At his parents’ house, Lane helped himself to a cup of coffee then headed outside. Hound’s ears pricked up immediately, and the golden retriever, his face now a graying mask, and his joints stiff with age, pushed himself up and loped toward his longtime master and playmate.
The hitch in his gait tugged at Lane’s heart. The old pup was wearing out. Kneeling, Lane scratched Hound behind the ears and patted his back. He knew his parents took good care of him, but still Lane registered a twinge of guilt. He didn’t have time for a pet in his life right now.
Settling into the wooden bench on the patio, Lane hefted Hound up beside him, the dog’s head resting in his lap.
“Good boy,” he murmured. He took a sip of the coffee, and looked out over the suburban yard. It was good to be home, back where the grass was green, and trees and hedges softened the landscape. Open space, with room to breathe. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed those things in the two weeks he’d spent in Northtown, among too many people crammed into tight living quarters in a gray and dirty environment.
He used to think urban living had a certain cosmopolitan appeal. Maybe it did, downtown, in the areas where businesses were thriving and plush condos comingled with gleaming office buildings along the skyline. But that was a far cry from the rundown residential areas around a major urban metroplex.
Lane glanced up when the patio door opened, and his mother stepped outside.
“You staying for lunch?” she asked.
Lane’s grin was automatic. “Sure. If you don’t mind feeding me again.”
“Would you mind going out? There’s a cute little crepe place I’d like to try, and I haven’t been able to convince Dad.” She gave him an affectionate nudge. “How ’bout you tip the scales for me?”
Lane chuckled. “I think you’ve got me there. It’s the least I can do for three days’ worth of home-cooked meals.”
“Exactly.” She rubbed her hands over his shoulders. “How long will you be gone this time?”
Lane shrugged. “Getting a lot of information. I’ll probably spend another week or two up there.” He declined to mention that he had an interest in Northtown other than the project. No sense dangling bait in front of her.
“Well, it sure isn’t a nice area. I read about that murder up there the other night.”
Lane sat up and twisted toward his mother. “A murder in Northtown?”
“Yes, it was in the newspaper. A young woman, I think it said twenty-four or twenty-five, was raped and killed. It’s just awful.”
Lane’s heart lurched, and he jumped up, spilling his coffee, and startling the dog on his lap. He hadn’t heard from Mandi since Wednesday evening when she let him know she’d found someone to cover for her tonight. He headed toward the door, his pulse racing. “Where’s the paper?”
His mother pushed past him. “In the basket behind the table.”
Not Mandi, not Mandi, Lane chanted to himself. Jesus, if he did nothing else, even if he didn’t get the job, he had to get her out of there. She shouldn’t be living there at all, but especially not alone. Inside, his mother opened the paper to the State section and handed it to him.
Lane held his breath, almost afraid to let his eyes scan the story. The body was identified as Brittney Copeland, twenty-four years old, single. He blew out his breath and sat down to read the full article. Found in a wooded area near Kingston Apartments. He knew the general area. It was a little farther from the core of Northtown. The police believe it was someone she knew. At least it wasn’t random, Lane thought. Still, his stomach twisted as he read the last line of the article. The suspect was still at large.
Disgust clenched his fists around the newspaper. Some sick bastard getting his thrills by tormenting women. He glanced at his mother. She was on the phone with his sister and not paying any attention to him. To her, it was a routine story. Just another life in a completely different world from what she knew. He had to call Mandi. He took his phone out of his pocket, motioned to his mother, and headed back outside. He punched in her number and paced the yard, willing her to pick up.
He let it ring several times, and was about to hang up when her soft voice came on the line.
“Hey,” she said.
His knees sagged with relief. “Hi there. How are you?”
“I’m okay. How are things at home?”
Lane frowned. Her voice sounded strained. “Fine. Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No, it’s okay. I’m with my mom, but she’s busy right now.”
“I was just checking in. I’m heading out after lunch. We’re still on for tonight, right?”
He heard her deep intake of breath. “Hey, is something wrong?” He knew hanging out with her mom wasn’t her normal weekend routine.
