Bret opened his eyes and realized that from the light in the room he’d overslept. Again. In the days since his mishap he’d spent more time asleep than awake.
After the first night, he’d been sleeping in his own room. After that memorable night, he hadn’t done any more hallucinating about Noelle.
Thank God.
He lay there for a moment, listening. The house was silent of voices, which was unusual in his household. He wondered where the children were. After all, today was Christmas Eve. They were bound to be excited and full of eager energy.
Moving gingerly, he got up and went into the bathroom.
Dr. Warner had come out yesterday and cut off the tape around his chest, but only after extracting a promise from Bret that he wouldn’t be doing any heavy lifting.
Now Bret looked into the mirror at his bruised ribs. At least now he could stand under the shower to bathe instead of having to wash around his bandages. The water felt good and he stood there for countless minutes, enjoying the soothing massage.
He also took his time shaving and dressing, refusing to admit to himself that he wasn’t looking forward to going downstairs to what he suspected was an empty house.
Over the years he’d sometimes wondered how he would feel to be alone again…completely alone. Sometimes when the kids were fighting with each other, or one of them was sick, or a teacher called with a stern request for a conference, he’d wondered what his life would be like without a family.
This morning he had an uneasy feeling, as though he’d awakened in a different space and time. As though he was now living another kind of life altogether, where he’d never married, or had children—a life where he had chosen to be alone.
That blow on the head had really done a number on his thinking processes.
Bret patted after-shave on his face, dried his hands and headed downstairs. He paused when he reached the bottom of the steps and looked into the living room.
Lights twinkled on the tree. Everything in the room—from the floor to the furniture—had a shimmering glow about it. He walked over to the fireplace, where a fire danced with twists of flame.
Someone had decided to move the kittens in closer to the warmth of the fire. Mischief was curled up asleep in the basket that had been made into her bed. Four tiny balls of fur were curled into a pile of multicolored fluff.
He smiled to himself, remembering the argument he’d lost regarding the latest arrivals. Christmas kittens, he’d been told, were very special and needed to be treated with respect.
After a moment he went across the hall and into the kitchen. Something was baking in the oven—bread, perhaps—giving the room a wonderful scent. He heard a slight noise from the bedroom off the kitchen.
“Noelle?”
She appeared in the doorway. “Oh! I didn’t hear you stirring. You must be hungry.” She started toward the refrigerator until he stopped her with a light touch on her shoulder.
“I’m okay. Where is everybody?”
“Roy invited the children to go with him to see Freda. She’s leaving the hospital today. He’s planning to drive her to Austin to be with her sister. He promised the children that they could come.”
“When did they leave?”
“Not quite an hour ago.”
He glanced outside. The sun shone brightly. “Doesn’t look as though they’re going to have the snow they wanted.”
“No.”
He walked over to the window and peered out, his hands in his back pockets. Noelle looked at his back for a moment before turning away and finding the ingredients for his breakfast. Soon she had bacon frying, eggs on the griddle and bread in the toaster. She poured him a cup of coffee.
“Is something wrong?” she asked in the continued silence.
He turned away from the window and looked at her. “I suppose you’re leaving today, aren’t you?”
Suddenly she was busy scooping up the eggs, draining the bacon and buttering the toast. “That’s right.”
“Is there anything I can say or do to make you change your mind?”
She shook her head without looking up.
He sighed and sat down at the table. Methodically he ate the food in front of him, not really tasting it. When he was through, he said, “It’s hard to realize that you’ve been here two weeks. In some ways, I feel as though I’ve known you forever. In others, I can’t believe two weeks have gone by since you arrived.”
She sat down across from him and clasped her hands. “I’ve enjoyed being here. You have a warm, loving family.”
“They deserve so much more than I’ve given them.”
“You’ve given them love. You’ve been there whenever they needed you.”
“I’ve been selfish, wrapped up in my own pain.” His eyes met hers. “You’ve taught me that.”
He pushed away from the table. “I want to check on the animals. Do you need a ride over to Ida’s?”
She shook her head.
“Have you already told the kids goodbye?”
“Not yet, but they understand that I have to leave.”
He pulled his jacket on and reached for his hat. “Guess there isn’t much more to say then…except to thank you for looking after all of us. I wish you the best of everything.”
“Bret?”
“What?”
“I’ll be here until late tonight. At least we can enjoy what time there is together.”
He stiffened. “What do you mean?”
She smiled. “If you’re leaving you could give me a kiss goodbye.”
