Tess looked over toward the porch, where Nate and Becky carried on their play, half in sign language and half in the way they moved Becky’s toys through a dollhouse Sam had made for her.
Her puppy, Pirate, lay flat on his belly beside them.
Every time they saw Becky, she and Nate picked up a few more signs. And Nate always enjoyed the little girl’s company. Still, knowing her tomboy daughter would much prefer to muck out the stalls in Sam’s barn than play with dolls, Tess couldn’t help but smile. Nate looked up, caught her gaze and smiled back.
Tess blinked rapidly, fighting off a wave of tears.
Prickly, exasperating and belligerent. No one with any sense could deny those words applied to Nate. Precious, loving and beloved did, too. How was she going to react when Caleb told her the news?
Tess braced her hands on the picnic table. Hurt and humiliation washed over her. She had sworn Caleb would never know about their child. Too late for that now.
Resignation flooded through her, too. Much as she didn’t want to admit it, she’d made the choice years ago to hold back from Caleb something he had the right to know. Now he’d found out. Now she had no choice. She had to accept his need to tell Nate the truth.
He strode across the yard toward Tess, as if he’d heard her thought and planned to act on it that very moment. Even as a cold sweat broke over her, she told herself it couldn’t be true. He wouldn’t talk to Nate here.
As he approached, she stared. He was shirtless again now, and the memory of touching him made her fingers tremble just as they had that morning.
She wanted to touch him again.
Her cheeks burning, she grabbed the pile of napkins Kayla had left on the table. Napkins now, sheets and pillowcases earlier today. None of them could occupy her hands well enough.
She looked over her shoulder, but Sam, who might have provided some interference, had just entered the bunkhouse. Kayla had followed his mother into the house. Even Nate and Becky had left the porch swing and were rushing toward the barn, Pirate bounding at their heels. Everyone had deserted her.
She tried to swallow, but her throat wouldn’t cooperate. Tried to rise, but her legs wouldn’t obey her.
Then she got a grip on her napkin—and on her emotions. If she couldn’t be strong for herself, she’d damned well better practice being strong for her daughter.
Just as Caleb neared her, she heard the sound of a car on Sam’s gravel drive. The familiar chugging noise of its engine made her sag in relief. She’d fight Caleb for what she had to. But not here. Not now.
Tess rose, and they both started toward the Toyota, where Roselynn and Aunt El had begun unloading the backseat. They seemed to have brought enough to feed the crowd on their own.
“Let me take some of that off your hands,” Caleb offered.
Aunt El looked at her, then eyed him up and down, her gaze lingering on the T-shirt that only partially hid his bare chest. “Seems like you might have enough on your hands already.”
Tess felt her cheeks burn. What did she think the two of them had been up to? Then again, how much had she seen this morning? Sighing, Tess said, “Never mind, Caleb. You need to go shower. I’ll take care of these two.”
He shrugged, then nodded and headed in the direction of the bunkhouse.
“Hey, Caleb,” Ellamae said, “need someone to scrub your back?”
He pivoted, his face split in a grin. “Why, thanks, ma’am, but I wouldn’t want to put you out.”
She laughed. “Don’t be silly. I wasn’t offering to do it myself.” She looked at Tess.
Shaking his head, he turned away.
Shaking with fury, Tess turned on her aunt, but pent-up emotion made the words catch in her throat. The tension with Nate. The angry confrontation with Caleb. The years she’d spent keeping a secret that wasn’t a secret from those closest to her at all. Finally, she found her voice. “Aunt El. Mom. What is it you two are trying to do?”
“Help you, sugar,” Roselynn said.
“Like always,” Aunt El added gruffly.
“Oh-h.” The word threatened to become a wail. Tess swallowed hard, her eyes misting. “I know you’ve always meant well,” she began. “I just didn’t realize how much, until today. Dana told me you both know...everything about me and Caleb.”
“I heard tell you were out walking with him a few times,” Ellamae said.
“‘Heard tell’?” Tess shook her head. She could laugh about it now. Sort of. “What you mean is, you sicced your spies on me.”
Her aunt shrugged. “Whatever it takes.”
“We were worried about you.”
“I know you were, Mom. You, too, Aunt El.” Tess reached out and gave them each a quick hug. “Thank you. I appreciate it more than I’ll ever be able to say. But I’m a big girl. You’ve got to let me act like one. Let me take care of this myself, all right?”
“Hey, Gram!” Nate shouted from the barn doorway.
She and Becky ran up to them, followed by Pirate.
“Gram, did you bring the chocolate pie?”
“We sure did,” Roselynn said. “And we’ve got to get it into the house.”
“Along with the rest of this food. Here, Tess.”
Aunt El shoved the foil-covered casserole into her hands and proceeded to lead the way to Sam’s back porch.
It wasn’t till much later that Tess realized neither her aunt nor her mother had made any promises about letting her take care of her problems on her own.
