‘WHAT HAVE WE GOT?’
As Logan stepped around the curtain to the consult bay, Kat snapped her head around for a split second, her eyes widening before resuming a professional demeanour in front of her patient.
But he didn’t miss the tell-tale staining of her cheeks, or the way her hands shook, and he hated it that he was the one who’d caused it. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, thought he knew that had been the result.
So, after his loss of control the other night, he had determined to stay away from the temptation that was Kat.
But he hadn’t taken account of them having to work together. The least he could do was keep things strictly professional.
Dragging his eyes from her, he made himself focus on their patient. The guy was clearly in pain, but trying to stay tough. Kat edged a little further around the bed, enabling Logan to see for himself.
‘Dean is twenty-four. He was out in the woods with his mates when stepped on a small animal trap.’
‘It’s bad, man,’ the young man groaned.
‘Yeah, I can see that.’ Logan nodded, moving to assess the guy. ‘I don’t think you’re going to need a surgical consult, but we’re going to need to get it off now. The longer it cuts off circulation, the worse it can be.’
‘Right,’ Kat agreed uncertainly.
‘Keep your hands clear for now, but you’re going to move his foot as soon as it’s free.’ He indicated a part of the trap. ‘I’m going to prise the jaws apart on three. You ready, Dean?’
Dean grunted in some semblance of agreement.
‘Okay, here we go. One. Two. Three.’ He pulled the jaws back and as the patient bellowed in pain, Kat quickly lifted his foot out of the way.
‘Good. Nice,’ Logan announced brightly, after examining the wound. ‘All right, let’s you get you cleaned up, stitched up and out of here, Dean.’
‘What were you doing in the woods anyway?’ Kat asked, keeping his mind distracted as Logan prepped the area.
‘We were going to cut down a Christmas tree, you know? We share a house and money’s tight and, well...’
‘It seemed a good idea at the time?’ Kat asked.
‘Yeah, man.’ He winced at the pain, but tried to smile at her. ‘You think we’re idiots, right? I bet your tree is all up and nice.’
‘I don’t think that at all,’ she told him gently. ‘And, no, I haven’t got around to putting a tree up this year.’
‘Yeah, but you will?’
‘Sure. On my next day off.’
She sounded so offhand, so casual. Was it only him who could read that undertone of sadness? He wanted to understand. To know Kat better. And that realisation should worry him a hell of a lot more than it did.
He listened to their easy conversation as he finished up, then sorted out the paperwork for Dean before finally finding himself alone again with Kat.
‘You’re not intending to put up a Christmas tree at all, are you?’ he asked without preamble.
So much for sticking to the strictly professional.
‘Sorry?’ She stared at him in shock.
‘You told that young man you’d put up the tree on your next day off.’
‘Ah, right.’ She cast him a wary look but he liked it that she wasn’t even trying to perpetuate that particular lie. ‘I don’t know. I thought I might not bother this year.’
‘Nothing at all? Not even a mini fibre optic thing?’
He was teasing her, despite his cautions to keep his distance. She got under his skin far too easily. And he wanted her with a hunger that just seemed to keep growing.
‘What’s this about, Logan?’ she demanded, her voice tight. ‘One minute you’re trying to throw me out of your apartment door in disgust. The next you’re doing...this.’
‘I wouldn’t say in disgust.’
‘I would,’ she bit back, doing a good job of hiding the shake in her voice.
Just not quite good enough.
‘If there was then it was disgust at myself. Not you.’
‘For doing what you did with me,’ she emphasised.
Everything screamed at Logan to walk away. To let her think that. Because if she did, then she wouldn’t want anything more to do with him. And God knew he was doing a lousy job of keeping away from her.
He hadn’t been this out of control with a woman since those first few months with Sophia. Had he really not learned his lesson from her?
Instead, he found himself grabbing Kat’s shoulders and hauling her around so that she had no choice but to face him.
‘Let’s get one thing absolutely clear, shall we?’ he ground out. ‘Any disgust I felt was at losing my head with you on the floor of my blasted living room. With my four-year-old son in the apartment. It was not at you. Or at what we did.’
She blinked, and he could see the glistening in her eyes even as she tried desperately not to show it.
He wanted to say more. To reassure her further. He could have told her that he’d regretted his decision even before her taxi had left. That he hadn’t been able to sleep all night, thinking about her. Imagining her. Fantasising about how things would have gone if they hadn’t stopped.