Her request obviously startled him. She saw him tense, his face showing no expression. “Sure,” he muttered in an offhanded manner.
She came to him, went up on her toes and kissed him sweetly. He stood there, willing himself not to grab her and beg. Her hands rested on his chest. He could feel their imprint burning a brand on him. When she pulled away, her eyes were brimming with unshed tears.
“Please be happy,” she whispered.
He fought for control of his emotions. He swallowed hard, then nodded. “You, too.” He jammed his hat on his head, opened the door and stepped outside.
The sun had fooled him. The air was much colder than he’d expected. He took several deep breaths, willing away the emotion that had threatened to overcome him. He’d managed this far in his life without Noelle. There was no reason to believe he couldn’t continue.
After he was finished outside, Bret decided to ride into town and have coffee with some of the other ranchers. He was glad he did because he got some good news. They’d managed to catch the cougar that had been prowling around the countryside. One of the officials from an exotic ranch in the area had shown up and offered to trap the cat and release it in a less populated area.
Bret enjoyed visiting with his friends and neighbors. He felt as though he was seeing them with new eyes. They were a friendly bunch who had made many overtures toward him these past few years to join in their social life. They’d never given up on him, even when he’d been his most surly.
He wasn’t sure what had changed his perspective, but he knew that he was looking at his life and the people around him in a new way.
“The family all ready for Christmas?” one of the ranchers asked.
“More than ready,” Bret replied.
“Your family sure has seen its share of problems this year, Bishop,” another said. “I understand Freda’s leaving the hospital today.”
“Yes. Roy and the children went to help her get moved.”
“I must say you’re looking good, considering your mishap.”
“I wasn’t hurt badly, except for my pride,” he admitted.
Everyone laughed.
Nobody asked him about Noelle and he felt reluctant to bring her into the conversation. None of them knew her, anyway, so it didn’t really matter.
He was getting into his truck when he spotted a familiar face leaving the post office. On an impulse, Bret decided to go say hello to Ida Schulz.
She was getting into her car when he reached her side.
“Hi, Ida. It’s good to see you.”
She glanced around in surprise. “Well, hello, Bret. I haven’t seen you in a long while. How’s Freda?”
“Doing well. She’s getting out of the hospital today. Roy and the kids are taking her over to her sister’s in Austin. I think they’re planning a little celebration for her over there.”
“I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.” She got into the car and closed the door, rolling down the window.
Bret leaned over and said, “I haven’t taken the time to thank you for sending your niece out to help when—”
Ida looked at him in surprise. “My what?”
“Your niece…N—”
“You must be mistaken, Bret. I don’t have a niece.”
He stared at her. “You don’t?”
“I’ve got two nephews, though. They live over near Killeen. My brother’s boys.”
“No niece,” he repeated slowly.
“Nope. Ed was always sorry they didn’t have a girl, of course.” She looked at her watch. “I hate to rush off like this, Bret, but I’ve got some more errands to run, plus company coming in and all.” She started the car. “You be sure to tell Freda hello for me. Hope she’s continuing to improve.”
Bret stood there and watched as she pulled out of the parking space, his mind whirling.
Noelle wasn’t Ida Schulz’s niece, because Ida Schulz didn’t have a niece.
Then who in the world was Noelle St. Nichols?
A sudden memory shook him, a memory of the night he had banged his head. She had come to him and she had—
No. There wasn’t any way. She couldn’t be.
He went back to his truck and started home. He now knew who she wasn’t. He was going to find out who she was before the day was over. He wanted some answers.
Bret opened the back door and stepped into the empty kitchen, looking around him. Cakes, pies, cookies and homemade candy lined one of the cabinets. There was enough food there to feed the entire county.
He removed his jacket, hung it beside his hat and continued into the hallway.
He found Noelle in the living room and for a moment could only stare at the scene before him.
She sat on the rug in front of the fire with Rex curled up beside her on one side, Mischief on the other. Mischief eyed the dog from time to time but for the most part she ignored him, instead keeping her attention on the kittens who were venturing out of their basket and exploring their immediate world.
Rex sniffed at one, then blinked when it hissed and turned into a bristling fur ball.
Bret’s gaze went from the woman with a soft smile watching the kittens to the tree that sparkled nearby. The little angel on top looked almost new. Her dress was starched and stood away from her, her hair fell in soft waves and curls, looking freshly combed and her wings glimmered in the light.
When he looked back at Noelle she was watching him, waiting.
