CHAPTER 28
Rachel’s days flowed like a dream. Josh arrived early each morning, and he stayed until after the children’s bedtime, so they could plan their future together. He helped her with the children as much as he could, but he and his daed and his brothers spent most of the time working on the dawdi haus.
She couldn’t spend those hours with him. But whenever she missed him, she went to the window to watch him sweating under the broiling sun, flexing his muscles and demonstrating his skills with a hammer.
Whenever Josh was on the ground, Zak followed him around like a baby duck. And Josh patiently demonstrated skills, waiting while Zak tried and tried again. The first time Zak hammered a nail in straight, they both whooped with joy, and Josh sent Zak to the house to show her. She’d already been watching, and her eyes met Josh’s through the glass, sending signals of love and caring.
Both of them were reluctant to break the connection, until Josh’s brother Adam passed and clipped Josh on the shoulder. “Stop mooning and get to work.”
Josh ignored him and waited until Rachel came to the door to admire Zak’s handiwork and to smile at Zak’s soon-to-be daed. He returned the admiring glances until his father called for him to mix more mortar. Josh waited until Zak had toddled back, then scooped him up, winked at Rachel, and taught Zak how to mix mortar.
When Josh did tasks Zak couldn’t share, his future cousins kept him occupied. Three of Josh’s nephews came with their daeds. At four and five, they’d been around construction sites for several years, so they played with Zak when Josh was on the ladder or working with dangerous tools. And later in the afternoon, the school-age cousins swarmed around the little ones, teaching them skills and organizing games when they weren’t busy helping with building.
Every day at noon, Rachel brought out a hot dinner and set it on a large folding table under the spreading branches of an old oak. Everyone grabbed plates and filled them, then sat around on the ground to devour the meal and desserts hungrily. But Josh came into the kitchen to eat with Rachel and the two children. It became their oasis in the midst of busy days. And they took turns feeding a different child at each meal to strengthen their bonds.
With the baby carrier strapped around her, Rachel quilted . . . when she wasn’t staring longingly out the window at Josh or fixing meals or talking with Mamm and Barbara. Keeping Marianna cuddled close, Rachel cooed and talked to her tiny dochder as she finished her quilt for Suzanne and began Mrs. Vandenberg’s.
Rachel put her heart and soul into an original design and hoped it would turn out as beautifully as she’d imagined. She wanted to thank Mrs. Vandenberg for all she’d done in their lives.
Not that Rachel had to quilt anymore. She’d signed over the deed to the Ohio house the day Mrs. Vandenberg had given them the plans for the dawdi haus. Now Rachel felt free to spend the money that had been deposited in the bank. She’d already decided this quilt would be the last one for a while. Her next task—one that would be pure joy—sewing her wedding dress. She’d already picked out the pretty blue fabric. And she’d selected a soft green material for Mamm’s dress.
While Rachel cut out quilt pieces on the kitchen table, she kept an eye out for her beloved. Each time he passed by the window, she thanked God for blessing her with such a wunderbar man.
But she couldn’t help noticing something else with the kitchen window open to bring in the breeze. Josh’s brother Adam needled constantly, criticizing Josh and making cutting comments. Rachel’s ire rose, and by the time she set out the noon meal, she could barely contain her annoyance.
Everyone flocked around the table but Josh, who picked up Zak and headed for the kitchen.
“Too good to eat with the rest of us?” Adam challenged.
Rachel stiffened and started to turn, but Josh touched her arm. “Don’t say anything. He likes making people angry.”
“Ooo, Josh,” Adam called, “good thing the bishop isn’t here. You’re not supposed to be touching her.”
Josh flushed to the roots of his hair. “I’m so sorry, Rachel.”
“You’re not the one who should be sorry.” She whirled around to face Adam. “That’s enough of your bullying.”
“Rachel?” Josh’s low, urgent whisper begged her to stop.
But Rachel had had enough. She marched over to Adam, one hand cradling Marianna close in the baby carrier, wagging a finger at Adam with the other. “Josh doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. I don’t know what he ever did to you, but whatever it was, you should forgive and forget.”
