March 2006
Jay didn’t know what she was doing here. It definitely wasn’t the kind of place she usually went. In here it was all shiny and tasteful, with its polished bar and the rows of expensive booze arranged perfectly on a glass shelf behind.
A huge chandelier hung from the ceiling in the centre, its crystal droplets catching the light and sparkling prettily like so many stars.
The places she had gone to before were dark and quiet, with the smell of stale beer and dirty carpets hanging thick. Nobody in those places paid any attention to anyone else, because when you weren’t quite legal, you didn’t want to be seen.
She sat at the bar, on a chrome and leather stool. The huge blackboard listed all kinds of wines and champagnes and cocktails with expensive sounding names. She tried to find one she’d heard of and couldn’t.
Jay picked at the label on her bottle of Belgian beer and tried to pronounce the name but couldn’t. She gave up and turned around on her stool, studying the clusters of beautiful people, dressed in chic clothes, all eerily clonelike as they quaffed exotic-looking cocktails, laughing a little too loudly and exposing perfect, blindingly white teeth. Just like the beer, these people were foreign to her. She’d been away a long time.
She sighed and wondered again why she had come here of all places. She took a long pull on her beer and tried to pronounce the name again.
* * *
Shannon Dempsey sighed and sipped her champagne. God, she was bored. Glancing around at her entourage, it dawned on Shannon she didn’t like these people. Not one of them.
She’d been in London a couple of days to promote her new movie. Every night was the same: sat in the VIP area of some swanky London bar with people she didn’t remember inviting.
They’d just kind of turned up at one point or another and stayed. So-and-So was the girlfriend of someone else, who was friends with her hair stylist, and it was just so great to meet her, really, I just love your work. Champagne? Oh, thanks, don’t mind if I do. That was usually the way things went: a revolving door of faces that stuck around while the champagne was flowing and times were good. She knew how it worked, and she knew she had to sit and smile through it—smile until her face hurt.
She’d been in the movie business since she was fifteen. Plucked from obscurity out of a small town in Kansas, still in high school, and dreaming of becoming a horse trainer. And now, six years and one Oscar nomination later, she was about to fly back to the States to shoot her fourth movie. She had top billing, and her publicists were making a big deal to the press about how she did all her own stunts.
No one was especially happy about that last bit because of the insurance, but fuck them. The stunts were the best part. She’d realised pretty quickly the rest of it was tedious, even if she was getting paid a gazillion dollars. And now she was complaining. Better watch that, Shannon. No one likes an ungrateful movie star.
“Hey, Shannon?” She turned to face the blonde seated on her left. “Where did you go? You kind of zoned out.”
“Nowhere. Just…bored,” Shannon replied, waving her hand to indicate the people around her.
“Want to go somewhere else?” Bethany asked.
The two of them had been best friends since high school, and Shannon wanted to surprise Bethany by bringing her to London. She smiled now, remembering Bethany’s response when she had called her in Kansas.
The phone had crashed to the ground, and Bethany had squealed at someone in the background, ‘Oh my God, I’m going to London!’
The whole flight over, she’d bugged Shannon, asking if Dane North would be at the premiere. The gossip columns had been trying to link him and Shannon together for months.
In truth, there was nothing was going on at all. Shannon was gay. She didn’t think he was, but a public romance between two celebrities sold magazines and raised her profile. She really hated this part of the business, the fakery of it all. Shannon wasn’t naïve and knew if she wanted to keep making movies, she needed to play the game. As long as she didn’t sell too much of herself in the process, well, that was okay, wasn’t it?
Sometimes, she felt guilty about hiding her sexuality. Though she never denied it, she tended to brush off questions about who she was dating or outright refuse to answer them.
Her parents had taught her not to lie, so she didn’t—well, not exactly. Although avoidance was pretty much lying when it came down to it. Wasn’t it? If she worked a regular job, she wouldn’t care; she’d tell everyone. Except she didn’t work a regular job—she was a movie star.
Movie stars didn’t tell the world they were gay if they wanted to keep being cast in big-budget productions. Plus, Shannon had a lot of people who relied on her. Not the hangers-on—she didn’t give a shit about them—but there was a whole staff she employed who would be out of a job if the golden goose stopped laying. These were people with families and mortgages and car lease agreements.
So, when some nosy reporter asked about a boyfriend and Shannon was tempted to tell the truth, she thought about those people instead and kept her mouth shut, even if she ended up hating herself a little more each time.
“Jesus, Shannon, will you stay on this planet for five minutes?” Bethany tugged on Shannon’s arm and rolled her eyes.
“Sorry, Bethy. Where do you want to go?”
Before Bethany could answer, a good-looking guy sat down
“Am I interrupting anything, ladies?” He addressed them both, even though his eyes never left Bethany, and she was already melting under his gaze. Now it was Shannon’s turn to roll her eyes.
“No, we were just talking. Come, sit with us.” Bethany elbowed Shannon and made her move up the sofa. Shannon shuffled to the end and tuned them out.
While Bethany and Good-Looking Nameless Guy got to know each other, Shannon glanced at her entourage one more time. She was bored, restless. God, what is wrong with me? Normally she could cope with the emptiness these evenings made her feel, but right now she was desperate to leave. She wanted to run away and keep on going until she was back on the flat fields of Kansas with the grass tickling her ankles and the sun warming her face.
Back home, her only worry had been making sure she was in time for dinner, and the only consideration she’d had to give to her outfit was taking care not to tear even more holes in her jeans.
Shannon was probably romanticising a little. After all, Kansas was hardly LGBT Headquarters. Even so, she missed it and her town had been more purple than blue or red in its political leanings.
Shannon sighed and stood wearily. She walked to the balcony that overlooked the rest of the bar and stayed for a while to observe all the shiny young pretty things below. She was looking for someone to catch her eye, someone she could lose a few hours with. Shannon wanted a nameless stranger to take away the loneliness and boredom just for a little while. She couldn’t run back to Kansas, but she could find a temporary shelter inside one of the women below.
Shannon saw her then, at the bar, leaning back on her stool with the beer bottle in her hand and a moody look on her face. She’s hot.
Her short dark hair was swept back from her forehead, and her T-shirt rode up just enough to expose a glimpse of tight, muscled belly.
Interesting.
Shannon was no stranger to anonymous hook-ups, and this one might be just the ticket. Resisting her natural urge to go and hunt down the prey herself, she figured she’d better send Claire to pave the way. Another concession she had to make to fame. Like the rest, it didn’t sit well with her.
* * *
Jesus, what I am I doing here? Jay spun around on her stool and came face-to-face with a nervous dark-haired woman.
“Hi, I’m Claire.” Clearing her throat, Claire extended her hand and waited. Jay watched Claire’s hand as it hovered awkwardly between them before she dropped it limply to her side. Jay had no intention of shaking.
“My employer has asked me to come downstairs and invite you to join her for a drink.” Claire looked uncomfortable.
“What are you, her pimp? Who’s your employer?”
“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that. I’ll need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement first. My employer is a well-known celebrity.”
Claire’s voice was tinged with pride, despite the strange situation.
“You’re kidding?” Jay smiled humourlessly. “A nondisclosure agreement?”
“Yes—” Claire nodded. “—to prevent any negative press coming to light.”
“Listen, love.” She leaned forward on the stool, bringing her face close to the other woman and doing her best to be condescending. “I’m not interested, okay?”
Claire flinched. She obviously wasn’t used to being told no.
