Jiayi paced in a garden grotto, chewing on her thumb. That couldn’t have really been Eunuch Lo she had saved in the vision, could it? Maybe he just looked like Eunuch Lo. After all, the maid who had been killed looked like Jiayi. Warlord Shidu looked like Zhihao. Jiayi started to wonder if the people in her visions were just taking on the faces of people she knew in her real life. That often happened in ordinary dreams. She’d had dreams of Zhihao, Eunuch Lo, Prince Junjie, the empress. It didn’t mean that they were the same people. Just figments of her imagination. Maybe the same thing could happen in her visions. That would at least make more sense than the idea that she was seeing the actual people.
But Eunuch Lo’s final words to her in the cave echoed in her mind. I have fulfilled my promise. She had agonized over those words for months. What could they have possibly meant? What promise? She had never met Eunuch Lo before she came to the palace and the empress appointed him to watch over her. She had been a child then. A little girl of eight. He had never made her any sort of promise. What did he mean?
As always, Jiayi’s visions created more questions instead of answering them. She continued to pace, wondering what she should do next. She knew that most people couldn’t swim. She wished there was some way she could find out if she, not the woman she had inhabited, had changed the past in saving the man’s life. It was highly unlikely a Tang era maid would have been able to do what Jiayi had done. In fact, now that she thought about it, she had felt a tremor of terror in the back of her mind when she dived into the water. She had ignored it at the time. Chalking it up to simply being scared in the moment. But now, she recognized that feeling. It had been the woman she had inhabited trying to stop her. That woman never would have jumped into a stormy river.
As much as Jiayi did not want to admit it, she knew it was true—she had changed the past. She had saved the life of a man who looked like Eunuch Lo. And that man had vowed to protect her until the end of time. This was at least the second time she had changed the past. As much as it tore her apart inside, she knew she was responsible for the death of the maid.
She reached up to touch the golden necklace at her throat for comfort, but of course, it wasn’t there. She could never wear it publicly. If the empress found out she had it, she shuddered to imagine the punishment. But the possibility that she could change the past—that she could save Prince Junjie’s life—was becoming more and more realistic to her. She might not be able to stay in the past with him, but she could at least make sure he didn’t die young. That he could live a long and happy life. Maybe he could run away with Lady Meirong after all. If she could save Junjie’s life and save Meirong from a life of misery, did she not owe it to them to try?
Yes. Forget the dagger. Forget the empress. Forget everyone else. This is what she wanted to spend her time and energy doing. She wanted to save Prince Junjie’s life.
“Jiayi!”
She turned and saw Zhihao running toward her. “What are you doing here?” she asked when he caught up with her.
He looked slightly pained at her tone. “I…Something is happening and I need to speak with you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I was just surprised to see you here.”
Even though they were secluded, Zhihao kept his voice low as they spoke. “I heard you met a friend of mine. Lian.”
Jiayi felt her stomach clench at the mention of the man in the white suit. The man who had asked her to kill the empress.
“I…I did,” she said, but she did not elaborate. He would probably be furious if he knew what Lian had asked her to do.
“I know about him,” Zhihao said. “His plan. His friends.” His voice dropped even lower. “What he asked you to do.”
Jiayi’s eyes went big and she stepped back. “Are…are you sure?”
Zhihao stepped so close to her she could smell the soap he had used to wash that morning. As he leaned in to whisper in her ear, she breathed in, wishing she could feel his skin against hers. The warmth of his breath on her ear sent a ripple down her spine.
“I know he wants you to kill the empress,” he said so softly she almost couldn’t hear him. She was so lost in the scent and closeness of him, it took a moment for the seriousness of his words to sink in.
“Oh!” she gasped, stepping back. “I can’t believe he told you that. Does he not care how many lives he endangers?”
“Exactly,” Zhihao said. “I’m sorry to have gotten you involved with him. I didn’t realize how dangerous he was.”
“What do you mean?” Jiayi asked. “You didn’t involve me with him.”
“Didn’t I?” Zhihao asked. “He sought you out because we work together.”
“I don’t think so,” Jiayi said. “I mean, perhaps that had something to do with it. But I first saw him months ago. He was aboard Marcus’s ship.”
Zhihao blinked. “Marcus’s ship? The one you almost boarded? The one with the girls shackled below deck?”
“Yes,” Jiayi said. “He was there. He’s Marcus’s partner. He’s a slave trader.”
“What?” Zhihao said, his face turning bright red. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know who he was,” Jiayi said. “I saw him on the deck, but then I ran away. When you showed up, I looked back, but he was gone. I didn’t know he was a friend of yours until he told me.”
