Most murders are mistakes. The majority are committed spontaneously by completely rational people who in moments of rage do completely irrational things. A groom kills his best man over the last slice of pizza at a bachelor party. A man kills his wife for switching the channel during the World Series. A young woman kills her landlord for raising the rent. A teenager is shot on an MTC bus because he refuses to lower the volume on his radio. A father is gunned down by his son during an argument over whether an angel or star belongs on top of the Christmas tree. Mistakes. The killers didn’t mean to do it. A surprising number of them will confess to that the moment the cops walk through the door. They might as well. Often they’re standing there covered with blood or surrounded by witnesses.
Only the killing of Jamie Carlson was not a mistake. It was methodical, well organized, and terribly ferocious. And the killer had no intention of admitting to his crime. Someone would have to catch him.
That’s what I was thinking as I sat in my Jeep Cherokee waiting for the police to respond to the call I had placed with my cell phone, refusing to look at the house, knowing what was inside. Two squads arrived within two minutes. I knew the driver of the second car from my time in the department’s Central District.
“How you doin’, Mac?”
“I’ve been better.”
“Dispatch said you called it in.”
“Yeah.”
“Show me.”
“Wait for the detectives,” I told him. “The house is clean. There’s no one inside and nothing you can do.”
He didn’t like my telling him that, but before he could lean on me a team of detectives I didn’t know arrived.
“You call it in?” the taller of the two asked after consulting with the uniforms.
“Yeah.”
“Show me.” He was more forceful than the uniform had been. I blew him off just the same.
“Show yourself.” I wasn’t trying to be a smartass. I just wasn’t going back into that house. I was a civilian now. There were things I shouldn’t have to look at. I told the detective where to find Jamie. I told him that there wasn’t anyone else in the house. I told him I would wait there. The detective assigned a uniform to make sure I did. He returned twenty minutes later. His cheeks were pale and his breath came hard, yet he spoke steadily.
“Touch anything?”
“Back door handle, in and out.”
“Anything else?”
“No.”
“Sure?”
“Yes.”
“We might take your fingerprints, anyway.”
“They’re already on file,” I told him. That raised an eyebrow until I explained that I used to work the job he was working. Yet I doubt I had done it any better. He took my statement calmly, professionally, leading me through my discovery of the victim.
The victim.
Already Jamie’s identity was disappearing under the weight of what she had become. A victim. Her name no longer represented a living, breathing woman. Whatever her history, whatever her accomplishments and failings, Jamie’s life would now and forever be defined by one of the worst things that could happen to a human being. She was a victim now. Nothing more. Murder does that.
Someone laughed, a technician. That’s when I noticed Bobby Dunston. He glared at the tech like he wanted to destroy him in place and was looking forward to the opportunity. The laughter died in the tech’s throat.
By now the brick house was surrounded by trucks and squads, marked and unmarked. They came silently, without siren, without lights. Yet the neighbors heard them just the same. They emerged from their stately homes and watched from their stoops, wondering what evil had invaded their community and threatened their children. A yellow ribbon went up, circling the Bruder house. POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS. Neighbors who rarely spoke before gathered in small clusters to discuss it—comradeship in the face of adversity. It happens every time there’s a heavy storm.
“What does it mean?” they asked, shaking their collective heads at the army of St. Paul police officers and technicians. The residents of Highland Park were already embarrassed and ashamed. They weren’t yet sure what had happened, but they all knew that it wasn’t supposed to happen there. University-Summit, maybe. Or Frogtown. Or the west
side of St. Paul. Not there. Highland Park was a “safe” neighborhood. All the real estate agents said so.
I gave my statement twice more, the second time to Bobby, only I told him things I didn’t tell the others.
“I picked the back door lock.” I didn’t want any scratches I might have left on the metal to confuse his investigation.
“Goddammit, McKenzie.”
“Thought you should know.”
“What else?”
