I WAS SO DAZED, I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER GETTING BACK to our camp. But I did, and the only person there was Sir William.
“What do you think this is, Arthur?” he demanded. “A birthday celebration? It’s a crusade. The only mincemeat and jelly here will be human flesh and blood.”
“A little boy!” I said. “Only eight or nine.”
Sir William sniffed. “It’ll wake the Zarans up,” he said. “The sooner they see sense, the better for everyone.”
“But there must be…well, a code. A code, isn’t there?”
“What do you mean?”
“Rules.”
Sir William snorted. “Rules!” he exclaimed. He stepped towards me, and punched me on the shoulder. “You’ll soon get used to it.”
I don’t want to get used to it. Used to the killing of children. Sir Lancelot said war is to protect children and women and other innocent people. I know we’re going to fight and I’m ready to fight. Well, I thought I was. But not if it means killing children and attacking defenseless old men. There’s no honor in that.
That boy’s mother. His father. They must know by now.
Giff and Wido and Godard are vile. I hate them. I hate myself for not being able to stop them.
I’m going to talk to Milon. He is an honorable man. I know he’ll be angry. Very angry…
Then Rhys told me my moping was troubling everyone, and even if I was no use to other men, I could be of use to my beast, and I should exercise him.
That’s what I did, and I was glad of Bonamy’s spirit and strength and large damson eyes and warm neck. Riding him away from Zara, I could still hear shouts and banging and jeering. I pushed my forefingers into my ears and buried my face in Bonamy’s mane.
Bonamy and I have been friends since the day I brought him back to Holt. My hoof-weaver! My trailblazer! I think he must have sensed how upset and angry I was. First he kept whisking his tail, then he kicked his back hooves and snorted.
“Steady!” I said. “Steady!”
But Bonamy writhed and shrugged; he started to buck; and then he galloped as if he were being goaded by an invisible enemy.
“Steady!” I yelled. “Bonamy!”
Bonamy dug in his hooves. He shuddered and reared up, neighing wildly. I tried to stay in the saddle, but he threw me.
I could hear all the bones in my body crunching. Stars burst! I saw them bursting inside my head.
The next thing I knew, I was wandering around in the almostdark, wondering where I was and what had happened. My neck and shoulders ached; my arms ached; my legs ached; my eyes ached.
Without my hearing him, Bonamy came up behind me and gently butted me.
“Bonamy,” I groaned. “You’ve never done that before.”
He licked my chin with his rough tongue, and I yelped. I stared at my raw elbows, my oozing knees. I thought of everything that had happened, and of how desperate and useless I felt, and I groaned again.
“I’ve never hurt like this before,” I whispered.