Adam stood there sputtering while Rachel spun around and flounced toward the back door.
“Ach, Rachel,” Josh said, once they’d closed the kitchen door behind them. “You’re a wonder.” He laughed. “I’ve never seen Adam at a loss for words.”
Josh didn’t say she shouldn’t have done it, but when the hearty laughter floated through the window, and his two older brothers taunted Adam, Rachel rued losing her temper.
Marv spat out words between chortles. “She really put you in your place, Adam.”
“Jah, that’s for sure,” Lloyd agreed. “And you just stood there with your mouth hanging open like this.” He put on a stupid expression, his jaws wide.
Knowing Adam, all this teasing would only add fuel to the fire.
Rachel pinched her lips together. “I’m so sorry, Josh. I’ve only made things worse for you, haven’t I?”
He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Don’t worry about me. I’ve endured plenty of teasing. I can take a bit more.” He turned her around to face her. “And it’s much easier to bear when I know I have a beautiful woman who’ll soon be my wife.” A teasing glint entered his eyes. “A woman who loves me enough to stand up to bullies to defend me.”
“Oh, you.” Rachel gave him a playful shove, the way she had when they were younger. But her heart pitter-pattered the way it always did when she was near him. “I hope Bishop Troyer agrees we should get married soon.”
Tomorrow night, they had a meeting with the bishop to talk about their wedding. They planned to use the children’s welfare as their excuse for a hasty marriage.
“I do too. I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”
Those words stayed with Rachel as Josh and Zak went back outside after dinner. She floated on a cloud as she washed the dishes, a little more slowly than usual, so she could appreciate her view of Josh.
But as she feared, Adam lit into Josh. “Too cowardly to confront me yourself, so you send your girlfriend after me?” Adam’s mocking laughter had a cruel edge.
Josh ignored the taunt, but Rachel ground her teeth. Rather than making the situation better for him, she’d increased Adam’s anger and meanness.
Lord, I’m sorry for losing my temper. Please help Josh not to have to pay for my runaway tongue.
After both children had gone down for their afternoon naps, Rachel prepared plates of cookies and pitchers of strawberry lemonade. She set everything out on the table under the oak and waited. Not for Josh this time, but for Adam.
He was the first to break for the snack. He jogged toward the table but halted several feet away when he noticed her standing there. A wary expression crossed his face.
“Adam, can I talk to you a minute? Alone.”
His face scrunched up, as if expecting a trick. “What for?”
“I have something I want to say to you.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” He swooped over to the table, grabbed a handful of cookies, and turned his back.
Josh’s two older brothers and their children headed for the table but stopped at the sight of Rachel and Adam.
Rachel wouldn’t let Adam’s attitude or the staring audience keep her from what she intended to say. “Adam, I let my temper get the better of me at dinnertime. I shouldn’t have said those things. Will you forgive me?”
She couldn’t see Adam’s face, but his stiff shoulders melted a little.
Across the yard, Josh spied her and rushed in her direction. Rachel held up a hand to stop him. She tilted her head slightly toward Adam. Understanding dawned in Josh’s eyes, and he stayed still.
After a long pause, Adam croaked out a jah that sounded reluctant and forced. Then he stalked off to eat by himself as everyone else crowded around the table.
Josh pulled her aside. “What did you say to Adam?”
“I apologized for losing my temper earlier and asked him to forgive me.”
Love and admiration blazed in Josh’s eyes. “You are the most amazing woman. Beautiful inside and out.” He cast a quick glance at Adam, alone under a distant maple. “What did he say?”
“Just jah.” But that was enough.
The rest of the afternoon, Adam worked in sullen silence. Each time Rachel glanced out the window, he was keeping to himself. She prayed she hadn’t caused a rift in the family.
* * *
The next morning, as Rachel slipped downstairs to get some quilting done before the children woke, a knock on the front door startled her. Josh had arrived earlier than usual. She rushed to the door and flung it open to greet him. Then, her smile faded.