* * *
Hours later, Caleb would eagerly have swapped the back scrub he didn’t get for the back massage he now needed. Though on second thought, he could have fared worse if Tess had taken up Ellamae’s suggestion. He still couldn’t hold back an unwilling smile every time he recalled the look on Tess’s face when she’d heard what her aunt had said.
He put both hands to his lower back and stood straighter, trying not to look like he hurt as much as he did. So much for his hard labor being good therapy. He hadn’t finished his shower yet before the aches had set in.
“Grab yourself a chair before they’re all gone,” Ben Sawyer advised him.
“Don’t mind if I do,” he said.
He took one of the lawn chairs Ben offered him and sat in it. With a sigh, he stretched his feet out toward the fire they’d just started in a cleared ring well away from Sam’s house and barn. And the brand-new chicken coop that didn’t look half bad at all.
“Did that big supper do you in?” Ben asked.
“That and the games,” he confessed. He wasn’t about to mention the coop, which had started it all.
After the barbecue and a few rounds of horseshoes—in which Judge Baylor whupped most everyone’s butt—he felt more than ready to take a break. The need for the rest bothered him, but there it was. He would never be the same man he’d been a couple of years ago.
Did it matter much, when that man might not have been the person he’d always thought, anyhow? Folks like the judge and Sam and even Tess, he admitted reluctantly, were making him change his perceptions about himself. And about the past.
On the opposite side of the ring, Tess had just taken a vacant chair. She sat staring at the fire, her eyes glowing from the reflected flames.
They hadn’t had another chance that day to be alone. Much better that way.
“Hey, Caleb, can we sit with you?” Nate asked.
“Sure,” he said.
Today, same as at Ben’s potluck, Nate had gotten too involved playing games with her friends to pay much attention to him. Come to think of it, their tendency to hang around had slacked off lately, too. As if the girls had started to get used to seeing him. As if they, in agreement with Ben’s statement about the townsfolk, took for granted he belonged.
The thoughts left him with a funny feeling beneath the scarred skin of his chest.
Nate and Lissa and Becky squeezed their way between his chair and Ben’s. Becky’s pup hovered behind them, his tail wagging. Ben shifted his chair to give them more room, and Caleb did the same.
“Thanks.” Nate plopped onto the ground next to him.
Her friends took places beside her. Pirate dropped to his haunches and rested one paw on Becky’s knee.
The girls unfolded a game board and started to divvy up cards.
A burst of laughter broke out from one point in the circle of chairs around the fire ring. Voices rose left and right as more people pulled up chairs.
Caleb sat back and recalled the questions that had taken over his thoughts more often than they should have today.
What if he and Tess hadn’t split up permanently? Would they have lasted till now?
He looked down at Nate’s dark head. If he and Tess had gotten back together, they could have raised Nate with both a mama and a daddy. Might have had a few other kids along the way.
But they hadn’t, thanks to Tess.
Like a flame in the fire ring, a flare shot up inside him. He had to get beyond that thinking. What had happened—or not happened—couldn’t matter anymore. He had to look forward, keep his eye on the future.
Do right by his child.
He couldn’t follow what his own mother had done. Ignored him. Virtually abandoned him. Left him wondering about his daddy.
He clutched the metal armrest of his chair and swallowed the bitterness that rose to his throat. Yes, in another way, he had deserted Tess by turning from her years ago. But he’d never known about their baby. He did now.
He wouldn’t let his daughter think he’d abandoned her.
At that moment, Nate looked away from her game and up at him. Her eyebrows wrinkled in a frown. Grasping the arm of his chair, she leaned toward him. “What’s the matter, Caleb?”
“Not a thing,” he said. “I’m just sitting back and enjoying myself.”
She leaned closer and whispered, “Then why do you look so sad?”
* * *
All through breakfast, Tess’s stomach churned. She couldn’t touch her eggs, could only pretend to sip her tea.
Last night, Caleb had insisted he would talk to Nate this morning.
Tess had spent a long time after that closeted in the kitchen with her mom and then an even longer night awake in her room.
The three adults had eaten little. They said even less.
Nate picked up on the tension.
By the time Roselynn had gone into the kitchen, closing the door firmly behind her, Nate looked apprehensive. When Tess asked her to come into the living room, her expression froze. She looked over at Caleb.
“You comin’, too?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
In the living room, feeling suddenly chilled, Tess grabbed the crocheted afghan from the couch and crossed to the rocker in one corner. She took her seat and clutched the afghan in her lap. Somehow, she had to start this conversation that would change all their lives forever. At least Caleb had given her the chance to make the news easier for Nate to hear.
He sat on the couch and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and linking his fingers together in front of him.
Nate plopped onto the leather ottoman. “I’m in big trouble, right?”
“Of course—”
“No, you’re—”
Tess and Caleb each cut themselves off.
Not looking at him, she said, “You’re not in any trouble, Nate. Why do you think that?”
“I just do.” She scuffed her sneaker on the braided rug beside the ottoman and added in a rush, “Aunt El said I’d get in hot water soon for mouthing off.”