“Yeah, actually, there is. I can’t go out tonight, Lane. I told you Kendra offered to cover for me, but . . .”
Her voice trailed off, and Lane waited a moment for her to continue. “But what?” he prompted.
“I– a friend of mine was killed a couple of days ago. They found her body yesterday. I can’t go out and have fun. It wouldn’t be right, and I wouldn’t be good company.”
Lane’s blood ran cold. “Oh, holy shit. Baby, I just read about that. The girl, Brittney, was a friend of yours?”
“Yes,” she whispered, and Lane heard the tears in her voice.
“She’s the friend I went out with last Friday. She sits – sat right next to me at DataPlus. I’ve known her ever since I started working there.”
Lane groaned to himself. Why did this hard-working pretty girl seem to have such a black cloud hanging over her? “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry I’m not there. Do you know her family?”
“Not really.”
“Are you going to the funeral?”
“Yes. Mom and I are shopping now for something to wear.”
“So your mom’s going with you?”
“No. My family never knew her. I won’t know anyone but the people from work. I’ve met her brother a couple of times, but that’s it.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” The question hung in the air so long, Lane wondered if she’d misheard him.
“No. That’s not necessary.”
Lane shoved a hand in his pocket and tried to think. She probably shouldn’t be alone. “Listen, I’m still coming back today. Let’s go out and eat, keep it something low key. We can hang out at your place, or mine, and just talk or watch a movie. No big date, okay?”
She sniffled. “I suppose. Call me when you get in.”
“Okay. You sure you’re all right?”
“Yeah. I was a little spooked last night. I spent the night with my parents.”
“Good. That’s smart. I’m glad you did.”
“I’ll see you later.”
Lane ended the call and raked a hand through his hair. He didn’t know exactly what to do or say, but for some reason, he felt compelled to be there for her.
**
The shopping took its toll on Mandi. By the time they found something that her mother deemed appropriate and didn’t make Mandi shudder, her entire body ached, and tears threatened. One more step, and she was going to fall off the cliff into an emotional meltdown.
“Mom, this is fine. I’m tired and thirsty, and I just want to be done.”
She didn’t even protest when her mother picked up the dress and took it to the sales clerk while Mandi finished dressing. She didn’t have the strength to argue.
“Thanks, Mom,” she whispered when they climbed into the car.
“You’re welcome. Tuesday will be easier if you don’t have to worry about what you’re wearing.”
Mandi nodded and looked out the window. But she disagreed. Nothing about Tuesday would be easy. Or any day after that when she had to face Brittney’s empty office.
When they arrived back at the house, Mandi gathered up her things. She could hear her parents’ whispers behind her.
“You sure you want to be by yourself tonight?” her mother asked for about the tenth time.
“I’m sure. I’ll be fine. I can’t avoid life, you know?”
“Why don’t I follow you over there, just to be sure everything’s okay?” her dad offered.
Mandi forced a smile. It was a nice gesture. She wasn’t about to tell them that Lane was on his way back, and she wouldn’t actually be alone. “Dad, thanks, but I don’t think that’s necessary. It’s the middle of the day. Lots of people will be around.”
When Mandi pulled onto the patch of dirt and gravel designated as her driveway, she looked around through new eyes. Some kids were throwing a football a couple of trailers over, and old Mr. Donlan sat in an aluminum lawn chair beside the steps to his place. Everything seemed perfectly normal.
She opened the door, and snapped the deadbolt into place behind her. Leaning against the door, she surveyed the living room. Yes, it seemed perfectly normal. Except that Brittney was dead, and her death had cast a shroud of fear over Mandi. She’d always been cautious and aware of potential danger. Like any smart woman, she’d taken self-defense classes. She stayed alert to what was going on around her. Kept her cell phone charged and handy. Made sure her car was in working condition.
But she had no idea if those things were enough. How vulnerable was she? Mentally, she cursed the bastard who’d killed Brittney. Not only had he taken her best friend, he’d stolen Mandi’s sense of security.
