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Rebecca’s heart pounded furiously in her chest as she led Andrew to the parlor. He was acting so very strange, so unlike himself, and she knew that it was long past time to settle things between them.
Sabrina hadn’t looked pleased by the fact that she wished to speak to Andrew alone, but she knew her cousin would allow her this bit of privacy. They were engaged, after all.
Andrew sat stiffly on the edge of the loveseat. Flouting convention, she sat next to him, so close she could feel the heat of his big body. For long moments, they just stared at each other, and once again, she was struck by how very handsome he was. Why hadn’t she remembered this? Why hadn’t he made her heart race this way before? She could only guess that the war had really changed him.
She cleared her throat and decided to get straight to the heart of the matter. “Have you changed your mind about marrying me, Andrew?”
He caught his breath, and something odd flickered in his green eyes. Relief? She realized that he’d expected her to say something very different. She just wasn’t sure what it was that he had expected.
“I’ve not changed my mind,” he said cautiously, meeting her gaze directly. “Have you?”
She sighed, shaking her head. “You know I have no choice in the matter. This deal was struck between you and my father. I did hope that you’d make some attempt to get to know me though. And I expected that you’d correspond with me while you were away.”
“We were nearly strangers,” he said thoughtfully, but his tone drew her gaze because it seemed more a question than a statement. “When we were engaged, we barely knew each other at all.”
She remembered that he’d had a head injury, and her heart suddenly went out to him. Impulsively, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. It was incredibly forward of her, but he suddenly seemed so lost. She could almost forget that this was the boy who’d tormented her childhood and treated her with such disinterest once they’d grown. “Do you not remember?”
“No,” he said slowly, gently squeezing her hand in return. “I’m very sorry, my lady. When I try to think about the details of our engagement, it’s very foggy.”
She sighed. “Well, there isn’t much to remember. Once the marriage contracts were signed, you left. You didn’t even speak to me once your business with my father was done.”
He shook his head. “That was not well done of me. Not well done at all.”
She laughed bitterly. “No, it wasn’t. I cried for days.” As soon as the words left her lips, she gasped and covered her mouth. She couldn’t believe she had said that. She’d always minded her tongue where these matters were concerned, but perhaps she’d changed as well. Perhaps all these years spent abandoned and unwanted had made her less willing to endure his mistreatment in silence.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “But I need you to know that... I’m not the man I used to be. I hope you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you.”
She gazed into his fathomless green eyes, and oddly, she believed him. Somehow, he truly had changed. “I would like that. Maybe we could start over? Pretend our past never happened?”
The relief her words gave him was palpable. He closed his eyes briefly, then nodded. “I’d like that, too. More than you can imagine.”
For long moments they said nothing, just held each other’s hands as the grandfather clock ticked relentlessly in the corner. She realized that she’d never held a man’s hand before, and she was surprised at how very comforting she found it. For too long, she’d felt all alone.
She remembered what Madame Zeta had said about choosing to be happy. All these years, she’d thought her marriage to Andrew would be a nightmare, but was it really this easy? Could she get rid of all her preconceived notions about the boy who’d bullied her when they were children and concede to the point that the years might have changed him? Could they actually learn how to care for each other?
It would be a shame not to at least try. The worst that could happen would be to end up the way she’d expected to, alone in her marriage.
Andrew scrubbed his free hand over his eyes. “It’s been a very long day, my lady. I’ve traveled far this week, and my injuries are still bothering me some. Do you think it would be possible to continue this discussion in a day or two? Perhaps we could go for a ride around the countryside and just talk, get to know each other all over again.”
A genuine smile tugged her lips. She couldn’t imagine the old Andrew inviting her to do such a thing. “I’ll have Cook pack us lunch, and perhaps we can picnic at the standing stones in Avebury.”
His eyes sparked with sudden warmth. “Truly? I’d love to see them!”
She looked at him oddly. He acted as though he’d never seen the stones before, but that was impossible. He’d grown up here, and the great standing stones were only a few miles away.
Catching her look, he cleared his throat and dropped his gaze. “Again,” he said, an odd note in his voice. “I’d very much like to see them again.”