He walked into the room and sat in his favorite chair before the fire. Rex pushed himself up and came over to him, shoving his nose beneath Bret’s hand.
Noelle continued to watch him. She wore the same soft smile on her face she’d had with the animals.
Absently Bret rubbed Rex’s ears, wondering what to say…how to begin.
“You aren’t Ida Schulz’s niece,” he finally said in a statement more than a question.
“No,” she agreed quietly.
“I want to know who you are.”
She tilted her head. “Do you?” There was a hint of doubt in her voice.
“Of course!” he replied with exasperation. “There was no reason to lie to me. You could have just said that you—” He paused, running his hand through his hair, feeling more than a little foolish. “Well, you could have told me the truth—whatever it is. You were passing through town…needed a job…heard about Freda…whatever happened, you could have told me.”
She shifted so that she was facing him, her knees pulled up to her chin. “I think that you’ve always known who I am, Bret, but you couldn’t admit it, at least not to yourself…especially not to yourself.”
“Now wait a minute. You aren’t going to start in with that—” he waved his hand toward the tree “—Christmas tree angel stuff, I hope. I’ll admit that you look like her, and I can see where the kids would think that you had come to help us and all, but—”
“But you don’t believe in angels.”
“Of course not.”
“And therefore I can’t be an angel.”
“Exactly.”
“Then who am I?”
He leaned forward in his chair, his elbows resting on his knees. “How should I know? I haven’t been able to figure out how you got into the house in the first place. I told myself that Chris forgot to lock the door, but he never forgets something like that. You said someone brought you but there were no tire tracks outside and with the rain that blew in, the ground was soft enough to leave tracks. The only ones I saw were the ones Roy made when he and Chris came home.”
“Why haven’t you said something before?”
He shook his head in bewilderment. “I don’t know. I guess everything was happening at once and I was having trouble keeping up with all the changes. I remember thinking that you must have walked, but you were dry. Besides, that suitcase would have weighed too much for you to have hauled it any distance at all.”
“An angel could do all of those things, Bret. Appear without getting wet, manifest a suitcase filled with appropriate clothes…”
“But angels aren’t real, Noelle, can’t you understand that? They’re just something people make up to help deal with their own fears about life.”
Noelle gracefully unfolded her legs and came to kneel between his knees. “I’m real, Bret, for the next few hours, I’m very real.”
This close he could see the love in her eyes, as well as the compassion and understanding. He felt as though everything he knew about himself, his life and reality was being questioned and tested.
With a groan he pulled her into his arms, cuddling her to him, holding her in such a firm grip that no one would be able to take her from him. “Don’t go,” he whispered, burying his face against her neck, “I don’t care who you are, or why you came. I just know that I need you in my life.” He found her lips and kissed her, putting all of his feelings and yearnings into the kiss.
She twined her arms around his neck, kissing him back, refusing to think of anything more than this moment.
They heard Roy’s truck and knew that the children had returned home. “I’m going to stay out of the way for the rest of the afternoon,” she whispered. “This is your time with the children. Once they’re in bed I’ll spend my last hours with you.”
Before he could protest, she slipped off his lap. He heard the door to Freda’s room close just before the children burst into the house.
The children were filled with enthusiasm. They had stories to tell about Freda and the party her sister had for her. They excitedly showed Bret the gifts they’d gotten to open while they were there and how pleased Freda was with what they had given her.
For the rest of the afternoon and early evening, Bret kept busy with the children. They all trooped outside to feed the animals their special Christmas Eve meals, and Chris pointed out to Travis the stars that Santa used to navigate on his flight from the North Pole. When they returned inside Bret found the CD of Christmas songs he’d bought in San Antonio. He played it and the children sang along with gusto.
Chris and Sally coaxed Travis upstairs to take his bath and to get ready for bed while Brenda helped Bret to get the stockings to be hung near the fireplace ready for Santa’s visit.
“Could I help fill them, Daddy?” she asked.
He grinned. “And ruin Santa’s fun? No way.”
“Ah, Daddy. I know it’s you.”
He sat down on the sofa and hugged her. “Don’t you ever get too old to believe in Santa, honey. He’s as real as you and me.”
“Really? Then he’s like Noelle? He can really come and visit on Christmas, even though he’s just an angel or spirit or something?”
Bret grew still as he looked at his oldest daughter. “Is that what Noelle did?”
She frowned. “Well, sure. That’s what she said.”
“When was that?”
