Lane draped an arm lightly along Mandi’s shoulders as they strolled down an asphalt path through the park. While they walked, Lane took note of the condition of the walkways and other features. The city had done a nice job on this one. Lots of play areas and landscaping. There was nothing even close to this in Northtown. As far as he could tell, Northtown had been ignored for a long time.
Mandi was quiet as they walked. He’d hoped the change of scenery would distract her from thoughts of her friend. He still had questions, though, about their earlier conversation. He glanced down at her. “So did you and Aaron split up before or after your daughter died?” he asked.
She winced and looked away. “That happened about a second after Paige died. We’d been faking it for a while, staying together for her.” Shaking her head, she looked up at him. “We never would’ve made it. We weren’t right for each other.”
“Did he ever find out . . . did you ever tell him about the pill? Or the lack of a pill?”
Mandi stopped, and her eyes searched his face. “Are you sure you want to hear all of this? It’s ugly.”
He paused and considered her question. Yeah, actually, he did want to know. Although he wasn’t entirely sure it was the right choice to get drawn further into her life. Maybe the less he knew, the better. But his conscience wouldn’t let him go that route. He’d enjoyed her company, and her body. Why shouldn’t he take the bad with the good? Besides, talking about it might be better than keeping it bottled up inside.
“Only if you want to tell me.”
Eyes downcast, she started walking again.
“He found out. By accident. Paige was about two, and Aaron and I were having this big argument. He’d been out really late the night before, came home hammered and woke me and Paige up. I was furious because it took forever to get her back to sleep, and I had to work the next day. So we had this big fight the next morning, and I said something like getting pregnant was the stupidest thing I ever did, and I should’ve just let Allison have him.”
“And by then he was sober enough to get it, huh?”
“I knew the instant I said the words that I’d slipped up. I know my face was a dead give-away.”
Lane’s jaw tightened as he imagined that scene. He hoped she wasn’t going to tell him that Aaron had become abusive and hit her. “What’d he do?”
Mandi let out a heavy sigh. “He lost it. Called me every nasty name you can think of. Threatened to tell my parents and . . .”
When her words drifted off, Lane stopped and turned her toward him. “Did he hurt you?”
She shook her head. “Not physically.” Tears welled in her eyes. “He said– He said he’d be sure and let Paige know what a conniving bitch her mother was when she was old enough to understand.”
Lane groaned and pulled her against him. What a mess. When she quieted, Lane took her arm and steered her along the path again.
“I was afraid he would,” she said. “That he’d turn Paige against me and tell her that I never really wanted her. But I did. Once she was here, I loved her so much. I wouldn’t have traded her for college or, or anything. I spent that last year trying to make it up to him, but he was so angry. Then she died. And right after her funeral, he packed up and left.”
Mandi suddenly tensed and clutched his arm, her fingernails digging into his skin.
Lane stopped walking and looked down at her. “What’s the matter?”
She twisted around to the other side of him, and Lane followed her glance. A young black lab danced farther down the sidewalk in front of them, his leash dangling loose behind him.
“I don’t want to walk by that dog,” she said. “I can’t. Big dogs freak me out.”
“Okay. Just hang on to me. He’s not going to bother you.”
Lane sighed. There were signs all over the park that said dogs had to be on a leash. He could understand Mandi’s fear, given the death of her daughter. Fortunately, the dog’s owner scooped up the leash and pulled the dog in the other direction.
Lane ran his hand down Mandi’s arm. “He’s gone.”
“Good. I can’t help it. When I see a big dog like that, my blood pressure goes crazy.”
“You ever seen a doctor about it? I mean, dogs are everywhere. And they can sense fear.”
She shook her head. “I know, but what could a doctor do? Other than put me on drugs?”
“Maybe a psychologist could help.”
“I saw one for about six weeks after Paige died. My parents paid for it. But the dog thing hadn’t come up. I keep thinking I’ll get over it, and hoping people will follow the rules and keep their dogs on a leash.”
On impulse, he squeezed her against his side. “Come on. Let’s go get you something cold to drink.” Now that he knew the history, Lane had to admire her stamina. With all the shit she had to deal with it was a wonder she functioned at all. At that thought, he stopped and turned to face her.
Surprised eyes met his.
He gripped her arms. “You know what? You can beat yourself up about all the things you’ve done and the mistakes you’ve made, but let me tell you what I see. I see you working two jobs, supporting yourself, taking a class, dealing with grief and a lot of stuff that goes along with it, and I wonder how you do it. You’re a pretty amazing woman, Mandi Evans.”
**
When her cell phone buzzed, Mandi looked at the number. One she didn’t recognize. She sucked in her breath, hesitating a moment before taking the call. She wished the police would say if they found Brit’s cell phone so she could stop worrying about it.
