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On Saturday morning, I take the dogs on an extra-long walk. It’s late March, and the weather is warming up. A bead of sweat pools at my temple, and Tido pants while we walk, his tongue lolling dramatically out of the side of his mouth.
As I drop the dogs off and make my way up the driveway, a red car parked on the street in front of my house catches my eye. There’s a girl sitting in the passenger seat, staring at the guest house. After a moment, she turns the engine off and gets out, causing my stomach to drop. She’s gorgeous, with strawberry blond hair, clad in a tight-fitted pair of white jeans and a pink off-the-shoulder top. She’s even wearing red heels.
I briefly wonder if it’s one of my mom’s friends until she walks right up to Theo’s front door. When he opens it, I frown and quickly hide behind one of the nearest trees, slowly peeking out from behind it. I don’t know why I’m hiding. I live here. But this visit seems clandestine to me and I feel like I’m spying. If Theo saw me, I doubt he’d think my lurking around the front yard is natural.
The girl says something to Theo, and though I can’t make out her words, her tone is cheerful. But Theo shakes his head. His voice is low, agitated. I only catch the last thing he says before he lets the girl inside. “Make it fast, Eliza.”
Eliza.
Eliza as in E, as in his ex-girlfriend from England? I was wrong; she’s even prettier than I thought she would be. There’s no reason to be upset, yet I feel myself crumbling, like a cookie left in a pocket for too long. Like a paper full of mistakes.
Before I know it, I’m knocking on the guest house door.
What the hell am I doing?
I consider running, or maybe hiding behind some bushes. But that would be ridiculous. For all Theo knows, I’m completely unaware he has a visitor. He has no reason to think I’m prying.
The door opens, but it isn’t Theo who greets me. Eliza’s eyebrows fly to her hairline as she looks me over, reducing my self-esteem to the size of a tiny pebble. She’s gorgeous. Her eyes are a mixture of green and blue, and her hair is layered neatly, honey blond with hints of red. She’s slightly taller than me, and her lips are red as an apple. Eliza opens her mouth to say something, but Theo interrupts her from the other side of the room.
“Who is it?” he asks.
She presses her lips together, opening the door wider and revealing me to Theo. He’s wearing the most irritated expression I’ve ever seen. When he sees me, his face becomes slightly bewildered, like he can’t imagine why I would possibly come over at a time like this, and for some reason it makes me angry.
“So, this is the famous ex-girlfriend?” I blurt.
“Willow, what the bloody hell are you doing here?” Theo sighs. “And believe me, she’s the last person I was expecting.” He flashes his eyes at her.
Eliza scoffs. “Must I be the villain? I’m only here to deliver a message!” Her voice is high, accented the same way as Theo’s, and I become jealous all over again.
“Eliza,” Theo mutters. “Just go. Please.”
“Why?” she asks, genuinely puzzled. “Because of your lady friend?” Eliza gestures toward me.
Theo rubs a hand across his face. “Because what you told me doesn’t make a difference. You still slept with my father. You still mean nothing to me. And you still can’t take a hint that I don’t care to see you again, even on friendly terms.”
My mouth falls open as Eliza flinches. “Fine,” she says, sounding resigned, and I can’t help but feel a stab of sympathy. “I’ll see myself out. But please, Theo. Remember what I told you.”
Eliza waits, as if hoping for some sort of reaction from him, but he doesn’t give her one. She turns to me, a small smile on her lips. “By the way, you’re very pretty for a black girl,” she says. “You are African American, aren’t you?”
Though her tone is kind, I stiffen, unable to help but feel completely insulted. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Pretty for a black girl? As if I’m some sort of exception, and being black isn’t already beautiful on its own? “Yes, I am.” I don’t bother telling her I’m also half white, and instead say, “You’re pretty too. For a white girl.”
Theo chuckles, but my words don’t seem to have the same effect on her. She takes one last glance at me before opening the front door and shutting it firmly behind her.
Theo exhales deeply as soon as she’s gone, yet I feel anything but at ease. “What was that about?” I ask him.
Theo rubs his forehead. “Not now, Willow.”
“Why not?” I demand.
“Because,” Theo says. “I am not in the mood for a Willow Bates interrogation.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever that is.”
Theo sighs. “Fine. Go ahead. Ask me your most pressing question. I can see I’m getting nowhere telling you no.”
His words sting, but I consider my question carefully. “Was that true? What you said about her sleeping with your dad?”
“Yes,” Theo says darkly. “Can you understand why I might not want to discuss something like that?”
“Not really,” I say. “Unless you still have feelings for her.”
Theo gives me a withering look. “You can’t be serious.”
“Why else would it bother you so much that you can’t even talk about it?”
Theo steps closer to me. His eyes are blazing, though with what, I can’t discern. “I’m not hurt because of Eliza,” Theo says fiercely. “I was going to break it off with her anyway. What disturbs me is that my father would—as she said—buy sex, not to mention from a girl young enough to be his daughter. One dating his own son, to top it off.”
