CHAPTER 8
As soon as Josh arrived at the construction site, his brother Adam yelled down from the roof, “It’s about time.”
It figured Adam would call attention to Josh’s lateness. All his brothers jabbed him, but Adam tormented Josh the most. They’d grown out of the punching and pummeling. Now they used their mouths as weapons.
Daed’s tightlipped scowl revealed his displeasure. “I hope you and your girl said whatever you needed to say, because there’s no time for a noon meal today. Maybe not even enough time for a supper break.”
“Yeah,” Adam spat out. “We had to do extra to make up for your courting.”
“Sorry, Daed. I’m not going back to the market today.” Maybe not ever. Once he figured out what to say to Anna Mary, he’d go to her house.
Josh strapped his tool belt around his waist and picked up a load of shingles.
“Stop standing around, Josh,” Lloyd called down. “We’re sweating up here and could use more help.”
Daed shot a warning glance at Adam and Lloyd. “Leave your brother alone. You all went courting when you were youngies.”
Despite being a married man with two children, Adam shot Josh an envious glance. He opened his mouth to make another crack, but then pinched his lips into a line as Josh climbed the ladder.
Adam must know if he contradicted Daed’s comment about courting, everyone would taunt him, because he’d been the worst abuser of Daed’s patience back then. He’d stroll in late and leave early almost every day. Sometimes, he’d even slip away from sites after Daed had forbidden him to go.
Josh hustled to make up the time he’d lost. But he had to endure Adam’s snide comments.
“Bet you had to beg for forgiveness. A rumor’s flying around you fought with Anna Mary and then abandoned her at the volleyball field. Real nice, bruder.”
Josh ground his teeth together and stayed silent. No point in arguing. Adam would only rub it in more.
“Even worse, she caught you with Rachel Glick twice.” Lloyd shook his head. “Poor Anna Mary.”
Did the whole community know? How embarrassing for Anna Mary! Josh had humiliated her. And he’d damaged Rachel’s reputation, too, judging by Cathy Zehr’s reaction.
He had to find a way to make it up to Anna Mary. He’d intended to do that today. Instead, she’d been absorbed in staring at Abe, and Josh had added to the gossip by helping Rachel.
And now, with Mrs. Vandenberg’s purchase of shingles, she’d expect Josh to repair Rachel’s roof, which meant spending even more time with Rachel. Why did that make his heart pump harder?
* * *
Suzanne’s quizzical glance when Josh handed her the pillows discomfited Rachel. She’d explained the situation to Cathy, but repeating the excuse to Suzanne without being asked might make Rachel sound defensive. And guilty.
Keeping her expression neutral, Rachel complimented Suzanne’s most recent crafts and asked, “Did anything sell?”
Suzanne didn’t answer. She stared after Josh’s retreating back. “Isn’t he dating Anna Mary Zook?”
“Jah, he came to the market to see her.”
“Then why was he carrying your pillows?”
Gut. That gave Rachel the opportunity to explain. “We ran into Mrs. Vandenberg at the side doors, and she told Josh to carry the quillows so they wouldn’t fall off my stack.”
“Mrs. Vandenberg? Hmm . . .” Suzanne gazed off into the distance, a smile playing around her lips. “She loves to matchmake. In fact, she’s matched quite a few couples here.”
Rachel nodded. “I’ve heard that.” Maybe Mrs. Vandenberg would use her skills to help Josh and Anna Mary. They might need someone to intervene after the rumors about Josh and Rachel being seen together. And if Abe was also interested in Josh’s girlfriend.
Suzanne laughed. “Anna Mary had better watch out if Mrs. Vandenberg plans to match you and Josh.”
Me and Josh? Rachel tamped down the excitement that seized her. “Don’t be silly. Josh wouldn’t date me.” Would he?
“That almost sounds like you’d be interested.” Suzanne studied her.
Tipping the quilt from her arms onto a pile of embroidered dish towels, Rachel avoided Suzanne’s eyes. “Josh is courting Anna Mary.” Rachel made her words firm and final.
“Guess we’ll see what Mrs. V has in mind,” Suzanne teased.
Rachel pinned Suzanne with a serious look. “Please don’t say that to anyone. Anna Mary’s already upset with me. I don’t want her to think I’m going after her boyfriend.”
“I understand. You can’t help being the prettiest girl in the g’may.”
“What? That’s not true.” Why would Suzanne say such a thing?
“Don’t tell me you’ve never looked in a mirror.”
Not often. Rachel had no desire to focus on her appearance.
“I can see you haven’t. Why do you think the boys follow you around?”
That was a question Rachel wished someone would answer. She’d love to have a solution for that problem.