“I listened to the answering machine. Two messages. The first was from a man named Warren, the second was from Merci Cole.”
“I already secured the tape.”
I nodded.
“What the hell were you doing here?” he wanted to know.
“This morning I killed a man named Bradley Young.” The rest of the story came out in a flood and Bobby forced me to repeat it, slowly.
“What do you think?” I asked after I had finished.
“I don’t believe in coincidences.”
“Neither do I.”
“But, they do happen.”
“Yes, they do.”
“Know anything about the husband?”
“Good Deal Dave? Do you honestly believe a man could do something like that to his own wife?”
“Christ, Mac. Men do things like that to their wives all the fucking time.”
Bobby was trying hard to contain his rage, but it was spilling out in his language. “Where the fuck is he?”
“And the child,” I added.
“And the child.”
“The killing—it’s just like Katherine’s, isn’t it?”
Bobby rubbed his eyes.
“Maybe it’s the guy I killed.”
“We should be so lucky.”
“Bobby?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you make the call to the Carlsons? I mean, you’re gonna have to call them anyway, right?”
“You coward.”
Yeah, that’s me all right.
“What are you doing here, McKenzie?” It was Deputy Chief Tommy Thompson. Neither Bobby nor I saw him approach. “I’m waiting for an answer.”
Thompson often spoke in a very soft monotone and you’d better listen carefully because if you asked, “Huh, what did you say?” he’d turn on you with an angry squint and demand to know why he should waste his breath if you can’t even be bothered to pay attention.
“McKenzie discovered the body,” Bobby answered for me. “He has an angle on the case.”
“I must have missed that memo. The St. Paul Police Department is hiring consultants?”
Bobby rubbed his eyes some more. “He discovered the body.”
“I’m listening,” Thompson said.
Bobby told him about my mission to find Jamie Carlson and my early morning visitor. Thompson was singularly unimpressed.
“Find the husband,” he said and started to move away. He had no intention of entertaining other theories. Find the husband. Case closed.
“Yesterday it was Katherine’s boyfriend!” Bobby shouted at his back. “Today it’s the husband! Who’s it going to be tomorrow?”
Thompson turned. He had one of those who-do-you-think-you’re-talking-to expressions on his face. “You are out of line, Detective,” he said, his monotone rising several octaves.
Bobby didn’t reply and Thompson smirked like he had won some kind of victory. He spun toward the TV crews filming from behind the yellow tape and the news hounds with pens poised over notebooks. Thompson made his way to the waiting reporters. “It’s a sad day for St. Paul … .”
I tuned him out when Bobby spoke to me. “You’re in a restricted police area.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re not a cop. You’re not even a licensed PI.”
“So?”
“So, investigate this Bradley Young ’til hell freezes over, I don’t care. That’s someone else’s problem. But you stay away from this. You don’t go near Jamie, or her husband, or her child … .”
“Bullshit.”
“Serious shit, McKenzie. I have a serial on my hands. You keep your distance, I’m not kidding.”
“Bobby, you’re forgetting something.”
“What am I forgetting?”
“Stacy Carlson, the little girl …”
“Dying of leukemia.”
“Jamie can’t help her now. But maybe Jamie’s child can.”
“Can children donate bone marrow?”
“I don’t know. But …”
“But.” Bobby glared at me just to prove he was serious. “Do not get in the way. I swear to God I’m not kidding. I’ll bust your ass for obstruction.”
He might have said more, but we were both distracted by movement at the front door of the house. The wagon boys were bringing Jamie out, her body encased in a bag of black vinyl, the bag zipped shut.
“So many women die in the bedroom,” Bobby murmured.
I didn’t realize night had fallen until it became impossible to see the wall on the far side of my living room. There was nothing particularly interesting about the wall. I would have been hard pressed to describe it although I had been staring at it since I arrived home. It just happened to be opposite the chair closest to my front door where I had collapsed in a stupor. Nor could I tell you how long I had been looking at it or what I had been thinking of. Perhaps I had fallen asleep, although I don’t remember that, either. All I knew is that several hours had passed and even then I couldn’t tell you exactly how many.