But beyond that he wanted to tell her how she made him feel that he wasn’t quite so alone. For the first time in a long time he’d felt carefree. Not weighed down by the task of trying to be both mother and father to his precious little boy. She had brought a renewed sense of fun into their lives.
He wasn’t going to say any of it, though. He wasn’t going to make things any more complicated.
‘Jamie and I are going ice skating tonight.’ The words were out before he could think about it. His mouth evidently choosing to ignore the commands the logical part of his brain was trying to issue. ‘Join us?’
‘Ice skating?’ Kat echoed weakly.
‘That’s what I suggested.’ He grinned, as though it was the most natural thing in the world to invite this woman to spend the evening with him. With Jamie.
Jamie like her, and as long as he managed his son’s expectations, surely it couldn’t hurt?
‘Ice skating?’ she repeated.
‘Yes, in the park. For Christmas.’
‘I...don’t know.’ She glanced away uncertainly, and he felt even more of a cad.
He needed to walk away.
‘Call it my apology,’ he pressed her.
‘An apology.’
‘I enjoy spending time with you, Kat. And Jamie certainly enjoys it.’
Her face softened.
‘He’s adorable,’ she told him. ‘No thanks to you.’
She was teasing him, or trying to. He fought to keep the grin off his face.
‘Ice skating, then?
‘Sounds lovely, but...’
She tailed off and as hard as he tried to stop his errant mind from wandering back down that path—from recalling just how perfectly mouthwatering she’d looked, tasted, half undressed, on his lap the previous night—it was impossible.
God, how he still wanted her.
Logan shifted. He felt edgy, waiting for her to agree. The air between them was beginning to take on that close, electric feel again, and he found he welcomed it.
It was far better than the distance between them.
‘Unless you don’t like ice skating, of course.’ He suddenly decided to try a different approach. ‘Maybe you don’t like sporty activities.’
‘I love sporty stuff,’ she bristled, just as he’d known she would.
He ought to ask himself how he knew just what to say to push her buttons. Instead, he pretended to her—to himself—that this was news.
‘Plus, I’m doing the Santa fun run.’ She wrinkled her nose. ‘So that’s something sporty and something Christmassy.’
‘Indeed it is.’ He arched one eyebrow and was rewarded with a glare.
A flash of her old feisty self. And he found he welcomed that, too.
‘You played me,’ she accused.
Logan shook his head.
‘I wouldn’t say that exactly. But I think it could be fun tonight. And I know Jamie would love to see you again.’
She eyed him strangely. He squirmed a little under the scrutiny. Another unusual response—since when did people make him feel...unsettled?
‘Just Jamie?’ she asked softly, at last.
The question caught him off guard. He knew the answer. Worse, he didn’t like it. So he did the one thing he did best.
He took back control.
‘It isn’t a date, Kat.’ He didn’t know if he was reminding her or himself.
Still, he wasn’t prepared for her to narrow her eyes at him and fold her arms over her chest.
Presumably she didn’t know how it emphasised those perfect, soft breasts of hers.
‘Rules, Logan,’ she insisted.
He was irritated and intrigued all at once.
‘What kind of rules?’
‘It’s an outing with your son. It’s not a date. There will be nothing like what happened last night.’
‘Suits me,’ he agreed without a second thought.
And yet the moment the words were out, he hated the very sound of them. He shouldn’t. It made sense.
‘Listen, Kat, Jamie and I will be at the park rink from three p.m. Do you want to give me your address or will we just see you there?’
She bit her lip, clearly torn between wanting to join them and the same caution after the previous night. But then she lifted her eyes to his and he could have sworn something crackled through the space between them.
‘Fine.’ She nodded slowly, as if she couldn’t help herself even though it went against all her instincts. ‘I’ll meet you there.’
Kat stared at the bustling ice rink and told herself that she didn’t know why she’d agreed to come.
Only it wasn’t true.
She knew exactly why she’d agreed to come. Logan Connors. He had such an effect on her that she was doing all the things she’d thought she wouldn’t be doing this year. Not now that Carrie was no longer in her life.
She’d been dreading Christmas. Dreading the sight of the trees, which she’d imagined going to see with Carrie, dreading the festive songs that she’d envisioned teaching the little girl, and most of all dreading Christmas Day. Alone.
She’d come to Seattle to be as far away as possible from her old home and memories of the little girl she’d raised from a baby to four years old. She’d imagined retreating into herself for a while, and throwing herself into work whilst she took time to heal.
She hadn’t imagined bauble shopping, Christmas tree judging, and ice skating in the park.
