CHAPTER 1
Eight years later . . .
Josh sprinted through the Hartzlers’ back door and down the basement, where the rest of the youngie had gathered for games and singing. He’d asked his girlfriend, Anna Mary, to go on ahead because he didn’t want to make her late too. He hoped he wouldn’t get a letter reprimanding him for being late, but his border terrier had gone into labor, and he’d stayed with her until she’d given birth to six puppies.
He slid into place across the table from Anna Mary and held up six fingers. She beamed.
Caroline Hartzler’s forehead creased. Never one to stay quiet, she announced, “You’re too late to play this round, Josh. We already divided into teams.”
“He can be on my team,” Anna Mary offered, “or take my turn.”
“It’s all right. I can wait.” Josh settled back in his seat and checked out the others at the table. “It’ll give me time to catch my breath.”
All the usual youngie were there, including Rachel Glick. His pulse stuttered a little, but he hurried past her. The sight of her was both pleasurable and painful. Her beauty would set any man’s heart racing, but every time he was around her, it brought up old memories and a mountain of guilt.
Better to concentrate on Anna Mary. Besides, God wanted them to focus on the inner person, not the outward appearance. And Anna Mary provided an example to others by her faith.
Josh tamped down the comparisons bubbling up about Rachel. She wasn’t as outspoken about her beliefs as many of the others, but she’d always had a deep, earnest desire to do God’s will, even during the most trying times in her life.
He shook himself mentally. Why did his mind keep wandering to Rachel when he should be paying attention to Anna Mary?
The miracle of the puppies’ births had made him sentimental. When they were younger, Rachel had adored baby animals. He’d never forget the wonder on her face when he showed her his first litter of puppies. She’d squealed with joy when he let her choose one to take home. Then she threw her arms around him and hugged him. He may have been only nine, but he’d fallen in love with her that day. Every time his dog whelped, he remembered their shared past.
A past that had ended abruptly. And he could never go back. If only he could erase those events, but he had no way of changing what had happened.
“Are you all right?” Anna Mary set a copy of the Ausbund in front of him.
Josh started. He’d been so lost in thought, he hadn’t realized the game had ended. He dragged himself from his regrets and reminded himself of the new puppies. That brightened his spirits, and he smiled up at her.
“Are the puppies doing well?” she asked.
“Jah.”
“I’m glad.” She moved down the table, helping Caroline set out the rest of the hymnals.
Anna Mary caught his eyes several times during the songs. That and keeping his eyes glued to the words in front of him prevented him from being distracted by Rachel.
When they broke for refreshments, Anna Mary made a beeline for Josh. He never had to chase her. She always found him first. It should be flattering, but for some odd reason, it left him feeling flat. He would have enjoyed more of a challenge.
A challenge like the one Rachel Glick posed for most of the males there tonight, just as she did at every other singing. Like a flower attracting bees, Rachel only had to smile softly and hesitantly, and a crowd of boys buzzed around her, all vying for her attention. Yet, she never bestowed her favor on anyone in particular.
As he and Anna Mary took their plates and moved away from the dessert table, she leaned over and whispered, “Look at her flirting with all the guys.”
Pretending Rachel hadn’t caught his eye earlier, Josh followed the tilt of Anna Mary’s head toward the pretty, petite strawberry blonde, so sweet and fragile, surrounded by a circle of admirers.
Although he struggled to break his gaze, he quickly turned to Anna Mary. “You’d never do that.”
“Absolutely not. And the worst part is she doesn’t want to date any of them.”
Grateful he didn’t have to worry about his girlfriend being the center of so much male attention, Josh nodded.
“I’m so glad you never chased her. You wouldn’t, would you?” Jealousy tinged her question.
“Of course not.” Josh could answer that honestly. He couldn’t even meet Rachel’s eyes. And no matter how alluring she appeared, his stomach churned whenever he got around her.
He didn’t want to think about that. “We should get back to our seats. The singing will start soon.”
His excuse to get away from Anna Mary didn’t make sense. The group fluttering around Rachel hadn’t eaten yet. But luckily, Anna Mary’s best friend, Caroline Hartzler, grabbed Anna Mary’s arm and dragged her back to their seats while chattering about something in an overly loud voice.
Caroline seemed to be talking to Anna Mary about working at the Green Valley Farmer’s Market, but Josh tuned Caroline out and headed to his place on the opposite side of the table. Someone else had taken Josh’s place. He hadn’t intended to sit where he faced Rachel, but he’d accidentally picked the seat across from the last girl he wanted to look at, a girl he’d vowed never to have anything to do with, a girl who brought up all his old guilt. He’d abandoned her and her friendship years ago. Since then, he’d put her firmly out of his mind.