I roused myself and went from room to room, turning on every light I owned, including the rechargeable flashlight I keep plugged in the socket next to my bed. Soon my house was bathed in the light of several dozen 150-, 100-, and 60-watt bulbs. Probably impressed Xcel Energy but didn’t do much for me. You’re supposed to feel safe in your own home. Secure. Yet Jamie Carlson Bruder had been murdered in hers and a man I didn’t even know had attempted to assassinate me in mine.
It was only then that I had the presence of mind to check my voice mail. The electronic female told me I had two messages. The first was from the guy who cleans my fireplace. “Winter’s coming,” he warned.
The second was from Chief Casey telling me to call. I punched in the number he left but he had already retired for the day and I didn’t feel like leaving a message.
I wondered what he wanted, and thinking about it kicked open the door that I had so carefully and firmly locked when I left Jamie’s home. My mind suddenly became a satellite dish, five hundred channels. I surfed through them all, never holding an image for more than a few fleeting moments, each one rated TVMA. I didn’t want to think about them. To distract myself, I tried to get involved in the baseball game that was broadcast by one of the so-called superstations, but after three innings I realized I didn’t even know who was playing. I went from the TV to Time magazine and attempted to read a report on the
goings-on in the war zone that is much of Africa. A think-tank expert suggested that the fighting, including the systematic slaughter of countless innocent civilians, was rooted deep in tribal history and construed by many in the region as a matter of principle and honor. That’s when I lost it.
“Lies!” I barked, tossing the magazine aside. There are only two reasons people commit murder—love and money. I wondered which motive applied to Jamie Carlson Bruder.
“God,” I screamed, using His name like an obscenity. I certainly wasn’t calling on Him. I hadn’t called on Him since my mother died. I fell to my knees and started shaking when they told me the news. It’s the closest I’d come to prayer since. What good would He do me, anyway? Go to confession. Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I broke the biggie. Number five on the Roman Catholic hit parade. Thou Shalt Not Kill. What penance do you get for that? Five Our Fathers? Three Hail Marys? Sure, I dread the loss of heaven and the pain of hell, but you know what? I’ve done it before. I might do it again.
Besides, I had some serious misgivings about God. Is He really all powerful and all loving, both at the same time, like they say? See, I can understand how an all-loving God, one who cares deeply, might not have the power to intervene. But if He’s all powerful and still allows innocent people to suffer and die as Jamie and Katherine had suffered and died, wouldn’t that make Him one callous sonuvabitch?
I picked up the phone, set it down, picked it up again, hesitated, punched Kirsten Sager Whitson’s home number and hung up before it rang.
Call someone else.
Who?
There was no one else.
Shelby?
No. Absolutely not.
I consulted my watch. Nine-forty-one and forty-five seconds. My, how time flies when you’re having fun.
Work. Fill the hours with work, I told myself. Concentrate on that. I sat at the kitchen table and wrote notes to myself. I filled half a yellow tablet, gripping the pen so hard I bent it. I forced myself to record every detail since I met the Carlsons while they were still relatively fresh. I didn’t really think remembering would be a problem. Forgetting, now that was a different matter.
I had made Jamie the star of my sexual fantasies, dancing with her in my prepubescent imagination at the same time she was being raped and butchered. How could I get past that?
I took a long hot shower and climbed between my bed sheets. I don’t know why I bothered. Sleep was impossible. I gave it an hour before rolling out of bed, pulling on gym shorts and a T-shirt. I grabbed the plastic ice cream bucket filled with dried corn that I keep on my back porch and went to the pond. I called for the ducks. They came to me even in the darkness. I tossed them the corn and they ate happily although the smallest, Maureen, my favorite, insisted on feeding from my hand. That didn’t bode well for the long flight south, yet I fed her just the same.
