Gabriel stood immobile by the bed, arms crossed over his chest, afraid to make a noise in case he woke her. Sinead was finally asleep after he’d urged her to take a warm shower. He’d been so tempted to join her. To take her into his arms again, smooth his hands over her silky skin, to kiss her and taste her. To never let her go.
He’d occupied his hands and mind by making her a mug of hot chocolate in the kitchenette. Then he made sure she drank it. She’d settled in his bed in one of his T-shirts, comfortable and sexy as hell. But she’d been shivering, probably in shock. Staring up at him with too-wide grey eyes, shiny with unshed tears.
Now she looked far too small and vulnerable, tucked into his king-size hotel bed, surrounded by an array of pillows with the black quilt pulled up to her chin. Her icy blonde hair fanned out around her beautiful face, her expression soft and untroubled in sleep. He wished he was as untroubled.
The drama, the fear, was over for the night. She was safe with him, right where he wanted her. But he couldn’t seem to move. He was in shock. The arsehole, Padraig, could have hurt Sinead. Gabriel could have lost her tonight. He clutched his gut, sick to his stomach.
In the short time since they’d met on a plane, Sinead had turned him upside down and left his whole life, his future, up in the air. It was unexpected and surprising. Completely the wrong timing. But he wasn’t scared of what it might mean.
The truth hit him like a tonne of bricks. He wanted Sinead in his life and he loved her – he loved her vibrancy and optimism, her bravery, her caring and forgiving nature.
Sinead’s sister Bridie deserved anger, even hatred. But Sinead had forgiven her, more concerned about her sister’s safety and wellbeing than her own feelings of betrayal. Amazing.
There was a worry nagging at the back of his mind. He might not have done enough to win Sinead’s trust. Maybe Sinead still wasn’t confident in him, or that they could have a future together. Sinead hadn’t felt she could tell him about Padraig, not the whole story. It hurt. She must have been terrified and he could have helped her. Still, he understood. Sinead had been running for her life, same as him.
Only in his case, the danger was inside his own body. His genes were a hidden landmine waiting to explode. He had to tell her about his Mum’s illness, how serious it was. Early-onset Alzheimer’s was a dark spectre hanging over not only his mother but him too. It threatened his freedom, his autonomy, and his life. The bloody awful disease was often hereditary.
If his Mum’s example was anything to go by, he’d be reduced to a shell of a man by the time he was in his forties. By fifty, he’d be on his way out. His mum was only fifty-four and the doctors reckoned she didn’t have long.
He sagged into the suede armchair by the bed, resting his head in his hands. He couldn’t let Sinead see it, couldn’t let her stand by his side and watch him decay. This was why he’d never got close enough to any woman to have a relationship.
While he hadn’t been looking for it, love had found him. Struck him square in the heart like a Norse god wielding a bolt of lightning. He loved Sinead. Warmth permeated his body, spread through his chest and wrapped around his heart. It almost winded him.
He’d do whatever he needed to love her, to cherish her and keep her safe. If it meant leaving her, letting her go, he’d do it. Even if it killed him.
The buzz of his phone in his back pocket shook Gabriel back to consciousness. He grabbed it and rose from the chair, pacing into the suite’s living area, quietly shutting the bedroom door behind him.
He glanced at the screen. Ryan calling. Answering, he kept his voice low. “Ry?”
“How’s Sinead doing?”
Gabriel’s lips stretched upwards as he ran his hand through his hair. Ryan was a good friend. The best. He’d put himself on the line tonight and Gabriel wouldn’t forget it. “She’s good now, finally sleeping. But she was pretty shaken up. It took a while to get her to calm down. I only got pieces of the story about Padraig, but it sounds like he’d been stalking her for years. I didn’t know what to say. I can’t even think about what could have happened to her.” He ground his teeth together.
“Man, it makes me sick. The police will want to know the background. They asked if Sinead could come and give a statement first thing tomorrow. Sounds like they’ll charge him with assault at least. Greg from hotel security said the bastard was spouting crap about Sinead and Bridie being whores and owing him money.”
