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This is the first gender reveal party I’ve ever been to.
For someone who claims she doesn’t care what gender her baby is, Ash had an especially difficult time deciding how she wanted the big reveal to happen. Between cutting a cake, popping a balloon, hitting a baseball open to reveal colored dust inside, it really doesn’t matter. In the end, the result will be the same: pink or blue. Girl or boy.
Ash hasn’t gone with any of these methods. She’s decided to reveal her baby’s gender by shooting Joseph with a paintball gun. All day, everyone has been complimenting her on her creativity. Personally, I think she just enjoys hurting him.
All her guests are wearing pink or blue to represent what they believe the sex of her baby is. I don’t understand why pink and blue are the only acceptable options. My favorite color is blue, and I’m a girl. Whoever assigned color to gender, of all things, I’d like to have a conversation with.
Nevertheless, I’m sitting on a party bench in her backyard, mingling with guests and wearing blue, not because it’s my favorite, but because I think Ash is having a boy. I cheated, basing my guess off hers, because they say the mother’s intuition is always right.
I’m deep in a conversation with Aunt Christie about how she knew all along Ash was pregnant.
“I was just waiting for her to tell me herself,” she says.
I’m not sure why she’s insistent on telling this story. I was there when Ash told her mom the news. To say she was surprised would be an understatement. Aunt Christie wouldn’t speak to Ash for two days.
Although the baby’s gender has been apparent to Ash’s doctor for weeks, Ash wanted to have the party at the end of the semester, as a way of celebrating the end of us being freshman stylists. Not only that, but I think she’s also hoping for another chance to rub our second-place victory in the fashion show in everyone else’s face. She keeps expressing her excitement to show off her new clothes when she and I are in the boutique after she has the baby. I think I’m supposed to be thrilled, but instead, I’m trying not to mourn.
Theo’s flight home leaves tomorrow.
This is my last day with him.
I’m not paying attention to what Aunt Christie is saying anymore, instead searching the backyard for Theo. He’s leaning against the wall of the house, talking to Joseph. He glances up at me, as if sensing my gaze. My cheeks heat as his eyes trail my body, sending desire burning through my veins.
“You really do care about him,” My mom says, causing me to start. I hadn’t heard her approaching, but I nod stiffly. Things between us still haven’t returned to normal. I’m not sure they ever will, either.
“I do.”
My mom sighs and smooths my hair back, away from my face and down my back. “I love you, Willow.”
I meet her eyes. “I love you, too.”
She smiles, but it looks sad, like she knows there’s a barrier between us now, a wall meant to separate us for an infinite amount of time.
“I’m sorry for the things I’ve done,” she says softly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I stare at her, in complete shock at her apology. She did it. She actually said sorry.
“Thank you for apologizing.” My lips quiver. I don’t know if I want to smile or burst into tears.
My mom stares back, and for the first time, it seems like she might not be seeing anyone other than me. Like the resentment she’s never been able to let go of is finally starting to fade.
My mom walks away, and I watch her retreat toward a group of older adults. When I eventually glance back at Theo, he breaks away from his conversation and comes my way. He wraps his arm around my waist, leaning close to whisper into my ear. “All right?”
I nod. “All right.”
“Good,” he says. “How long until the big reveal? It’s hot, and I’m dying to get out of these clothes.”
“You’re wearing a tank top and shorts,” I point out. “It can’t be that bad.”
“It feels like summer already.” Theo scowls.
He’s right. It’s still technically spring, but the heat is particularly malicious today. My hair is currently straight, and I’m regretting it with every passing second. It hangs even heavier than usual, impossibly long and getting in my face. My neck is sweating, causing the hair touching it to revert back to its curly texture.
“Hey guys,” Charlie says, walking over to us, a blue drink in his hand. “Tell Eva it’s not a girl. Ashton is carrying too low.”
I blink, trying to bring myself back to the present, but Theo answers smoothly to an approaching Eva, “You’re mad if you think it’s a girl. She’s clearly having a mini Joe.”
Eva rolls her eyes. “No way. Team pink!”
I’m about to tell them all I could care less what the outcome of this party is when Ash joins our group, looking gorgeous in a long blue dress. Her blond hair is in an elegant French twist. “Having fun?” she asks Charlie and Eva. “Because we’re about to start the next game.” She holds up a ball of yarn and scissors. “Everyone has to cut a string of yarn the length they think the circumference of my belly is. The winner gets a prize.”
Charlie seizes the yarn and scissors, using Eva’s frame to measure. When it’s my turn, I take my time trying to cut a piece of yarn the right length, and hand the thread to Theo. He snips off a shorter piece than mine.
“My turn!” Chutney takes the yarn and scissors.
Everyone takes turn cutting off a string, most people using someone else’s waist as a guide, others completely winging it.
When Ash goes around measuring everyone’s yarn, she stops at Theo’s. “We have a winner!”
“You have to be joking,” I mutter.
Theo grins and holds up his yarn. “I’ve got an eye for this sort of thing, little Willow. No need to be jealous.”
