Jiayi’s heart caught in her throat. She wasn’t even sure how she managed to squeak out Zhihao’s name.
She knew that Rebecca had already kissed Zhihao once since he had told her about it. But he had insisted that he had rebuffed her advances. Only minutes before, he had insisted that he was in love with Jiayi. But now, here he was, back in Rebecca’s arms, her body exposed, their limbs and lips entwined.
“Jiayi!”
When Zhihao called her name, the spell that seemed to have frozen her limbs was broken and she stumbled backward into the hall and dashed back to the stairs. She heard Zhihao call her name again, and then Zhihao and Rebecca arguing, but Jiayi could not make out their words, and she didn’t want to. She needed to get away from this place. Get away from him. She ran out the front door and down the street back toward the legation gate. She was halfway there when she heard her name again and felt a hand on her arm.
“Please, Jiayi,” Zhihao said. “It wasn’t what you think. She threatened to hurt herself. I was trying to stop her.”
“By kissing her?” Jiayi asked.
“No,” Zhihao said. “Not…She kissed me while I was trying to disarm her.”
“I didn’t see a weapon,” Jiayi said, even though she hadn’t been looking for one. Her vision had blurred as soon as she saw Zhihao and that woman together.
“It was a letter opener, I swear,” Zhihao said. “She dropped it.”
Jiayi shook her head and started to walk again. “Why are you even here?”
“I came to talk to her and Henry about Hu Xiaosheng’s murder,” he said. “To find out if they were involved. But Henry wasn’t there. I didn’t know that before I arrived.”
“Were you just going to ask if they killed him?” Jiayi asked. “Was that your plan?”
“I…didn’t really have one,” he said.
Jiayi scoffed. “You never do.”
“What are you doing here?” Zhihao asked. “How did you even get in?”
“I told you, I’ve been in the legation before,” she said, and she paused and looked down a side street as a memory took hold. The first vision she’d ever had was right here in the legation.
“Snuck in, you mean,” Zhihao said. Jiayi ignored him as she turned and walked down the street and stopped in front of the large white house she had once been inside so many years ago.
“What is this place?” he asked. “Did you work here?”
“No,” Jiayi said. “After the Boxer Rebellion, the foreigners were fleeing, leaving behind their valuable goods. I was looking for things I could take and sell.”
“You were stealing?” he asked. She looked at him and saw the judgment on his face. She shook her head. Not because he was wrong, but because he would never understand. He had never been hungry or cold. Never knew what it was like to wonder if each meal would be your last. If your sisters would survive the winter. If your mother was going to sell you…
“Never mind,” she said, and she went back toward the gate.
“Jiayi,” Zhihao groaned, chasing after her. “I’m sorry. Tell me. What is so special about that house?”
“Nothing,” Jiayi said. “Forget it. I need to get back to the Forbidden City before sundown.”
“But why did you even come here?” Zhihao asked. “Please, talk to me.”
“I had hoped that Rebecca would be out,” Jiayi said, “so that I could find out if she was lying to you.”
“You were going to touch her items?” Zhihao asked. “See if she killed Hu Xiaosheng?”
“Seemed like a better plan than just asking outright if she killed him,” Jiayi spat.
“You should have come to me,” Zhihao said. “We could have come up with a plan together.”
“I did go to you!” Jiayi said, stomping her foot. “I told you that we should keep looking for the killer, but you told me to give up. That there was no hope.”
“I changed my mind,” Zhihao said. “You should have given me a chance.”
“You always change your mind,” Jiayi said. “You say you love me, then you kiss Rebecca. You hurt me, then you ask me to marry you. You say we can’t leave China, but you are still searching for ways. I can’t understand you. I can’t read your mind. I never know what you really think. What you believe. I can’t depend on you.”
Zhihao frowned, sufficiently chastened by her words. “I…I know. I don’t know what to do. What to think. Who I can trust. Without my mentor, I’m flailing.”
“That’s not fair,” Jiayi said. “Don’t blame Hu Xiaosheng’s death for your failings. This is not something new that started today. You have always been like this.”
Zhihao started to say something, but he stopped himself, rubbing his chin. He then shrugged and held out his arms. “What do you want me to say? What should I do? Tell me.”
Jiayi furrowed her brow in frustration. She was not his boss. His wife. His mother. She couldn’t tell him what to do. He was older and supposedly smarter. He was free to do as he wished. He had traveled and had plenty of money. How could someone with all the advantages in life be so helpless? So aimless?
“I can’t help you,” Jiayi said. “I can barely help myself.” She turned away and walked to the gate. There were never any checks on people leaving the legation, only on people wanting in, so she walked out without any trouble. Not that she had any trouble getting into the legation in the first place. Zhihao had not even noticed that Jiayi was dressed as a simple maid. Just as she had many years before, she slipped unnoticed into the legation under the guise of a maid for one of the many wealthy families residing within. The guards hadn’t even bothered asking her name or who she worked for. One peasant maid looked the same as any other to them, she supposed.
