Venezuelans are naturally friendly people who like nothing more than gathering together in groups to drink, dance, swap stories, and have fun. With big extended families the norm, and socializing a way of life, Venezuelans generally have an inner circle of friends made up of cousins, neighbors, and high school or university buddies, and an outer circle of work colleagues and other acquaintances.
This is different from the norm in the USA or northern Europe, where family ties are not generally as strong and people form their main circle of friends at school or at work. What it means in practical terms is that foreigners will find Venezuelans will readily include them in group or after-work activities, but making the extra step into the inner circle of trusted friends and being invited home to meet the family generally takes longer, and is therefore a significant honor if it happens.
The biggest problem facing a foreigner in Venezuela is the language barrier. If you don’t speak Spanish you will be limited to very basic communication. While this will not deter Venezuelans from including you in social events, or trying to make jokes, or showing you how to dance, it will make it harder to get to know people.
As we have seen, Venezuelans are always up for a friendly chat. They enjoy meeting foreigners and, given a chance, like to teach them something about their country and culture. Your first contacts are usually with the taxi driver taking you to your hotel, the receptionist booking you in, and the waiter serving you your first Polar beer. Use these opportunities to try out your Spanish, and engage with the Venezuelans you meet with all the Spanish you can muster.
However, be wary of people who come up to you in the street or on the beach with a line like, “Hey, friend, where you from?” At best, they are hustlers looking to make a buck out of a tourist, and at worst, they are scam artists or thieves. They will probably offer to show you around, or take you to the best place to change money; you’ll end up paying one way or another. The trick is not to get hooked in the first place, by avoiding eye contact and ignoring unwanted attempts to attract your attention in the street, as a Venezuelan would. If you do find you’ve picked up an unwanted companion, a polite “No quiero nada, gracias” (I don’t want anything, thanks) and a wave of the hand should end the matter, but if they insist, be firm and walk away, or enter a store or restaurant, as you’ll never get rid of them otherwise.
If your Spanish is basic, it will be hard to start up conversations, but you will be able to find Venezuelans who speak English, mainly among the foreign-educated elite, but also in firms that have business dealings with the USA or the UK, and in the tourism industry. Hotel staff and tour guides especially will be happy to speak to you and practice their English. Use the opportunity to pick up some Spanish from them.
If you speak Spanish reasonably well you will find it much easier to meet Venezuelans everywhere you go, whether you’re in the country on business or as a tourist. If you are working in Venezuela then you will soon find that the social side of office life involves birthday cakes and trips out to lunch with colleagues. These are the first steps to making friends, so take every opportunity that presents itself.
Venezuelan friendships are made up of close groups, so if you are invited to meet the other members of somebody’s social circle it’s a good sign that you have made a positive impression. Your own circle of friends will start to grow. Be careful not to snub somebody by turning down an invitation to share time with colleagues and new acquaintances, as you could give the impression that you don’t want to make friends and find no further invitations coming your way. Venezuelans have specific expressions like rompe grupo (group breaker) and aguafiestas (killjoy) to describe people they don’t want at a party.
It’s important to remember that Venezuelans are people-pleasers and spend a lot of time on social niceties and flattery. They like light conversations that make them smile. They don’t like talk that reminds them of their daily difficulties or criticizes their country.
Typically, they’ll start with how nice it is to see you, and ask questions about your family and, particularly with foreigners, about your experience of Venezuela. They will be genuinely interested in your comments about their country, but it is best to stick to positive impressions about the friendly people, the lovely weather, the beautiful beaches, and the tasty food. Any criticisms should be reserved for conversations with Venezuelans you know well enough to engage in a serious debate.
This is not because Venezuelans don’t like to hear criticism of their country, or don’t debate the big issues of the day. They do—you’ll hear plenty of people moaning about the political situation, the traffic, and the rising cost of living, among other things. However, a foreigner wading in with a list of all the country’s failings runs the risk of upsetting people and sounding arrogant. The word for somebody negative is antipático. If you want to make friends you have to be seen as simpático (nice). This is an issue of pride and respect. While it may be acceptable for members of a family to criticize a brother or sister within the group, they will steadfastly defend the same brother or sister against any criticism from outside.
The same goes for discussions about the political situation. Given the polarized nature of the country, any comments about President Chávez, good or bad, risk upsetting somebody in the group. That’s why Venezuelans will go out of their way to avoid talking politics. It’s much better to stick to less divisive topics, such as sports, music, or soap opera story lines, and ask questions about the best places to visit, the best beer to drink, and the best restaurants in town.
With work associates you might find that most, if not all, of your social encounters take place at bars and restaurants in the evenings, and in parks or at the beach on weekends. Unless you’re in a relationship, and your partner asks you home to meet the folks, it is rare to break into that inner circle and be invited to somebody’s house.
One factor of this is that the home is a family space, and extended families will often live under the same roof, sometimes making it difficult to have outsiders over. But there is also an issue of class. Poorer Venezuelans will live in barrios, where they are used to neighbors and friends they have grown up with popping in unannounced. While no birthday or christening goes uncelebrated in the close-knit community of a barrio, some people will be self-conscious about inviting somebody from outside the barrio to their neighborhood. They will have a small celebration at work with colleagues as well.
Most upper- and middle-class Venezuelans will have their own house or apartment and will be more used to hosting dinner parties for friends. The etiquette is simple: never arrive early or on time, as nobody will be expecting you yet, so be about twenty minutes late; always bring something to drink, such as beer, wine, or a good whiskey; and come prepared to dance, even if the invitation is for dinner.