Ash hands him a mason jar full of candy. “Here’s your prize, Prince Harry. Try not to brag too much.”
Theo opens the jar and eats a few pieces of candy before handing it to me.
Ash cups her hands around her mouth. “That was the final game, everyone. Now it’s time!” Ash makes her way to the center of the backyard and her mom carefully hands her a paint-ball gun equipped with either pink or blue paintballs. Joseph is wearing all white and has a protective mask on, due to what he claims is Ash’s poor aim.
“Okay, everyone.” Ash pretends to cock her gun. “Start the countdown!”
“TEN! NINE! EIGHT!” Everyone is shouting together as a group. “FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE!”
Ash completely unloads the gun, splattering ball after ball onto Joseph. His entire body is covered in paint.
And it’s pink.
A girl.
Ash is having a baby girl.
I cover my mouth, and the guests start clapping and cheering. Joseph looks down at himself for the first time, and to my surprise, starts jumping up and down. He lifts Ash off the ground, swinging her around in a circle, hugging her to him. Her eyes are moist, her smile practically causing her face to glow. She doesn’t even seem upset that he’s hugging her while completely covered in paint, surely ruining her dress, and my heart swells with happiness for her.
But I guess her intuition was wrong after all.
Ash goes around hugging everyone at the party, and when she gets to me, the paint from her dress smears onto mine.
But it doesn’t even matter.
––––––––
When almost everyone has gone home, Ash turns on the outdoor lights. There’s been music playing since the party started, but it was almost impossible to hear with everyone talking and enjoying the party. Now, with only a few stragglers left, it’s hard to ignore, especially when a slower song begins to play.
“My parents are leaving,” Joseph tells Ash. “They want us to walk them out.”
“Okay,” she says. “Coming.”
I plop down next to Theo on the couch he’s sitting on and reach for his hand. “I’m going to miss you,” I whisper. “So much.”
He kisses my forehead, tenderly. “Don’t think about that right now,” he says.
“It’s hard not to.”
“We’ll both just have to find distractions to keep us busy,” he murmurs. “Until we can see each other next.”
I give him a melancholy smile. “Like what?”
“Like,” he says. “Reading. And Painting. And video chatting with one another on our phones. And ...” he trails off, his eyes shining. He swallows, and his throat bobs. “Dance with me?”
I frown at him. “You can’t be serious.”
His expression tells me he’s completely serious. “Come on, love. Don’t be shy.”
I scoff. “No.”
“This is my favorite song of all time. Are you really going to deny me, little Willow?”
“My Cherie Amor by Stevie Wonder is your favorite song of all time?”
Instead of answering, Theo takes my hand and pulls me into a standing position.
Into the center of the yard.
I shake my head, but he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against him. We begin swaying to the song, and my nerves ebb slightly.
“Okay,” I say, burying my face in his chest. “I guess this isn’t so bad.” The canopy of white lights hangs above our heads like stars, illuminating our dancing shadows against the concrete. The light breeze rustling Ash’s plastic tablecloths is warm. A symphony of insects chirps softly from the grass.
He pulls me against him. “No, it’s not. It’s quite the opposite, in fact.” He kisses my hair.
This is a place as happy as the one he painted for me. I could stand here in this moment forever.
And that’s when it hits me.
There’s no reason for me to stay in America.
Ash already told me I should go, that we can start back up at American River after she has the baby and I come back from London. Me staying here is just another form of me falling victim to my fears. And I’ve already come this far. “Theo.”
“Hm?”
“When does that plane ticket expire?”
“Plane ticket?” He frowns at me. “I don’t believe it does. Otherwise I’ll buy you a new one.”
I take a deep breath. “How do you feel about having a plane buddy for your flight tomorrow? And a desk buddy at your new school?” I bite my lip.
Theo searches my face, as if trying to find hints of bluffing. He doesn’t say a word, doesn’t breathe, as if doing so will somehow change my mind.
“I’m coming with you,” I clarify.
Theo doesn’t grin like I expect, but instead swallows hard. His bright blue eyes are shining like a mirror, and I can see my silhouette in them, staring back at me. “Really?”
“I mean, I haven’t packed anything. But—”
Theo lifts me and spins me around in a circle. “You don’t need anything. I’ll buy you anything you want.”
I laugh and shake my head. “I don’t want you to do that.”
“Then I’ll have all your things shipped.” Theo’s smile finally appears. It’s brilliant. Beautiful. “All that matters is you’re coming with me and I won’t have to be without you.”
I lean forward and kiss him. He tightens his arms around me.
I could worry about what the future holds. I could ruminate on whether or not our relationship will last. Whether or not something terrible will happen because of my last-minute change of plans.
But if I recall correctly, he was once a last-minute change of plans.
Anything could happen. Good or bad. Amazing or horrific, even. But what matters is that none of it will be because of me.
Because I’m trying this new thing where I live life one day at a time. In the moment.
As carefree as I possibly can.