“Maybe you should think about it? My employer—”
“I’m not for sale. It doesn’t matter who’s paying. Understand?”
Something in her eyes must have convinced Claire. Nodding, she backed away and hurried off.
Jesus, a nondisclosure agreement? Time really does march on. She could remember when you bought someone a drink, made small talk for an hour, then went back to her place. Of course, she’d never had a celebrity want to shag her before. Jay wondered briefly who it might be. As if you would even know. It’s not like you’ve kept up to date with show business since you’ve been away. Even before, when other girls were poring over gossip magazines, she read books about gardening.
Before. That was how she thought of it now. There was before, when things had all looked bright and filled with promise, and now.
Now was something she didn’t really want to dwell on too much.
She nursed the beer for a few minutes longer, unsure why she didn’t just leave.
“Hey.” A soft American voice roused her from her thoughts. “Did you really call my assistant a pimp?”
The voice alone got her blood up. Husky and low, it had to be the sexiest voice she’d ever heard.
She turned slowly on her stool, taking in the woman before her. Long, wavy, golden-brown hair, and large grey eyes. Surprisingly, Jay knew who she was. Shannon Somebody—she couldn’t remember her last name. Jay raked her gaze over the woman’s body and lingered purposely on the full, creamy swell of breasts. Jesus, she is hot.
* * *
Shannon usually got pissed off when someone blatantly stared at her tits. She wasn’t sure why it didn’t bother her this time. Even from another woman, it should have. Maybe because the woman ogling her was the same woman who’d just turned her down.
“So, are you going to answer me, or just carrying on fucking me with your eyes?” Shannon asked as she slid onto the barstool beside the woman, pushing her tits out a little more. That’s right. Have a good look at what you just turned down.
When Claire had come back, flustered and embarrassed, and relayed her conversation with the hot barfly, Shannon hadn’t hesitated in marching downstairs. It wasn’t often she got turned down—in fact, she couldn’t remember it ever happening before.
Who the hell does she think she is? Calling my assistant a pimp? Shannon caught herself at the bottom of the stairs. The woman was still on her stool looking moodily around the room with a slight air of bored arrogance which, to her surprise, Shannon found appealing. She felt the familiar tingle between her legs and decided maybe this prey would be worth chasing.
“Drink?” the woman asked, ignoring Shannon’s eye-fucking comment with a half-smile on her full lips.
“Honey, my drink costs eighty pounds a glass,” Shannon replied. She leaned forward and offered another view of her chest. To the woman’s credit, this time her eyes didn’t leave Shannon’s face.
“Fuck that then. You can buy me drink.”
Shannon frowned. She didn’t know what to say because this never happened either. The woman broke into a smile, and it was like the clouds had parted—she looked even sexier when she smiled.
Shannon grinned in return.
“You have a name?” Shannon asked. She switched back effortlessly to seductress. And she was definitely dressed for seduction. Tight black dress that dipped low, but tastefully, to allow a good view of her cleavage. The dress came up short at the bottom, exposing creamy thighs and long, shapely legs. Like an animal on the hunt, Shannon gave herself the best possible advantage every time. And now the other woman’s eyes were back on her cleavage.
“Jesus, will you stop eye-fucking me for one second and tell me your name?”
“Jay.” The woman dragged her eyes back up to Shannon’s face.
“Short for Jayne?” Shannon asked.
“No, short for Jay.”
“I see. What are you drinking?” She reached out to the bottle, running her finger down the length of it, and noticed Jay squirm a little on her seat.
“Beer,” she replied, and Shannon saw her throat work to swallow. Dry mouth. Good.
“Hm.” She let her finger continue downwards to brush Jay’s hand. “Let’s get another round of these.”
Jay signalled the barman and ordered two more bottles. “So, don’t you want to know my name?” Shannon asked.
“I know who you are,” Jay answered quietly as she watched Shannon hand over money to the barman.
“Well, that’s refreshing.”
“Why?” Jay took a long pull on her beer. Her eyes never left Shannon’s. A little of it escaped her lips and began to run down her mouth, to the side of her jaw. Shannon reached out her thumb and wiped away the drip, then sucked it off.
Jay laughed. “You are such a cliché. Turn-Ons 101.”
“Is it working?” Shannon smiled.
“Beautifully.” Jay replied ruefully. “Kind of wish I’d signed that nondisclosure thing now.”
“Yep, you should have.” Shannon sighed. “I’m not supposed to screw anyone without it.” She leaned forward again and discreetly stroked the inside of Jay’s thigh, pleased when the muscles clenched. “For you, I might make an exception.”
“Pretty decent of you.” Jay’s voice was strained and a little raw.
“Uh-huh,” Shannon leaned back, climbed down from her stool. “Wait here. I need to get my stuff.”
“Just like that?”
“What do you mean?” Shannon reached over and drained her beer.
“You don’t even know me.”
“That’s kind of the point, honey.” Shannon regarded Jay steadily, noting she looked uncertain. “Second thoughts?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Look—” Shannon blew out a breath. “I’m looking for a good time. If that’s not your thing, let me know and I’ll move on.”
“Just like that?” Jay drained her own beer, eyes never leaving Shannon’s.
“In or out?” Unsure why, Shannon was really hoping she would say she was in.
“Go and get your stuff.” Jay inclined her head towards the balcony above.
“Sure?”
Jay nodded.
* * *
Bethany was still in deep conversation with Nameless Guy when she’d gone back upstairs. It took her a few moments to get Bethany’s attention, and when she looked up at Shannon, she had a dreamy look in her eyes. Shannon wanted to hug her she was so sweet.
She told Bethany she was going back to the hotel because she wasn’t feeling well. Bethany’s eyes narrowed.
“You liar. What’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on.”
“Sure it isn’t.”
Shannon sighed. She could never keep anything from her best friend. For all her innocence Bethany was a damn bloodhound. “I met someone downstairs. There, are you happy now?”
“I haven’t decided. What’s her name?”
“Why is that important? It’s only for tonight.”
“Well, if she strangles you and chops you into tiny pieces, at least I’ll have a name for the police.”
Shannon rolled her eyes. “Bethy, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Will you be okay here?”
“Sure, I’ll have Mark take me back to the hotel.”
“Are you sure, Bethy? I don’t want to leave you with a stranger.”
Bethany snorted. “Says you, about to head off into the sunset with a hook-up. I’m fine. Really. Go, get laid. With luck, I might be joining you.” At Shannon’s raised eyebrow, Bethany blushed. “Not like that! Jesus! With Mark.”
“I know. I’m kidding. Be safe. You have my cell. Need any cash?”
“No! Shannon, don’t worry. Go.”
* * *
They sat side by side in the black cab, not touching, but Shannon could feel the heat pouring off Jay.
Shannon felt reckless. She’d picked up strangers for sex before, so she didn’t know why it felt different this time. Maybe because she didn’t have a nondisclosure agreement. Her publicists would kill her.
Jay paid the cab driver, waving away Shannon’s offer of money. She liked that. She was used to being the one who paid.
* * *
Jay was having trouble—real trouble—keeping her hands to herself. When two more people got into the lift, she was forced to stand closer to Shannon. She groaned inwardly. She couldn’t get to the hotel room fast enough. Jay could smell Shannon’s perfume, light and sweet. She was already imagining those full, creamy tits in her hands and Shannon’s long legs wrapped around her.
Jay had let Shannon walk into the lift before her and got a great view of her arse. It twitched from side to side as she walked, and it was firm and round—the perfect size. Most of the actresses she’d seen on DVDs in the TV room were skinny. Shannon was slim, but curvy in all the right places. Jay groaned again and caught Shannon’s self-satisfied grin.
