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Hannah huddled in the corner of her cell. She wrapped her arms around her good leg and shivered. Two weeks. Two weeks of cruel interrogations, sleepless nights, endless confinement in the dark, moldy cell. Her throat was parched. She couldn’t remember the last time they gave her any water. She hadn’t stopped shivering in days. Two weeks of torture, two weeks trying to protect Simon and the Christians on her list. Two weeks of pain and torment, just so Simon could tell them everything within his first hour of capture.
She leaned her forehead against her knee. The room spun around relentlessly. She wanted to lie down, but the cage was too small. There were no tears to wash away this kind of pain, no prayers to cover over this kind of betrayal.
She lifted her head at the sound of footsteps. The agents would all expect her to cooperate now. And why shouldn’t she? The Christian contacts were already exposed. Simon had made sure of that. He remembered even more names than she had, and he gave them all to the general one after another like relentless lashes from a whip. There was no more reason for her to protect any of them now. She didn’t resist when the general ordered her to stand. She shuffled down the hall once more, ready this time to tell them anything they wanted to know.
General Sin led her to the interrogation room and sat her in the same chair Simon occupied just a little earlier. “I told you we’d get the information we needed.” He didn’t strap her in. “I’m sorry you had to witness your friend’s ... weakness.”
She clenched her jaw shut. He couldn’t goad her.
When he brought his face close to hers, she cringed and tried not to breathe in the cigarette stink on his breath. “Perhaps if you weren’t so pretty, your friend wouldn’t have made such a fool of himself.”
She shut her eyes, but that didn’t block out his words.
General Sin clicked his tongue. “I admire you.” He placed his hand on her shoulder, and she recoiled at his touch. “You’re very brave.” He eyed her up and down. “For a girl.” She stared at the stained wall. “You won’t accept my compliment, is that it?” He chuckled. “No wonder. I wouldn’t either if I were you. But things are not always what they seem.” He raised an eyebrow and then punched a button on his radio. “The prisoner is ready for transport.”
Another guard sneaked in meekly. She hadn’t seen him here before. He looked nearly as young as she.
“You will go with Agent Soon,” General Sin told her and flicked a cigarette butt onto the floor.
Soon bowed to General Sin and kept his eyes downcast as he propped her up by the arm and helped her slide out of the chair. She glanced around the room, trying to gain some balance. Would she ever see Simon again?
She wouldn’t have guessed how late it was until she saw the full moon setting on the horizon once Soon led her outside. A breeze flitted underneath the shirt of her prison uniform. She shivered and clutched her arms around herself.
“Get in.” Soon prodded her with just enough force to guide her toward the van. She struggled with her weak leg, and he wrapped his arm around her waist. “Let me help you.”
General Sin stood several paces away, glaring. “Hurry up.”
All Hannah wanted was to rest. Soon eased her into the front seat of the van, circled around, and sat next to her behind the driver’s wheel. His face was tight, but he relaxed almost as soon as they rolled away from the prison compound.
She swallowed, her throat still burning. “Where are you taking me?”
He didn’t reply right away. He rubbed his chin and glanced around warily. Instinctively, Hannah did the same. “Shut up, prisoner,” he barked and then cringed as soon as the words left his mouth. “No more talking. “
She was too tired to worry about his behavior. The van’s bumping and swerving made her sick to her stomach, and it took all her effort to keep from throwing up. Her mind was foggy, and she leaned against the door, unable to sit up straight anymore. She rubbed her legs to try to create some extra warmth. Soon reached down and turned on the heater.
With her head bouncing against the van’s window, she drifted in and out of consciousness. Every once in a while, she imagined she heard Simon singing. She wanted to tell him he was off-key, but she always jerked awake before she could say anything. She didn’t know how long they traveled before Soon parked the van alongside a river. Hannah begged her body for the extra energy she would need to endure whatever was to come.
Soon got out of the van and crept over to Hannah’s side. He opened her door and cleared his throat. “Get out, pig.” He gently propped Hannah up in her seat, placing one hand on her forehead with a frown. She shivered in response. He reached around to lift her up and set her carefully on the ground.
“On your feet, lazy sloth!” He kept his arm around her, supporting nearly all her weight. “Now get moving.” His voice was gruff, but his touch gentle. There wasn’t enough light for Hannah to make out his features, and fear and confusion warred against each other in her gut.
Her throat stung, and her muscles quivered involuntarily, but she obeyed without question. She had survived two weeks in the Chongjin jail; she could endure this. They walked a few paces, Hannah doing what she could to drag her broken leg behind her and Soon nearly carrying her. When they came to a large tree stump, he eased her down on top of it. He felt her forehead once again before straining his neck in both directions. It took all of Hannah’s concentration to keep her balance and not fall off.
He checked his watch. Sighing heavily, he reached down for a stick. He held up his empty hand toward Hannah, but she couldn’t guess what his gesture meant to convey. Before she could react, he whacked the stump just centimeters away from her broken leg. Her faint cry hurt her throat, and she winced. Soon held her gaze and nodded.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
He held his finger to his lips and then tore off his coat and threw it on the ground.
Hannah tried to shrink back without falling. “Please ... don’t,” she croaked as he fumbled with his shirt buttons.
“Come on.” His fingers dug into her skin. She couldn’t struggle. All the verses the Sterns taught her, all the advice from crisis training vanished. Her mind screamed out Simon’s name, but he wasn’t here. There was no way he could help her now. God alone would witness her fate. She lifted her chin up to the heavens, where clouds blocked all but the faintest traces of starlight.
