“What’s going on in here?” I asked as I entered the kitchen one day that first summer at Camp Grandma. I heard the girls squabbling over the pointer we used with the flip chart.
“I want a turn to use it!”
“Not now, I’m using it!”
“But I want to do the talking, and I need the pointer.”
“But I’m not done with it yet!”
Apparently standing in front of the flip chart to lead a discussion had become a popular activity. Hmm, this gave me another idea. They had something they wanted to say (don’t we all?), so maybe they needed a platform on which to do it.
My years in business had underscored the value of good communication skills. Nothing is more essential in life, work, or relationships. A good friend of mine used to say you can never communicate enough. Your ability to communicate thoughts in a clear and succinct manner is critical if you want to convey information or feelings and avoid misunderstanding and frustration. Understanding how to use the power of words can be a transformational skill. Words matter. They can influence or destroy, hurt or heal. They can also be fun to play around with at Camp Grandma, I was now discovering.
“Okay,” I intervened. “I want to hear what you have to say, both of you. And the boys may want to hear too. So let’s take turns, and you can each have a chance to talk to all of us. Yes, with the pointer. Jake, Jack, please join us at the table.”
Even in its earliest days, Camp Grandma benefitted from my giving it a structure. Having named it seemed to ramp it up a notch in value and to mandate a modicum of focus and ritual. You do get the most value out of something by giving it a structure aligned with your intentions. I wanted what every parent, grand or otherwise, wants for the generations coming after them—to live a good life—so if my experience and mentoring could be of help in that, I was sure going to try.
Once they were all sitting (or squirming) around the table, I began. “When I was in elementary school we used to speak in front of the class about something we wanted to share. We called this show and tell. Have you ever done that?” They nodded their heads but appeared to be skeptical of where this was leading. “I always liked it as a child in class, and I frequently did a form of it in my adult career too. Grown-ups call it giving presentations.”
And so began our exercise in giving presentations to each other and learning the skills required to be good at it. I learned from my work life that acquiring the skill set of public speaking can be a game changer. It’s a powerful tool that improves your ability to communicate and builds self-confidence. If you are good at it and comfortable on your feet, it can launch your career, and for kids it can help them better communicate in class and on the playground. You never know when you might be asked to give a speech, accept an award, or express yourself in front of a group of people. Learning to speak in front of an audience served me well in my career, as I was often asked to present, sell, or promote when in front of colleagues and clients. It occurred to me that the experience would be good for my grandchildren and give them a head start.
As a side note, let’s just acknowledge that most adults regard speaking in front of an audience with dread. (Fortunately, I am not one of them, although I do have the occasional butterflies in my stomach.) My observations have led me to believe that children are not born with that particular problem. It’s easy for them to speak up, provided they are comfortable in their surroundings.
Giving presentations would soon become a mainstay. We never knew what anyone would choose to discuss, but Jake always had a special surprise for us, like the time he got up from his chair and started emptying his pockets.
“Hi, I’m Jake,” he started. “I’m going to do a magnet presentation. Here is my demonstration.” Out came a paperclip, a single jingle bell, a curled wire spring, a binder clip, and a magnet. He proceeded to demonstrate the power of the magnet on each of the other objects. “That was my magnet demonstration,” he concluded, and he sat down. He is a man of few words.
We started including presentations at every Camp Grandma. I always ask that they come prepared. Everyone has to contribute, but the way they do it is entirely up to them. Maybe they share a story, a demonstration, a favorite toy, a poem. Our presentations at Camp Grandma aren’t all that formal—we always have fun! But the one formality all must respect is whose turn it is to speak. This, I’m hoping, will encourage them as adults to speak up if they have something to say and afford the courtesy to others to have their say, good qualities of a citizen in a free democracy.
Sometimes the presentations have entailed being introduced to favorite stuffed toys (Tum Tum the tiger has had center stage at least sixteen times) or we hear about a scouting adventure or a school field trip or a recent vacation.
Recently returned from a visit to Boston when she was around eight years old, Lauren stood up at the table, introduced herself, and presented a purple drawing and note to Katie. She read, “Hi, Katie. I would do anything for you and know you’ve never been to Boston. You wanna go there, it’s amazing! So I’m bringing Boston to you and with your best color, purple! Be happy all the time, love and peace, this is from Boston, Lauren.”
Sometimes I give the kids a topic to read about and discuss. One day I told them, “Please come prepared next time to either read a famous poem or read a poem you wrote.” They didn’t blink. A poem? Yup!
The next time they came to Granada for Camp Grandma, Lauren had ready a poem she wrote about Halloween.
Halloween’s a spooky night
where you hang jack-o’-lanterns’ light.
Come with me, there’s so much to see.
Boo for you, Halloween!
Not exactly iambic pentameter, but clever enough for a seven-year-old.
Jake, who was ten at the time, started right in with “Tyger, Tyger, burning bright / In the forests of the night. . . .” He finished after reciting two complete stanzas by William Blake.
Sometimes we hear a song.
One day, all of a sudden Jack got up, introduced himself, and started singing, “This is the pizza, pizza, pizza song, sounds like the pizza, pizza, pizza song.” Before long, all four kids were up and dancing, singing the pizza song. It was crazy and wild, arms flinging, hair flying, and you could barely hear the words through the giggling and laughing. I couldn’t resist joining in the fun—why not, I needed the exercise. “This is the pizza, pizza, pizza song. . . .”
Not too long after we started giving presentations regularly, I attended a music recital for Jack and Katie. Out of about twenty children of varying ages asked to introduce themselves and their music, they were the only two who spoke clearly into the microphone and looked out at the audience. Eye to eye. I was proud of them and glad to think that their speaking in front of cousins at Camp Grandma had taken the sting out of one of the most commonly feared things in life. I hope so.