Finally, they were here. Shannon swiped her card and ushered Jay into a suite that was as big as any flat Jay had ever seen. She whistled, lust momentarily forgotten.
“You like it?” Shannon asked, stepping out of her heels which made her about four inches shorter than Jay.
“Yes, it’s nice.” Jay walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows which gave a spectacular view of Hyde Park.
“Cool view, huh?” Shannon stepped up close behind her, not touching. Jay could feel warm breath on her neck and smell her perfume which she knew she would always associate with Shannon from now on. Jay swallowed hard at the sudden rush of heat between her legs.
“You want a drink?” Shannon leaned closer still, her lips just brushing Jay’s ear, making her shiver.
“No,” she said hoarsely. When Jay turned around, their faces where inches apart.
“What do you want?” Shannon asked quietly.
“This,” Jay whispered. She touched her lips to Shannon’s and closed her eyes.
She heard Shannon sigh as her hands came up to rest on Jay’s shoulders. Shannon pulled her in and deepened the kiss as she captured Jay’s tongue and sucked on it.
Overwhelmed by sensation, Jay’s last thread of self-control snapped. She reached up and tugged the zip on Shannon’s dress down her back, slid the dress from her shoulders, and let it fall to the ground. Shannon stepped out of it.
Jay turned her in her arms and pushed her against the full-length window, then dropped to her knees. She dragged down Shannon’s lacy knickers, and Shannon kicked out of them, moaning softly as Jay’s hands came around her and held her firmly in place.
Jay felt Shannon’s hands in her hair, gripping it tight in her fists and tugging. The feeling was somewhere between pleasure and pain. Shannon pulled Jay’s head back and away from her.
“What?” Jay asked impatiently.
“I like it rough, so no fucking around with nibbles and kisses,” Shannon demanded.
She released Jay’s head and leaned back against the glass.
“Hurry up. I want to come.”
Jay laughed, turned on even more by Shannon’s commands. If that’s how she wants to play.
Jay pushed Shannon’s legs apart roughly and used her fingers to spread her wide open. Shannon was swollen and wet, and Jay breathed in the scent of her.
Shannon gasped as Jay’s hot mouth closed on her. She shut her eyes and pressed back harder into the wall, pulling Jay’s face with her.
She sighed as Jay stroked her tongue rhythmically against Shannon’s clit. Jay’s mouth was hot and her tongue hard, exactly the way she liked it. Jay unerringly found the spot that would make Shannon come and made circles over it with her tongue.
Her fingers found Shannon’s wet and swollen opening, and she pushed inside without hesitation. Jay’s arm came around Shannon’s waist to hold her in place. With firm strokes, she began to fuck her in a way that Shannon knew would make her come hard. Shannon steadied herself by gripping Jay’s firm shoulders and felt her climax began to build, spurred on by the sounds of Jay’s groans as she worked her with her tongue and hand.
Hot white heat eclipsed her vision as a fire kindled and caught in her belly. The flames shot up then went raging through her. She cried out, coming forcefully as her legs gave way completely.
Jay caught her, lifted her, and in complete contrast to way she just fucked her, placed Shannon gently on the bed. With infinite tenderness Jay kissed her on her forehead, her eyelids, her chin. Shannon heard her kick off her own shoes and lay down next to her.
“Jesus.” Shannon rolled onto her side to face Jay. “That was unexpected.”
“What do you mean?” Jay turned her head to face Shannon.
“Usually I have a little wine and make conversation first. But you just dove straight in there—not that I’m complaining.”
Shannon ran her hand down Jay’s stomach. She lifted her T-shirt and drew slow circles at the base of her belly. She was pleased when she felt the muscles twitch and tighten.
“I just noticed I’m the only one of us that’s naked,” Shannon said.
Jay grinned and reached up to stroke Shannon’s face. She trailed her fingers down her neck before gently capturing a small pink nipple. Shannon gasped. She wasn’t ready to come again, and she needed to touch Jay.
Shannon took the hand from her breast, pushed it back above Jay’s head, and then did the same with the other.
She rolled over and came to rest on top of Jay, still holding her arms in place. Shannon pushed one leg between Jay’s and began to move slowly back and forth so the seam of Jay’s jeans pressed against her clit.
Jay raised her head to suck on one of Shannon’s full breasts as they swayed above her. “No.” Shannon moved away and then ducked her head quickly, nipping Jay’s chin.
“You’re the boss,” Jay breathed.
“I am. And don’t you forget it,” Shannon murmured, releasing her arms and reaching down to unzip Jay’s jeans. She slid a hand inside to find Jay wet and ready for her.
Shannon kissed Jay deeply and swallowed her gasp as she brushed gentle fingers over her clit.
“You like that?” Shannon crooned, running a finger up and then back down the cleft of Jay’s lips.
“Yes.” Jay groaned. “I’m going to come.”
“No you’re not. Not until I say you can.” Shannon removed her hand, tugged Jay’s jeans down her legs, and threw them behind her. She pulled up her T-shirt, and Jay helped her get it off. Now, both naked, Shannon slid down Jay’s hard, slick body and rested between her legs.
She pressed her thumb to Jay’s wet centre and tugged lightly, drawing a soft groan. She smiled, dropped her head, and licked slowly along the length of Jay’s clit, then drew it into her mouth and sucked. Jay bucked on the bed, moaning softly.
“That feel good?” Shannon asked, lifting her head.
“Yes, fuck yes.” Jay’s eyes were squeezed shut. “Please, don’t stop.”
Shannon’s head dipped again as she pulled Jay’s hard, swollen clit between her lips. She sucked steadily, and Jay’s hips rocked in time, becoming more frantic with every stroke, until, finally, she held Shannon’s head to her, her body going rigid for a moment, and then lay still.
Shannon looked up. Jay was still with one arm flung across her eyes. She moved up on the bed and pulled her arm away.
“Did you come?” she asked.
Jay nodded her head, eyes still closed.
“You’re very quiet. Maybe we need to work out a hand signal or something.”
Jay didn’t respond.
“What’s the matter? Hit your word limit for the day?” Shannon slapped her belly softly, then lay beside her.
“I haven’t been with anyone for a really long time,” Jay finally said, her voice quiet.
“How long?” Shannon turned on her side, one hand supporting her head.
“Five years.”
“You’re kidding me?”
“No, I’m not.”
Jay finally opened her eyes, and Shannon was surprised at the pain in them. She reached out and stroked Jay’s face gently—something she never did because it was so intimate—but the woman looked so damn sad.
“Why? I mean, you’re really sexy.”
“Thanks.” Jay grinned. “Let me show you just how sexy.”
She began to rise. Shannon pushed her back down firmly. “Not so fast, hot stuff. Tell me.”
Jay blew out a breath. “I’ve been away.”
“Where? A convent?”
Jay sat up, then pushed a hand through her hair. “Are you always this nosy?”
“Pretty much,” Shannon answered.
“I’ve been inside,” Jay replied, slowly.
Shannon didn’t understand. “Like agoraphobia?”
“No.” Jay laughed, then grew serious. “Like prison.”
It took a moment to sink in.
“Prison,” Shannon repeated. Oh shit. The one time I don’t get a nondisclosure agreement.
“Yes. Five years.” Jay must have seen the look of panic on Shannon’s face because she began to move off the bed.
“Hey, where are you going?” Shannon stilled her with an arm.