Perhaps his head injury had affected him more than she’d first thought. He’d seemed very confused and out of sorts all evening. “Get some rest,” she told him softly. “You’re right. We have plenty of time to get to know each other again.”
He stood, slowly releasing her hand. “Until tomorrow, then?”
She nodded. “Until tomorrow.”
* * *
CHRISTIAN RODE HARD for Trowbridge Manor, the events of the afternoon playing through his mind over and over. Lady Rebecca had been so lovely, so sweet. She’d obviously been hurt badly by Andrew. As they’d sat together in the parlor, he’d felt such a strong surge of attraction and a strange sort of guilt for his brother’s behavior. He’d wanted nothing in the world more than to make it up to her. He’d wanted to be the sort of man that she should have had all along.
Had he done a single thing right? It didn’t seem as though he had. Why had he invited her to a picnic? He should have waited until he’d spoken to Theo about the whole mess. He should have tried to see if there was a way to break the engagement, instead of getting himself even more deeply involved with the girl.
Unfortunately, he knew in his heart that there was no way to break the engagement without bringing even more trouble and attention down upon himself. The alternative though... to actually marry the girl under an assumed name, forced to forever pretend to be someone he was not...
He couldn’t do it. As soon as he returned home, he’d pack his bags and return to London. The money he’d made from selling Andrew’s commission was more than he needed to live a life that would be a step above anything he’d ever expected. Perhaps he’d simply book passage to America and try to make something of himself there. He might never have all that he’d have if he remained Viscount Trowbridge, but at least he could be himself. At least he’d have his own name.
As soon as he arrived at the manor, he went in search of Theo, finding him in the office, a stack of ledgers on the desk in front of him. He paused when he saw how content his uncle looked, how completely capable. For so many years, Theo had worked like a slave for the Bradfords. Now, at long last, he had the chance to give his uncle a better life. Could he really take that from him?
He sighed and entered the room. Perhaps he’d been too hasty in his earlier thoughts. He owed it to his uncle to at least tell him about this new wrinkle.
Theo looked up with a wide grin. “So, did the mistress give you a parting gift?”
Christian tossed the heavy purse he’d taken with him on the desk. “Lady Rebecca isn’t his mistress, Uncle. She is his fiancée.”
“Fiancée?” A look of panic replaced Theo’s smile. “What happened? What did you say? Tell me everything.”
Christian obliged, telling his uncle every single thing he could remember about his visit with the two ladies. When he was done, Theo leaned back in his chair, no longer seeming on edge. “What is the problem?”
Gaping at him, Christian sank into the chair on the other side of the desk. “You don’t see a problem with me marrying the girl who was engaged to Andrew? What if she finds me out?”
“How?” Theo asked. “You just told me that they didn’t know each other well. Hell, I worked for the man all his life, and I never even knew he had a fiancée. He was still bringing ‘round whores until the day he left for the Army.”
Christian scrubbed his hand over his face, feeling weary in body and soul. “How can I marry a woman and never tell her the truth? Never hear her call me by my actual name?”
Theo frowned. “Did you take on this role intending never to marry?”
A heavy feeling settled in the pit of Christian’s stomach. “I suppose I never thought that far ahead.”
“Well, you had better start thinking of it,” Theo snapped. “If you intend to remain Viscount Trowbridge, you have to actually become Andrew. You buried Christian Barnes on that battlefield, boy. How important is a name anyway? If life was fair, you’d have had the last name Bradford all along.”
Theo stood up and went to the sideboard, where a bottle of whiskey sat. As Christian watched him pour them both a stiff shot, he knew the older man was right. If he were to continue this charade, he had to leave his old name behind. It shouldn’t matter. The title and fortune should be worth it.
His uncle handed him the drink and squeezed his shoulder. “It’s a lot to think about. I know your meeting with Lady Rebecca rattled you. Why don’t you go take a walk or read a book? Clear your head. Give me some time to find out more. I’ll discretely ask around about the girl, and I’ll try and find the marriage contract. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
Christian nodded wearily. “All right,” he agreed. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
* * *
TWO DAYS LATER, REBECCA received a note from Andrew on her breakfast tray, saying that he’d be there to pick her up for their picnic at ten. She smiled a bit when she read it, thinking of the day to come, but then she frowned, staring at the small, neat handwriting.