He led her away from the van. She stumbled on her broken leg and collapsed to the ground. Soon knelt down beside her and touched her swollen ankle. She scooted away but knew her situation was hopeless. She didn’t even beg for mercy. She ignored the tears of fear and shame that stung her eyes. Maybe she was lucky to be sick. She was so weak and miserable, she wouldn’t mind dying here.
Soon stood up. He lifted his empty palms in a posture of surrender. “I’m so sorry, Sister. I have no intention of hurting you. I promise.”
She shut her eyes, hoping her fever would sweep her away into delirium.
He remained a few paces away. “I won’t hurt you.”
Her body trembled too hard for her to trust his words. When he took a step forward, she crawled back with a tiny sob.
“Please, try to listen.” He hung his head and squatted down. “I’m only trying to help you. This is all part of the plan.”
She wondered if this was some sort of strange miracle. Maybe God had allowed her mind to escape into an entirely new reality while her body suffered the unthinkable. Would she wake up when it was over? Would she remember the shame that had been committed against her?
“I had to take my shirt off.” Soon wrapped his arms around his chest. “It was bugged.” Hannah frowned. If she was hallucinating, why did he use words she didn’t know? “They put devices in our uniforms when we’re off premises to record what we’re doing.” He gestured back to his pile of clothes. “I didn’t have any other way to speak with you freely.” Her body still trembled. “I’m a believer. Just like you. I was saved not too long ago by the influence of ... of someone in Chongjin.” He swallowed hard. “I was supposed to take you to the gulag. That’s not going to happen. But if my superiors get curious and wonder where you went, you see, they can just listen to the recordings and make certain assumptions and ... and ...” He wiped his forehead.
“That was for a recording?”
“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. If I could think of any other way, I would have. I would never hurt you. I promise.”
“But you work for the jail?”
He shook his head. “I can’t explain everything. It wouldn’t be safe. For either of us.” She frowned but let out her breath while he continued. “This is the Tumen River. You’re directly across a village called Sanhe. There’s a man there, Mr. Kim. He runs a safe house for refugees. He’ll be expecting you.”
“How will I find him?” The breeze slapped her hair across her face.
“We’re standing almost exactly opposite where he lives. Cross the river, then go straight up the path. You’ll come to a large grove of thorn bushes. Beyond that is a house with a cross in the window. Look carefully; it’s behind a sheer curtain. Go to Mr. Kim and tell him you came from Chongjin.”
She studied the river. Its current wasn’t strong, but there was no way to ford it on her injured leg. “How will I get across?”
“We have a boat. You’ll have to row yourself to the other side, then hide it as well as you can. We’ll have someone else come and take care of it later.” He looked at her leg. “You have to hurry. The sun will be up soon. The border patrolmen will be making their rounds.”
She shook her head, trying to focus. “What about Simon?”
He lowered his gaze. “It just wasn’t possible to save you both.”
She heard the words through a feverish haze. “He’ll be coming later, then?”
“I’m afraid not.”
Hannah was no longer chilled. Beads of perspiration dotted her forehead. “Why?”
Soon still crouched, hugging himself to cover his naked chest. “There’s a reason you were chosen.”
She was thirsty. She longed to plunge her face into the river and drink.
“You were strong,” Soon insisted. “During all the interrogations, you didn’t waver.”
She felt his words would be easy to grasp if she weren’t so exhausted. She tried to study his face, but it was spinning around in her field of vision.
“The underground church needs workers with your courage and stamina.” She wiped her brow, hoping to clear her head so she could understand better.
Soon took a deep breath. “For now, only one thing matters. Get yourself to the safe house. Find Mr. Kim. Once you’re healthy again, someone will contact you.”
Hannah didn’t ask what he meant. She only knew she needed sleep. Hot tea, sleep, and in the morning maybe something to eat. She brushed the dirt off her clothes. “Where’s that boat?”
She would never have guessed how painful it would be to row with a broken leg. She struggled against the oars, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from crying out. It took all her energy just to keep from veering downstream. She was glad the current was slow. In some areas, the river was so shallow she could jam her oar into the bottom of the silty riverbed and push herself off. By the time she reached the other side, the throbbing in her bone radiated all the way up to her hip and made her empty stomach churn. The physical activity helped clear away the fever’s heaviness, but that only made her more acutely aware of the pain in her leg.
“Hold me in your hands, I depend on you.”
She collapsed onto the embankment with a subdued sob. Her swollen throat threatened to close up entirely. With each inhalation, she prayed for comfort and courage.
“Hold me in your hands. Carry me through.”
Her ankle was swollen to twice its regular size. It was just as well she gave her boots away back in Yanji, because she could never wear them again until her leg healed. She glanced over the riverbank. Soon was already gone. She stared up the path and wondered how long it would take if she had to crawl the whole way to Mr. Kim’s.
“When the road is rough and I stumble and I fall ...”
It was just past dawn when she finally reached the grove of trees Soon mentioned. She dropped down near a copse of thorn bushes and counted out five deep breaths. She would make it. She had to. Maybe somehow her work on this side of the border would atone for her failure back home. Maybe she would find a way to make Simon and the Sterns proud.
“When my eyes are blinded by the tears that fall ...”
She needed God to protect her. She needed his shelter, his encouragement. Every part of her longed to collapse right there underneath the thorn bushes. Perhaps God would send an angel to tend to her leg while she slept. Or maybe he would take pity on her and bring her home to heaven right now. She wouldn’t regret dying here. Simon would probably join her soon enough.
“You pick me up and carry me through.”
In time, her breathing slowed down. She was chilled all the way to her bone marrow, but she didn’t tremble so violently. She spotted a house in the distance. A flickering candle in the window cast shadows from a small cross. She took a deep breath and hobbled toward shelter.