“Where did you get off to last night?” Shannon pinched a piece of toast from Alfie’s plate and sat at the kitchen table.
“Sorry, I couldn’t sleep.” Jay dipped some more egg onto the piece of toast and directed it at Alfie’s mouth.
“You don’t have to apologise. I just wondered if it was because of what happened with us.”
“No! Please, Shannon, don’t think that. Last night was great. I just…”
“I understand. I just wanted to make sure.”
“They told us we could go to the police station at lunchtime. I asked Mrs Fritz to come and watch Alfie.”
“Did you tell her what happened?”
Jay snorted. “She called me. It’s the gossip of the century. Everyone wants to know about the police cars parked outside most of the night. It’s a small village, but someone always sees something. Soon, they’ll start making up what they don’t know.”
“Just like home. Listen, I have to go back to the cottage and get a change of clothes. Shall I meet you back here at eleven?”
“Okay, thanks. I’m really sorry about all of this.”
“Jay, stop apologising. I’m glad I’m here.”
“Why?” Jay looked genuinely confused.
“I care about you, you idiot. That’s why.” Shannon stood, kissed both Jay and Alfie on the head, and left.
As Jay was finishing up with Alfie, a knock sounded at the door. She checked her watch, thinking it was too early for Mrs Fritz. She stood, brushing the crumbs from her shirt, and went to answer it.
“Hello, dear.” Mrs Fritz’s eyes were bright, and Jay fancied that she could see her nose twitching with the scent of potential gossip in the air. “Is everything all right?”
“Fine, Mrs Fritz. Please, come in.”
Mrs Fritz followed Jay into the house, her eyes darting about, no doubt looking for clues. Maybe bloodstains or bullet holes, Jay thought, smiling to herself.
“Thank you so much for doing this. It’s a real help.”
“No thanks necessary, dear. Always happy to help a neighbour.”
“Well, it’s very kind.”
“Nonsense. Jay, dear. What happened last night? You know that I’m not one to gossip, but apparently you had a lot of police cars up here.”
If it hadn’t been for Shannon and Kelly, Jay would have been tempted to tell her, just to see the look on her face. “Not a lot, Mrs Fritz, just one.” Jay turned to see her looking expectantly, and sighed. She supposed she would have to give her something. “I thought I saw someone down at Henry’s, trying to break in.”
“Oh Lord!” Mrs Fritz cried.
“It was a false alarm, Mrs Fritz. Everything is fine.” Jay felt bad; she hadn’t meant to scare the old woman. Maybe it was just as well that she hadn’t mentioned the drug dealers kidnapping her sister.
“And Henry?”
“Fine, too,” Jay quickly assured her. “Honestly, Mrs Fritz, it was just me overreacting. Please don’t worry.”
“Well, as long as everyone’s okay.”
Not yet, Jay thought. But they will be. Soon.
* * *
Shannon sat waiting in a hardback plastic chair. It was her second time in a police station, but her first in the UK, and she thought they seemed to be pretty much the same. The floor was painted a dull grey colour, and various posters were dotted about, showing pictures of wanted men and women whose expressions ranged from angry to bored. She’d studied them all briefly and decided she didn’t know anyone. It was a shame really, as she’d calculated the reward money for information leading to their arrests would net her about seventy grand.
Shannon thought of Jay being somewhere like this all those years ago and how scared she must have been. Shannon wondered if she felt nervous about being back.
Jay had told her about the conversation with Mrs Fritz on the way here, and Shannon had been in fits of laughter. They’d talked casually, and Shannon had felt something settle between them. Something comfortable and easy. Last night, when she’d still been mostly asleep, she thought she’d heard Jay say she loved her. She tried not to think beyond that. Shannon had a sexy, kind woman who loved her, and the rest—all of the complications—could wait until later.
* * *
Jay sat on the hard plastic chair and faced the officer. She remembered this place well—not this particular station, of course, but they were all alike for the most part. Sterile walls, chairs just this side of uncomfortable, and the temperature just a little too cold. She shifted in her seat and took a deep breath. She had to keep reminding herself that this was not then. No one was going to lock her up or try to twist her words this time.
An image of Shannon formed in her mind’s eye, and she was suddenly calm. She didn’t want to think about what that meant. Only yesterday, she had decided to take the plunge, to see where this thing with Shannon went. To live in the moment for once. And now, was she changing her mind? Jay didn’t think she’d ever been this confused in her life.
Since she’d moved here, her life had taken on a kind of comforting monotony. Sometimes she got lonely—well most of the time—and sometimes she’d thought about Shannon—well, all of the time.
