I’M CHEATING
My crackberry woke me up.
It was Jules screaming and crying again. This time, something major happened and I wasn’t exactly able to follow his story.
He began sounding like the school teacher from Peanuts.
He repeated, “One of these bitches done slashed all my tires.”
“What?” I asked in shock.
“You heard me, somebody done broke into my apartment and stole my computer and my TVs and jewelry and slashed my tires on the old school, and it better not have been you, Journee.”
“They slashed the old school but not the Escalade?” I asked.
“Right! I am hella mad and I’m gonna kill whoever done this to me. They done fucked with the wrong nicca. This is war and I’m striking back. Just know that shit. This is some bullshit. My tires got slashed good too. They did it in a spot that can’t be patched up or repaired. I am hot! And it’s about to be on, ya feel me?”
I thought to myself, Hell naw, you big baby! I didn’t feel like this mess today. Mood killer strikes again!
“Hello?” he asked.
“Yeah yeah yeah,” was all I could say.
“Oh yeah, and we ain’t going on that cruise either,” he continued. “I need my money back so I can pay to get my tires fixed and pay my deductible on my renter’s insurance.”
I was starting to feel melancholy. “Well, how did they break in?”
“They broke in through the front door. That’s why if I find out that you had something—”
I hung up. I wasn’t no fool.
I looked at the time, it was 10:00 am.
We had overslept, and no one in the house was up. I turned my volume on my crackberry to silent. It wasn’t a mystery to me that he didn’t sleep at his house last night, and was laying up with someone else when he was still supposed to be my man. Plus, I had a key so why would I break in?
It was probably the chick whose baby calls him “daddy”.
I texted him with two words, “we’re done”.
“Only a real woman would send a text like this, huh?” He replied.
“It don’t matter when you’ve never had one.”
“So it’s over? It’s cool. That’s why my other boo is pregnant and we’re getting married.”
I almost dropped my phone into the floor. I guess it’s too late to go on that fast and bless his house with blessing oil, I thought.
Waterworks. I really thought I had this one in the bag. I turned on the radio to get dressed and run to the newspaper stand and I’m Cheating by Dwele filled the morning air.
“Hmmm, how ironic,” I thought.
Dwele was talking about his one woman’s look when she goes to work and her look when she comes home to play. She gives him two different women in one, so he’s cheating with the same woman.
Cute concept. I hopped in the shower and cried like a baby.
I wasn’t really crying about Jules. It was more of the disappointment of Jules. I’m ready for my own family and thought he was the one but just like Jordyn said, he was the imposter and the real one is right around the corner.
With that in mind, I couldn’t be mad.
I had to dust that nicca and his drama off my shoulders. I ended up taking his house keys with me so I could throw them in the lake, and that’s exactly what I did.
Lake Merritt was already polluted and dirty. I was just adding to its beauty, because Jules was just plain ole nasty. Jordyn suggested I should change my phone number.
She said that it would do me some good. I thought she was crazy.
“Girl, I’ve been having this number for fifteen years.”
“So?” she said.
I told her I would change it when I get another man. We agreed that would be best.
We walked the lake twice. The first time around we talked about my men troubles and the second time around we talked about her women troubles. It was odd, but pretty much the same.
She and Christine—aka C. Fuller—had a bumpy road and were working at their relationship slowly. Being that my sister was new to that life and was doing it her way, I was unsure. She still seemed like she was being curious and not serious. But that was a journey of hers, not mine.
Drew called me when I got home in the early evening, around 6:30pm. I was excited and nervous, but also didn’t have much to say. I knew he probably thought I was crazy, but I didn’t care. I avoided him for so long. After I prayed and walked this morning, I was ready to talk to him. I finally read his card that he sent me. It was the cutest “I’m Sorry” card ever. Maybe my crazy relationship with Jules sent me back to him. But I needed to go back one more time. A revisit would help me determine if it was gonna work this time. If it didn’t, we would both know and stop wasting each other’s time.
