Some years ago at the regional Rolfing meeting, a number of the women Rolfers complained about their male clients getting erections during the work. They were indignant that the client was having sexual feelings toward them when they had done nothing to cause this. A visiting male Rolfing teacher, in a very macho way, indicated that this was a problem only for women Rolfers; they should discuss it with each other. This meant, of course, that it had never happened to him. I pointed out that the erections were a sign of relaxation of the man’s body and had nothing to do with them personally. The women were then even more indignant! They apparently didn’t like the implication that they had no sex appeal.
The male Rolfing teacher was no doubt too uptight to work extensively in the male pelvis. My procedure at that time was to turn out the light at the end of a session on the pelvis and leave the client to enjoy his sensations by himself. At the time I left the room, there was no sign of arousal. When I returned I was often startled to find the client relaxed with a full erection. The usual comment was: “I’ve never felt so relaxed in my life.” There was no comment or embarrassment about the state of his penis. It seemed that he was not even aware of the situation.
My wonder was, “Erection … relaxation?” This did not coincide with my understanding of erections. I had been raised with the nonverbal cultural and verbal peer messages that erection happened only when a man was “hot to trot” sexually and MUST be followed by sexual activity or masturbation. Under any other circumstance, it was improper and crude. Could there be another circumstance for this condition?
I began to consider that there can be at least two types of erections. One is a result of erotic stimulation and another is associated with relaxation and sensual feelings about yourself. It has been estimated that men have several erections during sleep that have nothing to do with the need to urinate. (The pressure of a full bladder can also cause an erection.) The erections are not necessarily associated with erotic dreams. It just feels good. I have been told by several younger men that the morning erection is not necessarily a “piss hard-on.” It often can be related to more erotic feelings, while some of those in the middle of the night are not.
Nowadays when a man gets aroused during a Rolfing session and is aware of it, he may ask about its significance. I ask, “Doesn’t it feel good?” The usual response is something like, “Oh, yes.” I tell them to just enjoy the feeling. These erections are not lasting. I usually mention that when a man gets older, erections don’t happen as often and that when one does happen, its occurrence gives a feeling of pleasure. I also say that I don’t take their condition personally, which puts humor into the situation.
As I mentioned, some men are so insensitive to their bodily sensations that they are not aware of having an erection when relaxed. It could be that their awareness of their body happens only when the sexual feelings are high. Even in that case, the feeling is often only in the penis, not in the rest of the body.
An unfortunate concept in our culture is that a man’s penis should be like a faucet that can be turned on and off at will. Men and their partners—both straight and gay—assume that the penis can be activated on demand at any time. There will be times and conditions for any man when his organ does not respond. When this does happen, the man may feel incompetent, foolish, and unmanly. His partner might express (verbally or nonverbally) contempt, impatience, and lack of any understanding or sympathy. This can result in trying to force the erection rather than relaxing, breathing, and allowing it to happen. Many partners will be furious when a man masturbates to achieve an erection. They may see this activity as a sign of her or his lack of sexual attraction. Temporary problems with erection can be related to overindulgence in alcohol or drugs, stress at work or home, or exhaustion. There is also performance anxiety, which is especially prevalent if the sexual activity is with a new person. Much of a man’s ego depends on: (1) his ability to get an erection on call; (2) the maintenance of that aroused state for a prolonged period of time; and (3) the successful ejaculation.
The opposite problem is an inappropriate erection. It may be because of a relaxed and sensual situation, yet the partner may feel imposed upon and react with anger and/or disgust. I was told a story by one man who had an erection at a nudist colony in the Midwest; he was forced to leave the camp. Spontaneous erections are especially a problem for teenagers and less often as men grow older. Usually they disappear without problem except for the embarrassment. As I have said, when it happens in an older man, the result is an enjoyable feeling no matter where or when it occurs!
There is more public and medical awareness these days of the problem of impotence. This condition is more properly called “erectile dysfunction,” a term that is seldom used. The term “impotence” applies to more conditions than the failure of erection of the penis. Previously, it was thought that problems with erection were mostly psychological. As more investigation has occurred, the physical nature of the problem has become more apparent.
