There are many ways to define maturity. Many women believe that men never reach maturity. They remain overgrown boys. Like boys, men certainly like their toys. For many straight men, there is the preoccupation with balls—tennis balls, golf balls, basketballs, footballs, volleyballs, bowling balls, and other round toys. There is also the size and make of the car, the size of the barbecue, the size of the boat, and the price of the gardening and mechanical tools. This can be true for gay men also. Their toys can be extended to include sex toys—dildos, anal balls, and other kinky objects.
A simplistic way of looking at maturity can be body movement. Often it seems as though each joint has its own personality. A mature joint might be looked at as one that is freely mobile—being used in harmony with the rest of the body. Guarding (lack of movement) at one joint will affect the movement of all other joints.
Using this concept, an estimation of the degree of sexual maturity of the adult male can be defined by observing the freedom of movement of the pelvis. This will involve the movement of the pelvic bone (ilium) in the hip joint and the movement between the lumbar vertebrae and the sacrum. In the back, immobility will relate to the degree of tightness of the gluteal muscles and the rotators, protecting the anus. In the front, the muscle factors will be the lower abdominal muscles and the muscles of the upper thigh, pulling in the genitals. The combined tightness of these muscles produces the shortness in the groin area and the immovable dimples in the buttocks.
Relieving the pelvic protection first involves helping the man to become aware of the lack of movement and feeling. The use of the breath is a strong tool for this awareness (See Appendix II.) In general, people do not use the full breath, even in exercise. They do not completely exhale, leaving a residue of air in the lungs. The exhale is the relaxing part of the breath. Thus, without a complete exhale there is not the space for a full inhale.
With physical and/or emotional pain, the usual response is to hold the breath—taking very short breaths with little exhale. An example is jumping into cold water. The first response is to gasp. When a full breath is finally taken, the water is not so cold.
Once full breaths are achieved, the man’s attention can then be directed to the area where the body does not respond to the breath. Most often the lack of response is in the pelvic bowl. Since the pelvic bowl is the bottom of the abdomen, it is possible to see and feel the breath response down that low.
Once the breathing response into the pelvis is achieved, movement of the pelvic area is available. The tight protective muscles can be manipulated. The client can become aware of the involuntary tightness and begin to let go in everyday life, letting it all hang out. It is necessary to be conscious of the fears and feelings of vulnerability that may arise from this feeling of freedom.
This is how the flow of movement through the pelvis can be considered a sign of a “mature” pelvis. Letting go of the penis and anus may be a big factor in letting go of the demons about sex. It can also be the beginning of allowing awareness to come to the surface.