“Hi,” I said after the state prison recording.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Nothing at all,” I said. “How are you doing?” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“I’m maintaining, you know. Tired of being behind these prison walls for something I did not do. But I’ve been making my time pass. I go to work and workout. Got a few patnas I hang around and hit the visiting room whenever I get a visit.”
Silence.
“Yep, that’s about it. Hello?” Drew asked.
There was more silence until he heard me let out a big cry. His voice had power. The sound of his voice gave my soul peace that I hadn’t had in six months.
With all that had been going on, he was the only sure thing.
I knew that this guy Andrew Mills loved me. He loved me with every ounce of blood in his body and what he was mad about just didn’t matter to me. I wanted him and I wanted him to want me too.
This was my soulmate, my lover, my best friend, my shoulder, my ears, my heart. The love was still present. That was for sure.
And how I knew was because Jules, Jason, or Sean didn’t even matter. I was a mess! I just had to relieve myself, and the best way was through my tears. I couldn’t believe that I actually thought that I was really gonna move on without Drew in my life.
I was trying to live by that saying that Derrick lived by, ‘you get over someone by meeting someone else.’ It didn’t work for me.
Instead, I was gonna roll with, ‘if you love someone let them go, if they come back then they are for you’.
“I haven’t heard from you in a minute, Drew,” I mumbled.
“Yeah Nee, you wouldn’t take my calls when I was trying to call you.”
“Well, you got at me pretty bad, dude, and I don’t stand for that. You can’t talk to me any kind of way and think it’s cool. I’ve never talked to you like that, Drew. I understand you having bad days and all but you misdirected your anger to me. That was so uncool.”
“Yeah, you’re right Journee, and I’ll never do that again,” he said.
“You promise?” I asked him.
“I promise,” he said. “We friends?” he asked.
“Ok but—”
He cut me off. “No buts, Journee. Just come up here so we can talk face to face. Ok?”
“Ok,” I said, just that simple. A simple okay would change my life forever.
I told Drew that I would come visit him this Sunday after the wedding. After about three hours of talking to Drew, I decided to get my outfit together, because they had a strict dress code in the prison system.
I texted my girls and told them I talked to Drew and that I was planning on going to see him. Najah texted back that she wanted to go visit him too. Chelsea decided that she’d come too. Kalena was mad that she wouldn’t be able to make it because she and Todd would be leaving on their week long cruise for their honeymoon to the Mexican Riviera. We were gonna join them, but Todd said no.
He couldn’t take a joke. We were just playing, even though the girls and I travel to Cabo every other year. We love Cabo.
Kalena suggested that Ashley could come in her place. I thought that was a good idea.
I sat in place, unable to move and I just thought about everything that was going in my love life.
The next thing I knew, I was texting Jason three words in my crackberry, “I hate you.” Then I pressed send.
He replied back quickly, “I know. That means you love me.”
Waterworks, again.
I went to the bathroom to get the box of tissue that sits in the center of my bathroom vanity counter.
I cried for what seemed to be an eternity. I didn’t quite understand it myself, but I knew that I was ready for change—a change that I could believe in.
I figured I had better get prepared for this visit. I also thought it was a good idea to inform the girls of the strict dress code.
I sent a message to the girls. Texting only gives you 140 characters. On BBM, anyone can write an essay.
Remember: no blue jeans, no dark blue, no olive green, no strappy tops, no tube tops, no back out tops, no see-through tops, no tank tops, dresses can be only two inches above the knee, no cleavage, wear a slip under your dress if it’s thin, no underwire bras, no bobby pins, no metal on your clothes, and nothing tight fitting. I suggested they wear black and/or bright colors. You need your I.D. and you can bring in one dollar bills up to $50. Everything else has to stay in the car, and you do have to go through a metal detector.
Ashley messaged back, “what about my cellphone?”
I replied, “It’s jail!!!!!!!!”
Najah messaged back, “what about my lipgloss?”
I replied, “nope”.
Chelsea replied, “ok, I got a red maternity dress I just bought from a Pea In A Pod.
I replied, “sounds cute, can I wear it! LOL”
She sent a smiley face.