Erectile dysfunction may be related to an insufficient arteriole blood supply to the sinuses of the penis. If the sinuses are not distended with sufficient arteriole blood, a partial or no erection will occur. The other major problem occurs when the veins are not blocked off. The blood in the penile sinuses will then be drained too soon. This is often the case when an erection is achieved and cannot be maintained. These conditions can occur as a result of long-term excessive substance abuse or disease. Fortunately, there are current methods to help alleviate the problem (see chapter 18).
Our culture more or less dictates that a man’s arousal must be followed by sexual activity. Women can think that a man’s erection means that he will have sex with or without consent. The man assumes that his hard-on must be satisfied by ejaculation. The pleasant feeling of the erect penis itself is ignored. This habit is established in the practice of masturbation when the act is rushed to completion either to avoid detection or to minimize a feeling of guilt. There is no concept of making love to yourself.
I once assumed that married men or men with more or less permanent relationships did not practice masturbation. When I mentioned this to a group of enlightened married men, as a group they rolled their eyes and said “Sure, sure.” It was obvious from their expressions that co-habitation does not result in a cessation of masturbation. I hear many men with partners, straight or gay, complain about the frustration of the lack of sex after a period of time. “Spanking the monkey” is an easy, if not as satisfying, answer.
Thus far, I have used the word “ejaculation” rather than “orgasm.” The two will generally occur concurrently and yet are two separate responses. Since orgasm and ejaculation generally occur within seconds of one another, it is easy to confuse them. Orgasm includes involuntary rhythmic contraction of the anal sphincter, increased breathing rate, increased heart rate, and elevation of blood pressure. There is a tingling sensation throughout the body. These are changes that occur with a body orgasm. Probably there are many men who experience only a penis orgasm. This occurs when feelings are restricted to the penis and the response of the whole body is nullified by contraction of muscles in general and by holding the breath. Many men have returned to me with big smiles after responding to the suggestion to follow the gymnastics of foreplay with a big breath to relax their body at the time of release. They say that they never knew that an orgasm could be so fulfilling.
Ejaculation has been described as an involuntary muscle spasm, separate from the orgasm—most often indistinguishable. Frequently after ejaculation there is a loss of energy and a feeling of fatigue. It is taken for granted that ejaculation drains a man’s energy. Athletes have been known to abstain from ejaculating before a contest. It is a cultural joke about the man who ejaculates, grunts, and collapses, leaving his partner unsatisfied. Sometimes this is preceded by a rush to the bathroom to wash off the “dirty” semen. This is a demonstration of the negative attitude toward a natural secretion of the body. When the genital/anal region is regarded with guilt or distaste, anything coming from it is immediately washed off. I have often thought that men should wash their hands before urinating rather than after. The penis has fewer germs than the outside world.
Premature ejaculation is often related to performance anxiety or a rapid response to a sensuous touch. I once worked with a man who told me that when he first came to see me he hated being touched by a man. When I asked him why he was here, he said it was because his wife and therapist (both of whom I had Rolfed) talked him into it. When we came to the session that focused on the abdomen, he became erect and ejaculated as soon as I touched the area. He was very embarrassed, and I trust that I hid my surprise. I assured him that this had happened before (it was the first but not the last time). The following session these events happened when I touched a little lower on his abdomen. He asked me why I had to work on such an erotic area. I told him that the entire body could be erotic. In later sessions, I was able to work on his pubic bone with a resultant erection and no ejaculation. Finally I could work around the genital region with no response. My impression was that the man suffered from premature ejaculation because his body had not had much touching. Therefore any touching was erotic to him. When we finished I asked him how he felt about the work. His response was, “I don’t hate being touched by a man anymore.” I later found out that he quit his therapist and his wife got pregnant.