A strange feeling washed over her as she stood up and went to the small desk in her bedchamber where she kept the letters that he’d written her while he was away with the Army. She unfolded the first one, her gaze glancing across the big, sloppy, looping letters. Anxiety grew as she fumbled to unfold the others. A moment later, she had all four letters spread out in front of her.
The three he’d written her while he was away bore no resemblance to the one he’d sent her today.
What did this mean?
She sat back in her chair, staring up at the coffered ceiling, thinking of how different he’d seemed at dinner the other night. He’d left her a spoiled, foppish boy, and he’d returned a serious, sensitive man. She found the new Andrew far more agreeable than the old one.
Her gaze fell upon the talisman Madame Zeta had given her, which she’d placed on the desk when she’d gotten home from the fair. The twins... Was he even the same man?
The thought seemed ridiculous, but it spun through her mind, refusing to go away. For a moment, she entertained the idea, but then she laughed and hurriedly folded the letters back up again and put them away.
If he wasn’t Andrew, then who could he possibly be? He looked just like Andrew. She’d thought him more handsome, but that undoubtedly lay in the fact that he’d grown and matured, not in any difference in his features.
Shaking her head, she rang for her maid and then went to her wardrobe, looking through her dresses. All of her gowns were at least two years old. Her father hadn’t seen any reason to pay for new ones when she wouldn’t be going to London, wouldn’t have a Season. What she had was fine for the occasional social calls in Wiltshire, but Andrew had always been such a dandy, and she worried he’d judge her for her lack of style.
He hadn’t seemed overly concerned about such matters the most recent time she’d seen him though... He’d been dressed more like a well-heeled parson than a rake.
Biting her lip, she pulled down a lavender dress with cap sleeves and lace trim. Everyone had always told her that it looked good with her coloring. She found that she wanted to look nice for Andrew.
As her maid helped her into the dress and then started on her hair, Rebecca stared into the mirror of her vanity and told herself that she was simply tilting at windmills. Perhaps the head injury he’d gotten in battle had somehow affected his handwriting. Perhaps he’d had a servant write the letter. She didn’t know why she was looking for problems where perhaps none existed.
For so long, she’d expected nothing at all from her marriage to Andrew, but now, after just one short conversation, she felt a bit of hope, and maybe that was what scared her and had her looking for reasons to doubt him. She thought she could take anything but false hope.
She lifted her chin and promised herself to simply be open to whatever the day would bring. There were definitely worse things in the world than to actually enjoy spending time with her fiancé.
* * *
WHEN CHRISTIAN ARRIVED at Rebecca’s home on that beautiful fall day, he couldn’t ignore his misgivings. Theo had once again convinced him to continue the charade. His uncle had found the marriage contract and had told Christian gleefully that Rebecca’s dowry was astronomical, enough to completely restore Trowbridge Manor and all the tenant farms. He convinced Christian that if he went ahead with the marriage, he could help not only himself but all those who had suffered under Andrew’s inattention to his responsibilities.
Rebecca’s dowry was no doubt what had appealed to Andrew in the first place.
Christian had spent an entire day riding the fields and visiting the tenants. He’d seen for himself how the families who were now dependent on him were struggling. The cottages had leaky roofs and crumbling walls, and the children were thin and dirty.
What had begun as a way to better himself had now become a heavy weight of responsibility for many other people who relied upon Viscount Trowbridge’s stewardship. Theo tried to tell him that he’d always been meant for this role, that he could make so many people’s lives better.
However, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d gotten in way over his head and couldn’t possibly pull this off. Even if Rebecca actually believed that he was Andrew, how could he sustain this farce for the rest of his life?
Did he even want to?
The more he thought about his life before he’d made that monumental decision to exchange coats with Andrew, the more he realized that he’d actually been content with his lowly status. At least he’d been free.
In fact, he did not know what he was still doing in Wiltshire at all. He just knew that he suddenly had more than himself to worry about. So, he’d decided reluctantly that he must at least attempt to further his relationship with Rebecca, to see if this mad scheme was even possible. If it started to appear that she was suspicious of him, he could leave then.