I went into my closet to put my outfit together. We all probably were gonna skip church this Sunday. We got some partying and drinking to do, so I could dress more casual.
The first thing I looked at were my white jeans. They fit like a glove and looked so good, but it was November and I wasn’t sure if I could wear white. I thought the rules had changed to where you could wear white all year, but I thought to look for something else to wear.
I wanted to wear a dress too. It was early November, but the weather was still kinda nice in Northern California.
I decided on my black True Religion jeans, but I was afraid they had too much metal on them to pass the metal detector.
“Ugh!” I said out loud. This is where it got frustrating for me. But this time of the year isn’t so stressful like in the summer when it’s over 100 degrees.
I decided I would wear my zip-detail cropped khakis. I figured I’d show some legs.
Shoot. I remembered the zippers wouldn’t make it through the metal detector. I looked at my sleeveless pretty, pale pink and black prairie dress with the wide, ruffled neckline. Maybe I could put a tank top under it just in case the neckline was too low for them meaner than a dog correctional guards. Then, I could wear a short sweater with it.
I tried it on. It was too town-and-country.
I went back to the white jeans and decided to make them work before I gave up on this trip to jail. I pulled out a purple puff sleeve top. The sleeves were three-quarter length with a belt and it stopped right at the booty.
I thought to put my white stretch rayon blend blazer but I went for my vintage short white leather jacket. It had the worn look to it, so there’s tan intertwined with the white to make it look less white. But the puff sleeves on my shirt made the jacket snug, so I opted to layer myself with a thick tank top and a multi colored thin scarf for my neck.
For the shoes, I tried on my leather magenta peep toe boots by Rachel Roy. I loved the way the colors in the scarf made my purples blend together.
My full length mirror gave me a seal of approval, and I was happy this part of the visit was complete. I could add the jewelry and makeup on Sunday when I actually got dressed.
I got undressed and pulled out my jail bra, the one with no underwire and some sheer nude panties for the white jeans. Even though they’re thick jeans and I could wear red panties under them if I wanted to and still abide by all the fashion rules.
The women who visited other inmates killed me with their dress codes.
They were some wear whatever types, who tried their best to look a mess. Then you had the tomboy look which was popular ’cause it was easier. It consisted of just sweatpants, t—shirts, and tennis shoes.
Then there were the ones who did too much. They wore their nightclub shoes up there. I guessed they were trying to look sexy for their men.
I would laugh in my head all the time. It was always some questionable dressed-up folks up there, and then it was the ones that didn’t know the dress code and had to go to the Friendship House to borrow clothes so that they could be allowed in the visiting room.
I did that once or twice and I ain’t never doing that again. Sometimes the guards would pick on you. They’d find the smallest thing to deny your privilege of a visit.
I think their job was to discourage you from coming up there in the first place. They picked on me from time to time.
The last time was because the strap of my dress wasn’t wide enough. One guard said the strap had to be as wide as my driver’s license. They were forever making up rules as they go.
She asked me was I coming back. I said no, just tell Mr. Mills that I came and y’all hated on my visit.
They would tell him too, so at least he knew I did try to come see him.
On those occasions, I would call to see what Najah was doing since she lived in Vallejo. When I could catch up with her, we would go to the outlet mall in Vacaville or we would go to the Century Theater movies in Vallejo.
One of Jordyn’s clients worked there. He was a thin cute dark-skinned guy. He was too young for Najah, I guess. But his locs were long and beautiful. He was cool and since I was his stylist’s twin sister, he would charge us one senior citizen ticket and treat us to whatever we wanted at the concession stand.
Then we would shop in that plaza.
There was a Ross, Marshalls, Michaels, Linen N Things, Pier One, Cost Plus and Old Navy.
One time we went to Jovance and a girl named Mia gave me the best facial ever. Then we had dinner. We could never decide in less than five minutes where to eat.
We would choose between Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chevy’s, Pasta Pomodoro or Black Angus. Just then, my thought was interrupted by Eric Benet’s song You’re The Only One I Need. I turned it up and danced on the floor butt naked.