A trio of Englisch women stepped up to Suzanne’s table and fingered the quilt Rachel had just laid down.
“How much is this?” one asked.
Suzanne named a price that made Rachel gasp. None of the women did, though.
“I see you don’t take credit cards. If I give you a down payment, would you hold the quilt until Saturday?”
“Gladly.” Suzanne handed the lady a notebook. “If you put your name, address, and phone number in there, I’ll prepare a receipt.”
The woman reached into her wallet and counted out five twenties. “Is this enough? I’d like to keep some for the rest of my shopping.”
“Yes,” her friend said, “some of the Amish stands here still don’t take credit. They really should get with the times.”
Suzanne acted as if she hadn’t heard the comment. She jotted the price paid and amount owed on the receipt and in the notebook the woman handed back.
“Thank you so much.” The Englischer fingered the quilt again. “You’ll keep this in a safe place, won’t you? I don’t want anything to happen to it.”
“I’ll box it up. Would you like to meet the quilter? She’s right over here.” Suzanne waved in Rachel’s direction.
Rachel wished she could escape as all three women surrounded her, exclaiming over her talent. Remembering Mrs. Vandenberg’s advice, she managed a timid thank you.
As soon as the women left, Rachel collected her payment for the items Suzanne had sold last week and hurried from the market. But as she exited through the door Mrs. Vandenberg had blocked earlier, Suzanne’s suggestion haunted Rachel.
Had the elderly woman intended to match Josh with someone? Someone like me? If she had, she must not realize Josh already had a girlfriend. Despite the impossibility, Rachel wished things were different. She’d so love to have that come true.
* * *
Josh planned to talk to Anna Mary after work this week, but his daed kept them on Mrs. Vandenberg’s job until dark every day. Then it rained on Saturday afternoon, so volleyball got cancelled. He’d have to do it before the singing.
He walked past the kitchen after church a few times, hoping to get Anna Mary’s attention. Instead, he homed in on Rachel huddled in the corner of the kitchen, cutting pie. She appeared so sad and burdened, his heart went out to her. Everyone seemed to be giving her a wide berth. Her isolation must be his fault. Were people upset with her because he’d been spending time with her? It had all been innocent. At least on her part.
“Searching for someone?” Caroline’s loud, arch question drew everyone’s attention to him studying Rachel.
He met a roomful of curious, hostile, and critical glances. “A—Anna Mary,” he stuttered.
“You’re looking in the wrong direction.” Caroline’s withering statement added to Josh’s embarrassment. She waved to the counter nearest him.
Rather than matching everyone else’s disapproval, Anna Mary’s eyes held pain and sadness. That cut him more deeply than all the judgment others sent his way. He hadn’t intended to put her in this position.
He only wanted to ask if he could stop by earlier this afternoon, but with so many gazes fixed on him, he couldn’t make a date. “Could you step out in the hall?”
She focused on the platter she’d partway filled with meats and cheese. “I have to finish this.”
Caroline elbowed Anna Mary out of the way. “Go on. He wants to make things right. Give him a chance.”
Josh couldn’t decide if he appreciated Caroline’s suggestion or not. The way she’d said it, she came across as bossing him, insisting he’d better be planning to apologize. He took a deep breath and let go of his resentment at her interference. After all, he did want to ask forgiveness.
Anna Mary stepped outside the door and moved a few paces along the hall. “Jah?”
The short, sharp question held a world of hurt. So did the brief nod she gave him when he asked about stopping by her house at two thirty. Then she whirled around and scurried back into the kitchen.
As much as Josh wanted to check on Rachel again, he counted the floor tiles in front of him as he made his way back to the tables where the men were eating to avoid even glancing in her direction.
* * *
Rachel’s stoic expression and Anna Mary’s sorrow at church that morning weighed on Josh as he set out for her house later in the afternoon. He had to make her understand helping Rachel had not changed his relationship with his girlfriend. But had it?
Guilt gnawed at his insides. He had to admit he spent more time thinking about Rachel, worrying about her, dreaming about her. That didn’t seem fair to Anna Mary. He needed to get those feelings under control. He hoped this talk would erase them.
But somehow, their discussion didn’t make things better. Anna Mary hit him with a barrage of questions right after he walked through the door. She’d not only heard about him leaving Rachel’s house on Monday with a big smile on his face, but Cathy also had given her a detailed account of seeing him and Rachel at the farmer’s market.
He tried not to sound too defensive. “I went to Rachel’s house to repair the barn roof. It had a huge hole that was letting in water.”
“And that’s why you were smiling afterwards?”