“You can’t want me to stay after I just told you that.”
“I don’t know,” Shannon said honestly. “What did you do?” Shannon, it doesn’t matter what she did. This is so not good for your career. The truth was that she really didn’t want her to go.
Remembering the way Jay had lain her on the bed so carefully, Shannon couldn’t believe Jay meant her any harm. You don’t know that. Except somehow she did. And besides, Jay had plenty of opportunity to strangle her and chop her into tiny pieces—like Bethany was worried about.
“Does it matter?” Jay sat on the edge of the bed, facing the window, breaking Shannon from her internal struggle.
Shannon sat up behind her and ran her hand over the tattoo on her neck, a crudely drawn constellation—maybe the Little Dipper—and no doubt something she’d picked up in prison.
“You’re safe with me, Shannon. I wouldn’t hurt you,” Jay said quietly as she began to relax beneath Shannon’s gentle touch.
“I know,” Shannon replied. Her hand moved up into Jay’s hair and stroked softly. “Don’t go. Please.”
Jay was surprised. She fully expected Shannon to kick her out after what she’d told her.
Jay turned back towards the bed and into Shannon’s outstretched arms. She pushed her gently back down on the bed and kissed her softly, surprising herself with her own tenderness.
With her fingers, she traced the line of Shannon’s jaw, then her lips, and then kissed the places she had touched. Shannon sighed and arched her neck to allow Jay easier access.
Slowly, Jay worked her way down to Shannon’s breasts, drew circles around her nipple, and watched as it hardened. She flicked her tongue over it, and Shannon gasped at the sensation. Jay took the nipple in her mouth and sucked, while she rolled the other one between her fingers. She slid her leg between Shannon’s and groaned softly as she felt wetness against her thigh.
Shannon lifted her head up and covered Jay’s mouth with her own. Shannon pulled her down and locked her ankle around Jay’s calf as she rocked against her leg. She forced her thigh against Jay’s wet, warm centre, and they both began to move frantically. Jay braced herself on her arms and squeezed her eyes shut.
She felt Shannon grasp her head between her hands.
“Look at me,” she gasped. “Look…at…me.”
Jay opened her eyes and tried to stay focused on Shannon as she rocked above her, climbing steadily to orgasm.
Eyes locked, they rode the wave together, Shannon cried out while Jay remained silent. She lowered herself into Shannon’s arms and buried her face in her neck for a moment, then tried to roll away.
“No, stay.” Shannon held her in place.
At first it felt uncomfortable to be held like that, then she relaxed into it. Shannon stroked her back, finding the tattoo on her neck, running her fingers over the ridged bumps.
* * *
Shannon finally felt content. Her limbs were liquid, and the tension from earlier in the evening had completely dissipated. She traced the outline of Jay’s tattoo, a delicate scar on soft smooth skin. She wanted to ask what it was for, but didn’t.
Her parents had a horse farm back in Kansas. Sometimes, she’d watched her father break the horses in. When she was older, he’d let her help, and she’d been good at it. The trick was patience. Going too fast or too hard would spook them. Like any animal, they didn’t trust easily; it took time. When they were ready, when they learned you weren’t going to hurt them, they came around.
In her arms, Jay spoke against her neck. “You didn’t answer my question earlier.” She rolled onto her back, folding her hands behind her head.
Shannon turned on her side to face Jay. “What do you mean?”
“When I said I already knew your name. You said it was refreshing. What did you mean?”
“Oh, that. Usually when I meet people, it goes one of two ways. They either fawn all over me or pretend they don’t know who I am. Whichever way they go, it ends up the same way. I’m an actress, you know. I’ve got this screenplay I wrote. You get the picture.” Shannon waved her hand dismissively. “You didn’t do any of that. It’s nice.”
“Really?” Jay turned to face her. “You know, I’m an actress…” She grinned.
“Fuck off.” Shannon laughed and slapped her chest lightly. “Have you ever seen one of my movies?”
“Yes, one. Can’t remember what it was called though. It was all right.”
“All right?” Shannon mimicked Jay’s accent. “Just all right?”
“I’m not into those romantic ones. But that’s all we got in prison. Romantic comedies. I suppose they worried that anything a bit grittier, and we’d get all worked up and start stabbing each other or something.”
“I’ve never been in a romantic comedy.” Shannon sat up, annoyed.
“Yes you have. That one where you have to go back to high school undercover. You end up with the teacher.”
“I never did a movie like that. Ever.”
“Are you sure?” Jay asked.
“I know what fucking movies I’ve been in,” Shannon snapped.
“Must have been some other bird then.” Jay shrugged and yawned.
“Some other bird? Are you serious? You know… Wait… Are you…?” Shannon stopped as Jay began to laugh.
“Oh, you fucker!” Shannon threw a pillow at her.
Jay caught it and carried on laughing. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”
Shannon couldn’t stop herself from smiling. This, she wasn’t used to. When she’d been back in Kansas, people had joked around with her, but since she became a movie star, no one dared. They were all too busy kissing her ass. She didn’t realise how much she missed being treated like a normal human being. “You’re an asshole,” she said as she lay back down and stretched out alongside Jay. “You’re lucky that you’re good in bed.”
“It’s sexy when you swear in that accent.” Jay rolled over to face her, her hand trailing over Shannon’s hip to rest on her backside. “You want to go again?”
“When you it put so romantically, how could I refuse?” Shannon rolled onto her and pushed her back into the bed. “This time, I’m in charge.”
“Whatever you want.” Jay’s eyes darkened as Shannon rose up to straddle her. “I want you to watch me,” Shannon told her as she teased her own nipples to attention and rocked against Jay’s belly.
“Okay,” Jay breathed.
“And no touching until I say so.”
“Okay.”
“Good.”
Shannon reached down and began to stroke herself. Distantly, she heard Jay groan.
“You like watching me?” She breathed, feeling herself swell and get wet.
“Oh yes,” Jay whispered as her hands twitched by her sides.
Shannon began stroke herself harder before she pushed one, two fingers inside herself and groaned. She pulled them back out and ran them over Jay’s lips, before pushing them into Jay’s mouth. Jay’s head rose up as she sucked on Shannon’s fingers, tasting her sweetness.
“You want to be inside me, baby?” Shannon crooned, her hand going back to pleasuring herself.
“Can I?” Jay croaked, her throat tight and dry.
“Not yet. Not just yet.” Shannon stroked herself faster, harder, rocking her hips in time. “I’m going to come,” she moaned as she felt the tide of her orgasm rise.
“Jesus.” Jay groaned.
“Now, Jay, go inside,” Shannon commanded, and Jay complied.
Shannon felt Jay’s gentle fingers push inside, and she groaned. Her building orgasm receded slightly until Jay picked up the same rhythm she’d used on herself.
Jay slipped out and then pushed back inside again. Shannon began to rock harder, and Jay held her hand in place, letting Shannon ride her fingers.
Shannon picked up her pace until she was hammering up and down frantically. She threw her head back and cried out, collapsing into Jay’s waiting arms.
* * *
Shannon had fallen asleep in her arms, and though Jay was tired herself, she couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was the unusual sensation of someone else in the bed with her. Or maybe the fact that she lay beneath soft warm sheets instead of on a hard, lumpy mattress. She wasn’t sure, but it felt good. So she lay there and ran her fingers through Shannon’s thick, golden-brown hair.
When she’d stepped out of the prison gates that morning, a hotel was the last place she’d expected to end up. She’d gone to the crappy boarding house where she’d rented a crappy room through the prison service reintegration programme.