At Mother’s Day dinner at my home one year, with all the family sitting around the table, Jake educated us about China, a topic he had recently studied in school. My son later remarked to me how surprised he was that Jake had carried the conversation, taking the lead in the discussion. I wasn’t surprised at all. Dad has never been to Camp Grandma to see how comfortable Jake is speaking in front of his cousins. That they all could be there to witness it was a bonus.
Seeing firsthand how beneficial these speaking skills were for my grandkids led me to build in other skill sets that too often only get learned in the workplace, far too late in my opinion. Combining learning with play is the ticket. Why not help them learn with intention? I started keeping a journal of what the kids were learning from Camp Grandma and what I was learning from them. This gave me ideas for future activities and ways to build other skills into the structure.
With all this learning and play, the kids weren’t the only ones becoming more and more engaged; I was too. In fact, I felt the onset of total engagement, a feeling that had infused my career and now seemed to be catching on to my retirement. Even I was surprised when I realized how much time I spent with my grandchildren, and I was happy to conclude that it was exactly how I wanted it to be. I was all in.
If you’re working on a presentation, here are some ideas to keep in mind.
1. Have something worth saying. Know your purpose. (Do you want your audience to learn something? Feel something? Do something?) Whether you are rallying your team to victory as a cheerleader (as I did in school) or standing in front of an audience of business leaders discussing new strategies (as I did on many occasions), feeling your message to be important, or useful to others, is critical. You, of all people, need to know what that message is to communicate it clearly.
2. Be prepared. Know your audience and speak so they understand you, not too fast or slow, loud or soft. Check out the room or location where you will be presenting before your talk and get comfortable with the size and amenities, like lighting, seating arrangement, and technology (audiovisual). Whenever possible beforehand, I practiced my presentation in the room where I would be speaking.
Honor your audience with time limits. Start on time and don’t exceed your allotted time period. Then tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you told them!
3. Dress the part. “I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy.” There’s something to those lyrics to an old song. If a costume makes you feel more the part, then get in it. In other words, dress appropriately. I liked to dress one notch nicer than my audience, out of respect.
4. Be you. Be sincere. Remember to breathe. Make eye contact, enunciate, gesture, and try to act like you are enjoying yourself. More often than not, people will take their cues about how to react to you from you. Be comfortable and confident knowing you are prepared and have something worth sharing with the group.
I remember a time I was asked to speak to a large group of business leaders at a community event, an economic development conference I think. I was on stage and the audiovisual equipment failed, so I couldn’t refer to my overhead presentation notes. Yikes! Though I felt like panicking, instead I explained the situation and asked the audience for their patience and understanding. Then I proceeded to talk to them in a more informal, casual way, making the points but inviting their participation through questions and answers even more than usual. It turned out to be a success, interactive and educational for everybody, including me. I learned that people in an audience tend to want you to do well, and they’ll help you if you let them.
Being able to speak comfortably and confidently in front of an audience is a communication skill that can help you both personally and professionally. Many people have a phobia of public speaking, so learning early in life how to overcome the fear of speaking in front of others gives your grandchildren a head start in the world. It can strongly impact how they view themselves and how they develop and succeed in school and beyond.
• To build self-confidence in their ability to express themselves (whether with a small group of friends or in front of a crowd)
• To plan ahead by thinking through what they want to say
• To grow interpersonal and social skills
• The connection between self-esteem and believing they have something worth saying
Time and patience. I have found with my own grandchildren, some are more excited to speak in front of each other, while others need to be prompted. Typically, most kids want to be heard. They have something to say and need adults who will take the time to be good listeners. This is where you come in.
With older children, you might want to use a flip chart or chalkboard so they can learn to outline what they have to say and then reference their notes as prompts.
1. With young children, you can start by encouraging your grandchildren to engage in conversation when the family is together. Or you might ask them to describe to you a favorite game or vacation experience.
2. When they are telling you a story, ask them, “What happens next?” or “What did you do then?”
3. Your main role is to start the ball rolling. Identify opportunities to speak publicly in front of others and encourage them.
4. Engage their whole family in skits, songs, and other entertainment when you are all together for holidays (as my friends the Smiths do!). This is a fun way to include the adults along with the children.
Once your grandchild is old enough, say six or seven years old, you can begin by asking them for a show and tell presentation as we did at Camp Grandma, and build from there. They could present in front of you or include Mom or Dad and maybe cousins or friends. Work with them behind the scenes by teaching them the basics in preparation and delivery. Ask that they think first about their audience and choose a topic that would be of interest to them all. When their turn comes, ask them to stand up and introduce themselves and the topic of their presentation. Help them with the physical elements: posture, eye contact, and use of their voice so all in the room can hear.
Clearly this will vary, depending on the age and interest of your grandchild. It could be as little as ten minutes if you are asking about a favorite toy or more than an hour if he or she is performing.
• Encourage your grandchild to tell their audience what they are going to talk about, talk about it, and then tell them what they said. It’s a good habit to get into when you want to get your point across. A preview tells the audience where they are going so they can comprehend it once they are there, and a review reinforces the message.
• Afterward discuss how things went, how they could be better, and how what you did reflected the key elements of a good presentation. This is a perfect time to test their listening skills, since a good listener knows how to restate the message back to the sender or ask questions for clarity, all of which can enhance the effectiveness of good communication.
• If you don’t live near your grandchildren and aren’t with them in person, you can still help them with public speaking if you Skype together. Ask them to tell you stories or share their interests. This can give them some of the same public speaking experience, even if it’s only between the two of you.
Speaking up!