**
Mandi knew she had to at least try to get her chapter and test out of the way before Lane showed up. She’d be worthless for the next few days. She opened her computer, but couldn’t focus. Too much noise outside, and in her head. She brewed some extra-strong coffee then settled onto the sofa and checked the news websites for any updates on Brittney’s case. The only new development was that the police were seeking a “person of interest.” Mandi’s pulse quickened. Oh, God, please let them catch him before the twisted son of a bitch could hurt anyone else.
Details of the funeral were also posted. Eleven o’clock at the Assembly of Peace funeral chapel. She wondered if someone was putting together a video or photo poster. She had a few cute photos from birthday celebrations and baby showers at work. Maybe she should offer them to Brittney’s brother. But she had no idea how to get in touch with him. She hated feeling so distant and helpless.
Mandi retrieved her cell phone from her purse and placed a call to the funeral home. Maybe they could get a message to Brit’s brother. The woman who answered the phone didn’t know whether the family was putting together a video, but she promised to pass along Mandi’s message and phone number. At least it was something. Ignoring her computer, she rummaged through her shoebox full of photos and dug out a few that included Brittney.
Mandi had to smile as she leafed through them. Brit loved a party. She was usually the instigator. And the decorator. And, Mandi remembered, the life of the party. Reaching for an envelope, she blinked back tears.
She stuffed the photos into her purse, then settled down again and forced herself to take the test for her Sociology class. Her stomach rumbled as she finished up, and Mandi glanced at the time on her computer. Almost four o’clock and she’d had nothing but coffee and a few bites of a muffin earlier. She slumped over, her arms dangling from her knees. Nothing sounded good. And she didn’t want to move.
At four-thirty, the phone jarred her from the fog. Lane was back in town. And insisted on picking her up.
Mandi chewed her lip, mulling over his words. “I’ll come get you.” Should she let him?
“I’ve already checked in at the hotel, and I don’t have anything else to do. Give me your address, and I’ll swing by. Unless you’d rather wait a while.”
Wait for what, Mandi thought. What was she waiting for? Why shouldn’t she give him her address? She didn’t fear Lane. She knew he was a good guy and would never treat her badly. But giving him her address was more than letting him see inside her home. It was letting him see inside her. Period.
She plopped onto the sofa. This was the truth. Who she was. And if he couldn’t handle it, well, too bad. With a catch in her throat, she gave him the address. Then paced.
Fifteen minutes later, at the sound of footsteps, Mandi lifted a slat in the blinds and peeked outside. She sucked in her breath and clamped her lips together. She looked again and saw the strained expression on his face. Was he pissed or disgusted? She had a funny feeling it was neither.
She tried to clear any emotion from her face, and opened the door. Lane stood only a foot away, his tall frame and broad shoulders blocking any other view.
Their eyes met, but neither of them spoke for a long moment. Then Mandi said softly, “Now you know.”
Regret settled on his face. “Mandi, I’m sorry. Me and my big mouth.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Why didn’t you tell me? Or tell me to shut the hell up?”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t,” she whispered.
Lane let out a heavy sigh, and braced a hand against the doorframe. “I feel like all kinds of shit.”
Mandi crossed her arms and looked at her shoes before meeting his eyes again. “Because of what you said, or because you found out you’re going out with trailer trash?”
Lane’s face darkened, and he took a step toward her. “For the record, I have never referred to anyone living here as trailer trash.”
“No. Just dumpster dwellers.”
He shifted his weight, and ran a hand through his hair, a gesture that left his hair ruffled. Just the way she liked it. She pressed her lips together and looked away.
“Can I come in?”
Her gaze snapped back to his face. Magnetic blue eyes appealed to her. Automatically, Mandi turned and glanced around the pathetic excuse for a living room. Shame swept through her. She could’ve done more to make it look halfway decent.
“Come on, Lane. You don’t want to be here.”
“You’re here.”
She nearly choked at that.
He tried to look inside. “You got a fridge?”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course I have a fridge.”
“Got any cold beer?”
Mandi let out a short laugh, but her chin edged up as she regarded him. “I have cheap cold beer.”
A smile played about his lips. “You and a cheap cold beer. Why wouldn’t I want to be here?”