She sat down on a bed, which dipped heavily in the middle, and tried not to think of all the other sweating bodies that had lain on it before her. She tried to get her head straight.
She’d taken three worn paperbacks out of her duffle bag and put them on the window sill, moved her small collection of clothes into the chest of drawers which was scarred with cigarette burns, and wondered how the fuck she’d ended up here. Not the boarding house—that place was where they sent recent parolees. She’d known for ages she’d be starting again there. How had she ended up here? In the mess she’d found herself in?
She had a job interview next week at a supermarket. Another shithole that employed paroled prisoners for minimum wage. When she’d told her prison liaison officer there was no way she was working in a supermarket, the woman had given her a cold hard look. “For next few months, you’ll be out on license. You mess up once—just once—and you’ll be straight back here. Someone like you, Jay, doesn’t have many choices. So take the room in the boarding house, go to work at the supermarket, and be grateful that you’re out. That you’re free. Try and make some kind of life for yourself. Even if it isn’t what you had planned.”
She’d been good in school and about to start a degree in agriculture at university. She’d had friends, been on the hockey team. Then it had all gone spectacularly wrong.
She sighed and rubbed her grainy eyes.
Shannon stirred. “What’s wrong?” she asked sleepily.
“Nothing. Go back to sleep,” Jay whispered and kissed her hair.
Shannon rose up onto her side and yawned. “Aren’t you tired?” she asked.
“Yes, but I can’t seem to go to sleep.”
“Seriously? After what we’ve been doing? Sex doesn’t put you to sleep?”
Jay shrugged.
Shannon sighed. “Come here.” She rolled onto her back and held out her arms. Without thinking, Jay moved into them, and Shannon directed her head to her chest and stroked her hair.
“You don’t have to do this,” Jay mumbled.
“I know, but the alternative is you lying there all night, fidgeting.”
“I can go,” she said, hoping desperately that Shannon wouldn’t let her, and not knowing why she felt like that.
“I’d rather you didn’t,” Shannon replied softly.
“Okay then. I won’t.”
“Good.”
Shannon felt Jay relax and go heavy in her arms as she fell asleep. Shannon lay there for a while, wondering about Jay and what the fuck she, Shannon, was doing.
She’d invited women to her bed before, women she didn’t know—didn’t want to know. She was always glad when they left, ushering them out of the door when she’d had enough, and she never let them stay the night. Ever.
Now here she was, lying in bed with a former criminal asleep in her arms, and wanting desperately to know her. To heal her. Fuck. What am I doing? And she hadn’t even gotten her to sign the nondisclosure agreement. Somehow and for reasons she didn’t understand, Shannon trusted Jay. Jay would never say a word to anyone. Shannon didn’t know how she knew, but it was true.
She knew, just like she had known how far to push the horses. An instinct that told her when they were ready to be mounted, when they wouldn’t throw her off and hurt her. Sighing, she pulled Jay tighter and slept.
* * *
Shannon woke to the sound of shrill ringing. She reached across the still-sleeping body of Jay and grabbed her cell phone.
“Yes?” Her voice was still thick with sleep.
“Shannon? Did I wake you up?”
Shannon sat up. “Yes, what time is it?”
“Like, after ten. Guess you’re worn out from last night, huh?” Bethany teased.
“A little bit.” Shannon glanced down at Jay, who lay on her back, arms above her head with the sheet pushed down to just below her waist. Something stirred in Shannon again.
“What’s up?” She forced her mind back the Bethany.
“Oh, nothing. Did we have plans today?”
“Are you with that guy?”
“Mark. Yes, he wants to take me out for the day. Show me the sights, he says.”
Hmmm, maybe Nameless Guy wasn’t such a douchebag after all. “And you want to go?”
“Do you mind?” Bethany sounded hesitant. “I mean, I know this was supposed to be time for us to hang out and, you know, catch up and stuff.”
“Bethy, it’s fine. Seriously, enjoy yourself.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Wait a minute, is she still there?”
Shannon could hear sheets rustling on the other end of the line. She smiled, imagining Bethany sitting up, eyes bright and nose twitching with the scent of gossip.
When Shannon didn’t reply, Bethany put two and two together. “Oh my God, she stayed over?”
“Bethy—”
“Well, well, well. Shannon Dempsey. Did this one get under your skin?”
“Bethy.” Shannon squirmed. “I can’t talk about it right now. I’ll see you tomorrow? The car’s taking us to the airport at eight.”
“Sure. But as your best friend, I want all the details. All of them.”
“Fine, fine. Now get lost and enjoy your day with lover boy.”
Bethany suddenly squealed on the other end of the line, and Shannon heard a quiet male voice. “Okay, Shannon, I gotta go. Love you.”
“Love you, Bethy.” Shannon ended the call and smiled. She looked back at Jay, who was now watching her with those sexy, hooded eyes. Her hands were folded behind her head.
“Hey,” Jay said softly.
“Hey, yourself.” Shannon lay down alongside her and ran her hands in slow circles on Jay’s belly.
“Who was that?”
“My friend, Bethany. She hooked up with a guy last night.” Shannon trailed one finger down Jay’s abdomen, stopping just below her navel. She smiled at Jay’s quick intake of breath. “She wants to hang out with him today. He’s going to show her the sights.”
“I see.” Jay’s voice was tight with arousal. “And what are your plans today?” Jay caught her hand as it began a slow descent past her navel.
“I thought unless you had stuff to do, you could show me your sights. If you do, I’ll show you mine.”
Shannon met her eyes and grinned at Jay. Seeing a serious look returned, she wasn’t sure what it meant. “What?” Shannon frowned, uncertain.
“It’s just…you’re so beautiful.” Jay rose, caught Shannon’s face in her hand, and gently ran her thumb over her jaw. She kissed her softly, a lover’s kiss.
Shannon closed her eyes, allowing herself, for a moment, to believe that this was her lover, not just some random woman she had picked up at a bar. Jay slowly deepened the kiss, rolling over until she was on top of Shannon.
Jay kissed her way along Shannon’s jaw and down her neck. She took a nipple in her mouth and began to suck it gently while her hand travelled downwards, stroking, stroking, carefully, slowly.
Shannon arched beneath her and couldn’t help herself from running her hands through the thick, soft hair on Jay’s head. She sighed as Jay placed gentle kisses on the inside of her thighs. Jay smiled against her skin when she couldn’t contain her moan.
Jay trailed her fingers lightly on Shannon’s outer lips, then took one gently in her mouth and sucked. When Shannon groaned again, Jay stopped and moved onto the other one. Jay opened her with infinite care and then run her tongue along the length of her clit.
“Wait, wait, stop,” Shannon said.
It was too much. Too much like making love and it had to stop.
“Did I do something wrong?” Jay’s head came up, her eyes worried.
“No, baby, no.” Shannon reached down to stroke her face. “Just turn around, I want to taste you too.”
She did; it wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t quite the truth either. She couldn’t let Jay make love to her. Her heart would break.
Shannon had spent such a long time learning to protect herself, walling herself off from everyone except Bethany and her family. One gentle touch, one caress from Jay, and she could feel it all being swept away like a child’s building blocks. What was wrong with her that this one woman she hardly knew could render her so vulnerable?
Jay did as she was asked and rose up quickly. She turned and placed her arms and legs either side of Shannon, her centre hovered above Shannon’s mouth.
Shannon closed her eyes and concentrated on the scent of Jay, on the taste of her. She reminded herself it was just sex.