Josh tried hard to remember what had been on his mind as he drove away from Rachel’s. Making things right with Anna Mary had been one. “I’m pretty sure as I headed home, I thought about you. And maybe sugar cookies.”
“Sugar cookies?”
He wasn’t sure why that had slipped out. “Rachel gave me a bag of cookies to thank me for the repairs. They’re my favorites.”
Anna Mary pouted. “You never told me that. How did Rachel know?”
Why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut? He didn’t want to share his special childhood memories with Rachel, but he had to give Anna Mary an answer. He waved a casual hand. “We used to play together back when we were nine. That was before you moved here, I guess.”
“I see.” But she didn’t sound as if she did. “So you were smiling about sugar cookies from Rachel?”
Jah, he was. But it wouldn’t be diplomatic to admit it. “I’m happy for sugar cookies from anyone, especially delicious ones from you.”
Hands on her hips, Anna Mary narrowed her eyes. “I never made you sugar cookies.”
“I, um, only meant I’d be happy to have them if you did.” He quickly tacked on, “But all your cookies are delicious. I like every kind.”
Anna Mary blinked as if assessing his truthfulness. Then she moved on to her next line of questioning. “And spending time with Rachel at the market?”
Josh had been expecting this. Whatever Cathy saw, she spilled. But she didn’t always get it right.
“I ran into Mrs. Vandenberg, and she told me to take those pillows. I couldn’t refuse, could I?”
“Mrs. Vandenberg paired you with Rachel?” Anna Mary’s voice slid up the register to nearly hysterical.
What had upset her so much? “Paired us? I only walked a short distance to the craft stand.”
“You don’t understand. Mrs. Vandenberg is a matchmaker. Caroline told me every couple she’s matched has gotten married.”
Josh laughed, which only upset Anna Mary more. “Mrs. Vandenberg wouldn’t pair up someone who already has a girlfriend. Besides, she’d have to do a lot more than that to get me together with Rachel.”
Anna Mary frowned, and he wished he hadn’t added the last sentence. He also pushed aside a niggling thought. Mrs. Vandenberg had asked him to repair Rachel’s roof and fix other things around her house. Had that been a matchmaking plan?
“Did you come to the market with Rachel? Or did Mrs. Vandenberg ask you to come there to meet her?”
“Neh to both.”
“Then why were you at the market?” Anna Mary, a petulant expression on her face, crossed her arms. “You didn’t stop by and talk to me.”
“I came to see you.”
“Why didn’t you come up to the counter?”
“You were busy.”
“We could have talked for a few minutes between customers.”
“You weren’t waiting on customers.”
She wrinkled her brow. “Huh?”
“Looked like you were pretty busy with that guy from volleyball—Abe.”
“Josh, that’s not true. And you know it. I didn’t even say anything to him.”
“Your eyes and smile seemed to be doing the talking.”
“I can’t believe you said that. I was only trying to thank him for rescuing me after the volleyball game.”
“He obviously appreciated the thanks.”
“Ooo, that’s mean. You know I’d never—”
He held up a hand. “Of course not. And neither would I.”
That brought her up short. “I guess not,” she mumbled, but she didn’t sound so sure.
Josh pointed to the clock on her living room wall. “We’d better get going, or we’ll be late.”
They went out to his buggy together, but their unity had been broken. And rather than mending the cracks, they’d only widened them. If neither of them trusted the other, how could this relationship work?
One other thing bothered Josh. He hadn’t shared his plans for the next few weeks. How would Anna Mary react when she discovered he’d be spending all his spare time working at Rachel’s house?
* * *
If the girls at church had been chilly to Rachel before, now they iced her out completely. Even the few who sometimes gave her polite smiles or nods in passing ignored her.
News had spread fast. Anyone who’d been at the volleyball game a week ago made sure to tell those who hadn’t heard that Rachel had been caught in the woods with Josh. Others discussed Anna Mary seeing Josh on Rachel’s porch. One girl reported seeing Josh, a huge grin on his face, driving his buggy out of Rachel’s driveway on Monday. And Cathy added to the devastating stories with her account of running into Josh carrying Rachel’s pillows at the Green Valley Farmer’s Market.
Many of them made sure Rachel overheard their pointed comments after church that morning. She retreated to an isolated corner of the kitchen after church, unwilling to read the condemnation in everyone’s eyes. Blinking back tears, she kept her head down while she cut twenty apple snitz pies into even slices.
And Caroline embarrassed her further when Josh came searching for Anna Mary. Caroline’s booming voice echoed around the kitchen and hallway, putting Josh on the spot and making it seem as if he’d been focusing on Rachel instead of Anna Mary.