Then, without warning, Shannon had come steaming back into her life, making her want things she couldn’t have, and most of all, lean on somebody else for a change. Shannon had gladly and willingly been there for her through all of this—she was still here, sitting next to her and waiting for Kelly. She hadn’t flinched from any of it, and Jay wondered about a person who had that kind of strength. She didn’t have any right to ask Shannon to stay, to not leave her. And she would leave her, when she knew what Jay had done. Of course she would. How could she not? Being with Jay would ruin her career, because Jay was not who Shannon thought she was.
She turned her attention now to the officer in front of her. She would get this done, get Kelly home, and then see where things lay with Shannon.
* * *
When Jay walked into the family room, Kelly was perched on a sofa in the corner. She looked small and vulnerable, and Jay wanted to gather her up and take her home where she would never let her out of her sight again.
“Hey, Kel,” she said softly, going to sit beside her. “I’ve come to take you home.”
To her surprise, Kelly leaned into her and began to cry. “They aren’t going to charge you. It’s all right.”
“I’ve made such a mess, Jay.” Her voice came out strangled and raw. “Such a mess of everything.”
“It’s okay.” Jay held her sister tight while she sobbed.
Eventually she quietened and leaned back in Jay’s arms. “I want to go to rehab. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I’m so tired. I want a life, like you’re getting with Shannon.”
Was that what she was doing? Was she finally putting the past behind her? She did feel less afraid, less lonely inside. She only hoped things wouldn’t change when Shannon found out what she’d done.
It was time to tell her.
* * *
Jay pulled up outside the farm after dropping Shannon off to find a car sitting out front. She didn’t recognise it. She sat for a moment, contemplating the idea of just driving away. What about Alfie? She sighed and got out, the gravel crunching beneath her feet as she made her way to the house.
“Hello, dear. I was just making some tea for Ms Stone. She’s from social services,” Mrs Fritz said quickly, as soon as Jay came through the door.
Social services. Great. Jay walked forward and held out her hand. “I’m Jay.”
“Harriet. Pleased to meet you.”
“I’ll just go and check on Alfie, see if he’s up yet.” Mrs Fritz put down two cups of tea and went upstairs. Jay was surprised she was leaving before a conversation that was bound to be prime gossip fodder. That’s not fair. She’s a gossip, but she’s a good woman. This was not something she would be happy to spread around the village.
“What can I do for you, Harriet?” Jay sipped her tea, doing her best to look relaxed. She wished Shannon were here.
“First of all, I’m sorry to have come without notifying you first.”
“It’s okay. Things have moved pretty quickly.”
“Yes, they have. I’m so pleased to hear that Kelly has gone into rehab. I don’t know if you’re aware, but we’ve been involved with Alfie several times now.”
“I imagine that you would have been. I dropped Kelly off this afternoon. Look, Harriet, so that we’re clear, Alfie’s staying with me. I’m more than able and willing to look after him.”
“I’m sure, but it’s not really that simple.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, ordinarily, we would always place the child with family where possible.”
“I’m his aunt.”
“You have a conviction for murder.”
“I did my time, and I’ve never been in any kind of trouble since. In fact, quite the opposite. I’ve built a business and a life—a good life. I can take care of him.” Jay stopped, her tone close to begging, and she would beg if that was what it took to keep Alfie with her. She had no pride where he was concerned. Or Kelly for that matter. She needed Kelly to know that Alfie was with her, and not in some horrible children’s home, or in foster care.
The other woman seemed to soften a little at that. “I’m not saying you wouldn’t. Or even that we won’t allow you to have custody. All I’m saying, is your situation makes things more complicated.”
“What do we do? What do I have to do? Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”
* * *
After she had seen Harriet out, Jay went to the dresser and picked up a phone book. She had been putting this off, but it was time. She wasn’t even sure if the number she had still worked. The last time she’d spoken to her mother was four years ago. It was short and awkward. Kelly had been in trouble again, and she was at her wits’ end. She’d hoped her mother would help—would be able to do something that Jay had not been able to.
Just thinking about the conversation now made her gut clench. It was like talking to a stranger—which, Jay supposed, she was. After Jay went to prison, her mother had cut all contact with her. Kelly told her that she remarried several years into Jay’s sentence, and when Kelly disappointed her too, she’d made a break from both of her daughters.
For the most part, Jay didn’t think of her. They’d never been close, even when Jay was a child. She’d always been one for appearances, regardless of what was going on behind the scenes. Even at the end, when it had all come out, Jay could still hear the last thing she said to her as she was led away in handcuffs: ‘Why did you have to bring this out in the open? Why couldn’t you have just left things alone?’ Jay was stunned, and then furious. But she was Kelly’s mother, and she should know what had happened.
The phone rang several times before it was picked up. “Hello?” A man’s voice. Jay cleared her throat. “May I speak with Caroline, please?”
“Who shall I say is calling?”
“Jay. Her daughter.” For a moment, Jay thought the man would hang up. He was silent for a while, and then she heard the sound of the receiver being placed on a table.
