DO YOUR TIME
The first thing I did was call Jules back ’cause he had been calling and leaving crazy messages like “I’m the problem in this relationship”. Something told me not to call him. He sounded so down. He really didn’t have nothing to say. He said that the broads was starting a lot of drama still and he was thinking of changing his telephone number.
I asked him did he want to talk. He said yes but he got off the phone before we could set something up.
This brother really got stuff to work out, and being at my best friend’s wedding confirmed that I needed to leave this man alone. The time was not right, and I didn’t need to be a part of this process. I wanted to love him, but I didn’t deserve this drama. I understood that this had nothing to do with me and that was the problem. My relationship should have everything to do with me. I wanted to stay hopeful but I didn’t know how anymore.
He called me back, mad and hollering.
“You think you the baddest bitch. Let me tell you something. I wear the pants in my relationship. I say when we need to talk, not you. That’s why we ain’t together now.”
“No, nicca,” I said. “You think I’m the baddest ’cause I’m the baddest you ever had and if you kept your pants up more often, you wouldn’t be in this predicament. You keep calling me leaving me messages about ‘tell me what’s going on’. You talking to me like I’m some weiny.”
“You wanna talk like adults?” he mocked me.
“Yes, and what’s wrong with that? You are hella wrong and you seem to have left this relationship.”
“No, I haven’t,” he said.
“Well, it seems like you trying to make this relationship be with the three of us.”
“No, it’s with the four of us.”
“The four of us?” I asked.
He shouted, “Just leave me alone, Journee!” and hung up again.
That nicca needed meds. He was an emotional wreck.
He called back.
“Man, I don’t want to lose you, but you gotta do this on my terms. I got chapters to close and I believe we deserve a do-over. Can we start fresh December first?” he asked. “I’m 85% back, baby,” he added.
“I’m trying to be your woman,” I said. “To support you in every way. You’re too old to be playing games and I’m too young to be wasting time.”
“Let me do this my way,” he said.
I thought for a moment, and the next thing I knew I said no.
“What?”
“No,” I repeated.
I was so calm and he blew off the deep end again and asked when could he come get his keys cause the ex was pregnant again.
I didn’t feel nothing.
“Hello?”
I turned the corner to discover his black Escalade was in front of my house. He was calling me from in front of my house? This mood killer had stalker tendencies.
I rolled my eyes and pulled into my driveway.
Derrick opened the front door to let me know he was not far if some drama was to start.
I got out my Range Rover still in my bridesmaid dress and walked over to Jules’ SUV where he was standing.
“So you just getting home from the wedding this morning?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. Yes, Jules, I’m just getting home.”
“Been at the wedding reception all night?” he asked.
“Like why does it really matter to you? This mess is pretty much over, done with, stick a fork in me!” I said.
“Is that how you feel?” he said as he pulled me into him. He wanted a hug and a kiss. We hugged and kissed.
I felt like every relationship didn’t have to end bad. I wanted to show him that real women had compassion and could be ok with things coming to an end.
If I could end things with Jason, this nicca was a walk in the park.
He was feeling all over me and I let him.
I was looking him in his eyes and I didn’t like what the reflection was. There was no forever.
I couldn’t see how I fit in, so I guessed it was time to fit out!
I whispered in his ear and told him his keys were in the lake and he grabbed my hand and told me to look into his eyes and tell him I loved him.
What the hell? Didn’t he hear what I just said? I definitely heard what he just told me, that the bitch was pregnant again. This nicca here, I thought.
I just looked at him. He commanded me to tell him that I loved him and all I could do was give him a blank stare.
He told me he loved me and he wanted to know if he can come back.
Another blank stare.
I pulled my bottom lip in and shook my head. He said ok and jumped in his SUV and sped away forever. I turned around and went into the house.
Derrick asked was everything alright. I told him everything was groovy.
“I’m cleaning up shop right before the holidays,” I told him proudly.
He was happy for me.
“Well, you know what looks like a loss may be the very situation which is subsequently responsible for helping to produce the major achievement of your life.”
“That was some great food for thought,” I said. “Let me write that down. Repeat it again,” I said.
Derrick did as I wrote it down on a pad in the kitchen. He handed me the rent and bill money for the next three months and let me know he made a decision to move to Los Angeles next year sometime to further his career.
I was happy for him, but sad for me. I knew I would miss having Derrick in such close quarters with me. Derrick was my brother, but I totally understood moving on and moving up.