Gabriel breathed slow and deep, unclenching his jaw with effort. “I’ll go with her to the police station. I don’t want her under any more stress than necessary. If the arsehole’s spreading lies like that she’ll need me. Did you contact Bridie like I asked you to?”
“Yeah. She’s okay, staying with an old friend in East London. Hiding out, really. She went to the police after she split with Padraig and he started following her. She sounded scared. She was going to call Sinead ‘when the coast was clear’, as she put it, then head home to their mother’s house in Dublin. But she decided to hang around a while.” Ry breathed out, loud in his ear. “She was horrified when I told her what happened tonight. I don’t think she had any idea the guy was so crazy. I get the impression Bridie’s a bit naive and Padraig duped her. I don’t think she’s a bad kid, just in a rough situation with debts. It’s obvious she loves Sinead.”
Gabriel breathed out slowly, stretching his neck from side to side. “Thanks Ry. I’ll call Bridie and try to get some sense out of her. I wish I didn’t have to fly home tomorrow night. I’d stay here, but I need to check on Mum. Sinead’s flying to Melbourne in a couple of days, but it doesn’t make it any easier to go.”
“I’ll look out for Sinead, don’t worry. Get some sleep before you head to the cop shop.”
“I will, I’m dead on my feet. Thanks for everything tonight. Talk soon.”
Gabriel ended the call and headed straight back to Sinead. He didn’t want to leave her alone. He wanted to hold her close. Pacing around the bed, he stripped down to his boxer briefs, flung his clothes on the armchair and turned back the sheets.
He climbed into bed and scooted close to her, wrapping an arm around her waist. The gentle curve of her hip, her inviting warmth and softness had his body tightening and jumping to conclusions. But tonight wasn’t about sex.
Breathing in her heady floral scent, their first day together in the Singapore airport hotel sprang to mind. Sinead had talked him into “spooning”. Now it seemed like the perfect idea and he couldn’t think of any place he’d rather be in the whole world.
Alone again. Sinead unlocked her flat the next day and stepped inside the eerily quiet and all-too-cramped space. It was depressing. Far from her ideal home. There was nothing holding her in London. Her closest friends like Yuki and Deanna were based in Melbourne. And Gabriel, of course.
London wasn’t too far from her home city of Dublin, but the relationship with her family was so strained it didn’t matter. Visiting and playing happy families wasn’t high on her to-do list, especially after the incident with Padraig. Ma’s sixtieth birthday party was in a week’s time, but she couldn’t go. She’d put off RSVP-ing and hoped it would go away.
Gabriel had headed home to Melbourne. She’d see him in two days, after her long-haul flight with a stopover in Dubai, but it seemed like an age. He had become a central figure in her life already. So mind-bogglingly attractive, she sometimes forgot to breathe in his presence. But he could be so much more. Someone she could depend on, someone to share everything with, even the difficult times. Although she may have scared him off. Her horrible family and the stain of her experiences with Padraig had ruined other relationships.
What if Gabriel had flown off to Melbourne, thinking how glad he was to be rid of her? How would she cope if he didn’t want her to visit? She couldn’t fool herself into thinking everything was settled with Gabriel. Everything was so new, even if sometimes it seemed she’d known him for years.
She walked into her living room and dumped everything on the sofa. Her carryall bag, the garment bag containing her evening dress, and herself. She sank into the puffy cushions with a humpfh, popping her feet on the coffee table. She sat staring directly at the empty place where her television should have been. The television Padraig and Bridie had stolen. She squeezed her eyes shut.
Gabriel had been her rock earlier at the police station. The investigating officer was a kind man and didn’t ask too many difficult questions. When the interview came to Padraig’s treatment of her years ago, she’d stammered through. Gabriel sat through the whole ordeal, holding her hand. She hoped that meant Gabriel was standing by her. He was so stony-faced it was hard to tell what he was thinking.
The police helped her lodge an application for a restraining order against Padraig but she’d still needed to appear in court. The idea was too much to deal with yet.