“Hello?” she asked tentatively.
“Hi, Mandi. This is Steve Copeland, Brittney’s brother.
Mandi released her breath. “Hi, Steve. Oh, my gosh, I’m glad you called. I–”
“The funeral home gave me your message.”
“Oh, good. I wanted to talk to you anyway. I’m so sorry about Brit. I’m so angry.”
“You talked to the cops, right?”
“Yes. I wish I’d been more help. Have you heard any new information?”
“No. But they’ll get the bastard,” Steve’s voice was hard. “He’s probably stupid enough to post those pictures somewhere.”
Mandi winced. She wanted to the guy caught, but she sure hoped that wasn’t the way it happened. “Is there anything I can do for the funeral arrangements, Steve? Any way I can help?”
“Yeah, if you want to run those pictures up to the funeral home, that’d be great. We’re putting together some stuff. I sent you an email, so you can email me digital files if that’s easier.”
“Okay. Anything else?”
“Nah. It’s all taken care of. Will you be there on Tuesday?”
“Of course.”
“Come by my place after if you want.”
He gave her the address, and Mandi fumbled in her purse for a pen. “All right. I’ll see you then. Please let me know if I can do anything else. I– I feel so helpless.”
After ending the call, she dabbed at her eyes then looked at Lane. “Do you mind if we run a quick errand?”
“Of course not.”
Mandi settled into the passenger’s seat in Lane’s car and pulled the photos out of her purse. “I want to drop these off at the funeral home for her brother. They’re making a video or something.”
She held the photos out so that Lane could see them. “This is Brit.”
He nodded. “Looks like she was a fun gal.”
“She was. God, it’s going to be so boring without her.” With her sense of humor and flashy personality, Brit had brought the place to life. How could she be dead? How could she not walk into the office and say it’d all been a mistake? Mandi knew she’d have a hard time not resenting whoever moved in next.
She dropped the photos at the front desk of the funeral home, then hurried back to the car.
“Where to?” Lane asked.
Mandi flopped back against the seat. “I don’t care, but I’m starving. I haven’t eaten all day.”
“You haven’t?” Shaking his head, he reached over and squeezed her hand. “Let’s get some supper then. Ever been to Constantine’s Pizza?”
“Yes. That’s fine.” A perfect choice, actually. They’d be able to get a quiet booth. The bar side would be busy with people playing pool, but the dining side should be fine.
**
The waitress at Constantine’s ushered them to a booth enclosed on three sides with high wooden walls, near the back of the restaurant. Quiet and secluded. Mandi sank into the padded seat, and closed her eyes.
“You okay?” Lane asked.
“Not really. I don’t feel well.”
“Baby, I’m sure it’s because you haven’t eaten anything. You’re under a lot of stress. You need to eat.”
“Yeah. I know.” She dug through her purse and found the Tylenol she carried with her. With those and a little food, she’d rally.
“Let’s get some breadsticks for an appetizer,” Lane said.
“Sure.” She closed her eyes again.
Suddenly Lane was beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Tears slipped from her eyes.
“Mandi? Hang in there, sweetheart. It’s okay.”
He handed her a napkin, and they sat quietly until the waitress set their drinks and a plate of breadsticks on the table.
“Here you go.” Lane picked one up and held it out to her.
Mandi straightened and offered a shaky smile. “Thanks.” She bit into the soft bread and savored the butter and garlic flavor.
Lane gave her shoulder a squeeze then moved back to the other side of the booth. “Thought I was going to lose you there for a minute.”
“Sorry,” she said between bites. “I don’t generally swoon.”
He grinned at her. “No. I’m sure you don’t.” With relief, Lane watched the color return to Mandi’s face.
The waitress appeared with salads.
“I don’t think I ordered a salad,” Mandi said.
“I ordered it,” Lane said.
God, had she actually blanked out for a minute? What a crazy day. She picked up the fork and dug in. When she looked back at Lane, he leaned forward.
“You look better already.”
Meaning she looked like hell before, Mandi thought. With a slight shake of her head, she helped herself to another breadstick. “This is good,” she said between bites. “I haven’t eaten much the last couple of days.”
“That’s understandable. Even without all this going on, I’d think you’d get pretty tired of the food at Jimmy’s.”
She shrugged. “It’s better than cooking.”
“Don’t like to cook, huh?”
“Well, I get home late. And it’s too much trouble.”
“So, I’m confused about why you’re still living in that trailer park. It can’t be a great place to live.”
She heaved a sigh. The trailer park again? “It’s free. That was the deal the owner made when Paige was killed. I’m not paying anything to live there.”