Shaking her head, she took a step back. Lane stepped inside.
“Hi,” he said.
She sent him a wobbly smile, and turned to get the beer, but his hand caught her arm, propelling her toward him. Then he gathered her up against his chest, his warm hands splaying across her back and down her arms.
There was nothing sexual about the embrace. No kiss. Just a warm, soothing hug full of . . . affection? Mandi wasn’t sure, but it felt good to be held. The tears came then, and she slipped her arms around his waist, accepting the comfort he offered.
Lane rocked her, smoothing her hair. “I’m sorry about what I said, and I’m sorry about your friend.”
She nodded, and cried harder, her fists clutching his shirt. When she pulled back, Lane brushed gentle thumbs across her wet cheeks. Again. God, she hadn’t cried this much in a long time. Mandi turned for a tissue then slipped past him and took a beer out of the refrigerator. Looking everywhere but at Lane, she handed it to him.
“You’re more than this, you know,” he said quietly. “You don’t belong here.”
In a flash, frustration and anger exploded inside Mandi. She whirled on him.
“You don’t know,” she cried. “You have no idea. You look at things and think you know what’s what. You’ve got it all figured out, and you pass judgment.” She shook her head at him, her eyes clenching shut. “You don’t know.”
Lane moved into the living room. Heavy, charged silence filled the air. After a moment, he faced her again. “I know you don’t have to live here,” he said, his voice strong but calm. “I know your parents have money and could help you.” He paused and took a couple of sips of the beer. “I know you graduated in the top ten of your class from an affluent high school. I think you’re here because you’re hiding the real you. And I can tell you for damned sure, I don’t know why you’re doing that.”
Mandi studied him a moment, struggling with her decision. “I’m not hiding the real me. This is the real me now. This is who I am as a result of the choices I’ve made.”
“What does that mean?”
Mandi sat down, her eyes intent on Lane. How did he know all of that, anyway? Looking her and her parents up on the internet? Spying on her? She should’ve expected that. You could find out just about anything these days if you snooped hard enough. “You want to know why I’m here?” she asked.
His eyes seemed to bore into her, and Mandi was sure he could see deep inside of her.
“Yeah, I do.”
Something in his voice told her he wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer this time. In that instant Mandi knew that even if she wasn’t living in a trailer park, even if they weren’t worlds apart, she couldn’t have an honest relationship with anyone without telling this story and exposing this part of her life. She took a deep breath. Fine. Might as well get it over with.
“You know I had a baby, and she died. When I was seventeen, a senior in high school, I got pregnant.”
Lane interrupted. “Mandi, it happens. Happens all the time.”
“True. But it’s usually an accident. Or it happens because someone was stupid or drunk, or both. I got pregnant on purpose. For revenge.”
His eyes narrowed, but he let her continue. Mandi picked at the cuticles of her nails, and let her mind take her back to the day she arrived at Hilltop high school. Before everything went wrong.
“The problem was, at Hilltop it wasn’t cool to be smart. The kids here tried to label me a geek or a nerd and keep me out of the more popular groups. In California, I was smart and popular. I expected to be the same here.” Standing, she paced the floor. “I got caught up in a power struggle. Basic high school bullshit.”
“But at the time, it hurt.”
Mandi sighed and sat back down. It all sounded so petty now. “Yeah. But I was so stupid. I let it get to me. I knew this snotty girl named Allison wanted Aaron, so I deliberately set out to get him. He was part of the cool crowd, a football stud, you know? I figured he could be my ticket in. So I showed up at a party he was at. We were both drinking, and I basically came on to him. We had sex. After that, we were sort of a couple.”
“No birth control?”
Mandi twisted her hands, shame warming her face. “The thing is . . .” She could hardly get the words out. “The thing is, I told him I was on the pill. But I wasn’t.”
Lane’s eyes went wide, and he stared at her. Then he stood, running a hand over his face. “Aw, Mandi. Holy shit. You lied to him?”