Her contemplation was rudely interrupted by the trilling doorbell. Gabriel. Stupid hope lit up her body, even though she knew he was winging his way to Australia. She dashed out of her flat and downstairs.
Hoping for a pleasant surprise, she failed to be sensible and look through the spyhole in the front door. She flung it wide open and gaped at the two unexpected visitors in her doorway. She rubbed her eyes. Bridie and their mother. What the hell?
She stared, without saying a word, crossing her arms over her belly. Probably quite rude, but she didn’t care. At least they both had the good grace to look sheepish.
Sinead squinted at them. “Hello.” It was a poor opening, but the best Sinead and her shell-shocked brain could manage under the circumstances.
Bridie flicked her hair back and huffed out a breath. “Hi, Sinead. Sorry to show up like this without calling, but we were worried about you. I spoke to Gabriel and he told me what happened with Paddy.”
To her credit, Bridie did look worried. Her face was pinched so a sharp line appeared between her brows. Sinead had forgiven Bridie, but it would likely be a long time before she trusted her sister with her whole heart.
“What are you doing here?” Sinead directed this question at her mother, who was currently staring at her shoes. Clumpy, black, sensible old lady shoes.
“I’ve come to apologise. I know it’s long overdue.” Ma stared at Sinead, as if studying her face for a reaction.
Sinead returned the stare. Her mother looked smaller and older, diminished somehow. Her formerly golden hair was sprinkled with silvery strands and her pale, oval-shaped face was crinkled with fine lines.
It had been two years since Sinead had last seen her mother in person, since Da’s funeral. She’d tried to talk to her mother then, but it was the wrong time. And Padraig had been there, chatting with her brothers. Still, Ma had never made an effort. Until now.
Sinead nodded once. “Come in then.”
She wasn’t sure if she’d lost her mind letting them in, but curiosity got the better of her. She itched to hear what her Ma had to say, while hating herself for being needy. Sinead gulped in fresh air, then turned her back on them. She trudged up the hallway stairs without checking whether they’d followed. She heard footsteps behind her, sure enough. Her shoulders tensed in anticipation of the conversation to come.
At the door to her flat, she paused and waited for them to catch up. She opened the door and stalked in without meeting their gaze. She had to compose herself. Plonking herself down in her raggedy velvet armchair, she let her guests take the sofa. She was all politeness and hospitality, truly. But she wasn’t going to make this easy for them. Why should she?
“So, talk.”
Bridie broke the ice, settling into one corner of the sofa and smoothing her wild red hair over her shoulders.
“I’m so sorry about your things.” Bridie nodded once in the direction of the space where the television should have been. “It wasn’t my idea, I didn’t want to have anything to do it. But Paddy came here to find me, or find you, I’m not sure. He threatened me. Lord, he was scary. He grabbed my arm so hard he left bruises. He was up in my face and his eyes were like an animal.” Bridie rubbed her own arms, up and down. “I realise now why you left home like you did.”
Sinead fought the sickness rising in her stomach. It was hideous, the truth of what he was capable of, what she’d allowed to happen to her sister. Bridie could have been hurt a lot worse. Heat prickled behind Sinead’s eyes.
Sinead’s gaze tracked over to her sister, sitting huddled on the sofa, long hippy skirt bunched up over her combat boots. “I’m sorry too, Bridie. I should have told you the truth years ago. I was ashamed. I suppose I didn’t want to talk about it. But I put you in harm’s way. The TV and the other things, they don’t matter.”
Bridie’s tears ran unchecked down her cheeks and she nodded, twisting the ends of her hair. Their mother had stayed silent. So when Ma exhaled a shaky sound, almost a gasp from a dying woman, Sinead flinched.
Ma sat forward and opened her mouth a couple of times before speaking. “I’m the one who should be sorry, Sinead. I sent you away when you needed me. I didn’t want to believe what you said about Paddy although I saw the proof with my own eyes. He loved you. I didn’t understand how he could hurt you.”