My face burns. “Oh my god. I didn’t know.” I touch Theo’s arm, hard beneath my fingers. To my surprise, he doesn’t pull away. “I’m so sorry, Theo.”
He stares at me, but his eyes are distant. To bring him back to the present, I ask, “Why were you going to break up with her before that? She seems nice enough, and she’s very pretty.” Despite the ugly, backhanded compliment she gave me.
Theo scoffs. “Her appearance is nothing to be jealous of and she’s the most twisted person I’ve ever met. Don’t let her fool you.”
“Of course I’m jealous.” The words are hard to admit, and I try to laugh as I say them.
Theo’s eyebrows pull together. “And why on earth would you be?” He searches my face. “You’re beautiful. Inside and out.”
My heart stutters, and I try with all my might not to look away from his gaze. “I still don’t understand why she was here in the first place.”
Theo’s eyes harden. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does,” I say. “What message did she have for you? Did it have to do with your dad?”
Theo groans. “Just drop it, Willow. Please.”
“Fine.” I let my anger flow freely. “Then I’m leaving. Maybe you should catch her before she’s gone and tell her to come back.” I spin on my heel, ready to leave, but I feel his hand on my elbow.
“That’s not fair, Willow,” he says.
I turn to face him. Half of me is angry that he’s right, but the other half feels wronged that he’s keeping her message a secret. Things feel different between us now. As if two days ago, after he visited my grandma’s grave with me, some invisible barrier was broken. I have no grounds for jealousy—and yet it’s clinging to my blood and flowing through me with every passing second. “Why don’t you trust me enough to tell me?”
Theo pinches the bridge of his straight nose. “Will you please just leave it alone?”
“No!” I practically shout.
“Why not?” His face is close to mine now, his eyes demanding.
We’re both silent for a long moment. Why can’t I let it go? I don’t even know the answer. Maybe because if his dad is threatening him, I want to help. But it’s more than that. The fact that she was here—Eliza—and there’s a secret between her and Theo now that I’m not a part of makes me want to hurl something across the room.
I know the moment Theo somehow reads my thoughts in my expression, and I glance at the wall behind him briefly. He brings his hand up to my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. His eyes are still hard though the anger has melted away, replaced by something else. “Could it be,” he murmurs, “that you care for me more than you’d like to admit?”
My heart races as I stare at him, transfixed. The boy I once knew is still part of him but only a small portion of the man he’s become. The man who still treats me like an actual person, despite knowing the darkest corners of my mind.
A strand of Theo’s neat hair falls into his eyes, making him look even more devastating. We stare at each other for a moment. I know he’s waiting for me to answer.
Instead of saying anything, I grab Theo’s shirt in my fists and press my lips against his.
Instantly, he’s kissing me back and the feeling that courses through me is so unexpected, I hardly manage to stay upright. My knees threaten to buckle, and I lean into him for support. His hands grip my waist.
I part my lips, gliding my tongue along the edge of his, and the kiss deepens. His mouth moves against mine with urgency and it fills me from head to toe, nearly tearing me apart. There’s a frenzy in me I can’t suppress.
Theo groans and before I know it we’re stumbling down the hall until we’re on his bed, a tangle of limbs and hair and teeth. His weight presses down on me in the most satisfying way.
Theo. You’re kissing Theo, my brain screams.
His bed vibrates. I glance next to my head and see Ash’s name on my phone. How it ended up out of my pocket and next to me on the bed, I have no idea. But Theo’s lips are on my neck, and I shut my eyes again, reveling in the sensation. I can’t contain my moans, and they only fuel the fire igniting in Theo, the fire that is now attaching itself to me and spreading through my veins.
My phone vibrates again, but I ignore it. I push Theo and roll on top of him, almost tearing his shirt when I pull it up, over his head, and throw it on the floor with mine. I’m inevitably conscious of the nude bra I’m wearing. I wish I’d chosen to wear something more exciting today. But Theo doesn’t seem to mind. He takes me in, and his eyes darken, his pupils expanding. I look at him too—and tremble. His body is a piece of art as fine as his paintings. His fingers trail down my stomach, leaving goosebumps in their wake as they map out every inch of my skin.
When his hands travel lower, the need coursing through me becomes unbearable. “Theo,” I whimper.
His fingers pause and he’s about to say something when my phone goes off again, irritating me beyond belief. I sigh and get off him to reach for it. It’s Ash again. I glance at Theo and hold up a finger. “Let me just answer this,” I tell him. Into the phone, I say, “This better be important.”
“Willow,” Ash breathes. Her voice is frantic, and it’s enough to take my mind off Theo for the moment.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, suddenly alert.
“It’s the baby,” she says, her voice cracking. “I’m at the hospital. I think I started my period.”