* * *
Shannon rolled away and lay on her back as she tried to catch her breath. Jay reached for her hand.
“Wow,” Shannon managed.
“I know,” Jay replied.
“Give me a minute and I’ll order some breakfast.”
“I’m starving.” Jay turned over and used her finger to trace the valley between Shannon’s breasts.
“No fucking way.” Shannon shoved her hand away. “You can’t want to go again.”
Jay grinned. “Five years is a long time, you know.”
“You were in a women’s prison. You couldn’t have got yourself off with anyone?”
Jay rolled away and sat up. “No. I’m going to make some tea.”
“Hey,” Shannon said softly, holding Jay’s arm as she went to move away. “Sorry, it was a stupid joke.”
“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologise,” Jay said.
“I do. I shouldn’t have made a joke about prison. Sometimes, I’m an idiot.”
Jay rolled back onto the bed, planting a loud kiss on her breast. “Nah, you’re not an idiot.”
She tickled Shannon ribs and made her squeal.
“Get lost!” She laughed, slapping at Jay’s hands.
“Oh, the movie star’s ticklish,” Jay said, reaching for her.
“I mean it, get lost!” Shannon squealed again as Jay caught her. She wriggled free and jumped from the bed, laughing. “Asshole.”
“I love it when you call me names in American,” Jay joked and got up to join her. “You want tea?” She turned over two mugs at the marble-top counter.
“Sure, I’ll order up some breakfast. What do you eat?”
“Full English.” Jay didn’t turn around. She was focussed on the tea making.
“That sounds disgusting. What is it?” Shannon picked up the menu and began reading. “Meat, meat, meat, and baked beans?”
“It’s lovely. Have one.”
“I’ll pass, thanks.”
“I suppose you Hollywood lot mostly eat, what, dust?” Jay brought the mugs over to the bed and placed one of them on Shannon’s side.
“Not me. I mean, I have to exercise, but I don’t starve myself.”
“No, I can see that,” Jay said, drawing her eyes down Shannon’s body.
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Shannon rolled her eyes, even though she liked the way Jay looked at her.
“Oh yes, your nondisclosure people would love that.”
“They’d have a coronary.”
“So, what, you’re gay, but you pretend to be straight?” Jay asked, with no judgement in her voice.
Shannon looked at her as she sipped her tea. “I avoid the subject. Lie by omission, I guess. I mean, some actors do come out, but if you want to get the good parts—especially as a woman—you need to be seen as fuckable, attainable. A lesbian is none of those things to the men who make or watch movies.” She shrugged. There was no anger in her voice.
“That’s unfair. I mean, isn’t the point of acting that you’re acting? You’re being someone else?”
“It’s just the way it is. It’s changing slowly, but for right now, I let everyone assume I’m straight. When the rumour mill churns about me and some guy dating, I don’t deny or confirm it. The current one is that I’m dating my co-star, Dane North.”
“Who?” Jay asked, puzzled.
“That’s why I like you, Jay. You really don’t give a shit, do you?” Shannon laughed and picked the menu up again. “Let’s get this food ordered. I’m so hungry.”
* * *
“That’s the best meal I’ve had in ages.” Jay leaned back in her chair at the dining table. They had moved to the other end of the suite and were now showered and dressed. Shannon wore loose cotton trousers and a vest. Jay decided she liked her better this way. Her face was scrubbed clean of makeup, and her wet hair was starting to dry in long waves around her shoulders.
“Was the food bad in—sorry.” Shannon stopped herself.
“It’s fine. You can ask about it. Yes, the food was bad in prison—like school dinners.”
“School what?”
“You know, the food you get at lunchtime in school.”
“Oh yes, I remember that. Gross. Was it… Did you… I mean, can I ask, was it horrible in there?” Shannon asked nervously, not wanting to spook her.
Jay studied Shannon for a moment, unsure how much she wanted to say. She decided there was nothing more than curiosity behind Shannon’s question. “No. It wasn’t that bad, really. I mean, once you got used to the fact that you couldn’t go outside whenever you wanted. Or that you had no personal freedom. It was okay.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to go back. At first, it was really hard. I got into a few scrapes at first, people trying it on—”
“Trying to rape you?” Shannon was horrified.
“No! Not that. Just trying to take my food, or my stuff, trying to rough me up—I was only eighteen at the time. They thought I was an easy touch.”
Jay was only eighteen when she was put in prison. The age Shannon was now and she couldn’t imagine being locked away for five years like that. Time passing you by outside, going in a teenager and coming out at twenty-three.
“You aren’t angry about it?” Shannon asked.
“Being locked up? No, I committed a crime, and I deserved to be punished for it. I’m not angry or resentful. Being in prison is one of the things I’m not angry about.” A shadow passed over her face, and Shannon reached across the table to take her hand.
“What are you angry about?” she asked softly, not understanding why she needed to know this woman like she did.
“Lots of things,” Jay answered, just as softly. “It doesn’t matter now.”
“Do you have family?” Shannon asked.
“Yes, a mother and a sister, but they won’t speak to me anymore.”
Shannon saw the pain etched deep in her face. She stood, walked around the table, and then deposited herself in Jay’s lap. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, stroking her head.
Jay leaned into her for a moment, accepting the comfort.
“Thanks,” Jay replied and leaned back. “Anyway, I’ve told you all this stuff about me. What about you?”
“What about me?” Shannon asked, feeling defensive. It was her default response to personal questions. Her lessons in trust had been hard ones. The evidence of a misplaced word or conversation splattered across the tabloids and gossip magazines. She’d learned deflection, learned to censor her words so that nothing out of her mouth was anything other than what she wanted people to know.
Jay must have sensed her discomfort at the personal question. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. You don’t have to tell me anything.”
“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind,” Shannon surprised herself by answering. “I guess I’m just wary these days. What did you want to know?”
After everything Jay had told her, she didn’t see any harm in reciprocating. Besides, she trusted Jay. It made no sense when she’d only met her last night, but she knew Jay would never sell her out.
“Where are you from?”
“Kansas. Heard of it?” Shannon moved from her lap and took a seat beside her.
“Yes. Wizard of Oz.”
“Right.” Shannon laughed.
“You like it there?” Jay asked.
“Sure. I mean, it’s flat, and there isn’t a whole lot going on, but I love it. My family has a horse farm. It’s nothing fancy, but it does all right.”
“You’re close with them?” Jay asked again.
Shannon was surprised to discover talking about her family didn’t make her uncomfortable as it usually did. Perhaps because she sensed no ulterior motive behind Jay’s interest.
“Yes, we talk all the time, and I get back whenever I can.” Shannon saw a shadow pass over Jay’s face again and wondered about this lost woman. “I have five brothers,” she said.
“What? That must have been fun growing up.”
“Actually, it was. All that space, freedom. Nobody cared who I was back then, and I could just be me.”
Shannon was surprised when Jay took her hand.
“Does your family know about you being gay?” Jay asked gently.
“Yes, and they’re thoroughly disappointed in me.”
“For being gay?” Jay looked shocked.
“No, for being in the closet. They don’t care at all about my being gay. They’re wonderful people,” Shannon said wistfully. “I think they wish I’d stayed on the farm. I was good with the horses.”
“Are the rest of your family still there?” Jay asked.
“One of my brothers went to Kansas City. He’s a lawyer now. The others are still there. All except one—the one above me—is married with kids.”
“You’re the youngest?”
