Pacing the floor, Lane rolled his shoulders while he tried to come up with the right words to say to Mandi. Nothing sounded right. He just needed to do it. He’d waited more than two hours. How long was enough? With another look at his watch, he spread his hands toward Jill. And when she gave him a nod, he almost ran for the door.
Inhaling a deep breath, Lane cautiously peeked inside the adjoining room. A wave of tenderness shot through him. Leaning back in the bed, her eyes closed, she sipped on a drink. Her face was pale, and an IV still ran to her arm. Her hair was all over the place. His throat tightened. It was just the way he liked it – the way it looked on the pillow when they made love. When he shifted, trying to decide how best to make his presence known, Mandi looked up with a smile on her face – that rare, sweet smile that made his heart slam against his ribs.
Her eyes widened, and the smile froze. Then a puzzled frown replaced it.
“What are you doing here?” she sputtered, her voice mirroring the incredulous look on her face. The cup she’d been drinking from nearly missed the table as it slipped from her hand. In one quick stride, Lane caught it, and moved the tray in front of her out of the way.
Lifting her hand, he gave it a gentle squeeze then pushed a strand of hair back from her face. Where to start? How to keep his distance and give her space when he wanted to rush in and get the whole thing out in the open?
She pulled away. “How the hell did you find me? What are you doing here?” She sat up straighter, and Lane thought he saw fear in her eyes. That was the last thing he wanted.
“Shhh. Mandi–”
She held up her hand. “Do not even think about touching that baby. She’s. Not. Yours.”
Without an invitation, Lane turned sideways and leaned against the bed. He kept his gaze on her face. “I know. Mandi, that baby is my niece. Jill’s my sister.”
Mandi’s eyes bulged, and she gaped at him. “What?” she exploded. “What are you talking about?”
“As crazy as this sounds, it’s true. Jill and Hayden hired the surrogacy agency in Dallas. The timing was dead-on, and from what I gather, you guys all clicked. Everything took off from there.”
“Are you kidding me? The baby you were so scared was yours is your sister’s? Oh, my God.”
Mandi gave a short, high-pitched laugh, and Lane wondered if she was going to get hysterical. If he was on the verge of getting kicked out.
“I can’t believe this,” she said, shaking her head. “How long have you known?”
“They didn’t tell the family until Christmas, so I’ve only known for a few months. I wanted to tell you, but we didn’t want to cause any stress while you were pregnant.” His eyes never left her face. “But I should’ve known all along. I should’ve known since the day you told me you were pregnant. I should’ve been there for you. I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to tell you that for a long time.”
Lane saw the tears shimmering in her eyes, and he took a chance. He took a step closer to her, and leaning down, gathered her into his arms. He shuddered a deep breath, running his hands over her back, hoping to relieve some of her tension. She seemed so small and delicate against him, and he cradled her gently. She didn’t push him away, but didn’t welcome him, either. He pulled back and hitched a thigh on the bed. “You’re probably tired, and I don’t want to upset you or wear you out. But I’d like to talk. Could we just do that?”
She shot him a hard look. “So I guess you believe me now?”
Lane crossed his arms. “Beat me up all you want, babe. It can’t be half as much as I’ve done it to myself. I admit, I lost it, and acted like a complete ass. You might not believe this, but to tell you the truth, I was almost disappointed when I finally figured out the baby wasn’t ours. That wouldn’t have been so bad.”
It was true. Some nights when he couldn’t sleep, he imagined the baby didn’t belong to Hayden and Jill, imagined he and Mandi together with their child. He’d pushed those thoughts away, but somehow, they’d taken hold and never really disappeared. Watching her now, he held his breath, waiting for her response.
She closed her eyes, but that didn’t keep the tears from sliding down her cheeks.
Lane brushed a thumb across her cheek. “I’m really sorry,” he said again. He didn’t get a chance to say everything he wanted to. A nurse nudged him out of the way.
“You can come back in a little while, okay?”
“Sure.” With a light squeeze of Mandi’s hand, Lane left the room and joined his family, still not certain where he stood.
**
When he returned an hour later, Mandi’s eyes were closed again. He approached the bed anyway, and his pulse jumped. Something didn’t seem right. Her breathing was shallow, and her skin pale. Paler than it had been earlier. Was that normal? He looked around for a nurse just as one of the machines began beeping.
When Mandi gave a soft moan, Lane bolted from the room and nearly collided with a nurse.
She motioned to another, and together they hurried to Mandi’s room, one barking orders at the other. Lane stood back and watched while they descended on Mandi. One nurse threw back the covers and moved Mandi’s legs. “Oh, God, she’s hemorrhaging. Call Dr. Arnold, quick.”
Her words sent a cold chill through Lane.
“Get the door,” the nurse yelled at him.
Jumping into action, he swung the door open then helped wheel the bed into the hallway, his heart pounding. A moment later, the nurses pushed Lane out of the way, and all three of them disappeared through a set of double doors.
“What’s going on?”
Lane turned to find Jill and his mother hovering behind him, concern in their faces. Jill held the baby against her chest. Lane swallowed hard. Here were the most significant women in his life. But the one who mattered most right that minute could possibly slip away from him. For good.
“She’s bleeding,” he said, his voice hoarse.
**
Mandi woke, and shifted in the narrow bed. Her eyes fluttered open, and the first thing she saw was Lane. He was there. Oh, wait. She’d been asleep. It was just a dream. Of course. She closed her eyes again. But memory flooded in, and she opened them wide. It wasn’t a dream. Only a few feet away, Lane sat on the small sofa, his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. Her heart lurched, and it occurred to her that in the time Lane had been in her room, she hadn’t seen him smile.