Adam stood on the doorstep, shuffling from one foot to the other. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, without looking her in the eye.
“It’s all right, Adam. I forgive you,” she said gently, so he wouldn’t have to ask.
She could barely hear his danke as he turned to leave, his steps tense and awkward.
“My brother’s a lucky man,” he muttered, before hightailing it around back to work on the dawdi haus.
Josh pulled in half an hour later and eyed the other buggy in the driveway. “What’s Adam doing here already?”
“He came to apologize.”
“What?” Josh stared at her, disbelieving. “Adam’s never said he’s sorry for anything in his life. At least, not that I know of.”
“He did today.”
With a stunned look, Josh followed Rachel into the kitchen. They had only a few minutes alone before Zak and Marianna stirred, but they made the most of them, staring into each other’s eyes while fixing breakfast.
When Rachel pulled a pan of cinnamon rolls from the oven, Josh sniffed appreciatively. “My favorite.”
“I know. I made them for you.”
His face alight with appreciation, Josh gripped his suspenders tightly. “I wish I could show you how much that means to me. But . . .”
But they shouldn’t. He traced her lips with his eyes.
Rachel shivered and forced herself to stay on the opposite side of the table. “I wish you could too.” She breathed in, hoping to calm her jittery pulse.
“Josh? Daed?” the plaintive call broke into the tension-filled moment.
Heaving a huge sigh, Josh headed from the kitchen, murmuring, “Danke You, Lord, for keeping me from temptation.”
Rachel echoed his prayer. Every day, it grew harder to stay apart. Most couples didn’t share parenting duties and spend most of their days and evenings together. It was a blessing, but had its tough moments. So often Rachel longed to throw her arms around Josh or press a kiss to his lips. Their wedding day couldn’t come soon enough for her.
By the time Josh returned to the kitchen with Zak and Marianna, Rachel had prepared the baby’s bottle and cooked scrambled eggs. Josh took the bottle and fed Marianna.
After covering the eggs to keep them warm, Rachel headed for the back door.
He stared at her, puzzled. “Where are you going?”
“To invite your brother for breakfast.”
Josh groaned. “Go ahead.” Although his words sounded sarcastic, he grinned.
When Rachel approached Adam and extended the invitation, he stared at her, bug-eyed. Then he swallowed and looked away. “I’m too busy,” he choked out.
So Rachel returned to the house, fixed a plate with eggs and two cinnamon rolls, and filled a mug with coffee. “How does your brother like his coffee?” she asked Josh.
“Black.” Josh shook his head. “You’re too nice,” he said, but his words held only admiration.
Adam didn’t even glance in her direction when she set the breakfast plate on a nearby stack of lumber. But after she went inside, she peeked out the window, and he was wolfing down the food.
The rest of the day, Adam didn’t tease Josh. At least not in Rachel’s presence.
* * *
“Will wonders never cease?” Josh asked as he entered the kitchen for supper, holding Zak. “That has to be a record. Not one nasty remark from Adam all day. Thanks to you.”
Josh resisted the urge to take Rachel in his arms and cradle her close to his heart. Every day, it grew more difficult to be around her and keep his hands to himself. All the hard work outside and the childcare inside didn’t do enough to distract him. His every waking thought began and ended with Rachel.
And when she looked at him with the same longing . . .
Josh headed for the sink and scrubbed his and Zak’s hands, as if it could rub away wayward thoughts. It didn’t work.
After setting Zak on the bench, Josh slid in beside his sohn—Josh’s soul thrilled at the thought—to help Zak cut his food. Josh had fed Marianna that morning, and for the first time, she’d smiled up at him.
I’m their daed. Soon, he’d be a daed and a husband.
He’d brought along a change of clothes for their meeting with the bishop, so he switched into them while Rachel readied both children for bed. Then he prayed with Zak, read to him from the Bible-story book, and bent to kiss him goodnight.
“You need to go right to sleep because Rachel and I are talking to the bishop tonight.”
“You be back when I wake up?” Zak asked sleepily.