“Jay?” Her mother didn’t sound pleased to hear from her. “I thought we agreed—”
“I wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t important.” The sound of her mother’s voice brought all the memories rushing back, and none of them were good. She heard her mother sigh on the other end of the line. “What’s happened now? Honestly, I don’t know what I did to deserve—”
“It’s about Kelly. She got herself into some trouble—”
“Drugs again? Honestly, Jay, I really don’t know why you’re calling me about this.”
“Mum, just listen. It’s different this time. She’s gone into rehab. I think she’d like to see you.”
“What about the boy? Is he staying with you?”
“You mean your grandson? Alfie? Yes, he’s staying with me.”
“Good, because we really don’t have the room.”
Jay knew through Kelly the man she married was rich. Kelly told her he had a huge townhouse in Chelsea. It didn’t matter. There was no way Jay would allow Alfie to live with her mother. “It’s fine. I want him here. With me.”
“Very well.”
Jay noticed that her mother hadn’t answered her question. “Will you visit her?”
“I don’t know. Let me think about it, Jay.”
“Fine, then. I’ll call you—”
“No, I’ll call you. Goodbye, Jay.”
* * *
Shannon had offered to babysit Alfie while Jay was refereeing between her mother and sister.
She didn’t expect Caroline to actually agree to visit Kelly in rehab, but she guessed there must still be a beating heart somewhere beneath all the hairspray and Chanel No. 5.
Kelly begged Jay to come too because she couldn’t deal with being left alone with her. Jay didn’t blame her.
They sat in the conservatory. It was almost like a hotel with its manicured lawns and tiny tea cups. Jay held one now as she sat in a wicker garden chair trying to keep the conversation going.
“Weather’s nice for spring, isn’t it?” she said, lamely.
Kelly rolled her eyes. “You must be desperate.”
“Yes,” Caroline said, ignoring Kelly’s input, “my daffodils came up much earlier than I was expecting. What about your…I forget what you grow, Jay.”
“Hops,” Kelly supplied.
“Yes, hops. Did they come up early too?”
“They aren’t like flowers, Mum. They don’t just come up.”
Jay laughed. “I didn’t know you were an expert on hops, Kelly.”
“I must have picked it up by osmosis one of the times you were droning on about them,” Kelly shot back and winked.
“Girls, really. Let’s try and be civil.” Caroline glanced around to see who could hear them.
“We were only joking, Mum,” Kelly said.
The next hour dragged by, and Jay could tell Kelly was as relieved as she was when their time was up.
Jay kissed Kelly goodbye and promised to come back in a few days. “Alone,” Kelly hissed in her ear, and Jay laughed.
Not really expecting her to agree, Jay invited her mother back to the farm to see Alfie and meet Shannon. She was shocked when she agreed. Jay wondered how Shannon would take her. The thought made her chuckle.
* * *
“Jay tells me that you’re an actress.”
Jay watched as her mother studied Shannon in the way she had of assessing everyone, and usually finding them wanting in some way. She was certain Caroline knew who Shannon was.
“Yes, I am,” said Shannon. “And what do you do, Caroline?” Shannon matched her mother with a cool, appraising gaze of her own.
“Oh, I’m on a number of committees and boards in London.” Caroline waved her hand dismissively. “My step-daughter is an actress, you know. Perhaps you’ve heard of her? Camilla Bowen-Hall?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“No, well, she’s just starting out really. She’s had a number of good reviews for a play she’s been doing in London. Shakespeare.” Caroline said the word Shakespeare as though it were an incantation. “But, she’s more of a classical actress. I understand you’re in Hollywood.”
Shannon ignored the obvious slight; she’d been up against worse than Caroline. “Yep, I just make plain old blockbusters.”
Jay laughed, and then quickly tried to hide it with a cough. “Mum, I was going to show you the hops. They’re coming along really well. Did you want to—”
“I’m afraid I should get back, Jay. It’s quite a long drive to London, and I don’t like doing it in the dark.”
“Okay then.” Jay didn’t know why she was hurt. She was used to her mother. She was surprised she even agreed to come back to the house at all. But then, she was all about appearances, even in front of people she considered beneath her, as she plainly did with Shannon.
“Did you want to say goodbye to Alfie?” Jay asked.
“No, I don’t think that’s necessary, Jay. Take care.”
“I will.” She didn’t say ‘see you soon,’ or ‘I’ll call.’ She wasn’t welcome in her mother’s life—hadn’t been for a very long time. For the first time, she didn’t mind so much. She didn’t know if it was because of Shannon, or Alfie, or the way everyone in the village had rallied round her. Either way, for the first time she could remember, Jay didn’t feel so lonely. And now, it was time to tell Shannon the truth. All of it. She just hoped it wouldn’t be the end of them.