At twelve-thirty that night, Harrison paced in the gazebo, restless energy coursing through him like a locomotive. Waves crashed on the beach, while the night air tasted of salt and smelled of roses. The quarter moon overhead offered little illumination, but he didn’t need it. In fact, the darkness might benefit them, as it had in the changing room.
The thought of those sweet fingertips—exploring, caressing his thigh until he’d been hard as stone—had caused him to break out in a sweat all evening.
Her bold touch had caught him unaware. Maddie was careful, the person who thoughtfully considered every outcome before deciding on a course of action. In other words, Harrison’s complete opposite. So whatever was happening between them must have overridden her proclivity for caution while they were in the changing room.
And thank God for that, because he had no reason, no caution when it came to her, especially now. Every moment that passed brought him closer to the end of this house party and her future as the next Duchess of Lockwood. He could not lose her, not this time.
Shoving his hands in his trouser pockets, he stared out into the blackness and forced himself to relax. There was every chance she wouldn’t show. She might decide not to risk it, that her marriage to Lockwood was more important. But Harrison didn’t think so. Maddie wouldn’t like the unanswered questions, the uncertainty of their feelings. She would come looking for answers. For resolution.
He was prepared to give her whatever she needed, if it convinced her to marry him instead of the duke.
A rustle of cloth caught his attention. Spinning, he saw her creeping toward the gazebo, and all the breath left his lungs.
She came.
He said nothing as she approached, merely watched while heat scalded the underside of his skin. Judging by her expression, she was nervous and he didn’t wish to scare her further.
When she stepped in, she avoided his eye. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“No one needs to know, Maddie. Whatever happens is between us.”
“You know that isn’t true.” She crossed to the wooden bench, sat and arranged her skirts. Her hands were bare and that damn betrothal ring glinted in the dim light.
The breeze carried a chill in the air and he saw her shiver. Removing his coat, he strode over and placed it around her shoulders. “You should’ve remembered how cold it can get at night.”
“Yes, well. I wasn’t thinking clearly when I left my bedchamber, obviously.”
He lowered himself onto the bench. “I’ll not force you to stay.”
“I couldn’t risk that you’d sneak into my bedroom.”
His excitement dimmed slightly. He preferred that she came to him of her own free will, but he wouldn’t apologize for the threat, especially seeing as how it had worked. Instead of dancing around the subject, he blurted out what was on his mind. “You cannot marry him, not with things between us uncertain.”
“They are merely uncertain because you keep pushing me.”
“Hardly. You’ve admitted your attraction to me—without much prompting, I might add.”
“I never should have said that, not while I’m engaged to Lockwood.”
“Then there is what happened in the changing room.”
“Another mistake,” she said. “A momentary fit of insanity.”
“Wrong. It’s called desire and you are dancing around the obvious. I’ll not allow you to pretend any longer.”
“Oh, you’ll not allow?” She pushed off the bench, her movements stiff with anger. “You’ll not allow? Harrison, I am not free to declare my regard for another man. You have nothing standing in your way, no pressure to remain silent. Such a luxury does not exist for me.”
She was still denying her feelings for him, which irritated him beyond measure. Shooting to his feet, he stalked toward her, his soles thumping on the wooden floor. “Lockwood does not deserve you. He is completely wrong for you and will bring you nothing but loneliness and misery.”
Uncertainty flashed over her face before she masked it, but she did not back down. Instead, her spine straightened as she watched him draw closer. “You have no way of knowing that.”
“Please. I am familiar with the way your mind works. You need someone who will stand up to you, who will excite you. Otherwise, you’ll grow bored and unhappy.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The other children did whatever you said, no questions asked. You were like a brigadier general here, organizing and cajoling. I was the only one who challenged and questioned you. That was why you liked me best, why we became such good friends.”
She made a scoffing sound. “That is hardly true. We enjoyed causing mischief together.”
“No, I enjoyed causing mischief. You enjoyed planning said mischief.” He folded his arms and gave her a sly smile. “You never wanted a devoted acolyte . . . you wanted a partner in crime.”
“Perhaps, but that was a long time ago. We are not children any longer.”
“We haven’t changed all that much,” he said. “Not on the inside, which is how I am certain Lockwood will make you unhappy. Because you will run roughshod over him and become bored within a week.”
“I’ll have my tennis, our children. Life as a duchess.”
A life without him.
Children that were not his.
The idea of it made Harrison want to howl. He threaded his fingers through his hair and pulled on the strands, struggling for calm. “You are settling, Maddie.”