It is possible for men to have orgasms without ejaculation. This is part of the Taoist, Tantric, and Sufi traditions. Sexual Kung Fu was developed in Chinese medicine as a health benefit by the Taoist masters. This basically is non-ejaculatory orgasm—something not considered in our culture. Some men can have multiple ejaculations during one love-making session (especially teenage boys), which is quite different from multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms. The erotic release of the tingling, almost electric, sensation of the orgasm need not be followed by the pumping action of ejaculation. A man can be trained to enjoy the orgasm in and of itself. Without the exhaustion effects of ejaculation, orgasms can be repeated.
The concept of multiple orgasms, orgasm without ejaculation, leads to the possibility of repetition of orgasms. Our concept of “getting horny” is what the Taoists thought of as generating sexual energy for life. The sexual or erotic energy goes upwards into the body and is used as functional energy, rather than being expelled as semen. This involves understanding the various erotic areas of the body. The penis is obvious, as are the testicles, although sometimes the erogenous aspect of the testicles is not appreciated. There are men whose testicles are so painful to the touch to a point that stroking them will be a turn-off.
The perineum is an area considered “dirty” or disgusting by many men. There was a period when I took Polaroid pictures of men’s perineum to educate them on the part of their anatomy they couldn’t see. A negative response was quite usual. I discontinued the practice when I discovered that my intention was sometimes misinterpreted. This is an area that contains the base of the penis; the prostate lies immediately underneath. This can be one of the erotic areas when the mind set is open. When the penis is habitually drawn in by protective responses, much of the base of the penis may be felt by palpation in the perineum.
The prostate can be erotic at the time of arousal. There is often a negative attitude about this gland because of the pain and discomfort of rectal examinations. This ties in with other negative attitudes about the anus.
The pubococcygeus or PC muscle (a part of the levator ani complex) is a muscular sling connecting the coccyx to the back of the pubic bone at the base of the penis. It is said to be responsible for the rhythmic contractions of the pelvis and anus during orgasm. It surrounds the prostate and serves as a valve around the genitals. It is also a factor in urine control. With lack of use, the muscle may lose its tone, which will decrease sexual function and pleasure. There are exercises to reestablish the function of the muscle. These exercises, called the Kegel exercises, have been applied to women. It seems logical that they would be of benefit to men’s sexual activity also. To my knowledge this has not been investigated.
The anus with its high concentration of sensitive nerve endings is also a highly erogenous zone. Many people consider it “unnatural” to stimulate the anus. I have had several straight men come to me upset after finding that they enjoyed having their anus touched. I have assured them that this in no way meant that they were gay. Since there is a direct connection of the external anal sphincter to the perineum and thus to the “genital muscles,” frequent contraction of the anus is an inhibitory factor in the enjoyment of normal sexual function by pulling in the base of the penis.
The nipples are another erogenous zone in many men. There can be negative feelings about this as being feminine. The body as a whole can be erogenous—a back rub can cause arousal. Most men are too blocked about their bodies to allow these feelings. There is the problem of any touching being considered sexual.
Recently there has been rather startling information on the relation between cycling and impotency.* Dr. Irwin Goldstein of Boston University Medical Center estimates that there are about 100,000 men who have lost the ability to get or to maintain satisfactory erections because of penile damage inflicted by either the narrowness of the bike’s seat or the bar in men’s bikes. Prolonged time spent on a bicycle can result in injury and scarring of the arteries that provide the blood for erections. The narrow seat of men’s bicycles presses on the perineum, which contains about 50 percent of the penis. At times, the entire body weight rests on this area. This is true also for stationary bikes where the man tends to sit and peddle. This concept has not been met with enthusiasm in these days of bicycling being promoted as one of the best forms of cardiovascular exercise. Dr. Goldstein’s suggestion is that the seats for men be made wider with more padding.
I mentioned this to a friend of mine in his fifties who was having problems with erections. I knew that he cycled several miles each day for exercise. He recently told me that after giving up riding the bicycle for several weeks, his erections were much better and the numbness between his legs had disappeared. His concern was how to exercise without hurting himself. The purchase of a special wider seat with a depressed midsection seems to have solved the problem.
*Kita, Joe, “Impotency and Cycling: The Unseen Danger.” Bicycling, Aug. 1997.