When we got back to the house, Bouncer led us to a large dining room with a remarkable stained glass window of a rabbit on one end, pink bunny wallpaper on the other walls, and purple carpeting. It hurt my eyes just to be in the room. In the center of the space, there was an enormous table with plates and glasses on it. Bouncer pulled out a chair for Juliet to sit down. I waited for him to help me, but it never happened. So I pulled out my own seat and sat down next to Juliet and Rain. Zeke sat across the table so that all three of us were staring at him.
“Lady Beatrice will be with you shortly,” Bouncer burped.
As soon as he was out of the room, we all began to talk and chatter about how strange the Furassic Park sanctuary had been and how much Bouncer creeped us out.
“I think he wanted us to get attacked,” I whispered. “I saw him smile. He was just pretending the tram didn’t work so we’d get outside of it.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” Zeke said. “I don’t think he’s capable of smiling. Besides, he wanted us to stay in the tram at first.”
It wasn’t like my uncle to not be suspicious. I stared at him, wondering if he was okay.
“What?” he said. “I think Bouncer’s okay.”
“I don’t think the bunnies would have hurt us anyway,” Juliet added. “They weren’t mutant like the ones we dealt with last time.”
“Still . . .” I started to say.
“Still, I bet you’re going to make a big deal out of it,” Rain said nicely. “You always do. Maybe it was some crab or turtle thing you like.”
“I like squids.”
“Whatever,” Rain added.
“Let’s just have a nice dinner and be honored that we were invited,” Zeke suggested.
“Dinners can be deadly,” I insisted. “This meal invitation reminds me of the time when Admiral Uli was invited to dinner at the Halibut House and then nearly got steamed by a knot of naughty newts.”
“See, you’re good at making a big deal of things,” Rain pointed out. “And talking junk.”
“What if she serves us bunny?” I asked.
I gasped at my own words. I hadn’t thought about the fact that Beatrice Hatch would be feeding us anything until right at that moment. Not all food was my friend. In fact, if it wasn’t covered in sugar and fried, I didn’t spend much time with it. Looking around at the stuffy, overgrown house, I could only imagine the old and disgusting things she might make me eat. Creamed liver? Boiled brain? Salads?
I shivered.
“She’s not going to serve bunny.” Juliet scoffed at me. “She likes rabbits, remember? Plus, she’s rich, so the food will probably be good.”
“But . . .” Rain sniffed. “If that smell is coming from whatever she’s cooking, I can tell it’s not going to be good.”
A door opened on the far side of the dining room and Bouncer came out, followed by an old woman. He stopped and motioned toward her with his hands.
“Lady Beatrice Hatch,” he announced.
It sounded like he wanted us to clap, so I did. We all stood up, but nobody else clapped, so I stopped. Rain politely laughed at me, and Juliet looked embarrassed.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
Lady Beatrice stepped all the way into the dining room. She had on a heavy yellow dress that made her look like a large cob of lumpy corn. She had stringy, orange hair and a nose so big that it would make a porpoise jealous. She walked to a chair a few spots away from Zeke, and Bouncer pulled her seat out.
I don’t know how else to say it, but when she sat down, she farted.
Juliet looked at me and I looked at her. We both looked at Rain and then glanced at Zeke, wondering what to do. I wanted to laugh, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t proper etiquette. I know that breaking wind is a part of life; I just have a difficult time not cracking up about it. Admiral Uli also has a weak spot for bathroom humor. Of course, in Ocean Blasterzoids they call it bubbling, not farting.
Bouncer helped Lady Beatrice scoot in and she bubbled again.
We all kept standing because that seemed like good manners even though Mrs. Beatrice herself had just double bubbled. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing.
“Hello, Lady Beatrice,” Zeke said respectfully. “It’s been a long time, but you look lovely.”
I had never heard my uncle lie before.
“Mr. Owens,” she replied. “It has been a while. Please have a seat.”
Zeke sat down, and I kept standing with my friends.
She turned her head and hair to look at me and my friends. “And you are?”
“I’m Juliet.”
“I’m Rain.”
“And I’m Perry.”
“Yes, the three children who saved the day.”
We all just stood there looking as uncomfortable as fish in a hot pan.
“Such bravery.” Another bubble. “Taking on Mayor Lapin like that. You’ve brought a lot of attention to this island. Some good, some bad.”
“Sorry about the bad parts,” I apologized.
“Me, too. You may be seated,” she told us.
We all sat down as she continued to talk.
“Perry, when I heard you were returning to the island I knew I needed to meet you—immediately. I didn’t get the chance to meet you kids when you were here before. I was away on business. And I certainly didn’t want to miss the opportunity this time. I needed to take a long look at you all.” She stared at all of us slowly, her eyes finally resting on me. “You’re here to attend this ugly Carrot Convention?”