She certainly hadn’t imaged riding Logan’s hand, as she had done last night, until she’d splintered apart in a way she hadn’t even realised was possible before. Or how, unless she was kept busy and distracted, she’d spent every moment of her shift today watching him move around the ward, fantasising about him playing with her like that again.
As though she was his to pick up and put down at will.
Then again, when he was the only man who had touched her like that—with such skill—was it any wonder?
The memory of it wrapped itself around her, dragging her back to the edge of madness. And she still couldn’t bring herself to regret it. Or even to regret meeting him.
Logan—and Jamie—had bounced into her life when she’d needed them most. They lifted her, and made her feel part of something again. There was only one problem with that. What was she supposed to do when they were no longer there?
She didn’t want to think about it.
‘Kat!’
Spinning around, Kat laughed as Jamie darted up to her. She scooped him into her arms and hugged him tightly.
‘Hello, sweetheart, did you have a good day at the crèche?’
‘It was great,’ Jamie told her enthusiastically. ‘I made a new friend. Tommy.’
‘Super-cool.’
‘We played dinosaurs.’
‘Of course you did.’ She grinned, lowering him down and straightening up again to look at Logan, almost shyly. ‘Hi.’
He looked unreasonably fit and handsome as usual.
‘Hi.’ His blue eyes glittered and made everything inside her turn liquid. ‘Are you ready for this?’
‘If you mean can I ice skate? Then, yes, I can. At least, well enough.’
‘Shame.’ Those blue depths darkened. She would have said in anticipation. ‘I had visions of having to hold you upright.’
She didn’t want to shiver. She told herself not to. But the hint of promise in his words sneaked under her skin. Straightening her shoulders, Kat tried to act as though she couldn’t think of anything duller.
‘Well, it’s a good job you don’t, then, isn’t it?’
He smirked as though he could read her thoughts and she felt a rattle of warning deep inside her. Something had changed with Logan, and she couldn’t pinpoint what it was.
‘This isn’t a date, Logan.’ She kept her voice low so that Jamie, who was mercifully absorbed with watching the skaters, didn’t hear. ‘You said it yourself the other day.’
‘That was before I touched you. Tasted you,’ he murmured, leaning in so close that she could feel his breath tickling her skin. Making her tremble.
‘Logan...’
‘I want you, Kat. And I want to get to know you.’
‘I’m not... I can’t... This isn’t—’
‘You want me to,’ he cut in simply. ‘You know my recently troubled past, and even thought I don’t know what happened in your life to make you travel halfway across the country to take up a job here in Seattle, I know it must have been significant. Right now, we seem to be what each other needs. Why not just go with it?’
He made it sound so simple. So easy. When surely it should be anything but?
‘Logan,’ she whispered. ‘You said it yourself, you like to compartmentalise your life. Just going with it isn’t what you do.’
‘And look how well that’s worked out for me so far.’ He pulled a self-deprecating face.
‘So what is this? Us?’
Did that sound too presumptuous?
‘We’ve both come to Seattle for a new start. I’ve returned home because I want to hit the reset button with Jamie, and you’ve left your old home because you want something different.’
‘Last night I told you things I’ve never told anyone else—I’ve never wanted to.’
She told herself that his words didn’t make her feel raw. Precious.
‘I like the way you can relate to Jamie and understand what he’s going through, and I like your company, Kat. I more than like it.’
‘I more than like your company, too.’ The words were out before she could bite them back.
His expression darkened.
‘So why deny the sexual chemistry between us?’ he demanded, making her mouth go dry. ‘You once told me you wanted “no-commitment fun”. So if neither of us want a relationship, why can’t we just enjoy time together for as long as it lasts, whether that’s a week, a month? Two months?’
A no-strings fling? She wanted to agree, and yet something held her back. She didn’t care to analyse it further.
‘And Jamie?’ she asked instead.
‘You’re helping me relate to him better, and I’m grateful for that. He’s starting to spend time at the crèche now, making new friends, and soon he’ll be starting school with plenty of female teachers to help be positive maternal-type figures in his life, additional to his Nana.’
It made sense. No need to balk at the idea of being so disposable.
‘What about...if there’s a repeat of what happened last night?’ she hazarded.
Logan stepped closer but stopped just short of contact. The heat rolled off him, and she could feel the toes of his boots just pressing against hers, a kind of electricity crackling from him... Yet he didn’t actually touch her. Like a kind of tantric foreplay. She could hear her breathing grow slightly ragged but was helpless to do anything about it.
‘There will be no if, Kat,’ he rasped. ‘There will be a repeat of last night. It’s inevitable.’