“To become a duchess?” Her voice rose several octaves. “You actually believe becoming a duchess is somehow settling?”
“When it comes to your happiness, yes I do,” he shot back. “I want you more than that arrogant duke ever could.”
She rocked back on her heels, seemingly stunned at his admission. “Why now? What has changed?”
He certainly did not want to travel this path, not yet. If he told her of his longstanding feelings, she’d likely go dashing back into the house. “Does that matter? Can you not just accept the fact that it has?”
If he thought that would appease her, he was wrong. Her eyes flashed green fire, as if his evasiveness angered her. “You’re right—it doesn’t matter because I cannot break this betrothal. The die has been cast.”
The hell it had.
He didn’t stop until he was directly in front of her, the tips of his shoes brushing her skirts. She had to crane her neck to meet his eyes but she didn’t move. A lovely flush worked its way over her cheeks, and he could see the pulse pounding on the creamy slope of her throat. The air grew heavy around them, as if it were weighted with anticipation and longing, and the tops of her breasts heaved as her chest expanded. His fingers itched with the need to finally touch her . . . but he wouldn’t do it. Not yet.
“Nothing has been settled until you walk down the aisle and recite vows. And I will not stop pushing when I am certain you are making a mistake.”
She licked her lips before whispering, “You cannot possibly know that.”
“You’d be surprised at what I know.” He leaned down, allowing his breath to tease her skin, and put his lips near her ear. “I know the two of you treat one another like strangers, when all the while you have been thinking of kissing me. Not trusting yourself alone with me. Nearly stroking my erection in the changing room.”
She sucked in a ragged breath, her body trembling. “Harrison . . .” The sound was faint, but he heard the plea, the yearning in the way she said his name.
Sensing victory, he pressed on. “I want to give you everything. All you have to do is ask.”
“Oh, God. This is wrong.”
Thunder rumbled overhead, as if the heavens agreed with her. He didn’t care. Nothing would keep him from her, not Lockwood or a betrothal. Not her family or society’s ridiculous conventions. Not the fucking Devil himself . . .
The only person who could stop him was Maddie.
“Do you want me?” He pitched his voice low, his body still angled over hers. “You may have as little or as much as you want tonight. I am yours for the taking.”
“I shouldn’t.”
They were both breathing hard, nearly panting. Need chewed its way through his lower body, his cock hard and ready. He knew he should take it easy on her, not pursue her so relentlessly. But Jesus . . . nearly everything he’d ever wanted stood in front of him.
“That is not an answer. It’s just the two of us here right now. No one else. But you must decide.”
Her teeth sank into her bottom lip, her eyes shifting to his mouth. The restraint nearly killed him, but she must come to him willingly, without coercion. Without guilt.
Without regrets.
It seemed like an eternity before she spoke. “Kiss me. Please, Harrison. Just kiss me.”
Triumph flooded him, causing his muscles to tighten in expectation, yet he didn’t move. “Take off his ring.”
A crease formed between her brows as she met his gaze. “Why?”
“Because tonight you belong to me.”
He held out his palm and waited. More thunder shook the sky, a portentous rumbling under their feet that made him crave her compliance—her acceptance—all the more.
With shaky fingers, she removed the large emerald and diamond ring from her finger and placed it in his hand. He slipped the ducal piece, the sign of another man’s ownership, into the pocket of his coat, which she still wore. Lifting his hands, he cradled her face, holding her like the most precious antique as he merely stared down at her. She wrapped her fingers around his wrists, holding on to him, linking them to each other.
“Just for tonight,” she breathed before pushing up on her toes and capturing his mouth with her own.
Distracted by the feel of her soft lips, he didn’t bother correcting her. He couldn’t stop, not even if every houseguest suddenly surrounded the gazebo to gawk at them. Because finally—finally—he had her pressed against him, their lips moving together, her soft sighs falling into his mouth as they kissed.
It started sweet, as they learned and explored, but the kiss quickly became something else entirely. The backs of his thighs sizzled, lust careening through his belly as their mouths worked hungrily. Her fingertips dug into his skin, and he deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping past the seam of her lips, inside the wet haven of her mouth. She stroked him with her own tongue, meeting him, driving him insane with swirls and flicks, making him contemplate laying her down on the gazebo floor so he could kiss every inch of her. Lick between her thighs. Feast on her until she begged for mercy.
Never had he felt so out of control, so wild to dive beneath a set of skirts. He knew it was the woman, this gorgeous and maddening creature he had loved for years. The one who had been a summertime playmate and friend, confidant and champion. He’d never felt lonely in those months. His family had treated him with disdain, but Maddie’s kindness and acceptance had mended his soul, even for a short amount of time.
