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When Max arrived with the cat the next morning, he got exactly the reaction he was hoping for in homeroom 604. His classmates gathered around the pet carrier and reached in to stroke the jet-black fur.
"Is this your cat, Max?" asked Paige McGillis.
"He's nobody's cat," said Max dramatically. "He was abandoned by a family in Chesterland when they moved away. The police picked him up and brought him to my Dad's office."
"That's so sad\" exclaimed Brandon Shapiro. "What's going to happen to him?"
Max shrugged soberly. "I was hoping we could kind of take him in as our class mascot—you know, until someone comes along to adopt him."
Miss Munsinger breezed into the room in time to hear the last part. She peered into the cage. "Ooh, he's pretty! Coal-black fur." In her teacher voice, she added, "But it's just not practical. You'll have to take him back where he came from."
"But he's so cute!" Paige protested.
"I agree," said the teacher. "I'm even a cat person. But this is a classroom, not an animal shelter."
"It's just that he was brought to my dad as a stray," Max explained. "If he doesn't get adopted, my father's required by law to put him down."
At that perfect instant, the animal let out a mournful "Mee-ow!" Ten seconds later, homeroom 604 had itself a cat.
Maude leaned over to Max. "All right, Carmody, out with it. I know you're working some kind of angle."
"Of course I am," Max whispered back. "Katie Kates won't do a story on a sixth-grade comedian, but she's going to break her neck getting over here
to interview the class that rescued a condemned cat. And if I just so happen to mention on TV that I'm appearing at the Giggle Factory, so much the better, right?"
"Max Carmody, you're disgusting!" snorted Sydni. "Here I thought you were doing something noble for once in your life, and it turns out it's only because of your dumb old comedy!"
Max shrugged. "I admit I got the idea because I'm trying to catch Mr. Lugnitz's attention. But look at it this way. If I didn't bring that cat in here, he'd be dead in a couple of weeks. Now there's a pretty good chance that someone might see him on NEWS-4 news, and adopt him. So even if I'm the biggest sleaze in town, you've got to admit it's a good deal for the cat."
She was unconvinced. "Maybe so. But I think it's sad that you can only do a good deed when there's something in it for you."
"Well, in that case," Max replied, "I guess we shouldn't let the student council cosponsor this. You'd be perfect as the cat liaison person—that would get you back in school government again. But hey, you wouldn't want to benefit from something disgusting. That wouldn't be noble."
Sydni's eyes gleamed. "Amanda Locke is a cat maniac! Max, you're the best!"
By this time, the carrier was open, and the newcomer was climbing on the bookcase. The entire class, Miss Munsinger included, followed behind like a posse, holding out crackers, jelly beans, and half a tuna fish sandwich, hoping to catch his feline fancy.
"What's his name?" asked Brandon.
"He's a stray," the teacher reminded them. "He doesn't have a name. We have to give him one."
As if on cue, the door burst open, and Big Byrd sprang into the room, late as usual. He took one look at the black cat and exclaimed, "Hey, check out Darth Vader!"
And Darth he became.
Cat liaison Sydni Cox placed a call to Katie Kates at NEWS-4 to let her know that homeroom 604 had rescued a cat. As Max predicted, the local reporter jumped at the chance to tell Darth's story to the world or, at least, the greater Bartonville tri-county area.
"She's coming at two o'clock on Friday," Max told Maude. "It'll be a little tight, because I have to do my act for Mr. Krakauer's end-of-the-unit party at
two forty-five. But I'll make it. Things are finally starting to fall into place."
"That cat hates my guts," said Maude glumly. "I had an open tin of salmon, and he walked right past me and went over to chew on Big's Popsicle stick."
It was true that a special relationship was developing between Big and Darth. The cat was very much at home with the kids of class 604, and seemed fond of most of them. But with Big it was different. The animal would perch on the teacher's globe, greeting all the students as they arrived, and maintaining a serene, quiet dignity. But when Big made his grand entrance, Darth would pounce. The two of them would roll around on the floor, play wrestling, while Big uttered deep, full-throated Vader-isms, like, "Bring young Skywalker to me," and "Luke, / am your father."
And the cat would answer—which always came out "Meow." But it was clear that he was trying to speak.
Sydni was happy too, because she was working for the student council again. Even Amanda Locke had sort of forgiven her, which meant that Sydni could start forgiving Maude. After all, their group of four would probably be friends for life. It would be
pretty silly for senior citizens to be still bickering over broken cookies and leather pants from more than fifty years before.
News of the upcoming TV interview spread like wildfire throughout the halls. Darth became a celebrity at Bartonville Middle School. The student newspaper. The Advocate, planned to devote an entire issue to class 604's mission of mercy. If there were a few kids who thought a black cat meant bad luck, they kept their opinions to themselves.
"Like a cat could make me any more jinxed than I already am!" Maude snorted.
At night, while Mario raved over the phone about the Voles' upcoming game against the Fighting Lemurs of Youngstown, Max planned his strategy for the interview.
katie kates: How does it feel to know that your idea might very well have saved poor Darth?
max: Even though we professional comedians are hired to be funny, it's important to remember that life has a very serious side. . . .
He frowned. Somehow he had to mention the
Giggle Factory. That's what would really get Mr. Lugnitz in his corner.
"You've got to come with me/' Mario was urging. "Last time we played the Lemurs, it was the famous Yawn Bowl—six scoreless overtime periods before the snack bar's hot-chocolate machine exploded, and they had to evacuate the building. I didn't get home till four in the morning!"
"Right—uh, that's nice," stammered Max, barely paying attention. Between the interview in seventh period, and his performance in Ronny's class in eighth, he was pretty sure that word of his routine would get through to the club owner. It had to!
Mario laughed wanly. "I'll let you go, Max. I can tell you've got something else on your mind. What is it, a new killer joke for Chicago?"
For a moment. Max felt a strange desire to tell his stepfather the whole business about Darth and Ronny and Katie Kates. After all, if there was one adult who could appreciate a scheme like that, it had to be weird Mario, with his beloved Voles, and his tales of record-setting watermelons and the birthplace of the manure spreader.
But Max couldn't bring himself to do it. Aloud, he just said. "A new joke. Yeah, that's it."