His brows pulled together. “Really? You’re working two jobs. What are you doing with your money?”
“Saving as much as I can. As soon as I can afford it, I’m going back to California, and I’m going to college.”
Lane’s hand stopped in mid-air. “Just going to pick up and leave all by yourself?”
“Sure. That’s what I would’ve done six years ago when I graduated from high school.”
“How close are you?”
“Another year, maybe.” She’d done some calculations. She could apply for college this year, get pregnant, have the baby, and be ready to start school next fall. The timing could work. With a little cooperation, it could work beautifully.
The waitress set a loaded pizza on the table. “Enjoy.”
Mandi didn’t hesitate to reach for a slice.
“I’m guessing moving in with your parents wasn’t an option?”
Mandi grimaced, remembering the numerous ‘discussions’ she’d had with her parents on that topic. “Absolutely not. They wanted me to, but I couldn’t do it. My mom and I are okay, but my relationship with my dad really blew up. He wanted me to have an abortion. After she was born, he loved Paige as much as anybody, but still he could never get over his disappointment. I’m his biggest failure. Besides, I was twenty-two years old. I’d been married and had a child. Going back there seemed so foreign. It’s like they live on another planet.”
“How’s that?”
“Their consumerism and lifestyle. They have this big yard and huge fancy house that they don’t need. They drive top-of-the-line new cars and take expensive trips every year. I mean, I see how hard life is for some of the people around here. And I see how my parents spend money. My mom wastes money on such trivial things.”
Lane cocked his head. “You know, I drive a nice car. I kind of like a clean environment and a little green space. Does that make me an alien?”
She saw the teasing smile, but also heard the slight reprimand in his voice. Yes, she was being judgmental. And, sadly, it was obvious that Lane belonged more to her parents’ world than her own. Although he seemed perfectly at ease in a place like Constantine’s.
She looked at him over her water glass. “Believe me, when you’re hanging around Jimmy’s in your designer suits and ties, you look like an alien.”
He laughed. “Probably. Don’t you don’t miss it, a little bit? You’d rather live . . . without all the luxuries?”
She let out her breath. Oh, good. He hadn’t said in a trailer park. If he said that one more time, she’d have to slap him. “Of course, I don’t want to live in poverty. Someday I’d like to have a nice house, I suppose, but something modest. I don’t need a lot of stuff. One thing that living in Northtown has taught me is that I can live more simply.”
**
“Do you want me to stay or go?” Lane asked quietly when he pulled the car up next to her trailer. “It’s up to you.”
Mandi rolled her shoulders. She was exhausted and just wanted to fall into bed. But not necessarily alone.
He reached over and ran a thumb across her hand. “Looks like you could use a hot shower and a back rub.”
A bath, Mandi thought. A long, hot bath with scented oils. And a back rub. Absolutely. If her Jello-filled legs would carry her that far. Nodding, she whispered, “stay.”
Inside, she turned to him. “I know this isn’t what you had in mind when–”
He pressed a finger against her lips. “It’s fine. Let me pamper you a little. Come on.”
Mandi padded down the hallway to the bathroom and turned on the hot water. In her bedroom, she undressed then pulled on her light cotton robe.
Lane read her mind – and met her in the hallway with a beer. “Thanks,” she said.
She set the beer on the side of the tub and poured the packet of salts into the water. From behind, Lane untied the robe and pulled it from her shoulders, then helped her into the tub.
“Oh, this is wonderful,” Mandi murmured, settling into the foaming water.
“Turn this way.”
She shifted to give him access to her back, and when his warm hands began to massage her neck, she’d never felt so deliciously indulged.
He stopped for a moment and handed her the beer. “Just relax and enjoy,” he told her.
She did. When her head flopped back, he caught it and grazed his lips across her temples.
Liquid heat shot through Mandi, and she twisted around and rested her head and arm along the side of the tub so that she had a view of Lane. He gave her a lazy smile then reached into the water and let a handful of lavender suds run down her back.
“Better?” he asked.
Feeling practically drugged, she could only nod. Several minutes later, Mandi let out a satisfied sigh. She lifted her head and looked at Lane with heavy eyelids. “Mmmmm. That was nice. Help me out?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He stood and grabbed a towel, then took hold of her arm. As soon as she stepped onto the mat, he wrapped her in the towel, and his arms.
She snuggled in. Why couldn’t it have been like this for Brit? Had she ever had a man treat her gently and respectfully? Mandi wasn’t sure. That fast, tears welled in her eyes.
“You okay?” Lane asked.
Mandi pressed her lips together, trying to suppress the tears and sadness. “I was just thinking about Brit.”