Now it was Zhihao who began to pace. He already knew that Lian was dangerous, but a slave trader? Someone who would betray his own people for a bit of coin? It was shocking to him.
“I will speak to him about that,” Zhihao finally said.
“Be sure to wag your finger as well,” Jiayi said, rather put out that he wasn’t planning to do more than “talk” to Lian about such an abhorrent practice.
Zhihao sighed. “One thing at a time. I will not allow him to go unpunished for that. But, Jiayi, you cannot…do what he asked of you.”
“Of course not!” Jiayi said. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
“No!” Zhihao said. “But I only know about this because he asked me to convince you to follow through with his request. I want to make it clear that I do not want you to…” He glanced around and then lowered his voice again. “I do not condone murder.”
“Oh, you really have lost your mind,” Jiayi said. “That you or Lian believe I could be persuaded to do something so wicked truly shows how little the both of you think of me.”
“Not at all,” Zhihao said. “Well, I can’t speak for Lian. But I wanted you to know where I stand. I know I have told you before that I do not support the Qing. But I would never support an assassination.”
“Duly noted,” Jiayi said, crossing her arms and nodding her head.
“So…we are in agreement?” Zhihao said. “No one is going to kill anyone?”
“Of course we agree,” Jiayi said.
“Then why does it feel like we are fighting?” Zhihao asked.
Jiayi felt her irritation melt away and she dropped her arms. “I don’t know. It has…been a strange day. A strange week. Actually, few months. Since I met you.”
“I know what you mean,” he said, clearing his throat. “Ever since I was a young man, I thought I knew what I wanted in life. What I wanted to do. Where I wanted to live. What my ideal world would look like. But now, I hardly recognize the man I was only a few months ago.”
Jiayi felt her heart drop in her chest as she remembered what he had told her about Rebecca. She had offered him the life he had dreamed of, and he had turned it down. Yet only a few minutes ago, she had been determined to return to Prince Junjie. To save his life. To spend every ounce of energy she possessed on him. Zhihao had not even passed her mind. While she knew that marrying Zhihao would be a smart choice, the practical choice, the life that most women would dream of, she also knew what love was. And she did not love Zhihao.
“Maybe…maybe you should consider Rebecca’s offer,” Jiayi mumbled.
“What?” Zhihao asked. “No! Why would I?”
“Because you love her,” Jiayi said. “You love the life she can provide for you.”
Zhihao stepped to Jiayi and grasped her arms. Not roughly, but desperately. He looked down into her eyes.
“I love you, Jiayi,” he said.
Jiayi was momentarily stunned. She knew that Zhihao cared for her and wanted to marry her, but he had never spoken of love. What man did? Love was the stuff of fairy stories. Of poets and flower girls. Not respectable wives and scholars.
“And you mean…so much to me,” Jiayi said. “My only real friend. My champion. But we both know that the empress will never let me go. And if she did, I cannot leave China. You said that England and America are closed to me. I am trapped here. And I—we—might just have to accept that. I don’t want you to suffer for me. This is your chance to escape. You should take it.”
“I won’t leave you,” Zhihao said. He let go of Jiayi’s arms and reached into one of his sleeve pockets, pulling out a piece of paper. “Do you know what this is?” Obviously, she did not. “It is a letter of marriage proposal my mother wrote to the empress.”
Jiayi gasped. “What?”
“My mother is tired of waiting for me to marry. Tired of me pining for you. Terrified of me marrying a foreigner,” he explained. “She wants you as her daughter-in-law.”
“But, the empress will never agree,” Jiayi said.
Zhihao shrugged. “How will we know if we never ask?”
“Can I see?” Jiayi asked.
Zhihao gave a small smile and then handed the paper over. He knew she couldn’t read it, but he would always humor her whims.
Jiayi took the paper and opened it. She turned away and took a few steps. She could read a few of the characters. She had made some progress with her reading and writing. But it was her mother-in-law’s seal, stamped with vermillion ink, that caught her attention most. She ran her thumb over the ink. It was completely dry. All of this began with the emperor’s seal. And yet finding it did not solve their problems. In a way, it had made everything worse. She felt much the same about her whole life. While she hated her life before she met Zhihao, she wasn’t sure it was better now. It was more complicated, and she still did not see a way out. And what worried her more, she wasn’t sure she wanted a way out. She knew it was stupid—foolish—but as she stepped close to a nearby pond, she dropped the marriage proposal into the water and watched the red ink smear until it was unreadable.
Zhihao yelled and jumped to her side, but it was too late. The letter was ruined in seconds. He grabbed her arm and turned her to him.
“Why?” he asked her. “Why did you do that?”
“So you could be free,” she said. “You need to leave.”
She pulled her arm from his grip and turned away, walking back to her room and her golden necklace.