Something didn’t feel right. Lady Beatrice was giving me the shrimps. I looked at Zeke to see if maybe he wanted to just make a run for it with me. Beatrice seemed horrible, and she was a bubbler, and the way she talked reminded me of Clam-ity Jane, the first female villain Uli ever tangled with. She was a rich, stubborn clam who had tricked Uli into giving away the location of his hideout by making him take a pearlygraph test. I didn’t like the way Beatrice looked, and her voice made my squid skin shiver.
“You’re here for the convention?” she asked again, still waiting for my answer. “What’s the matter, Perry? Bunny got your tail?”
I cleared my throat. “Yes, I came for Carrot Con. We’re doing a panel on the last day. I also came early to spend time with my friends first.”
“Ah, friendship, such a lovely thing.” She turned her attention to Rain. “Rain, I believe I know your mother, Flower.”
“I think you do.”
“I know I do. I was just being polite. She runs that little juice shack that helped serve all those smoothies.”
Rain nodded.
“And Juliet, I think your father works at one of my hotels in town.”
“He does.”
“Again, just being polite. No need for you to reply. And Zeke, you haven’t been out to see me in ages.”
“I didn’t think I was welcome anymore.”
“Perhaps you aren’t, but I’m curious about what I hear. You were a bunny for a spell. How envious I am.”
Lady Beatrice bubbled.
“It wasn’t a good thing,” my uncle informed her.
“Well, I’m not sure I agree. I think I’d rather enjoy being a bunny. Such wonderful creatures. Wouldn’t you agree, Perry?”
I wasn’t sure why she was asking me, but I nodded.
“You all saw the sanctuary?”
“A little of it,” Zeke said.
“Well, it is quite vast. I’m glad you got a peek. There are miles of tunnels and hutches. Such a beautiful place. Such a pity it had to close. You can’t keep funding something nobody visits. But enough about sad things. Let’s eat.”
Beatrice picked up a small golden bell that was sitting on the table near her right hand and rang it loudly. All of us plugged our ears.
A door on the other side of the dining room opened and maids came out of the kitchen carrying gold trays with silver domes on them. They set the trays on the far end of the table and began to serve us all. The plates they put in front of us had silver domes over them so that we couldn’t see what they were.
I pulled off the silver dome and almost passed out. It was just as I feared: there, sitting in front of me, was a salad. Not a Jell-O salad, or pudding salad, or even potato salad. It was a pile of leaves and twigs and some carrot shavings. I looked across the table at Zeke and pleaded with my eyes for him to somehow put a stop to this nonsense. He just looked back at me helplessly.
“The dressing is in the small bottles near your plates,” Beatrice informed us. “It’s a fig-and-lavender syrup.”
My head was getting light.
“I find a good salad makes me feel right with the world. The bunnies we all love so well know how to eat properly. This dish is inspired by them. Tell me, Zeke, what did you eat while in your bunny condition?”
Zeke was poking at his salad with his fork, looking almost as disappointed as me.
“We ate a lot of purple carrots,” he answered. “But they tasted like pizza and chips.”
“Well, I believe you’ll find this salad to be equally delicious. The field greens are so fresh you can still taste the dirt on them.”
My will to live began to shrivel.
I looked at my friends and was shocked to see that Juliet and Rain were actually eating their salads. They didn’t look happy about it, but they were being polite and putting forkfuls of green in their mouths. Zeke also took a bite of his. I refused to give in, so I moved the grassy food around on my plate to make it look like I had eaten some.
“Tell me, Perry.” Beatrice acted like polite society, but she was talking with her mouth full and bubbling. “How did you ever come to find an antidote for your uncle’s bunny condition?”
“It was an accident, really.”
“How interesting.” A small fleck of lettuce flew out of her mouth and landed on the other end of the table. “It’s amazing how accidents can save the day. Of course, in my day children didn’t go about saving the world. They kept to themselves and let the adults worry about such matters.”
I was confused. “So I shouldn’t have saved my uncle? Someone had to do it.”
“And someone did,” she said, followed by a long sniff. “Of course, we have a police force on the island. My nephew, Rolly, is the sheriff. I’m sure he had things well in hand.”
“I don’t think he did,” I told her.
Zeke looked at me as if I was being rude.
Lady Beatrice wiped her pale face with a napkin. “You’re an outsider, Perry,” she said in the most patronizing way she could. “You don’t understand that we locals have certain ways to handle things. Your friends are locals. They understand. You’re just lucky that all’s well that ends well. You saved the day, and we will be grateful.”
It didn’t sound like she was grateful, but I was happy to have the conversation end.
“Now”—Lady Beatrice clapped—“the meal continues.”