“Yes, my dad wanted to keep trying until they got a girl.”
“You’re close to your dad then?”
“I’m close to my mom too, but me and my dad, we both love the horses, you know?” Shannon picked a square of melon from her plate and popped it into her mouth.
Jay didn’t understand why she was so interested in Shannon’s life. For some reason, she wanted to know everything about her—was greedy for information. Shannon fascinated her, and not in a celebrity way. Jay couldn’t care less about that. Shannon did something to her that made her feel a little less hopeless and a little less lost.
“What happened to your dad?” Shannon asked Jay.
“He died when I was four. My mum was pregnant with my sister.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It was a long time ago.”
“You were close?” Jay thought about Shannon’s question for a moment. Her memories of her father were hazy. A big man, lifting her onto his shoulders, her small hands fisted in his dark, curly hair. Being swung around in strong arms, her screeching with delight. Being held, staring up at the stars. ‘Daddy, where do they all come from?’
‘They come from space, darling. They’re huge explosions in the sky.’
“I think so. My memories are pretty hazy, but I remember I loved him.” Jay shrugged and stood. She didn’t want to talk about her father. It hurt too much and inevitably led her down a path of wondering how different things might be if he’d lived.
* * *
They spent most of the day in bed. By the time they came up for air, the sun was setting, and it cast a warm yellow glow over the bed.
Jay propped herself up. She pushed pillows behind her and pulled Shannon’s head to her chest. Together, they watched the sun disappear and shadows stretch out inside the hotel suite.
“Will you stay tonight? My car doesn’t come for me until tomorrow morning,” Shannon asked softly as Jay ran fingers through her hair, fanning the strands onto her chest.
“I’d like that,” she replied.
“Good.” Shannon didn’t understand the sadness inside herself. It couldn’t be because of Jay, could it? They’d only known each other a day, so she couldn’t be sad about leaving her. That wasn’t how things worked. To take her mind off the ache inside, she lifted her head, taking one of Jay’s small, pink nipples in her mouth. She sucked hard, satisfied when she heard Jay hiss a breath through her teeth. Her hand drifted down between Jay’s legs, and she lazily drew circles around her clit.
“Shan…babe…I don’t think I can,” Jay said in a strangled voice.
Shannon looked at her, one eyebrow raised. “That’s not what your body is saying.”
“My body doesn’t know what it’s talking about. I’m really sore—everywhere. I need a break—can’t believe I’m actually saying that.”
“How about if, this time, I do the work?” Shannon rose up on her knees, watching a lazy smile form on Jay’s face.
“That might be okay.”
“Thought that might appeal to you. Lay down,” she ordered.
Jay complied, and Shannon sat on her at a slight diagonal with one leg over Jay’s and the other bent beneath Jay, so their sexes met. Shannon groaned softly and moved her hips in slow circles. She reached down and opened herself. With the other hand she did the same to Jay and brought them together at their centres.
Jay’s arms came up, around her waist, holding her down firmly, dictating the pace as she rocked her hips against her.
“Yes, that’s it,” Shannon groaned and felt her wetness mingle with Jay’s. She slid back and forth over her.
She watched as Jay’s breathing became laboured, and her eyes squeezed shut as she began to rock in time.
“No, Jay. Look at me. I want you to watch me come.”
Jay’s eyes opened, and her hands left Shannon’s hips as she reached up, fingers closing over Shannon’s nipples. She began to manipulate them gently.
“Oh!” Shannon cried out. “I’m coming.”
The wave washed over her, and distantly she heard Jay groan. Shannon struggled to continue her rocking motion. She wanted Jay to come as well.
“Are you coming?” she asked, breathlessly.
“Yes,” Jay sighed.
“Then…let me…hear you—oh God, I’m coming again.”
Shannon groaned. Her eyes flew open as she heard Jay cry out—a hoarse shout of triumph—and she collapsed onto her. Jay wrapped her in her arms and pulled her close. With her head against Jay’s neck, she sighed as Jay’s hands gently rubbed small circles on her back. Shannon drifted into sleep.
* * *
Jay woke up to the sound of quiet murmurs which came from the dining area. She groaned, pulled herself into a sitting position, and squinted against the bright sunlight coming through the floor-to-ceiling windows.
Her body was sore—pleasantly so—and she grinned at the memories of last night. Fast on the heels of that was the realisation Shannon was flying home today, and the grin dropped off her face.
Although they’d only spent a short amount of time together, most of it fucking, she liked Shannon. Jay couldn’t remember the last time she’d met anybody she liked.
Shannon was beautiful and sexy, but Jay had been surprised to discover she was also funny and gentle and kind. No point getting all mushy about her. In a few hours, she’d be gone back to America and Jay would probably never see her again.
She sighed and stretched, suddenly noticing the feeling of soft cotton sheets and a firm mattress. Ever since she’d been a kid, her bed was one of her favourite places. On Sundays she’d sometimes stayed in it until the afternoon, reading and drinking endless cups of tea. It was one of the things she missed most in prison. That bloody bed at the halfway house wasn’t looking much better. She sighed again.
“That’s a big sigh.”
Startled from her thoughts, Jay looked to where Shannon stood, wearing a T-shirt that barely covered anything—and as far as Jay was concerned, the less Shannon wore the better.
Shannon smiled at the hungry look Jay knew must be in her eyes. “Something on your mind?”
“Come here and I’ll show you.”
“Nope. I want to know what you were sighing about, and if I come over there, we won’t be doing any talking.” Shannon made a point of sitting in an armchair that faced the bed, but was too far away for Jay to reach out and touch her.
Jay let out a dramatic sigh. “Fine. Have it your way.”
“I always do.”
“I was thinking it’s a shame you’re leaving so soon.”
“That’s sweet.”
Jay grinned. “I really, really like this bed.”
“Asshole!” Shannon threw a scatter cushion at her which she caught easily and laughed. “There I was, about to tell you I’d extended my trip by another day. I wish I hadn’t bothered now.”
“You have? Honestly?” Jay felt something warm grown inside her. She was surprised to find that it wasn’t about sex or lust, just a pure happiness she hadn’t felt in a long time.
She met Shannon’s eyes and saw her own happiness reflected back. Happiness and something that looked a little like shyness. Overcome with the urge to hold her, Jay got off the bed and went to kneel before her. She took Shannon’s hands gently in her own and lifted her face to place a soft kiss on Shannon’s lips.
“What would you like to do today? I’m at your service.”
“Oh, really?” Shannon pulled Jay’s head forward and captured her lips in a hard kiss. As she began to deepen it, Jay pulled away.
“I love doing that, but I’d like to take you out somewhere. If you’ll let me.”
“Huh.” Shannon regarded her with an eyebrow raised. “You don’t want to fuck all day?”
“Maybe we can fuck all night instead. I’d really like to take you out somewhere. Or are you worried about being recognised?”
“No, I’m not worried. I had no idea you were this sweet. You want to take me out, huh?”
“Yes.”
“Old-fashioned style?”
“What do you mean?”
“Hold open doors for me?”
“Definitely.”
“Lay your cape over puddles for me to walk across?”
“You’re taking the piss out of me,” Jay said in mock annoyance.
“No, baby. Never.” Shannon laughed, resting her arms on Jay’s shoulders and kissing her mouth. “I think it’s lovely. I would love to be taken out by you.”
“Really?”
“Definitely.” Shannon stood up and headed for the bathroom. “But when we get back, I’m going to fuck your brains out.” Jay moved up quickly behind her, laughing at Shannon’s squeals when her fingers found Shannon’s ticklish places.