As a stepping-stone into Venezuelan society, visitors coming to the country for any length of time might like to seek out some of the expatriate groups that meet up in the major cities. It’s best to avoid getting stuck in an expatriate bubble, but members of these groups will help you to meet Venezuelans. Your local embassy is a good place to start investigating such groups, but you can also get in touch with business associations like the Cámara Venezolano Americana de Comercio e Industria (Venamcham) or the Cámara Venezolano Británica de Comercio (CVBC, or Britcham).
In Caracas, there is a well-attended Hash House Harriers group, which meets regularly for a fun run and drinks.
Working out the rules of the dating game in Venezuela can be very confusing for foreigners from the USA and northern Europe, but it is essential to learn the basic ground rules if you want to link up with a member of the opposite sex.
The first thing to understand is that Venezuelan men and women are very comfortable socializing with each other. Growing up in large family groups, with regular excuses for parties and get-togethers, there are no awkward divisions between boys and girls or old and young.
Be aware that an invitation to dance is not seen as a romantic or sexual gesture, despite the stereotypes you sometimes see in northern Europe or the USA of salsa as “sex standing up.” People can dance very close together to salsa and merengue without any sexual connotations. Dancing is a natural part of any social event in Venezuela. The ease with which all generations of an extended family or group of friends will dance together means there are few wallflowers.
This familiarity and ease with the opposite sex extends to male and female work friends, who will happily go in a group for an after-work drink or meal, or even for a weekend at the beach, with no implications of anything but good clean friendly fun.
Venezuelans are also very flattering and complimentary to friends and associates. Men might find that women will often ask them quite intimate questions about their current romantic situation and past relationships, which can come across as flirty, but should not be misconstrued as an indication of romantic interest. Venezuelan men in particular can be very chivalrous, smiling, complimenting a woman on her appearance, and calling her mi cielo (my heaven), mi reina (my queen), mi amorcito (my little love), or mi cosita preciosa (my sweet little thing), just as a normal part of saying hello. This could constitute a pick-up strategy, but you shouldn’t jump to conclusions or take offense just because a Venezuelan man spouts a few flowery phrases. He probably does it to everybody.
On the street, however, women, especially the blonde and blue-eyed, who attract more male attention, can expect to hear unwelcome comments from strangers. These usually start with a “psst, psst” or a “mamacita” (“little mommy”) to get your attention and continue with a line about how beautiful you are, and how God must be crying because one of his angels has fallen from heaven. The best strategy is to do what Venezuelan women do: ignore them completely, and keep walking.
When it comes to dating, the rules are fairly straightforward. Just as in dancing salsa or merengue, the man leads and the woman follows. This means that a woman will drop hints, laugh at lame jokes, and flirt with a man she fancies, but will wait for him to make the first move. For men from the USA or northern Europe, where it has become more typical for women to set the speed in relationships, taking the lead can sometimes be uncomfortable, but that’s the way it works.
The other convention that should not be ignored is that if you invite someone out, you pay. There’s no going Dutch in Venezuela. If a man were to suggest splitting the bill at a restaurant with a woman, or to buy himself a cinema ticket and expect her to buy her own, it would probably be the last date.
Typical first dates will be to a restaurant, the cinema, even an afternoon at a shopping mall for an ice cream and window-shopping. Venezuelan girls will often bring a cousin or friend along with them on these first dates to keep them company. It might take several dates before you get past holding hands. It’s all part of the rather lengthy courting process in Venezuela.
Basically, the rules of the game are that a man will treat his girlfriend or wife like a princess, and pay for everything. Women will make an extra effort to make their man feel special by dressing up and taking care of their appearance, and being affectionate and attentive. It’s an old-fashioned formula, but despite all the advances that women have made in education and the workplace, it doesn’t show any signs of changing.
The End of the Fairy-Tale Romance?
There’s a saying among men in Venezuela that women are sweet for as long as it takes to get what they want, and then they turn into a cuaima— a bushmaster (Lachesis muta), one of the deadliest snakes in the world. This idea of the nagging wife as the cuaima is found all over Venezuela, and is a popular stereotype in jokes and comedy shows. I first came face to face with a cuaima at the top of the Ávila Mountain. Actors dressed as fairy-tale characters were posing for photos with children and their families. I asked a woman dressed in a green scaly costume whom she represented, and she laughed. “Enjoy yourself now, muchacho, because I’m your wife in two years’ time. La cuaima. Your worst nightmare.” She was the most popular character on the mountain that day.
There is still a stigma attached to homosexuality in Venezuela, despite improvements to the legislation on equality. Same-sex civil unions are not yet legal, although there is considerable pressure on the government by the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, and transgender (GLBT) community to bring Venezuela in line with other countries in Latin America. In the meantime, conservative priests in the Catholic Church continue to preach that homosexuality is a sin, and the term marico—a slang word for gay—is often used as an insult.
The practical reality is that men who hold hands or kiss in public may find themselves stared at or perhaps the object of unkind comments or jokes, but there is rarely violence. It is probably better to follow the local code of conduct and restrict public displays of affection to places where there is a more enlightened audience, such as bars de ambiente (gay bars) or the beach resorts on Margarita Island or Choroni that are more laid-back about sexual orientation.
In Caracas and the other big cities there is a large, welcoming, and vibrant—if underground—gay scene, and making friends and filling your social calendar is easy. A good place to start is online. There are several Web sites that list gay-friendly clubs and restaurants (such as www.orbitagay.com), and Facebook lists a number of groups, including a “Venezuela GLBT” page with more than six hundred members.
One unmissable event for anybody interested in supporting gay rights in Venezuela is the annual Gay Pride March, held every July 4 in Caracas. It started in the year 2000 with just a few hundred marchers, and has grown to several thousand, including participation by politicians.