His words shook through her and all at once breathing became a complicated task. Last night had been a mere taster of what Logan could do to her, how he could turn her body inside out, and it had been incredible...right up until it hadn’t been.
Right up until he’d thrown her out in all but words.
She didn’t think her already broken sense of self-worth could take another battering like that.
‘Inevitable, Kat,’ he drawled, as though reading her mind. ‘That chemistry has been there since the first day we met and, like all decadent things, denying it has only made it all the more of a temptation. So why deny it? It’s just sex and we’re both adults.’
There was a note in Logan’s tone that licked its way deep within her. Just sex, he’d said. She doubted anything with this man would be just anything. Not if last night was anything to go by.
‘Our only parameters will be that anything intimate happens when Jamie is at his grandparents’. Never when he is home.’
She needed to tell him that he was wrong. Nothing was ever going to happen between them again.
‘Right.’ She swallowed, nodding before she could stop herself. Unable to—or not wanting to—do anything else.
Kat felt herself swaying slightly towards him as he leaded in a fraction closer. It shouldn’t have been possible to do so without touching her, and he didn’t. He was so damned close she could smell him, woodsy, and lemony, and utterly male. It was driving her crazy.
‘But for now we’re skating.’ He took a step back, as if realising they were in the danger zone. As if needing a buffer. ‘All right, champ, shall we go and hire some skates?’
As the pair headed off hand in hand, she stood there for a moment, still trying to catch her breath and regulate her slamming heart.
‘That was more fun than I remembered,’ Kat told him a couple of hours later as they sat together on a bench, watching Jamie clamber up the baby climbing wall and onto the slide in the playground.
He had enjoyed the skating, taking it in turns to be guided around the rink by Logan, and then her, and then Logan again. But, inevitably, he’d grown tired and bored, so they’d taken him for hot chocolate and a play in the park.
It really was so easy between them. Both reading Jamie’s mood, and adapting quickly without even a word. Logan was a better father than he realised. He just needed to stop trying to bear the load of his ex-wife abandoning them. He couldn’t be both father and mother to the little boy, and he was doing a good job as he was.
Running her finger around the rim of her cup, Kat kept her eyes fixed on the kids, the unexpected urge to talk bubbling higher and higher inside her.
‘Do you remember the little girl I mentioned I used to look after?’
She felt, rather than saw, Logan swivel his head to look at her.
‘Carrie,’ he replied instantly, and she was touched he recalled.
‘She wasn’t just anyone, but I figure you’ve already worked that out for yourself.’ The words tumbled out one after the other. ‘Carrie was actually my foster child. I had her from around ten months, after legalities had been dealt with, and when she was three I began the process of adopting her.’
Kat glanced at him briefly, unable to hold eye contact for long. It hurt too much to see the empathy in his gaze. Somehow it was easier to stare out into nothing.
‘It was due to complete at the beginning of this year, just before her fourth birthday.’
‘This would have been your first real Christmas together,’ he noted softly, understanding immediately.
Her throat felt thick and clogged with emotion.
‘It would have been,’ she affirmed. ‘Had her biological parents not cleaned themselves up and taken her back. That’s why I came to Seattle.’
‘You needed a fresh start in a new place where there were no memories of Carrie.’
‘Right.’ She lifted her shoulder, then let it drop. ‘A move across the country seemed like a good start.’
‘I can’t imagine how much you must miss her.’
‘Like you said, we’re both here to press the reset button. And although I didn’t plan on meeting you, you were right, we’re both adults, and it’s just sex.’
‘Just sex,’ he echoed. ‘I did say that.’
‘You did.’ She couldn’t name the odd lilt to his tone, but she couldn’t afford to dwell on it. ‘Transitory, no strings, no-commitment fun. Neither of us can offer the other any more than that. But, right now, that’s all we need. Right?’
This was exactly what she’d told Gemma that she wanted, and this was what Logan was offering.
‘That’s what I’m saying,’ he agreed, and again she couldn’t shake the idea that there was an edge to his tone.
But then he straightened up and flashed her a megawatt smile that said he was wrapping up the conversation.
‘I would kiss you,’ he teased, ‘but my son is over there and that would be breaking the rules.’
Kat laughed, in spite of everything. This was a framework she could understand. She could live with.
‘Well,’ she declared, standing up with a broad grin and lining up the perfect shot of her coffee cup into the bin. ‘We wouldn’t want to break the rules, would we?’
Before he could answer, she took the shot, turned around and jogged into the park to find Jamie.