“I promise.” And someday soon, I’ll be here all through the night too.
But later, when they sat across from Bishop Troyer, Josh wondered if he’d been too optimistic.
“I understand you wanting to marry quickly, and the children’s welfare is certainly a consideration”—Laban frowned and tugged on his beard—“but . . .”
But what? Josh longed to interrupt. He forced his hands to stillness in his lap and prayed for patience.
“I know you were childhood friends.”
“Jah, we were. And we know each other very well.” He hoped that reassurance would speed things along.
“I’m not so sure about that.” This time, rather than staring off into the distance, the bishop fixed Josh with a pointed look. “You two haven’t talked in years, and you’ve been courting Anna Mary.”
“Not anymore.” Josh debated about giving a reason, but maybe it would help their case. “We broke up because I realized I was in love with Rachel, and I always have been.”
“That’s my concern. Who’s to say you won’t change your mind about Rachel a few months from now?”
“I won’t.”
Laban tapped a finger against his lip. “Suppose two or three months ago, I’d asked you if you were planning to marry Anna Mary. What would you have said?”
Josh couldn’t look the bishop in the eye. “I would have said I was,” he admitted miserably. Then he turned a pleading look to Laban. “But only because I didn’t think I had any chance with Rachel.”
She intervened to explain. “Josh blamed himself for my brother’s death. He thought I wouldn’t forgive him.”
This time, Laban turned his searching look on Rachel. “And was he right about that?”
She shook her head. “Neh, I didn’t blame him.”
Josh groaned inwardly. He guessed the bishop’s next question.
“And you’re willing to marry a man who so misjudged you that way?”
“Of course. I forgave him for the misunderstanding.”
“It’s more than a simple mistake. He completely misread your character. That’s a grave error.”
“He didn’t misjudge me. He just believed he couldn’t be forgiven . . . by anyone.”
“I see.” Laban rounded on Josh. “Not even God?”
Josh squirmed.
“And did you even try asking for forgiveness? Seems to me if you’d caused such great harm, your first act would be to ask forgiveness from the people you’d wronged.”
Hanging his head, Josh admitted, “I didn’t think they’d . . .”
“Neh, sohn, perhaps you were too cowardly to admit what you’d done.”
“He was only thirteen,” Rachel burst out.
“Eight years ago, he was thirteen. He’s had plenty of years since then to face up to this.”
Josh lowered his head into his hands “You’re right. Maybe I’m not mature enough to get married.”
Rachel’s sharp intake of breath cut through him.
“That’s the first step to maturity, sohn, admitting the truth.” Laban cleared his throat. “I’m going to ask you to do one more thing. Did you ask Anna Mary for forgiveness?”
Had he? Josh couldn’t remember. “But she broke up with me.”
“Perhaps,” Laban said drily, “to save face after hearing rumors about you traveling out of state with another girl?”
“I think she’s interested in someone else.”
“You don’t sound too sure. And once again, you’re making excuses for not asking forgiveness. Seems to me hochmut might have something to do with that.”
Josh couldn’t argue. Pride had kept him from confessing to Rachel. He could show the bishop he’d learned to face his mistakes by talking to Anna Mary. Josh stood, and Rachel followed his lead. “I’ll ask Anna Mary for forgiveness.”
Bishop Troyer clapped him on the shoulder. “That’s a good start.”
“What about our marriage?” Josh didn’t want to be the reason for putting off their wedding.
Bishop Troyer walked them to the door. “You know what they say, ‘Marry in haste, repent in leisure.’ Seems to me waiting at least six months would be wise to be sure you have no more sudden changes of heart.”
“I won’t,” he insisted. “I’ve always loved Rachel. And I always will.”
“Then you’ll still love her several months from now.”
“But . . .” Josh started to protest. Yet what more could he say?
The bishop’s eyes narrowed. “Unless you have another reason for a hasty marriage?”
Josh couldn’t believe the bishop had even suggested it. How humiliating! His face burned, and he couldn’t meet Rachel’s eyes. Not only because of that, but because postponing the marriage was all his fault.