“The first day she was here. She explained that she would only be able to stay until Christmas.”
“So that’s why no one is surprised that she’s leaving.”
Brenda smiled. “She won’t be gone, Daddy.” She pointed. “She’ll be right there.” She looked up and smiled at the angel. “She made this year’s Christmas extra special, didn’t she?”
“Yes, honey. Very special.” He looked around the room, avoiding her gaze. “You’d better get to bed, yourself.”
Brenda gave Bret a hug. “Good night, Daddy. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, baby,” he replied.
He followed her upstairs, told Travis a long, involved story that eventually put him sound asleep, peeked in at the girls, then paused in Chris’s doorway.
His son was in bed with earphones on. When he saw his dad, he pulled off the headset and shut off the radio. “It’s a little early for me to go to sleep,” he explained with a grin.
“I know. I’m surprised that Brenda and Sally are already asleep.”
“Well, they had a full day, helping with Freda and all. It was kind of fun, like Freda and her family are a part of our family.”
“Has Roy mentioned how long Freda intends to stay in Austin?”
Chris grinned. “If Roy has his way, he’s going to haul her off to get married as soon as Christmas is over.”
“So he’s told you about his plans, has he?”
“Yeah, but he didn’t have to. I mean, a blind man could have figured out what was going on with him. You should have seen him the day Freda fell. You would have thought he’d caused the accident on purpose.”
Bret leaned against the doorjamb. “I’m glad they’ve admitted how they feel.”
“Me, too.” He cleared his throat. “Speaking of feelings, Dad. Your feelings for Noelle have been fairly obvious. Did you mention to her how you felt about her?”
“I tried, but it didn’t do much good. For whatever reasons, she’s made it clear she couldn’t stay around here. Besides, why would she want to?”
“Maybe because she loves you…and us, too.”
Bret tilted his head slightly and looked at his son. “Aren’t you going to try to convince me that Noelle isn’t really Ida Schulz’s niece? That she’s an angel?”
Chris’s gaze remained steady. “Why should I do a thing like that?”
“Well, I’m glad there’s somebody in this family who isn’t caught up in all this Christmas magic stuff. I was beginning to think I’d lost my mind.”
“All I’m saying is that I think you should have told her how you felt.”
“I asked her to stay.”
“That isn’t the same thing as telling her how you feel.”
“Sure it is. I want her around.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Because, why?”
Bret could feel his frustration grow. He used to have these kinds of conversations with Chris when he was Travis’s age. He counted to ten in silence before he said, “This is a pointless conversation. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“Why don’t you want to admit that you love her, Dad? There’s nothing wrong with that, you know. Admitting how you feel might make all the difference in the world.”
“Good night, Chris,” Bret said, straightening.
“Good night, Dad,” Chris cheerfully replied. “Merry Christmas.”
“Smart-alec kid,” Bret muttered to himself, returning downstairs. He had enough to keep him busy tonight without listening to Chris’s crackpot advice.
He pulled a set of keys off one of the hooks in the kitchen and went over to Roy’s cabin. Roy had already told him he wouldn’t be back tonight. As he had done every year, Bret had stored the gifts he set out beneath the tree at Roy’s place, where the children wouldn’t find them. He let himself into the place, gathered up the boxes, and returned to the house, quietly letting himself back in.
He found Noelle waiting for him. She took some of the presents and helped to arrange them around the tree, then helped him fill the long red felt stockings with fruit, nuts and candy.
“Thank you for helping me,” he said when they were through.
“I enjoyed it.”
He took her hand and led her to the sofa, then sat down beside her. “Would it make a difference to your leaving if I told you how much I love you, Noelle?” he asked. “I want to marry you,” he finally admitted aloud.
Tears made her eyes shine, reflecting the lights from the tree. “There is nothing I would like more, Bret, but I don’t have that choice. I have to leave at midnight.”
“How? How can you leave? Do you expect me to take you somewhere? Or do you have someone coming to pick you up?”
“No. I’ll leave the way I came.” She smiled with a hint of sadness. “In a blink of an eye…now you see me…now you don’t.”
“Like an angel.”
“Yes.”
He sighed. “This isn’t funny, Noelle.”
“I know.”
“I’m not a child.”
“You’ve forgotten the wisdom of childhood. You’ve forgotten how to believe.”
He lifted his brows incredulously. “You mean you would stay if I’d believe you were an angel? Is this some kind of test?”