To make sure, Josh had chosen to date someone the exact opposite of his childhood companion and first love . . . if a nine-year-old could fall in love. He’d traded honeyed curls glinting with red highlights for straight black hair that never sprang loose from a bob. Sea-green eyes with long lashes had been replaced by no-nonsense brown ones. He erased memories of a delicate build and dainty hands with a sturdy frame capable of hard farm work. Josh preferred a wife who was practical rather than whimsical, one who had her feet firmly planted in reality, not one who drifted off into flights of fancy.
Why, then, did he sigh with relief whenever Rachel turned down an offer to ride home in someone else’s buggy after a singing? And why did his nightly dreams haunt him with images of strolling through fields of wildflowers, hand in hand with a fragile beauty whose sun-kissed curls floated behind her on the breeze?
* * *
Wherever Josh went in the room, Rachel’s senses followed him. He’d brushed by her when he’d hurried into the room tonight, and her pulse had flickered warning signals ever since.
Surrounded by a circle of eager male faces during the break, Rachel tried to respond to the conversation around her without bestowing too much attention on anyone. She’d turned down at least a dozen invitations to ride home after singings this past year, and she’d broken many hearts. Even staying aloof hadn’t stopped the requests for her company.
But the more males who gathered around her, the more the other girls acted standoffish. They didn’t seem to understand she had no interest in any of the boys except one. And he was already taken.
But she couldn’t confide in anyone because the girls all kept their distance from her. It hurt not to have friends. But Rachel’s greatest heartbreak—outside of her daed’s and brother’s deaths—was the loss of Josh’s friendship.
Her heart throbbed with a deep ache each time he walked past without acknowledging her. What had she done to drive him away? She’d plunged into sorrow following her brother’s death, but Josh had understood her silence when Daed died. He’d stayed close then and supported her. Even at Tom’s funeral, Josh had offered only polite condolences and then ignored her.
After that, she had no free time for anyone. Mamm ended up bedridden, and Rachel needed to take care of her. Her friendships shrank to none as she couldn’t attend any of the youth events, except singings. Women in the church took turns caring for Mamm so Rachel could attend church every other Sunday. Even so, Rachel remained isolated.
Well, as isolated as she could be while surrounded by a bevy of boys. Unfortunately, even that made her heart ache. Most of Tom’s friends had married, and Rachel had never really gotten to know the boys her age. The breaks during singings only reminded her of how much she missed Josh.
After the singing ended, Martin Allgeyer hurried up to her. A few weeks ago, she’d turned down his offer to drive her home. Rachel hoped he didn’t plan to ask again. She hated saying neh and seeing faces fall.
He surprised her. “You going to the volleyball game on Saturday?”
She swallowed hard. If only she could. When she was younger, she’d loved playing baseball and volleyball. Since Mamm had become bedridden, Rachel didn’t want to impose on others, so she never asked anyone to watch her mother for the fun get-togethers. Women from the g’may already took turns staying with Mamm on church Sundays.
“Rachel?” Martin interrupted her musing. “You going to the game or not?”
“I can’t, Martin, but thanks for asking.”
Josh passed behind Martin as she answered, and a sharp pain shot through her as nostalgia washed over her. Her brother, Tom, often set up a volleyball net in the backyard, and she and Josh sometimes played with his friends or even practiced alone, just the two of them. More than anything, she wished she could go back to those days again.
* * *
The longing on Rachel’s face when Martin said the word volleyball cut through Josh. And he recognized that faraway look in her eyes and the little smile that played on her lips. She always did that whenever she was recalling happy memories of her daed or brother.
Josh wished he could ask what she was thinking about. Was she remembering the fun they’d had playing volleyball with Tom?
Tom’s name brought up the past Josh wanted to forget, but he yearned for the days before that. Back when he and Rachel did everything together. He slammed a door shut on those times and turned to find Anna Mary. He needed to focus on his future rather than the past.
But Josh’s sense of fairness wouldn’t let him forget Rachel’s yearning. He hadn’t realized she might want to come. She avoided socializing, except when she was forced into it. Like now, when she couldn’t get away from those boys who circled her. But she always looked uncomfortable. Josh had assumed she stayed home from youth group activities because she’d rather not be there. Maybe that wasn’t true. What if she didn’t show up because she disliked asking for help with her mamm? That would be just like Rachel.
Now that he’d figured it out, he had to do something. Maybe Mamm would be willing to sit with Rachel’s mamm during volleyball games. His mother had always loved Rachel, and Mamm had been sad when Rachel stopped coming to visit. She’d often said Rachel was the daughter their family never had. For sure and certain, she’d be happy to help.
The only problem for Josh would be seeing Rachel more than one day a week. And having to deal with his guilt.