Rachel hadn’t lifted or turned her head when Josh appeared in the doorway, but she’d sensed his presence. And she’d sneaked a few peeks from the corner of her eye. Despite that, the whispers about her increased once Anna Mary left the room to talk to Josh. Each criticism stabbed Rachel in her already battered and bleeding heart.
She’d loved Josh from the first day she’d met him, and that love had never died. Over the years, she’d endured the agony of his abandonment after her brother’s death and the misery of watching him date Anna Mary. But as much as she longed for him, she’d never interfere with his relationship or his happiness.
If only she could go back and redo all the events of the week, she’d stay away from him, not accept his ride, perhaps even skip the volleyball game. Even thinking about erasing all those experiences sucked the joy from her. She’d enjoyed every minute with Josh, but she shouldn’t have. From now on, she’d keep her distance.
But Anna Mary and the others had no way of knowing Rachel had no designs on Josh, so the cruelty continued. By the time Rachel arrived at youth group, as close as possible to the starting time to avoid facing everyone, the girls’ coldness had expanded like an arctic blizzard, freezing her out entirely. The boys who gathered around Rachel couldn’t block the icy blasts directed her way.
And when Josh and Anna Mary showed up, her eyes sent daggers in Rachel’s direction. Anna Mary’s lips, pinched into a thin line, struggled to hold back a volcano about to explode. Anna Mary’s resentment pained Rachel, but she had no idea how to reassure everyone she posed no threat.
Standing rigid and unsmiling beside Anna Mary, Josh avoided glancing anywhere near Rachel. She, too, averted her gaze, but she sympathized with the distress written in every line of his face.
It had always hurt to see the two of them together, but now that Rachel had spent time around Josh, the ache intensified and left an emptiness inside. A hollowness that no one else could ever fill. Even worse, it pained her to see him so unhappy—all because of her. If she had to sacrifice her own desires, she wanted him to be joyful and cheerful.
To compensate for her guilt and misery, she forced herself to be attentive to the admirers who’d gathered around her. She semi-smiled at the stories of their exploits and fake-laughed at their jokes. By the time she realized her mistake, more boys than usual appeared smitten and stared over their shoulders at her as they filed in for the singing.
After they finished the songs from the second book, chairs scraped back, and people fled for the refreshments, but Rachel remained seated. If she stayed here, she wouldn’t have to endure the frosty glares from the girls or the adoring gazes of the hangers-on fluttering around her. Spending time with Josh had pointed up their shallowness. The younger ones showed off, trying to attract her attention with goofy antics. But Rachel ignored them, pretending to study words in the songbooks. She had interest in only one person. And she couldn’t even glance his way for fear of stirring up trouble.
“Rachel, do you want me to get you something?” Martin called.
Her “Neh, danke,” got stuck in her throat, and he didn’t hear her.
After filling two plates, he hurried over and handed one to her, then hovered over her. She thanked him with a lackluster smile that triggered his answering beam, one that shone brighter than car headlights on a dark country road.
Someone else carried over a cup of punch. Her eyes, clouded with misty memories from the past, barely distinguished one from the other. Soon, she sat in the midst of an eager group, feeling even more awkward than usual with everyone looming over her.
“My mamm’s at your house tonight.” Martin’s scrawny chest puffed out with pride as the other boys eyed him enviously.
Rachel studied the cookies on her plate. After she chose one, she replied, “I appreciate her staying with Mamm so I could come.”
“She’s always happy to do that. She said to tell you she’d be glad to watch your mamm so you can go to volleyball.”
“Danke. That’s kind of her.” Rachel had no intention of asking Martin’s mamm for that favor. With Rachel’s luck, Martin would insist on dropping his mamm off and driving Rachel to volleyball.
Sensing her interest waning, Martin announced, “You did a great job at volleyball last week, Rachel.” His enthusiasm sounded over the top.
She needed to cool his excessive attention. “I didn’t play as well as Caroline and J—” Rachel snapped her mouth shut. She’d better not praise Josh. “Caroline had so many awesome saves.”
“Until she fell in the mud,” someone remarked, and everyone tittered.
Caroline must have heard, because she looked over at them. When she caught sight of Rachel in the center of the group, she looked surprised and hurt. Rachel wanted to protest she hadn’t been mocking Caroline, but who would believe her?
All Rachel could do was endure the cold shoulders of the girls and the inane chatter of the boys until she could leave. The first minute she could politely escape, she carried some dishes to the kitchen and thanked her hostess. Then she slipped out the side door to avoid getting caught up in the crowds saying goodbye. Grateful to escape to the loneliness of her buggy, she drove the deserted roads home.