* * *
Jay stood behind Shannon with her arms wrapped tightly around her. The spray from the water didn’t bother her, and it didn’t seem to bother Shannon either. It had turned into a fairly warm day, now that the sun had shown its face.
Before they’d left the hotel that morning, Jay had a momentary panic. It was a long time since she’d been back in London, and suddenly she’d felt out of her depth—like a tourist in her own city. She had no idea if her old haunts were still around, and because she hadn’t kept in touch with her friends from before she’d gone to prison, there was no one she could call up and ask. She had no clue where to take Shannon.
Jay sat on the huge bed. She could hear the shower running in the next room and knew Shannon would probably be out soon. Jay would still be sitting on the bed with no idea what they were going to do and looking like a great big arsehole. Shannon would probably come to her senses and quickly usher the scruffy parolee out of her hotel room and her life.
No. No, they were going out, and they were going to have a good day. Whatever came after—fleapit halfway house and life on minimum wage—this was going to be a good day. Something Jay could carry with her, a happy memory to sustain her through what was to come.
She had an idea. It was true that to all intents and purposes they were both tourists, so why didn’t they have a day of doing touristy stuff? Jay didn’t have a lot of cash, but that was the good thing about London. A person could do a lot for free.
There they were, on the Thames Clipper, going up to Greenwich. They had spent the morning in Shad Thames, by Tower Bridge. Shannon loved walking along the little cobbled streets as Jay tried to remember everything she had been taught in history lessons about the bridge and the former warehouses, now turned into posh flats, around them. Admittedly, she’d had to improvise on some of it and brush over other bits.
Shannon turned in her arms to brush a kiss over Jay’s mouth. “Thank you for this.”
“What, the dubious history lessons?”
Shannon laughed and kissed her again. Jay would have been happy for Shannon to go on kissing her forever.
“No, the day. It’s been great, just walking around with you. Also, thank you for the very inventive history lesson.”
“It’s not over yet. Not by a long way. I’ve got loads more shit to make up about the Cutty Sark when we get to Greenwich.” Jay smiled down at her, loving the way Shannon felt in her arms. The smell of her shampoo, clean and fresh and wonderful—just like her. Careful, Jay. You only have this one day with her. Don’t get in too deep.
Shannon was looking at her with something in her eyes that matched the way Jay was feeling. She couldn’t help herself; she bent down and placed a gentle kiss on Shannon’s lips—cold and slightly wet from the spray. It had been a long time since she’d felt peace like this.
Shannon leaned into her, and they held each other all the way to Greenwich.
* * *
The hotel phone was ringing. Shannon, still wrapped in Jay’s arms, untangled herself, reached for it, and knocked it to the floor. She was still tired from yesterday and last night.
“Shit!” She scrambled off the bed and picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Hello, Ms Dempsey. This is your seven a.m. wake-up call.”
“Thank you,” she replied, heart sinking. She glanced over to the bed where Jay watched her, a look of sadness on her own face. “Hey,” she said as she put the phone down.
“Hey,” Jay replied softly. “You need to get ready. I’ll go.”
“No! I mean, it’s fine. I have the room until two thirty. Stay, enjoy room service, sleep.” She forced a joviality into her voice that she didn’t feel.
“I’ll stay until you leave then. I don’t want to be here after you’ve…” Gone. Left me. Back to your real life in Hollywood.
“Sure,” Shannon replied and nodded.
Jay watched as she went to the wardrobes and started throwing clothes into her suitcase. With a strange heaviness in her heart, she got up herself and pulled on her jeans and T-shirt.
She followed Shannon into the bathroom where they brushed their teeth together, an oddly intimate act that sent another pang of sadness through her.
Shannon gathered up her few toiletries, scooped them into a small designer bag, and zipped it up.
“You want tea?” Jay asked her.
“No, thank you,” Shannon said politely, without looking up from her suitcase.
Jay felt the distance growing between them. It widened gradually, as she sat on the bed, sipping tea, watching Shannon apply makeup, force tongs through her beautiful wavy hair, watching as it steamed itself straight.
She pulled on low-slung, tight jeans, high-heeled boots, and a skimpy T-shirt. Turning, she faced Jay.
“How do I look?” she asked.
Jay grinned weakly.
“That good, huh?” she asked sarcastically and turned away again.
“No, you look great. It’s just…you don’t look like you.”
Jay saw Shannon’s body tense and realised she’d said the wrong thing. Shannon spun around.
“How the fuck would you know who I am? Jay, we spent a couple of nights screwing. Don’t make it more than it is.”
Jay nodded and ignored the sharp stab of pain. Shannon was right; they didn’t know each other at all.
“I’m sorry. Now I’m the asshole.” Shannon walked towards her, but stopped when Jay held up her hand and stepped back.
“Don’t be. It’s true. We don’t know each other. We just fucked. A lot.” She tried a smile, but it felt wooden on her face.
“We could…we could keep in touch? Maybe?” Shannon asked.
“No, I don’t think so.”
Shannon winced. “You’re probably right.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to, but… I mean, come on, what would we talk about?” Jay asked.
“We managed okay the last few days,” Shannon replied softly.
“Shannon.” Jay walked towards her. She wanted to hold her, but instead, lifted her chin with one finger and brought her face up to meet her eyes. “What would we say to each other? ‘Hey, I won an Oscar!’ ‘Great, I stacked a bunch of shelves with baked beans.’ You see?”
Shannon nodded, and the look in her eyes told Jay she did see. She nodded again and put her arms around Jay’s neck. She kissed her gently on the lips. “I had a great time,” she whispered.
“Yes, me too.” Jay blinked once, then looked away, swallowing hard.
The phone rang again, then rang off. “That’s my car,” Shannon said, breaking the embrace. “Well, take care of yourself, Jay. If you’re ever in Hollywood, look me up?”
Jay laughed, although it felt dangerously close to a sob. “Yes, I will. Goodbye, Shannon.”
“Bye, baby.” Shannon left, wheeling her suitcase behind her. Jay sat down on the bed, feeling heartbroken and unsure why. You’ve only known her for five minutes. What is wrong with you?
It was this room. She had to get out of here. She waited until she was sure Shannon would not be in the corridor, then picked up her jacket and left, pulling the door shut hard behind her.
* * *
“You look well-rested for someone who’s been fucking for two straight days,” Bethany said as she got in the car.
Shannon raised an eyebrow and assessed her friend. “I could say the same about you.” Shannon didn’t mention that her eyes looked red raw, as if she’d actually been crying for two days straight. “You okay?” she asked instead.
Bethany shrugged, blinking back more tears that threatened. “He says he’ll come visit me in Kansas…”
“Hey,” Shannon soothed, putting an arm around her friend and pulling her close. “I’m sure he will, Bethy.” Not really knowing if it was true or not.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’ll just start crying again. Tell me about your girl.” Bethany sat up and wiped at her eyes.
Shannon looked past her and out the window. She watched the streets of London rush by in a blur. “Not much to tell. She was great in bed and funny—it was good.”
“You really liked her, huh?” Bethany asked gently as she took her friend’s hand.
Shannon shrugged, her throat going tight again. “I can’t understand why. I don’t even know her,” Shannon whispered.
Bethany pulled her into a hug and said quietly against her ear, “Sometimes, that doesn’t matter. Sometimes, they just get inside you, you know?”
Shannon didn’t answer. Instead, she buried her face into Bethany’s shoulder and quietly began to cry.