The thought hit her like ice-cold water, and tears pricked her eyes. She’d managed to wipe away his easy smile, the thing that she admired, that was so much a part of him. She caught her breath when Lane looked up and their eyes met. His expression softened, but it was guarded.
He stood up quickly. “I’ll get the nurse.”
Before she could respond, he dashed out the door. A moment later, he returned, following behind a nurse who bustled in and swooped down on Mandi.
“What’s the matter?” Mandi asked.
The nurse stuck a thermometer under Mandi’s tongue. “How are you feeling?”
Mandi nodded. How was she supposed to answer with that thing in her mouth?
“You gave us all a scare, young lady,” the nurse said.
Confused, Mandi hitched herself up a bit. “I did?”
“Of course. You don’t remember, do you? Well, that’s good. You’re on the mend. The doctor will be in soon, and we’ll see when we can get you back home, sweetie.”
Home. Where exactly was that, Mandi wondered. She stole a quick glance at Lane who was hovering a few feet away, still wearing a strained expression. What the hell?
“Are you thirsty, honey? Hungry? It’s been a long time since you had any food in your system,” the nurse continued. “I’ll have something sent up, and be right back with some ice water, okay?”
“Sure,” Mandi said. She wasn’t going anywhere. But she was ready to go. No reason to hang around the hospital any longer than necessary. She couldn’t complain about sleeping and being waited on, but now that the delivery was over, she had other things on her agenda. She’d completed her goal, and delivered a healthy baby who was adored and loved.
Mandi would never forget the look on Jill Osland’s face or the joy in her cries when they brought that fragile naked baby to them. Together, they’d held her for the first time. Mandi had brushed a finger across the satiny soft cheek then pressed her into Jill’s arms. Happy tears welled at the memory, but the nurse brought her back to the present. Tucking the sheet under Mandi’s arms, she leaned in close. “Let me know if you don’t want visitors, sugar,” she whispered.
Mandi swallowed. She was ready for that ice water. Did she want the visitor who was standing in her room right now? Reluctantly, she admitted that she did. If he wasn’t truly sorry or concerned, he sure put on a good act. And what would be the point of that? They could’ve kept the whole thing to themselves and never even told her. She couldn’t wait to hear how they’d all put the connections together, but she’d get the scoop from Jill later. Going back through the months since Christmas in her head, she wondered now if that revelation had anything to do with Jill’s erratic behavior. That would make sense.
The real question was, why was Lane hovering around in her room? What did he want? He’d already apologized, and explained the situation. Was he looking for forgiveness? Maybe he needed closure. She couldn’t help but shake her head. Lane would forever have ties to the baby she’d delivered. Far more than she would.
When the nurse left, Lane took a tentative step toward the bed.
“Lane, are you all right?”
Shaking his head, he barked out something between a laugh and a groan.
“Baby, do you really not remember? Jesus, you were bleeding. Went completely white. I guess you must’ve passed out.” He took hold of her hand and his eyes locked onto hers. “It was scary. I was afraid I was going to lose you again.”
Mandi considered telling him that he had without question lost her. But as she looked at him and saw the pain, the sincerity in his face, she couldn’t form the words. Could they start over? Would he see her differently in a new setting? Could she ever have his complete trust? Didn’t matter. She was going to California. If he wanted to see her, he’d have to do it there. She closed her eyes and nestled into the pillow behind her.
They fluttered open again when she felt Lane’s fingers graze her cheek. Smoky blue eyes held hers.
“That was a very cool thing you did. I just keep wondering what made you do it.”
Unexpected tears stung her eyes. “I wanted to do something good, Lane. To make up for some of the things I’ve done. I thought it would help me move on. I had no idea you had any connection to Jill.”
“Right. But why didn’t you tell me before?”
Good question. Why, oh, why hadn’t she? Looking back now, it would have made such a difference. She sucked in her breath. “I didn’t know how you’d react. They said not to tell a lot of people. And, honestly, Lane, every time you left Northtown I wasn’t sure if we’d see each other again.”
“I’m back there, you know.”
She nodded. “And I’m not.”
“I know. Jill told me you were here, but wouldn’t tell me where.”
Mandi tossed back the sheet. “I’ve got to get out of here.”
Lane put up a hand to stop her. “Whoa. What’s your hurry?”
“It’s the thirtieth, right?”
“Nope. That was yesterday. You’ve been asleep a long time.” He gave her a puzzled frown.
“Are you serious? Oh, my gosh. I need to check my mail. And my email.”
Lane held her in place with one hand, and whipped out his cell phone with the other. “You can use this.”
She snatched the phone out of his hand. “Show me how to get to my email.”
He punched a few buttons then released it to her.
Her hands shaking, Mandi could hardly type. And knowing Lane’s eyes were on her didn’t help. If she didn’t get emails or letters, she’d know. If she had to put in a code to get her decision, she knew it’d most likely be a rejection.
She collapsed back onto the pillow, unable to contain a smile. Three emails. Thank God. When she glanced up at Lane and saw the scowl on his face, her hands stilled. “What?”
He hitched his shoulders. “What’s up? What’s so important?”
Mandi studied Lane a moment, fisting her hands to keep from reaching out to him. He always wanted information. Always wanted to know the reasons behind everything. She’d told him so much. Told him all of her secrets. And as far as she knew, he’d kept them all. Why hadn’t she told him about the surrogacy, anyway? Because she was afraid of what his reaction would be. When it came right down to it, she hadn’t trusted him, either. She moistened her lips. “College decisions,” she said softly.