“I don’t have any control over getting to stay, Bret. I would stay if I could, believe me. There’s nothing more I could want than to spend a lifetime with you and the children.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. “It’s just that I have other commitments that I must honor.”
“My loving you doesn’t matter, is that it?”
“Your loving me is the greatest gift I could receive.”
“Will you ever come back?”
“I don’t know. If possible, I’d like to come back.”
He glanced up to the top of the tree. “At Christmas?”
“Perhaps. We’ll see.”
He pulled a small package out of his pocket. “Here’s something I want you to have,” he said, offering the gaily wrapped gift to her.
Her eyes had misted over so much that Noelle was having trouble seeing. When she finally managed to open the gift she felt the lump in her throat grow. A heart locket hung on a thin gold chain. She opened it and found a picture of Bret on one side and a picture of the children on the other.
“I know it sounds corny to say, but I want you to carry the thought of us in your heart, no matter where you go.”
Tears trickled down her cheeks. “I love you, Bret Bishop. I love you with all my heart. If there was any way I could, I would stay here with you. I would be your wife and love and cherish your children…if I could.”
Her sincerity and her pain were too obvious to doubt. He could only nod.
She kissed him with love and longing, with an almost desperate intensity, until the almost silent chiming of the mantel clock called them both back to the present…and reality.
With a final kiss she broke away from him. “Goodbye, my love. God bless you.”
One moment he had his arms around her, the next moment he was alone in the room, wondering what had happened. Had he been sleeping? Was he awake even now?
Bret looked around the room. The tree still sparkled with light, music played in the background, presents were piled high all around it, long, red felt stockings were stuffed for each child and the tiny angel at the top of the tree watched him with compassion.
He shook his head, got up and went all through the house. Each child was asleep, the cat and her kittens were down for the count, even Rex merely opened one eye before shutting it with a sigh.
Freda’s bedroom was neat and orderly, and unoccupied.
The refrigerator and pantry were stocked full of food for the next day. Everything was ready for Christmas.
Only one change had taken place…Noelle was gone.
Bret knew he needed to go upstairs to try to get some sleep. The children would be up by dawn, insisting on getting him downstairs to open gifts.
However, Bret returned to the living room knowing this was one night when he’d be unable to sleep. Instead, he went into the kitchen and made coffee, then found a bottle of brandy and carried them into the living room. He sat down on the sofa, so that he could look at the tree and the angel at the top.
He didn’t understand what had happened but he did understand the miracle that had occurred in his own heart. Somehow his appreciation of life had been given back to him. For the first time in over three years, he felt whole again.
The music played softly in the background. The scent of vanilla and cinnamon and bayberry filled the air. The only light in the room came from the tree. He leaned back, took a deep breath and relaxed. Occasionally he sipped on his coffee, enjoying the blend of flavors, and absorbed the sights, scents and celebration of this time of year.
In the quiet of the night, on this very special night, Bret acknowledged to himself how much Noelle had given to him. He would always love her.
He relived the times they had spent together…the mall in San Antonio, dinner along the river. He remembered all that she had told him.
Once again he looked up at the tree. “If there’s such a thing as Christmas magic, then I ask that Noelle be returned to us, that we be given the opportunity to live together and to love together.”
His eyes blurred and he closed them, wiping the unexpected moisture away. He was really losing his grip on reality, sitting there talking to himself as though there really was a Santa, a Christmas angel, a magical time of year.
Bret set his cup down and rested his head against the back of the sofa, knowing he needed to get some sleep. The kids would be up early in the morning, eager to—
He felt something brush against his hand. No doubt Mischief had decided to look for some attention. Lazily he opened his eyes—and stared in disbelief.
A brilliant light filled the room, almost blinding him. He blinked a couple of times before he could see anything. The light seemed to be centered immediately in front of him.
He felt more than heard a voice say, “You may not believe in us, but we believe in you. We have done what we could to protect and guide you. Now you ask that one of us join you in your dimension, giving up her studies with us. This is highly unorthodox, but because she is willing to forgo her training with us at this time, we allow the choice to be hers.”
The light gradually diminished until the tiny lights of the tree were all that illuminated the living room. Bret stared at his cup of coffee, wondering how much brandy he’d put in there.
What was the matter with him? Had he fallen asleep? He looked around the room. The kittens were asleep in their basket. He didn’t know where Mischief was.
Bret forced himself to get up, turn off the lights, and go upstairs.
Maybe he’d better have Dr. Warner take a look at him the next time he was in town. His eyes and his hearing were definitely acting up on him.