Sinead’s blood heated in her veins at Ma’s ludicrous words. She must have been in total denial, to believe Padraig innocent. To believe he’d loved Sinead. What he’d done to her face, the way he treated her, it wasn’t love. It had taken Sinead years to get over it.
She’d gone to Ma for help, the one person who was supposed to love her unconditionally. And she’d been pushed away. It compounded the break, fracturing something deep inside. Only when she met Gabriel had she finally decided to trust a man, to trust herself, and she’d begun to heal.
“I don’t know what to say. He hurt me and abused me. You told me to put up with it. I needed my mother and I got nothing from you.”
“I’m so sorry, it’s given me pain for so long. Your Da was so ill at the time, I hardly knew what I was about. You’d had an argument with Paddy and it got out of hand. I thought you’d sort it out,” Ma said.
Sinead got it then, finally. The scattered pieces came together in her mind, like when she and Bridie worked on thousand-piece jigsaw puzzles as kids. If she stood back she could envisage the complete picture. Her relationship with Padraig was a copy of the original blueprint, a reproduction, and her parents’ marriage had been an ugly design. Her father had been a rotten, cruel drunk. Never really violent, but he shouted and swore, and took off for days at a time. In Padraig, she’d found herself a man cut from the same pattern.
Da had spent all the family’s money on booze and gambling, then blamed Ma for never having enough food in the house. He’d talked down to his children, especially his daughters. Sinead had always been insecure around him. According to her father, she was a waste of space. Her Da’s cruel words rang in her ears even now, like Padraig’s taunts haunted her.
Ma had put up with it all. Of course she expected Sinead to follow her stellar example. Even if Sinead followed her into relationship hell.
Sinead shook her head, fingers trembling as she forced them to stay still in her lap. “Da wasn’t ill. He was drunk. All the time, for years. You covered for him, always so worried about what people would think. Why didn’t you worry about what your children would think? Your daughters? What do you think we learned from you?”
Her mother stared straight ahead and sobbed. “I know, I know.”
Sinead sat forward, entranced, as Ma folded and re-folded her hands in her lap. Over and over again. Repeating the same pattern. Sinead took a deep breath. She’d inherited exactly the same nervous habit. It was time to eliminate old habits for good.
Ma sighed, looking at the floor. “It’s taken me a long time to understand, to get my right self back again. Since your father died, I’ve been stronger. He made me doubt myself so I was afraid to make my own decisions. I wanted you all to be happy, but I didn’t know how to help.” Their mother glanced up and held Sinead’s gaze.
“When Bridie told me what Paddy had done, to both of you, I understood. And Eamon called me, so angry, and told me Paddy is calling you both whores all around town. Now I understand what kind of man Paddy is. The evil kind. I told your brother in no uncertain terms to get himself a new best friend. Paddy is no longer welcome around our family.”
Sinead stared. Only her brother’s opinion would’ve changed their mother’s mind about Padraig. Eamon must have been livid. About time too.
Ma sighed. “I know how hurt you must be. I’m asking for your forgiveness, Sinead.”
The wide-open gaze her Ma laid on her was vulnerable, but too demanding. Sinead didn’t know if she had it inside her to forgive. Not yet, at least.
“I’ll think about it.” It was the best she could offer.
Her mother ducked her head, hiding the expression on her face. “Thank you. Think about it, it’s all I ask.”
Bridie stood and hovered, then rushed towards Sinead with the force of a mini-hurricane. She was all flying red hair and lanky arms and legs, landing on the arm of Sinead’s chair. She fell into an awkward half-hug around Sinead’s shoulders.
“Can you forgive me?” Bridie muttered against Sinead’s hair.
Words stuck on a lump in her throat. “I already have.” Sinead raised her arms and hugged her sister close. Bridie was a bright spark in the shadows of Sinead’s heart. She didn’t want to live without her sister.
Then Ma was beside them, reaching for Sinead’s face, gently wiping a tear from her cheek. A tender gesture, the first from her mother in a long time. Her breath hitched.
It was a start. She was on the road to a reunion with her family, even if it was likely to be a bumpy ride.