Think, I urged myself. Think clearly.
Jamie was murdered just hours after I located her. There had to be a connection—life is a lot less random than we believe. Was Bradley Young the connection? Did he kill Jamie, and Katherine before her? Bobby would find out in a hurry. He was probably already talking to the Ramsey County ME.
Think.
Whether he killed her or not, there had to be a connection. Young came to my house because of Jamie. I knew it. Maybe he didn’t kill Jamie, but he tried to kill me because of her.
Think.
Bobby wouldn’t hesitate for a second to arrest me for obstruction if I even came within shouting distance of his investigation. So, I needed to be careful. But I was going to learn the connection between Young and Jamie. That was my a-gen-da, as Kirsten would put it. That’s what I’m going to do, screw Dunston.
And then there was Stacy. Oh God, did she die when Jamie died?
Think.
Did I have to kill Young? What if I had just stayed in the house and called the cops? What if I had left my gun in the drawer? What if I had been more forceful when I confronted him. What if …?
Kirsten was right. There is so much in my world that’s wrong.
“Are you okay?”
I had been concentrating on the ducks and my own thoughts and didn’t see her approach.
“Are you okay?” she repeated.
“Margot?”
Her white satin robe gleamed in the moonlight, seemed nearly as bright as the moon. She was standing in bare feet on her side of the pond, her arms folded under her ample bosom. Her reflection shimmering in the water reminded me of Galadriel, the ethereal elf in The Lord of the Rings.
“As well as can be expected,” I told her.
“I heard what happened. I guess everyone in the neighborhood has heard what happened. Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yes.”
“I think you should know, Karl Olson is making noises about getting up a petition to force you to move.”
“Throw one dead body on the front yard and the whole place gets paranoid.”
“It is the suburbs.”
“Just barely,” I reminded her.
“I saw you from my bedroom window.” She gestured with her head at the large white house behind her. “I thought you might want to talk.”
“No. Thank you.”
Margot sat on her well-trimmed lawn, hugging her bare legs to her chest. She rested her chin on her knees. She seemed so young, although she was a half decade older than I was.
“How are the ducks?”
“They’ll be leaving soon, I think.”
“I’ll miss them.”
“Me, too.”
“I never thanked you.”
“For what?”
“For the ducks. For the pond. I had my misgivings when your father put it in, but now … It’s really quite lovely.”
“You spent a lot of time with my father when he was digging it. You brought him lemonade.”
“I only brought him lemonade once. After that it was Leinies.”
“Leinenkugel’s, brewed in Wisconsin. To my dad that’s an imported beer.”
“He liked them.”
“Yes, he did.”
“Did he ever tell you what we talked about when I brought him the beers?”
“Dad? No. When you told Dad something, that’s as far as it went. He was the keeper of everyone’s secrets.”
“He was very proud of you. He said so. Many times. He thought you were a good man, only he didn’t know how to tell you.”
“You told me. At the funeral. I’ve always been grateful to you for that little bit of kindness.”
“Your father was kind to me at a time when I needed kindness.”
“He was that way.”
“He never remarried after your mother died. He never even dated. Did he ever tell you why?”
I shook my head.
“He couldn’t. His love for your mother wouldn’t allow it. I wish I could find a man to love me that much. I’m three husbands down and I haven’t even come close.”
“They say the fourth time is the charm.”
“They say the third time is the charm, but never mind.”
She stood and wrapped her arms around herself like she was suddenly cold.
“Why don’t you come up to the house with me? We’ll have coffee.”
“It’s tempting, but …”
“It’ll be fine.”
“I’m afraid I wouldn’t be very good company, tonight. I have too much on my mind.”
“That’s why I’m offering.”
“A rain check?”
“Put it somewhere safe, where you won’t lose it.”
Margot turned then and drifted up her sloping lawn toward her house. I watched her until she disappeared into the darkness.