And he was going to give her the world in return.
He’d been a fool to think he could ever forget her, that he could shed the memory of her from his blood. Nothing had worked, and the fever had only increased the instant he set eyes on her again.
Mine.
The word echoed through his skull like the toll of a bell. Chest heaving, he broke off from her mouth to run his lips over her jaw. He sank his teeth into her perfect skin, then soothed the sting with his tongue. A moan worked its way out of her throat, the most perfect sound he’d ever heard, and he kept going, down along the column of her neck, nipping and licking, until she yanked on his head, pulling him up to meet with her lips once again.
It wasn’t enough. He slid his hands to her hips, jerking her flush to his body as they kissed. She gasped and wrapped her arms around his neck, delicate fingers threading through his hair. If she was bothered by the erection digging into her stomach, she gave no sign of it. Instead, she wriggled closer, like she needed more contact, not less.
Just as he started to move them to the bench, the heavens opened up and water poured from the sky.
With a gasp, Maddie shoved away from Harrison, horrified. She was engaged and had kissed another man. Not only that, she had asked for it. Had enjoyed it. What did that say about her? Shame dulled the edges of her desire, much like the dark clouds that had rolled in with the storm.
Rain sluiced from the sky around them, an angry torrent of relentless water. She watched it fall outside the gazebo, half wishing to bathe herself in it, as if to somehow rid herself of this guilt. Pressing a hand to her mouth, she could still feel the delicious press of Harrison’s lips to her own.
My God, what had she done?
“Maddie,” he said gently, lifting her hand away from her face. “Stop berating yourself. You are not yet married.”
“That doesn’t matter, as we both know.” She took several steps back and his arm dropped to his side.
“You have broken no vow. We merely kissed.”
There was nothing mere about that kiss. It had shaken her to the core, with more passion and longing than she’d ever thought possible. Harrison’s kisses had been perfection, sin and salvation at once.
Still, it had been wrong. A betrayal. She had given a promise to marry Lockwood. She had been disloyal to the duke, dishonored him by kissing another man. If anyone found out, the scandal would ruin her.
Tears stung the backs of her lids. Engaged for not even two days and she’d failed. All her scheming and planning completely destroyed in a few short days. How could she ever face Lockwood again?
How could she ever face anyone again?
She wrapped her arms around her middle, her knees knocking in the cold. Or perhaps it was from the weight of her transgression. Harrison’s coat had fallen to the ground, pushed off her shoulders during their kiss, so he bent to retrieve it. When he tried to give her the coat again, she put up her hands. He frowned. “You’d rather freeze than accept my coat?”
“Yes.” His coat smelled like him, warm from where it had touched his body. Wearing it might drive her to kiss him again. Indeed, she deserved the misery.
He didn’t bother putting the garment on, merely held it in his hands. “You cannot marry him, Mads. Not after that kiss.”
Rubbing her temples, she tried to think clearly. Impossible, considering her lips still stung from the force of Harrison’s mouth, her fingers tingling from touching his soft hair. Blood coursed through her limbs, between her legs, in a demanding and distracting urge. She had to get away from him. Regain her equilibrium and decide how to handle this. “We should go in.”
Without waiting for a response, she stepped onto the lawn. Water hit her in fat drops, soaking her from head to toe within a few steps. She pushed onward, her shoes squelching in the mud.
Fingers wrapped around her wrist, pulling her to a halt. Harrison stood in the rain behind her, his white shirt quickly molding to his strong shoulders and arms in the downpour. His blue eyes blazed as he shouted over the storm. “Tell me you will break the engagement.”
“I . . .” She couldn’t bring herself to say the words. How could she act so selfishly? It wasn’t fair to Lockwood—or to her parents. They had enabled her tennis pursuits and shown remarkable patience during the last three years. A scandal would embarrass and horrify them, as well.
No, she needed to come up with a plan instead of rushing into a decision she might regret.
“I must have time,” she said.
The sharp angles of Harrison’s face twisted in displeasure. “Why? This is not a difficult decision.”
“I cannot beg off, not right now. This must be handled carefully and thoughtfully.”
“There is no reason to wait.” Water ran down his cheeks, his nose, over his gorgeous mouth. His wet hair lay in dark streaks of midnight against his forehead. “You are only prolonging the inevitable.”
Regret burned in her stomach. Watching all the scandals over the years, the girls who had been compromised or ruined, Maddie hadn’t understood. She’d played by the rules, had taken a chaperone everywhere in public after her debut. Charted her life so carefully. Temptation had seemed so absurd, so impossible.