I got settled on the couch with my laptop in hand. I turned on the TV to see what Obama was up to now that he won the race for president. I had a thought to write a poem about Jules so I could get rid of this feeling. I looked at the clock to see if I had time before we were going to see Drew today. I did. In about fifteen minutes this is what I came up with:
A Ruff Ryde
Met Jules on a lovely Friday afternoon
A Ruff Ryder in a working man’s uniform
A good staple
Time stood still and something in me said “different”
He was smiling so child-like
I could see the sparkle in his eyes
A week passed before he called
All cards were laid on the table and an instant connection was formed
We fell quickly, he said “I love you” in a matter of minutes
Smart man.
Oh, how I love the morning texting the way he calls me “Baby”, the way he kisses me, looks at me
I love our Sundays
Love the way he touches me, hold me Big Sexy
I love his shrimp salads
love the way he cares for me
I love the way he laughs with and at me
I love our quality time spent
We made our own signature drink
I even love the grouch he turns into as his bedtime approaches
HA!
We were looking at a pretty gray pit with blue eyes online and . . .
Oh snap, wait a minute, what was that?
Turn your music down for a minute . . . hold up, slow these 23’s down
The degrees changed, the temperature dropped life went from this to that
A Ruff Ryde
The mirage I was going through slowed its pace
The rumble in the jungle now disturbed by dysfunction and disbelief
WOW!
The honeymoon, over
Replaced by distress, disappointment, heavy disconnection, drama and uninvited guests
Now his spirit has broken, my time is up and the distance grew rapidly
You’re a registered voter now baby, don’t forget to vote
I played my position ’cause I liked who we were becoming
Seemed like our timing was perfect
You’re divorced now?
Cool
He knew how to love me, and my heart just opened
Even after what I had been through before
See, he met a woman on solid ground
Someone who could hold him down and pray him through
He told me I was the first kind and I told him to go handle it
A creature of ghetto habits, now the beautiful blossoming was dropped
A timely spiritual warfare caused our plans to lose their future
The move, the motorcycle, the marriage, the cruise, the babies
Even Manhattan, Manny for short
In two months, we went from 100mph to 0
Then two more months on this Ruff Ryde
A new focus became a reality
Overwhelming, unresolved emotional baggage
This order of business causes much prayer and silence
A cure, a message, an angel
Cause my phone won’t stop showing ‘private caller’
Hold fast now chile, I am more than a conqueror
I am a victor, not a victim
Repeat
Faith grows on this Ruff Ryde
God I don’t know what it’s all about but I feel Your presence
I’m praying for his healing cause
I see the god in him
His soul needs peace and restoration from his past hurts
Cause hurt people hurt people
He is now in God’s hands
Lord may Your will be done
Devil you can’t have him
No more slipping and sliding and ruff rydin’
It’s time for the good life for Jules Howard
After I sent it to Jules, I had the burning desire to text Jason and ask him if he was married.
So I did, figuring that I had nothing to lose. Plus, I wanted to go see Drew with a clear mind.
Moments later my crackberry chimed letting me know that I had a text message. It wasn’t Jason though. It was Kalena letting us know that she and her husband were at the airport leaving on their honeymoon.
I texted back, “have a wonderful time and come back pregnant!
She replied, “what would I do that for? LOL.”
Two hours later, Ashley, Chelsea and I were headed to Vallejo to pickup Najah to go visit Drew.
Jason texted me back with a one word answer that started with the letter y.
I took a deep breath and announced to my divas that Jason was married.
None of the girls were shocked.
“They probably got married in Vegas,” Chelsea said.
“Of course, that would come next,” Ashley said.
As we turned onto Najah’s street, I sat out front of her house while everyone else went inside to go to the bathroom.
Never before have I ever wanted to change my telephone number. I’ve had this number for years. But if I really wanted that change that I could believe in, it had to start with a fresh new telephone number.
This number was cursed, and if I wanted to really see that it was over with Sean, Jules and Jason, this was a sure way.
I dialed *2 and was greeted by a female voice. She was a Sprint customer service representative and she asked me how could she help me today.
In a matter of minutes, I had a new number.
I felt so much better.
I am ready for what’s next… waterworks… finished… restored… ready… sigh… renewed.
“Big girl steps, Journee Bell,” Najah said when we all were back on the road going east on I-80.
From that point on, I was excited for the unknown because I knew that whatever was gonna happen next wasn’t gonna be drama-filled if I could help it.
I put in Faith Evans’ Faithfully CD. I needed theme music.
Jules was the imposter, so Mr. Right was right around the corner.
We made the right turn on Peabody and another right turn onto the grounds of the State Prison of Solano.
It got quiet all of a sudden and Faith Evans was singing to us telling us that she was writing her dude a letter to let him know she was gonna do the time with her dude. How fitting.
This is why I love me some Faith Evans. She never disappoints me.