Tess couldn’t help wondering if Aunt El ever thought about just where Nate got her sass. She smiled gently. “It’s true, we could have less of that all around.”
“I’m trying not to,” Nate mumbled. “It’s not easy.”
“I know.” She paused. Caleb sat watching them intently. If ever she had an opening to show him how well she could handle Nate—and how little she needed his interference in their lives—this was it. “I didn’t mean just you, honey. I imagine I could snap a little less often, too.”
“Yeah. That would be good.”
Caleb met her eyes briefly, and her sudden contentment at the sense of a moment shared gave way just as quickly to a feeling of dismay. Sharing a moment with him had gotten her into more hot water than she could believe. With shaking hands, she clutched the afghan again.
“Nate, Caleb and I wanted to talk to you together.”
Her daughter’s eyes immediately sought his. He gave her a smile that made Tess’s eyes mist.
Oblivious to her, Nate grinned back at him. “You feel better now? You’re not sad anymore?”
Tess frowned. What was that about?
He shook his head. “No, as a matter of fact, I’d say I’m feeling pretty darned happy.”
“Then, you mean,” Nate said slowly, “you’re going back to the rodeo?”
Tess almost sighed aloud at the irony of those words. No, Caleb would never go back to the rodeo circuit. But he would leave again. That’s why she had fought with him about not telling Nate the truth. He’d left her once and she’d gotten over it. Eventually. But what would happen when he repeated history with their daughter? Would he break Nate’s heart, too, when he left town?
“No, I’m not going back to rodeo, Nate.”
“Oh, wow.” She bounced on the ottoman. “Then you’re staying here, right? I knew you would! Boy, wait’ll I tell the guys.”
“It’d be nice to stay, Nate.” He looked down at his linked fingers. “But I can’t do that permanently.”
“Oh.”
Tess took a deep breath. “Nate,” she began, “you know that Caleb grew up here in Flagman’s Folly.”
“Yeah. That’s why he came back.”
“That’s part of it, yes. But there’s more. He also has something to share with you about when he lived here.” She stopped and looked over at him.
He cleared his throat and took up the story. “When your mama and I were teenagers, we went together.”
“Went where?” Nate asked.
“Uh, we went to high school together. And then we dated each other for a bit. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah.” She nodded emphatically. “Like, boyfriends and girlfriends.”
“Right. And then...” He faltered.
“And then you missed Mom and then you came back, and now you’re gonna get married! I knew it.”
“Nate—”
Before Tess could finish, she interrupted. “Wait a minute. You said you’re not staying here.” She frowned. “Then how are you gonna marry Mom?”
Tess watched as Caleb’s fingers tightened, clamping his hands together.
“I’m not going to do that, either.”
“You’re not?” Nate spoke in a dull tone now, her eyes downcast. “Then you’re just...leaving?”
Tess inhaled sharply and blinked back the moisture suddenly blurring her vision. This was ten years ago, all over again. Ten years ago, but much worse.
“No, I’m not leaving yet.” He shifted to the edge of the couch and took a deep breath, as well. “Nate, I know this’ll come as a surprise to you. A good one, I hope. What...your mama and I want to tell you is that... I’m your daddy.”
Nate’s head snapped up. Her eyes opened wide. Her jaw dropped. A bright red flush filled her face. “You are not! You’re Caleb Cantrell.”
“Nate,” Tess said softly.
“Listen—” Caleb said.
“No, I won’t listen!” Nate jumped up from the ottoman, her eyes glistening. “Don’t let him say that, Mom.” Her voice broke. She backed away. “You’re a rodeo star. You can’t be my daddy. You can’t.”
Before Caleb or Tess could say anything more, she turned and ran from the room.
They heard the sound of her sneakers slapping on the bare entryway floor, the front door opening, the metal screened door banging against its frame.
And then silence.
An uncomfortable, agonizing silence that lasted forever.
Caleb broke it, finally, by clearing his throat. He said nothing, only moved his hands in a groping, almost helpless gesture. She could envision him on the back of a horse or astride a bull, holding on to reins or grasping a saddle horn, fully in control.
Caleb was never helpless. Until his accident.
And until now.
She dug her fingers into the afghan in her lap, knowing she had to keep quiet for her own sake and for Nate’s.
The look on his face and the hurt in his eyes wouldn’t let her. But how did she find the words?
“It... This was a shock to her. You had to know it would be. You’ll need to give her some time.” She took a deep breath, bracing herself, knowing the only thing she could think of to help him was guaranteed to hurt her. “Nate’s a preteen with a crush on you, Caleb. A girl who thinks she’s in love. At some level, though, she realizes that’s just a dream.” She swallowed hard. “Believing you would...we might marry gave her a way to hold on to you. And now, she doesn’t have that, either. All she’s left with is the feeling she’s humiliated herself.”
He stared at her.
She stared back, unable to look away. Her pulse pounded at her temples. Her eyes felt tight from her effort to hold back tears.
Finally, he nodded slowly. “Yeah, I reckon you’re right.”