He pulled back to look at her, question in his eyes. “I’d never hurt you, Mandi.”
She choked on a sob, and clutched him to her. “I know,” she whispered, tears thick in her voice. “Why couldn’t that guy have been nice to her? She was a good person. She didn’t deserve to be treated like that, to die like that.”
“Shhh.” Lane held her close, stroking her hair. “Shhh.”
He turned her toward the bedroom. In the doorway, he stopped and pushed the hair back from her face. “Do you want me to sleep on the couch tonight? I understand if you’d rather be by yourse–”
“No.” She shook her head, and took his hand. She might not be in the mood for sex, but she definitely wanted his warmth, needed his strong arms around her. “I want you in here with me.”
When Mandi stirred again, dusk had settled in, and the room was quiet with evening shadows. The only sound was Lane’s even breathing. She smiled and snuggled into his chest, but her eyes wouldn’t stay closed, and when he shifted, she turned toward him.
“Hey, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Mandi murmured.
Lane raised his head a bit. “Yeah? What’s that?”
She ran a hand down his arm. “Several things, actually.”
“Oh. Does that mean I have to be awake?”
She nipped his shoulder. “Yes. I’d like your undivided attention.”
A slow smile stretched across his face as he opened one eye. “Mmmm. Greedy girl. Haven’t you had that for the last several hours?”
Mandi gave a light chuckle. “I want more.”
Lane propped up on one elbow, facing her. “I don’t see a problem . . .”
His lips met hers in soft feathery kisses. Mandi talked anyway. “How long does this project last?” she asked against his lips. She knew he got the gist of the question when he stilled. She held her breath. Moment of truth. Just how temporary was he?
He pulled back, but met her eyes as he toyed with her hair. “Not sure. The proposal deadline is June first. They’ll take a few months to look at what’s submitted. Might be some negotiating back and forth. I’m expecting a decision before the holidays so they can get people lined up to break ground in the spring.”
Mandi went over the timing in her head. So, he’d be around for a few more weeks. It’d for sure take her that long to figure out the surrogate process. By the time he came back in the spring, she could be almost ready to deliver. Of course there was no guarantee that he’d be back at all. He might not get the job. And even if he did, he might not– It might not matter, anyway.
“I’ll go home to work out the details of the proposal, but if I get the job, I’ll probably rent an apartment here for a while.”
She was helpless to stop the bump in her heart rate as a result of that announcement.
“You said several questions,” he prompted.
But how many did he really want to answer, and would he resist questions of a more personal nature? Mandi took a deep breath. “How is it you happen to be unattached? Are you divorced?”
“Never married. Haven’t found the right person at the right time.”
Though he said it matter-of-factly, she heard something in his voice, and figured he’d been close a time or two. “Things didn’t work out?”
“I had a pretty serious relationship in college, but second semester of our junior year, she decided to study abroad. The experience really changed her. All of a sudden, before graduation she announced she wanted to join the Peace Corps. Was going to make a two-year commitment. That didn’t work for me, so we broke up. She went to South America, and about a year later, she died in an earthquake.”
Mandi sat up. “Oh, my God. I’m sorry.” Sadness washed through her. So many people brushed through a person’s life. You never knew for how long. She tucked the blanket a little tighter. “So I guess you want me to shut up now.”
“Nope. But there’s not much else to tell. Now you know my whole life story.”
She met his eyes then, searching his face. Did she? Was it possible that was the only bruise the man had ever experienced? It would make sense, she supposed. That would explain his positive attitude, his easy smile. But she remembered him telling her the smiles started inside. Maybe it was just the way he was wired.
“Nothing more recent?”
He let out a heavy sigh. “A couple of false starts.”
“Uh-huh. I told you about Aaron,” she reminded him.
“Okay, I was close to getting engaged a while back.”
“What happened?”
“You won’t believe it.”
“Try me.”
“I didn’t get mad enough for her.”
Mandi gave a short laugh, and nudged him. “What does that mean?”
“She said I didn’t show enough emotion. Nothing ever got to me. It bothered her that I didn’t get upset in traffic or worry about stuff I couldn’t control. I don’t know, I guess she needed more excitement. More ups and downs. And I knew I didn’t need to get married.”
Smiling, Mandi draped a leg over his, and moved closer. Who knew being laid-back could be a character flaw? They both fell silent, and she assumed Lane drifted back to sleep. But Mandi couldn’t. Was it hard-wiring or circumstances that caused one person to be more positive than another? Lane told her earlier that she was too young to be so sad. She’d been happy before, hadn’t she? Before she came to Texas. She felt the pull of the ocean, imagined the waves whispering to her. Was it possible she could be again?