Mandi swallowed hard, and pushed on. “Yeah. So, of course, I got pregnant. I found out a few weeks before I was accepted to some really good colleges.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, reliving the day the college acceptances came out. The day the shock and reality of what she’d done struck like a tsunami. She could’ve gone to Brown or Pomona or Stanford. And she’d thrown it all away for the sake of some stupid high school vendetta.
“My parents were furious. But I still didn’t get it.” She flailed her arms into the air. “I mean, I don’t know what I thought. That I could have a baby and still go to college? Or that my GPA and test scores would somehow save me?” Her voice broke. “I was supposed to go to college.”
Lane reached out and took her hands in his. “But you got married instead.”
Mandi’s head bobbed up and down. “So we ended up here. At first I hated it. I was so embarrassed. But at the same time, I felt like this is where I belonged. I felt dirty. This seemed like appropriate punishment or consequences, whatever you want to call it.”
“You can stop beating yourself up, sweetheart. Everyone makes mistakes. You have to move on. Look around. These days a lot of people go back to school as adults. People are allowed to start over.”
Mandi shook her head. “I just don’t know if I can. I know I don’t deserve it. Look at the things I did. I stole the last of Aaron’s youth from him. He might’ve gone to school and found the true love of his life. I brought a little girl into the world into a place where her parents didn’t love each other. And where she wasn’t safe. How do I know when it’s done? When I’ve been punished enough? What if I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life making up for what I did?”
“So what are you saying? You’re going to spend your whole life alone. No more kids, no relationships just in case something bad might happen?”
Mandi shuddered. The thought of getting close to someone, thinking she could have a normal life, be happy, and then have it all taken away again was more than she could bear.
“I don’t know,” she said. Her eyes met Lane’s and she took in the frown on his handsome face. Was he wondering if she was crazy? More likely wondering what he was doing there. He looked ridiculous in the tiny trailer. Successful and confident – he didn’t belong there. For a moment she wanted to reach out and touch him. But she didn’t. She couldn’t take more from him.
Lane blew out his breath. He wasn’t sure he understood her logic, but he understood she carried a burden of guilt, and it was keeping her from reaching her potential and being happy. “Why don’t we get out of here for a while? Maybe get some fresh air. There are a couple of parks around town that I still want to take a look at to see what amenities the city offers in other places. Want to go check one out?”
She looked at him with wide, uncertain eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Sure about what?”
“About . . .” She glanced away and spoke to the couch. “Lane, I understand if you don’t want to be seen here, seen with someone like me.”
He took her hand and pulled her up from the chair. “Don’t do that to yourself. Go grab a jacket. The breeze is a little cool.”
Mandi hesitated a moment then disappeared down the narrow hall. Lane picked up the beer can, emptied the remainder and tossed the can under the sink, and took the opportunity to look around. The place was old. Not much decoration. The only personal touch seemed to be on the front of the refrigerator. Photos of Mandi and her daughter covered a large portion of the dingy white surface. He looked closer. God, she was so young. But obviously happy. The little girl had been a joy – that was easy to see. The smile on Mandi’s face in the pictures left no doubt. He let his fingers trace one of the photos, sure the image would be seared in his brain. With that full, real smile, she was stunningly beautiful. On impulse, Lane whipped his phone out of his pocket and snapped a copy of the photo.
There were no pictures of her ex, even with the baby. They hadn’t loved each other, she’d said. So what? It wasn’t the end of the world. Hell, half of all marriages ended in divorce, even without the issues they’d had. At least they gave it a shot. And now they were both free to start over. He’d bet Aaron would be spending Saturday night at a bar nursing a beer with his buddies just like he would’ve been regardless of his forced marriage to Mandi.
So Mandi was responsible for the lie. That gave him a moment’s pause, but come on, Aaron could’ve used a condom. Every guy in high school knew better than to have unprotected sex. No. Matter. What.
Mandi returned with a sweater wrapped around her waist. She picked up her purse and turned toward him. “Ready?”
Lane stepped outside and surveyed the activity around the mobile homes on his way to his car. A few kids were running around. Some guys tinkering on a pick-up. Pretty standard stuff, he supposed. He didn’t have the heart to tell her about his meeting with the owner. That could wait.