He’d had no intention of doing it that soon.
“I have to visit Mother first thing in the morning, but I could go after that.”
“Great! We’ll go visit your mom then head for the furniture store. I’ve not seen where she’s living, and I’d like to.”
“Why?” She watched him suspiciously.
“Why what?”
Her look didn’t waver. “Why would you want to go with me to visit my mother?”
He couldn’t really answer that, so he settled on, “Because I like your mother and she’ll be the grandmother of my child. Also, you’ve practically gone into debt because of the quality of this place, so I’m curious.”
Zoe shrugged then pushed off the lounger. When she teetered backward, he caught her elbow and helped her stand. Her chuckle was a nervous one. “Thanks. I’m getting more off balance by the day. If you want to go, you can. I need to get the lasagna out.” She walked toward the door.
Gabe followed her. And more beautiful. In the kitchen, he watched while Zoe removed and cut the pasta. He could hardly wait to taste it. To resist digging in before it made it to a plate, he busied himself with the dishes.
“I’m impressed. A man who knows how to set the table correctly.” Zoe picked up a plate and returned to the stove.
“My grandmother taught me. She’d be happy you noticed.” He took glasses from the shelf and filled them with ice.
“Not your mother?”
“Mom wasn’t around much. She was busy making a living. I spent a good deal of time with my grandmother in my early years.” Why was he telling her all of this? He didn’t make a habit of sharing his personal life.
“You must’ve missed your mom.”
He had. She’d told him throughout his childhood that it must be that way since his father was gone. Gabe’s child was never going to know that feeling if he could help it. But would that really be possible with his current job, the future demands of his career? “I did, but it was what it was.”
Zoe looked at him for a moment as if she understood everything he wasn’t saying. Moving to the table, she set down the plate of food. “Go ahead and start. It’s better hot.” Picking up the other plate, she returned to the stove.
Gabe finished pouring the tea and took his place. Zoe had included a small salad and a piece of toasted bread as well. The aroma was divine but still he waited for her.
Zoe joined him with her plate in her hand. “I told you to go ahead and start.”
“And my grandmother taught me that the cook deserves to be waited for. Sorry, her teaching trumps what you want.”
Zoe smiled. “Smart woman.”
“She was. I miss her every day.” Zoe reminded him of his grandmother, who had been the most giving and caring person he’d ever known until he’d met Zoe.
“Tell me about her.” Zoe placed her napkin in her lap and picked up her fork.
“I guess she was like every other grandmother. Tough when she needed to be but loving all the time.” Gabe took a bite of the hot lasagna and his taste buds screamed with joy. Zoe could get a permanent job cooking for him. He would miss her when she left. That looming event he didn’t want to think about. “This is wonderful. I didn’t think anything could be any better than the meal last night.”
Her eyes twinkled and her cheeks turned rosy. She enjoyed a compliment. Had the other men in her life not done that enough? He’d like her to always look at him the way she was now. In spite of her curt refusal to allow a personal relationship between them, her happiness mattered very much to him. But why?
“I’m glad you like it,” Zoe said with a hint of shyness. As if she hadn’t been sure he would.
“Anyone would.”
“Not anyone.”
There it was. Just what he’d suspected. “Has someone said you weren’t a good cook?”
Zoe made a sound low in her throat. “Oh, yeah, in no uncertain terms.”
Annoyance hot as fire flashed through him on her behalf. “Like who?”
“My ex-fiancé. Nothing I prepared for him seemed to suit. He always complained. Too salty, too hot. I guess that’s one of the reasons he’s my ex. Along with a few other, larger character flaws.”
She’d been engaged? Had cared about a man enough to want to marry him? It shocked Gabe how much that bothered him. If she’d married that guy, they wouldn’t be sitting here now. Wouldn’t have had that night or be expecting a baby. He would have missed knowing Zoe. He swallowed hard and put his fork down. “What happened?”
“I caught him out to dinner with another woman. Turned out he was a jerk. He made it embarrassingly clear in front of the entire restaurant that I wasn’t who he wanted. That I was too old-fashioned. Wasting my time waiting for a knight in silver armor to ride up and pledge to love me until death did us part. That expecting the man who said he loved me to be faithful and plan to be with me forever was naive nonsense. He said I needed to grow up. What a fool I was! I know what I want, and I have no intention of settling or compromising.”
Gabe had the sudden urge to hit something. If her ex had been there he would have punched him in the face. Although he was pretty sure he wouldn’t like the answer to the question before he asked it, he couldn’t stop himself. “What do you want?”
“To find someone who will love me for who I am. Who’ll put me first in his life and grow old with me.” She looked at him. “To have that happily ever after.”
Her answer was worse than he’d expected. She wanted everything Gabe was confident he couldn’t provide.