Your Journey to Being #fatandfree
I truly believe that our ideals of beauty are shaped and imprinted on us by the age of nine. That is when I started my period and my body started changing. I began to notice I was taller than the other boys and girls in my class. I even began to see who the boys thought were pretty. And I never was looked at in that way. By then we’ve absorbed what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. A lot of those ideals are taught to us by our parents or close family. Many of us are told that fat is bad and thin is beautiful. We then hear it again at school, through the lens of popularity. Why are the popular girls popular? I know I idolized certain people at school because they were beautiful, or they dressed well, or their hair was longer than mine. And yes, often because they were smaller.
I took my “I Don’t Care” pill when I was fourteen. I was so exhausted with trying to fit into the parameters others had placed on my life. I was tired of existing in a world where I was constantly trying to please people. I had to make a choice. I had to look at myself and decide to love myself exactly the way I was. Now, this was not just a one-pill fix. I went to counseling and had the support of my close friends and eventually my family. And with those tools, I built a solid foundation for who I wanted to be.
This journey is not going to be easy. You are going to have to dig deep and really visualize yourself at a higher level. In life we often place emphasis on low-level tasks and procrastinate on larger issues, wondering all the while why we aren’t seeing progress. This is certainly the way many people look at things in terms of bodies. You may think, “I don’t like myself, so let me change.” And then you realize that even after you change physically, you still aren’t happy. It’s because changing your hair or losing weight is not going to help with what is really going on inside you. Those things are not going to help you pave the way to really loving and accepting yourself—the key ingredients to happiness.
I want to give you some tools you can use to begin your road to self-love and acceptance. I want to help you deconstruct hurtful ideals and start this beautiful journey to taking back your freedom. Let’s start with this exercise!
Things you will need: POST-ITS, MARKER.
1
I want you to write on Post-its all the things you do not like about yourself. Write everything you have been told was wrong about you, or traits you feel you need to change about yourself. Dig deep—the only person you are facing is yourself. If you need to cry or take breaks in between, that is fine. This is definitely a challenge, but you’ve got this!
2
Place each Post-it on your bathroom mirror or on a wall in no particular order.
3
Now I want you to take down each Post-it that lists a trait someone else has told you was negative. Take down everything you were taught wasn’t right about how you look. Rip down all the notes that represent societal norms and don’t come from within you.
4
Take a look at what’s left. Are most of those notes in the trash? I bet they are, because they are other people’s thoughts. The fact is: We are born with confidence. Yes, I said it: We are born with confidence! Now that you have taken down other people’s criticisms, you will be left with the actual issues you have to work on.
5
Study these remaining Post-its, work on them, and embrace them. And if they’re based in fear, know that you can conquer anything by facing it head-on. Let the world know that you aren’t afraid of loving yourself. Remember not to take these notes down until you truly feel that you have overcome them.
OK . . . so how am I supposed to do that? you may be wondering.
Remember when I said you create forward movement by visualizing yourself at a higher level? Also, things don’t happen overnight. I am merely giving you a prescription for your own “I Don’t Care” pill. Your pill might look different than mine, and it might take you longer to get there, but that’s OK. This will be a process, just like everything else in life. It takes time to unlearn things that you have been taught.
The next step is to take those notes that are remaining and write down things you are going to do to change your self-narrative.
Let’s look at some examples of what your notes might say:
My belly is too big.
I am scared to show my arms.
I’m just not confident.
Let’s take My belly is too big. What are some things you can do to change that narrative? Why do you feel that way? What are some things you can do so that you can begin to love and embrace your belly? Here’s an example of some things you might do to change this thought:
My belly is too big.
How will I learn to embrace my belly?
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Look at inspiration on social media every day.
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Give my belly positive affirmations every day.
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Buy a crop top and wear it by the end of the month.
Bit by bit, this is how you create your road map for self-love. You are taking your issues and creating a goal for overcoming them. Then you are taking your time and being consistent and thoughtful in making sure your goal is met. You are examining your issue, creating a goal, and making sure you establish daily tasks to keep you on track. Remember: You can have more than three tasks to help you achieve this goal. You may have twenty! But you must hold yourself accountable, or you will continue to cling to these issues.
Your overall goal is to conquer your fears and tell society that you are the standard. The beautiful thing about creating a road map is that there is a final destination. And for those of us whose struggle is with our bodies, I’m here to tell you that there is an end to the struggle. Any time you feel you can’t do it, or you won’t get there, look at that map.
You are worthy, you are beautiful, and you are important. You have the right to live and love yourself in your fat body. The journey will be hard, and you will want to give up. But this is an exercise to show you how strong you are. Imagine how strong you will feel once you are able to take the last of those notes down, crumple it up, and throw it away.
I know you can do this. And I know you will be able to create your own road map to being #fatandfree.
PROVIDED BY AUTHOR
SAUCYÉ WEST
is an African American freelance plus-size model, blogger, and body positive activist living in Sacramento, California. After feeling hesitation on whether to post a photo to Instagram or not, Saucye launched #FatAndFree, a body positive hashtag meant to encourage women from all backgrounds to love their bodies as they are, in this moment. Find her online @saucyewest.