And yet, a few days spent in Harrison’s company and she had done the unthinkable.
“Maddie,” he growled, his eyes narrowing on her. “You must break it off.”
“You must let me think!” she shouted. “Unlike you, I cannot make a rash decision. For God’s sake, you have turned my life upside down in a matter of days. I must catch my breath for a minute.”
“I won’t let you marry him.”
“It is not up to you. Stop being selfish.”
“Hardly selfish when I have your best interests in mind. He only wants your money. I only want you.”
Her heart soaked up the declaration, but this was not the time to let that traitorous organ rule her life. She had to remain logical about what came next. “I need time.”
“There is no time.”
“It cannot be helped. This is not a decision to be made lightly—”
“Wrong.” The word came out in a thick plume of brittle air. “Every minute you wait is another minute wasted. Lockwood won’t care, I promise you. The scandal will fade, and your mother will get over her disappointment.”
“You are so certain of that, but I am not.”
He stepped closer. “I am certain you are the only woman I want—now, tomorrow and ten years into the future. If you want me as well, then nothing else matters.”
Lord, her stupid heart again. It skipped in her chest as if this solved everything . . . but it wasn’t so simple.
Jerking away, she shook her head, water flying everywhere. “Do not push me for an answer tonight. I won’t give it.”
Water ran in rivulets down the planes of his face, droplets sticking to his long eyelashes. “Tomorrow, then.”
With a growl of frustration, she turned and started toward the terrace. Her clothing was soaked, making it hard to walk in the heavy skirts. She was going to make a mess inside the house, but it couldn’t be helped. He made no attempt to catch up or help her, but she felt his presence behind her keenly, as if he were still pressed against her.
There was no running from what had happened tonight. No pretending the kiss didn’t happen. She had instigated it, willingly participated, even enjoyed it.
And she would probably do it again, if given the chance.
That was the worst part. The knowledge that she was not strong enough to resist this. That whatever she felt for Harrison was more powerful than her sense of duty, her sense of right and wrong. All her plans, destroyed in an instant. She was a horrible daughter and an even worse fiancée.
She drew in a deep breath and tried to compose herself. Running through the house in tears, soaked to the bone, even at this hour, could attract unwanted attention. As soon as she was warm and changed, alone in her room, she could think about what happened tonight and what she would do.
Water ran down her back, into her bodice, and her skirts were caked with mud and grass. Her thin slippers sloshed with every step, and she wished she’d worn her short boots instead. Teeth chattering, she started up the stone steps toward the back entrance—and her foot slipped out from underneath her.
Before she could tumble on the stairs, strong arms pulled her upright. “Don’t worry,” he said in her ear. “I have you. I’ll always have you.”
The flat plane of his chest was warm and comforting against her, but she could not allow herself to enjoy it. “Let me go,” she said. He obeyed and she went up the stairs stiffly, holding on to the side to keep from falling again.
She stepped into the house, her body shaking, and he was right behind her. A puddle immediately formed on the parquet floor underneath her feet, so she hurried for the stairs. All she could think about was being dry and alone.
He grabbed her arm, bringing her to a halt. “Please, just a moment.”
“Harrison, I cannot talk about this. Not here, not now.”
A tempest swirled in his eyes, a whirlpool of emotion hidden underneath his calm exterior. He reached into his coat pocket and withdrew Lockwood’s betrothal ring. Maddie stared at the piece, stunned she’d forgotten about it. He pressed the ring into her hand. “Soon, Maddie. Good night.”
She wrapped her fingers around the emerald and diamonds, emotion lodged in her throat. Even if she’d been capable of speaking, there was nothing to say. She closed her eyes, unable to look at him just then, and she felt the soft brush of his mouth over hers and then he was gone.
What am I going to do?
Pressing two fingers to her lips, she took a step toward the main stairs—and abruptly stopped. Mrs. Lusk was in the entrance to the library, book in hand, her sharp gaze firmly locked on Maddie. The older woman said nothing, but her disapproving stare spoke volumes. How much had she seen?
Maddie’s stomach clenched while goose bumps raced along the nape of her neck. Still, though she quaked on the inside, she did not cower. She and Harrison had been quiet and he hadn’t lingered, so perhaps there was no need for panic.
Gesturing to her sopping wet form, she tried to make light of it. “I was out walking when it started to rain.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Cradling her book, Mrs. Lusk moved toward the stairs without another word, and Maddie was left with a burning sense of dread in her chest.