During Jiayi’s years as a thief, she had learned to blend in, to make herself invisible. She was quick and careful, able to steal items right out of a man’s sleeve without even being noticed. Perhaps she had done too good of a job disappearing. No one seemed to see her. To think of her. To consider her life or her future. She supposed Zhihao did. He had offered to marry her, after all. But it wasn’t in his power to do so.
The empress cared not a jot for Jiayi’s life. She only cared about Jiayi for her powers.
Der Ling only wanted to know how to use the dagger.
Prince Kang wanted to be emperor.
But what about Jiayi? What did she want? What future did she have?
As she arrived back at the Forbidden City—which was only a short walk from the legation—she thought more about the dagger. Its ability to make emperors and empresses. The thing the empress wanted and Der Ling had. Jiayi had been tormented over who to give the dagger to. Should she fulfill the empress’s wish and give her the dagger? Or should she tell Der Ling the truth about its power? Or should she give it to Prince Kang or Zhihao?
Why had she never considered keeping it for herself?
Even to herself, she was only an afterthought.
Before she even realized it, she was standing outside of Der Ling’s palace. She looked left and right, but she didn’t see anyone. She shuffled down the path and slipped the door open. Doors in the Forbidden City were rarely locked, but one of Der Ling’s eunuchs should have been on guard. But there was no one. Inside the palace, the lattices over the windows were drawn, leaving the large sitting room dim, but there was still enough light for Jiayi to make her way over to the chest where she had seen Der Ling store Empress Wu’s dagger. Jiayi opened the chest, and there on a satin pillow lay the empress’s dagger.
Without thinking, Jiayi slipped the dagger into one of her sleeve pockets, closed the chest, and walked out the front door, silently closing the door behind her.
Prince Kang had offered to make her his empress if she helped him become emperor. But she didn’t need him. If the dagger had the power to make a person empress, she could do it herself.
Her heart was racing in her chest as she walked toward the empress’s palace. Was she really going to go through with it? Could she kill another person? An empress? The woman who had saved her life? Given her a purpose? Who forced her to travel through time until she passed out? Who kept her as a slave?
She had often wondered how a person could make the choice to kill someone else. What could possibly push a person so far as to make that decision? The only answer she could come up with was desperation. Her eyes watered the closer she got to the palace. She was terrified and doubted she could really do it. But she walked on.
The sound of a gong rang out over the palace grounds as sunset was announced. The palace guards left the Forbidden City to patrol from the outside. The court ministers and nobles made their way to the exits as well. The maids and eunuchs rushed around to complete their evening chores before dark. If Jiayi was going to find the empress alone, now would be the time.
As she entered the palace, there was a eunuch standing guard outside. He nodded to her, and she smiled and nodded back. There was nothing unusual in her visiting the empress. But if she did kill the empress, there was now a witness who saw her go inside. She would have to find another way out of the palace.
She went through the empress’s sitting room, her private dining room, her dressing room, and finally, made it to the old woman’s bedroom. The room was shaded and there were no maids or eunuchs present. Jiayi slipped into the room. She thought she had been silent, but the empress groaned from her bed. It was strange that the empress was sleeping at this time of the day, but Der Ling had mentioned that the empress was very ill.
“Who’s there?” the empress called out. “Lianying? Is that you?”
Lianying was her head eunuch. Jiayi slipped behind a standing screen and waited, holding her breath.
The empress moaned and soon her breathing was even. She had fallen back asleep. Still, Jiayi waited. She reached into her sleeve and gripped the hilt of the dagger with a sleeved hand. She didn’t want to risk falling into a vision now. Sweat beaded on her forehead and dripped down the side of her face. She wiped it away and stepped out from behind the screen and walked toward the bed.
I will be empress, Jiayi said to herself. I will be empress. I don’t need anyone else. I will be empress.
As she reached the side of the empress’s bed, she looked down at the sleeping woman, her face contorted as though she was in pain even in her sleep. Jiayi knew the empress’s health had been suffering as of late, but she had no idea just how sick she was. The empress would never want anyone to know if her life was in danger.
I will be empress, Jiayi repeated to herself. I will be empress. She raised the dagger.
She gasped as someone gripped her wrist and put a hand over her mouth, dragging her away from the bed and back behind the screen. She knew she should fight back. She’d been caught! She was going to be executed. But at the same time, she was relieved. Maybe she wanted to be caught. At least the suffering that was living her life would be over soon.
Tears spilled down her cheeks and she stopped trying to scream or fight. Once she and her attacker were back behind the screen, he let her go. She turned to face him.
She nearly fainted when she saw that it was Eunuch Lo.