By the time he arrived at Riverbend Hall, he was in better spirits, and some of the dread he’d been feeling on the ride over had dissipated. He found himself actually looking forward to spending the afternoon with this lovely girl.
Within twenty minutes, Rebecca sat upon the carriage seat beside him, and he couldn’t take his gaze off her. She was gorgeous in lavender, her blue eyes sparkling with cautious excitement beneath her wide-brimmed hat. No matter how bad things had been between her and Andrew, she’d obviously decided to give him another chance, and Christian was very aware that wasn’t something he could take lightly.
He was determined to be as charming as he knew how. None of this mess was Rebecca’s fault. He had to make sure that even if did leave, he did so on good terms with this lovely girl. She didn’t deserve for him to run out on her, leaving her to think she’d done something wrong or leave her languishing in the country as an engaged girl whose fiancé had made no move to actually marry her.
The drive to the stone circle on the outskirts of Avebury would take an hour, so he was determined to get to know her a little better along the way. Though it was November, the sun was shining brightly, and he knew there probably wouldn’t be too many more warm days before the year ended.
“Have you been to the standing stones many times?” he asked her, breaking the silence that had fallen between them after the initial greetings. He was very excited to see them himself but knew he couldn’t let his excitement show. Andrew had undoubtedly visited the ancient landmark many times over the years.
“Oh, yes! My father doesn’t like it. He thinks it’s a pagan place, even though the church stands in the middle, but I think it’s marvelous to think of them having been there for so long. They say that some of the smaller stones were used to build the church, so just imagine how many more of them there might have once been. It’s such a mystery. Wiltshire is full of magical places. From the great standing stones in Salisbury, to the chalk horse, to the stones here. I’ve always wondered who built all these magnificent monuments and why.”
He grinned. “It seems an awful lot of work to go through. They must have had a reason.”
“Perhaps Merlin did it with a wave of his wand,” she said, looking up at him through her long lashes, her blue eyes sparkling. “That’s my favorite theory.”
“Ah, one of my favorite stories. When I was child, I loved to pretend I was one of the Knights of the Round Table. I always thought the idea of a king who would sit at the same table as his men, no one any better than any other... I suppose I like the idea of that kind of justice...” He trailed off when he saw that her eyes had darkened. “Did I say something wrong?”
She shook her head and looked away. “No. I just never knew that you were capable of thoughts like that. When we were children, you seemed to like torturing the barn cats and putting frogs in my hair.”
He sighed. He should have known Andrew was that sort of child. “I wasn’t always like that,” he said softly. “Perhaps I was just trying to get your attention.”
A surprised laugh escaped her. “Really? Do you honestly expect me to believe you ever even glanced my way? You were five years older and made it perfectly clear that I was beneath your notice, unless it was to torture me. I always dreaded coming to the country, just because I knew I’d be forced to put up with your antics at some point.”
Placing a fingertip beneath her chin, he tugged her face back toward him. “I thought we’d agreed to forget about the past. I don’t know how we can do that if you keep bringing up all of my former misdeeds.”
She had the good grace to look embarrassed. “I’m sorry. You’re absolutely right. It’s a beautiful day, and I really was enjoying our conversation. I’m not sure why I brought that up. I suppose I’ve just been angry with you for so long...”
“It sounds as though you have every right,” he admitted, letting his hand fall away. “But I really do want to make it up to you.”
“The war changed you.” She peered into his face intently. “You’ve come back an entirely different man.”
He stiffened. “What do you mean by that?”
She shrugged and looked forward again. “You seem as though you’ve been through a lot, is all. You never used to take anything seriously, even our engagement. You’ve become someone different, and I have to say that I like the new you much more than I ever did the old one.”
His tension eased somewhat. “Perhaps I grew up. Losing friends, enduring hardships... it changes a man.” Memories of the war crashed over him. The blood. The death. He’d mostly managed to keep it all at bay since he’d returned to England, but the horror was still there, hovering on the edge of his consciousness, waiting for an opportunity to swoop in. Perhaps it would have changed Andrew, too, if he’d lived through it.
She shivered and gave him a sympathetic look. “I can only imagine.”
