“Why didn’t somebody tell me what it’s like? I had no idea, no warning, nothing to prepare me. I—”
“Noelle—”
“By the way, how old am I?”
“You’re ageless. Noelle—”
“That’s what I thought. I mean, if I’d ever bothered to give it a thought. But all of a sudden I’m thinking about such things—earthly things—a great deal. Like, how old I am, and how I look, and if Bret finds me attractive—he certainly kisses me like he finds me attractive—and I find him very attractive. I can’t believe how attractive. I mean, the most subtle things about him start my heart racing as though I’ve been running for hours. Take his hair, for instance. I find myself spending hours of my day while I’m cleaning house or washing clothes or preparing meals, wondering exactly how you’d describe his hair. It’s so thick and it’s all these different colors, like taffy and wheat and cinnamon and straw. Straw. I never would have thought that straw was a beautiful color but oh, on Bret it looks wonderful, really amazingly so.
“And his eyes. I can’t stop gazing into his eyes. At first I thought they were brown. Well, maybe a light brown. Then I realized they were the same exact, identical color of well-aged whiskey—almost like topaz, but with swirling depths in them. They even change color according to his mood. When he’s tired they’re golden and when he’s angry they get darker, almost like they’re flashing sparks. Sometimes, when he looks at me a certain way, they go all liquid and molten. That look makes me go weak in my knees. It really does. I’ve heard the expression many times but I’ve never experienced the feeling before. I’m telling you right now, it’s the weirdest feeling I’ve had in a long time. Let’s face it, I’ve just gotten used to having knees and now they’re already acting up on me.
“The thing is, I don’t know what to do. Well, of course I know what I’m supposed to be doing. My assignment was all very clear and concise. And it isn’t as though I haven’t always loved Bret because I have. But this is different. I mean, really different. And it’s confusing me. I’ve been daydreaming around the house, rerunning the dreams he has about me every night, trying to imagine what it would feel like if he really were doing those things to me. I’m telling you here and now being human isn’t anything like I thought it was at all.”
“What did you think it was like?”
“Going around making really stupid mistakes, needing somebody to guide you through them. Well, from my new perspective, they don’t look so stupid, and most of all they don’t look like mistakes.”
“Would you care to give me an example?”
She thought for a moment. “Well, the other day Travis told me that he wished that I would stay with them all year-round instead of just during the Christmas season. He said that he wished I could be his mommy.”
“Not a very surprising wish for a young child who has never had a mother.”
“I know. Before I took on human form, I would have quickly explained how that wasn’t possible, how it was only through a special dispensation that I had been allowed to materialize for him at all.”
“You didn’t tell him that?”
She hung her head. “No.”
“What did you tell him?”
She lifted her chin and stared at her supervisor. “I told him I wished I could be his mommy, too.”
Noelle waited for an explosion at the very least. She had done some unangelic things before, she’d managed to get into some pretty tumultuous situations before, but never had she made such an out and out earthly remark.
She waited for a response. She waited for what seemed forever. For that matter, it could have been forever since there was no measurement of time in this dimension. So she wasn’t certain if a few minutes or an eternity passed before her supervisor responded.
“I see.”
Those two words seemed to circle her as though they had taken on their own form, becoming special entities capable of independent action.
What had she expected…a reprimand? Some form of judgment? Chastisement? Maybe she’d been on earth too long. She was already beginning to react like a human being, waiting for a lightning bolt to strike her.
“The thing is, I don’t know what to do. I’m really confused.”
“Are you looking for guidance?”
“Oh, yes! That’s exactly what I want.”
“You need only to ask, surely you haven’t forgotten?”
“I know that I’ve made a positive change in the children’s lives. In addition, Freda is getting a much needed rest and an opportunity to review what she’s doing with her life and whether she wishes to continue her present path.
“As for Bret…well, I think he’s beginning to see how he’d cut himself off from the world these past three years. How he’d retreated into himself, giving only what was demanded of him.
“Now he’s beginning to feel again, to notice the world around him. He’s, uh, well, he’s realizing certain things are lacking in his life—like female companionship and physical closeness. He’s discovered that he’s in the prime of his life and that he could have so much more if he decided to reach out for what he wants.”
“Then you are doing your job well, I would say.”
“Except that he wants to reach out to me.”
“For physical closeness and female companionship?”
“Exactly.”
“Surely you can arrange for him to meet some eligible women before you leave, women with whom he would have something in common, perhaps a woman who’s been unable to have a family of her own and would feel blessed to find a ready-made one waiting for her.”
“I suppose so.”
“Do I detect a certain lack of enthusiasm in your tone?”
“Yes. That’s exactly why I’m so confused. I know what needs to be done. I know I’m capable of bringing about the situations needed for him to have a varied selection from which to choose. The problem is, I don’t want him to fall in love with someone else.”
There. She had finally put her feelings into words.
“You prefer to see him the way he was before you came into his life?”
“Not at all. It’s just that I want to be the one with whom he falls in love.”
“Given your present circumstances, I can understand why you might feel that way. It’s perfectly natural and normal for a human being to have such yearnings. Once Christmas arrives and you return to your original form those strange human yearnings will no longer be with you. You will be able to regain your objectivity in the matter.”
Her supervisor smiled. “Have I ever lied to you?”
“Of course not. Please forgive my doubts.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, of course. I can see tremendous growth in you since you embarked on this latest assignment. You’re doing splendidly.”
“It feels more like I’ve gone backward. I used to have such a clear vision of what I was supposed to be doing in relation to everyone around me. Now, I don’t have a clue of where I am.”
“I believe we do our greatest growing during that period when we seem not to know anything. Perhaps that is our greatest lesson—to understand how very little we know. What is important is that we do what needs to be done in a timely fashion. I would say that you are on schedule, wouldn’t you?”
“Christmas is only a week away. I have seven days.”
“An eternity to some.”
“Thank you for listening to me.”
“I am always here for you, just as my counselor is always here for me, and so forth and so on. No one has to be alone unless he or she so chooses.”
“Bret doesn’t understand how alone he’s been, how he hasn’t bothered to ask for help or guidance. He would laugh at the idea of being alone while raising four children, not to mention having Freda and Roy around most of the time. As far as that goes, Bret doesn’t believe in angels, which is amusing when you think about it.”
“Whether you recognize it or not, you are making great changes in this man’s life. He will never again be quite the same man he was before you appeared before him.”
“That works both ways. I’ll never forget Bret, either. Never.”