Miriam was the last to leave and it was almost eleven by the time she rose to her feet and hugged me goodnight. Connie and Abs had left half an hour earlier, each citing an early start the next morning as a reason to get home and to bed.
‘Craig’ll think I’ve got lost,’ said Miriam, retrieving her grey cloche hat from one of the pegs by the front door in my small hallway. ‘Not that he’d care. But anyway,’ she pulled the hat down over her short, curly mop of dark hair and reached up to give me a second hug, ‘are you ok? I’m so sorry about not mentioning the wedding anniversary sooner.’
‘I just can’t believe I forgot,’ I said quietly, as a renewed sense of guilt and sadness swept over me. ‘We were bridesmaids, for goodness sake. What kind of friend does that make me?’
‘Oh, don’t be so silly,’ she said, smiling up at me, her voice breaking slightly. ‘Stop punishing yourself, Alice. We all have an awful lot going on. I only remembered yesterday. It’s my fault; I should have called you.’ She rubbed my arm. ‘I suppose I just assumed he’d have mentioned it to you.’
I shook my head sadly. ‘I’d been wondering whether something was up, actually.’
‘What do you mean?’ she asked, her tone a mixture of concern and surprise.
‘He’s just been so quiet lately. I haven’t been able to drag him out for a drink in almost three weeks. He’s turned me down twice – said it was work. But that doesn’t usually stop him.’ I looked at her miserably. ‘I was beginning to think I might have upset him in some way.’
‘What rubbish,’ she tutted, before adding more gently, ‘But how about I ask Craig to call him? And maybe the four of us can go for a drink. Or five of us.’
‘Five?’
‘Romy’s planning to visit soon. I’m sure she’d love a chance to catch-up with you and Jon.’
Despite my mood, I managed a smile. Rosemary – or Romy, as she was known to all – was Miriam’s younger sister, of whom she was ferociously protective and justifiably proud. She was a woman men adored and women treated with caution; before being won over by her gentle personality and the fact that she was more embarrassed, than flattered, by her hordes of male admirers. Romy and Jon got on very well, and I knew he’d enjoy seeing her as much as I would.
‘That’d be nice,’ I said.
‘Come on,’ she said, smiling. ‘Don’t worry about it. He’s fine. He’s got through two other wedding anniversaries and he’ll get through this one too.’
I nodded again. ‘I know. I just feel dreadful for forgetting.’
‘Well don’t. You’re a wonderful friend to him – the best he’s got. And the best one I’ve got too, for that matter.’ She kissed my cheek, turned up her coat collar and became suddenly brisk. ‘Now, remember to email everyone about the next meeting. Did Abs give you her book choice?’
I nodded. ‘Ethan Frome. I’ll email now, before I forget.’
‘Ethan Frome…’ She looked thoughtful for a moment before smiling brightly. ‘Don’t think I know that one. But I’ll let you go and get on with sorting that out. Night, Alice,’ she said. And with that, she turned and walked away up the steps and out of sight.
I closed the door behind her and then, still feeling undeniably flat, I fetched my laptop from the kitchen table, returned to the living room, flopped down on the sofa and clicked on my emails. I was surprised to see one from Abs, sent just ten minutes earlier, and I opened it with interest.
From: a.walker@brisecollege.bristol.gov.uk
To: a.waites@mooredesign.co.uk
Subject: Re: This eveningAlice!
You’ll never guess what! Got home and had to send out rehearsal schedules for the school play. Hope you can come to that, by the way. All going incredibly, brilliantly well, except that Fagin broke his leg in three places falling off his bicycle last week. Poor sausage. It needed an op to pin it and chances are he’ll now have to wear flares, which aren’t very Victorian – but hey ho, never mind.
But anyway, was on the computer and thought, I know! I’ll email Hugh about Alice! So I did and he replied within five minutes! He’s free either next Saturday pm for coffee or next tue or wed after work for a drink. Just let me know which suits best!
Mwa,
Abs
X
I smiled, unsurprised by the fact that she had wasted no time in contacting Hugh. And I would have loved to share in her excitement and enthusiasm, but at that moment found myself unable to summon up anything more than a sense of affectionate amusement at the thought of her making Fagin wear bell-bottoms.
I sighed and decided that maybe bed was the best option right now. I would just send a quick email about the next book group meeting and then call it a day.
I opened a new email and began to type.
From: a.waites@mooredesign.co.uk
To: mims@familymarshall.plus.com, jon.durham@SynergySolutions.co.uk, c.golding@skyblue.co.uk, s.carter@mooredesign.co.uk, a.walker@brisecollege.bristol.gov.uk
Subject: Book GroupHi everybody,
It was lovely to see Abs, Connie and Miriam this evening. Sophie and Jon, it was very quiet (Sophie) and unintellectual (Jon) without you. You were missed.
I stopped typing, leaving the cursor flashing mid-sentence, and stared fixedly at the screen, feeling not only low about the forgotten wedding anniversary, but now also conscious of a vague, but growing, sense of emptiness – of something lacking. Worse still, I had no idea what lay behind it.
I thought back to Abs’ email about Hugh, and to the conversation about relationships earlier in the evening, wondering if that was what was troubling me. But I found myself genuinely unbothered by the prospect of either dating or not dating. I didn’t feel any pressing need to go looking for a boyfriend, but at the same time I didn’t mind if Abs and the others wanted to introduce me to their friends; I was happy enough to show willing and see where things led. On top of that I was, I reasoned, fit, healthy and enjoying life. I had a fun job, great friends, a father I adored, and day-to-day I felt busy, fulfilled and relaxed.
So what, I thought, frowning at the screen, was the problem?
I sighed wearily and rubbed my eyes, before deciding not to dwell on feelings I had no hope of resolving as midnight rapidly approached. Instead, I told myself, I would, as my mother always used to recommend, focus on positive positives – happy things of which I was absolutely certain – including the fact that I had a caring, well-intentioned group of friends, for whom I was very grateful.
I resumed typing.
Off to bed now, but I’d just like to add that I feel very lucky to have you as friends and I love you very much. I appreciate everything you do for me, including all offers to help me find my Mr Right! Thank you and I faithfully promise not to stand-up any recommended gentlemen.
Alice
X
Then feeling, I thought, a little better, I hit send and headed to bed.