“It must have been hard for you as well,” he said, hoping to gain more insight into her. “You were left here all alone, simply waiting for my return.”
She sighed. “It seemed as though I was in some sort of Purgatory, just waiting for my life to start. It was hard to realize that you felt no such thing. I know that you were off fighting for our country, but I always wished that you at least thought of me sometimes. Thought about coming home and starting a family with me.”
His breath caught in his throat for a moment as what she was saying sunk in. “You want children? You want to start a family with me?” He’d never really thought that far in advance. Until recently, he’d never been financially secure enough to even think of such a thing. He’d never wanted a child to have to endure the things he had.
A mocking laugh escaped her. “Yes, of course, I want children. That’s my entire purpose in this world, isn’t it? To provide little lordlings and ladies?”
Her sudden bitterness surprised him. He guessed he’d never really thought about a lady’s lot in life. “What would you like to do?” he asked, truly curious. “If you could do anything in the world, with no one to judge or question you, what would it be?”
This time, her laugh seemed far more genuine. “You know, I think you’re the first person who has ever asked me that?” She fell silent for a moment. “I suppose that I would like to breed horses.”
He blinked. She was surprising him at every turn. “You know about horses?”
Her eyes lit up. “Of course!” She gave him a chiding glance. “My father is one of the best horse breeders in the county. I’ve followed him around the stables since I was a child, listened to him talk to his friends and the grooms and trainers. I’ve all this knowledge, but he won’t allow me to act upon it. Whenever I make a suggestion, he looks at me as though I’ve grown two heads, then completely dismisses me.”
He reached over and squeezed her hand. “I’m quite impressed. I’ll admit that I don’t know much about the topic myself. Perhaps you can teach me. Perhaps we can begin raising horses together.”
“We could?” She flushed and looked away. “I thought you’d scoff when you found out.”
“I would never make light of something that makes you happy,” he told her seriously. “I hope that you’ll share all of your hobbies and passions with me.”
She tentatively squeezed his hand in return. “Thank you, Andrew. That means a lot to me.”
He hated that she called him Andrew. He thought back to the conversation he’d had with Theo on the matter and knew it shouldn’t bother him so greatly, but it still did. The fortune, the estate, the welfare of the tenants... All of that meant so much more than the minor irritation of hearing his brother’s name from this woman’s lips, yet he knew it would bother him for the rest of his life if he decided to stay.
Silence fell between them again, and he wondered what she was thinking. She’d said she liked the new Andrew better than the old one, and that pleased him, but he also worried that she was beginning to put things together.
His entire situation was so precarious, and it all hinged on the woman beside him. Even if he could fool her, did he want to? Was he ready for all this responsibility?
The thought of it churned in his gut, making him a bit nauseous.
“Look,” she murmured, breaking his reverie. “We’re almost there. You can see some of the stones from here.”
He peered ahead, glad for the distraction, and saw that they were indeed approaching their destination. The huge stones stuck up out of the grassy plain, as though some giant had spilled them like building blocks. He caught his breath, intrigued. The squat simple church stood in the middle of it all, the symbol of Christianity seeming strange and out of place.
“Do you know how lucky we are to live near something so grand and mysterious?” he asked her.
She gazed at him, a half-smile on her face. “You’re right. I suppose when you get used to something, no matter how grand, its appeal wanes over time.”
He pulled back on the reins, slowing the horses so that he could turn toward her fully while they still had some privacy. “I can’t imagine a time when your appeal for me will ever wane, Rebecca. I can’t remember ever having had such an interesting conversation.”
Before he could think better of it, he lifted a hand and cupped her cheek, thrilling at the softness of her sun-warmed skin. Their gazes caught and held, and he could tell his words had pleased her. Acting on pure instinct, he leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers in the sweetest of kisses.
She gasped, her hands coming up to his chest. At first, he thought she meant to push him away, but instead, she fisted her hands in the fabric of his jacket and pulled him closer, kissing him tentatively in return.
They clung together, the sun shining down on them, this beautiful girl so warm and pliant in his arms, and all the pain and horror of the past slipped away. Peace settled over him, and he found he never wanted the day to end.